I'm tired

So don't tell me what to do

I've got a tragic mind

An everlasting spirit

And an open heart

I know there is something better,

There has to be something better,

Right?

Because I can't stay here,

Stuck in this metaphorical mire

I've suffered for too long,

And today I say no

No more wasting away

No more wasting my days

I follow the magic of my soul

So everyone can keep their opinion to themselves

While you trudge through another uneventful day

I will finally not be enslaved

To the nonsense of this society

I will no longer complain

And not even explain

To all the naysayers

I will just go

And follow the call of my soul.

How things change
From laughing in the rain to
crying in it
Nearly drowning in the grey skies

How things change
From the carefree laughter of a child to
the stuttering, clutching mess
of a cynical adult

How things change,
I remember only the happy days
of childhood
Now I'm looking for any way out
of the misery of adulthood

So eager for a quick fix scheme
I don't do drugs but I'm looking for escape
Tempted to pull a Christopher McCandless or Cheryl Strayed
I just need to find some way to get away

Now I understand
When I was a kid I didn't understand why adults were so frustrated
My dad used to say: "Never grow up"
But I was eager to become an adult, like most kids
Yet now I wish to reverse
Because the older you get the more your eyes open up to just how much this world is cursed

When I was a child I trusted blindly,
I was able to believe in things like Santa and the Easter Bunny
I know many believe Jesus Christ is just the same,
Lumped in together with nonsensical creations of the imagination
To soften the blow of a world that can be so unforgiving

But I like to believe he once did live
And if he lived
He truly is the best human being who walked this earth
Who wasn't deterred by scorn and persecution
Who carried out the message of love and brotherly union
I think Christians forget,
that Jesus isn't about religion
It's about transforming our world,
with courageous hope in our hearts
that our small impact
Will make ripples in the atmosphere
that grow bigger and bigger
Until the Kingdom of God
makes everything right

Maybe these aren't your beliefs,
And I'm not sure I can get on board with most of Christianity's beliefs
Like eternal suffering in hell
Because I know that this life is hell enough
But all I am sure of,
at least for myself
Is that Jesus came into this world for people like me
Down on their luck
And in much need of healing
He came for the sinners
He makes people humble
by His saving grace
He calls people to Him
asking them to leave everything behind
But what does the world really have to offer?
This is why I follow Him,
I step out onto the waters
Into the great unknown.

Looking through a chain link fence
I press my cheek to the cold metal
and look out to the skyline in the distance

I breathe in deeply

I shut my eyes,
I shut my eyes like all the times before
With a peaceful smile on my face
As I drift back to the recesses of my mind
Where my imagination creates vivid images
That are realer than reality

I travel down to the center of my vermilion heart
And on it I perceive the secret
That is gradually healing me
Emblazoned on my heart are the words
That are replacing the sweet misery that has become me
It says: God is love
And this profound truth is restoring me

Slowly, God is pulling up the twisted roots of my grief
And planting seeds of everlasting love and peace
Many times still my mind is inhospitable,
I try to run from my mind
But it's always catching up to me
Threatening to devour me
But God is like clear blue skies
After a thousand days of rain
Slowly but surely
God is clearing my pain.

Shimmering, glittery, golden
Basking in the sweltering sun

The sun is an orange orb
Big, giant, hot, burning.... burning

Feeling skin brush againt cold flesh
Feeling another heartbeat pressed to your chest

Beating hearts intertwined
The golden orb consumes

Honey drips down
Glittery, golden, sweet

On our way to being complete
Yet seperated by a chasm so deep

How shall we build a bridge?
I want to get to you

You're so far
I'm in the passenger seat of your car

Chattering like a gang of birds
You smile, but it is rehearsed

I want to dump honey on you
Thick with love and affection

So your heart will be revealed,
And also my heart for you

Glittery, shimmering, golden, true
The orange orb is you.

It takes time to grow
It takes time to develop
It takes time to know
You need creases in your face,
laugh lines, dark circles, wrinkles on your forehead
To understand
and to become everything you need to be
There is no need to rush the germination of your soul
You're just gonna have to give yourself time to grow
And sometimes growth comes slow
But that's okay
You don't have to run away
From everything that ties you down and causes you pain
You can become okay with the dissarray
And just look out your window,
wherever you are
Look at how the sun is so faithful
It rises every new morning
Just continue to rise everyday
with the sun
and in due time
You will get there, wherever that is
And you will become who you need to be
And you will breathe,
you will laugh
You will see
how the hardships made you stronger and kinder
Just wait and see,
You will grow dear,
You will grow so tall and magnificently
But as for now,
Put a seed of love in your heart
And tend to it gently
For love is more important than growth,
You must love yourself and be love to others
Whoever you are, wherever you are.

the words bloomed from my mouth
and the petals fell as i spoke what i'd been
trying to say for the last six months
beautiful and soft
they fell to the floor in swirls
but left behind only dust