she didn't know..
until she knew
what a curve of learning!


1.
both college-students and real good-friends
he was a science-and-botany buff
            *and the mountain would get a taste of his cells
and she, student of philosophy and languages
            would hear the latent-message from a dozen sources


2.
they shared confidences to the other
things they never told a soul
            he also discussed his theories and science-experiments and projects and stuff
            she told him how slightly-uphill her lectures in Russian proved to be
they'd meet there every Monday.. under the campus-trees
with two hellish-strong espressos
        he remembered her chewy-doughnuts without any snow-sprinkles
        'cause she was given to these silly coughing-fits
        when eating peanuts and pulses
he teased her endless and ragged all her idiosyncrasies
they seemed closer than kin

yet he seemed to remain aloof when she tried to get closer
      he brushed off her advances
      and told her to get lost
then ran off with Lilian on Tuesday
then Zita next Tuesday
then Sumaya the following Wednesday
and Tarryn on Thursday after that
and so it went on for a whole while
the whole academic-year, in fact

yet still
      they studied together
      and swore in debates
      and met every Monday
oh, that was the one day he never dated


3.
on the first day of each month
he'd give her a beautiful clutch-pencil
its casing bled entirely in translucent-fuchsin
and told her to guard well context over content
she never understood this cryptic-crap
       but smilingly accepted each one
she thought them too pretty to use
       and kept them in a special-box
       yet her heart broke each time
he took out a new flavour-of-girl
and shared his tongue with
     Sally and Margaret and Lisbeth and Anne..
     some lasted days, others short-weeks
but they all fizzled out
like the pop that they swallowed
and she wondered if he would ever
              favour her with affection
              give to her what those lucky-gals got
              look into her eyes like that
              whisper sweet-nothings to her
why didn't he want her?

but he was brusque with her and abrupt as discordant-chords
he scolded her like uneven-bricks tumbling down
and yet, it was to her that he played
               his own alternate-ballads on his banjo
               i n t r i c a t e - b e a u t y like living-pearls on those strings
      he couldn't look at her, then
      too caught-up in sweet-delivery of song
and with his eyes closed, her imagination took high-flight
as she was able to stare at him, without fear
                           in wonder
                           in enchantment
and marvel at the mesmerising co-ordination of those busy-fingers..

others passed by, but he did not care.. so giving
she felt so unique
'cause she got what they did not
           unbreakable-bond of
            music and.. talk and.. those clutch-pencil gifts
and for his birthday, she gave him a two-tone pelargonium, potted in cream
left him wordless..


4.
it was near the end of November
(just like now:)
and he casually mentioned of going away
            a week-long hike in December
            with a girl in a group that he'd met, some Sarah or other
and something in her flared and she broke down..
                                                                ­went off the rails

he looked on aghast, in total silence.. half-perplexed, half-squinting
     which disquietened her far more than any outburst could have
he stood there before her, on that Monday
       in the beautiful mid-morning sun
she remembered, to the moment.. how the light caught his eyes
       seemed to be looking right t-h-r-o-u-g-h her
       and almost, she saw the tiniest-trace of something...
       struck by a touch of liquid-vulnerability in his being
but hooded-eyes quick again, typical-hider!

he reached into his backpack
****** her a clutch-pencil
which she almost rejected
but she calmed herself down
and he looked at her once
            turned on heel
and walked to his Beetle
rode off the campus
without looking back

and she kept on wondering what it was all about
       that silent intense-look


5.
news came of a group of hikers who succumbed
from high up
some slipped and
her acrid-tears were not the only to fall
upon learning......


6.
she ran back to her dorm
reached for his gifts.. in full-remorse
and clutching a pencil in each hand
she squeezed and accidentally pressed on the flick-top
and then...............
               (it came out)
i t . . . c a m e . . . o u t . . . ! !

never in her life would she be as stunned
as they repeated their message
     over and over
     in tandem audio-confusion
in all the tongues she had studied
she learns now
of the time he took to delve into her crap to relay his truth through his amazing-invention!


7.
at the interment, she couldn't speak
displacement dipped too deep
she took up one clutch-pencil
      and pressed on the top
      message loud and clear
custom-made brilliance direct from heaven's fingertips

the pall-bearers lifted him up
                 and
out of her life

now this roundabout-present lies in the velours-box
like he does in his



students of learning..
in book.. and in heart








S T - 25 nov 2013

I want so much to remember.
All I can recall,
is her face,
which felt like paper.
So thin,
crisp, and white.
Like a sheet of snow,
over hills and peaks.
A raisin.
Drained of its juices,
but still sweet as ever.

You sprout like a flower in my heart,
You erode my frowns with laughter.
My mind is struck by many darts,
each time I view your ****** art.
You always my desires water,
as loving petals from them sprout.
In my loving heart's deepest south,
I feel just you entrenched therein.
None else could my emotions win,
but you, the goddess of men's hearts.

I plucked pink blossoms from mine apple-tree,
  And wore them all that evening in my hair:
Then in due season when I went to see
  I found no apples there.

With dangling basket all along the grass
  As I had come I went the selfsame track:
My neighbors mocked me while they saw me pass
  So empty-handed back.

Lilian and Lilias smiled in trudging by,
  Their heaped-up basket teased me like a jeer;
Sweet-voiced they sang beneath the sunset sky,
  Their mother's home was near.

Plump Gertrude passed me with her basket full,
  A stronger hand than hers helped it along;
A voice talked with her through the shadows cool
  More sweet to me than song.

Ah, Willie, Willie, was my love less worth
  Than apples with their green leaves piled above?
I counted rosiest apples on the earth
  Of far less worth than love.

So once it was with me you stooped to talk
  Laughing and listening in this very lane:
To think that by this way we used to walk
  We shall not walk again!

I let my neighbors pass me, ones and twos
  And groups; the latest said the night grew chill,
And hastened: but I loitered, while the dews
  Fell fast I loitered still.

Lilian hit eighty-five,
Shot nine holes for forty-eight;
Drives her car not to be late.
Man alive, she's eighty-five.
That's not far off, Bro,
A few thousand weeks,
I ride my Shadow,
Shoot thirty-eight.
That's not far off, Sis,
A few thousand hits,
So I'm shooting for eighty-six,
Playing with my ***** and sticks.

No more writtens
poetry, philosophical thoughts
or abstract metaphors hiding faintly in the mist.
Eyes closed, embrace the unknown
Ignorance is bliss.
Stab used needles in my veins.
Lick my lips, vertically slit my wrist
drown myself in my blood
survive long enough to die of ***.
Read in between the lines
and you'll catch that it's a metaphor about suffering.
Don't mind me, my mind doesn't mind me
my mind does it blindly
thinking.. is like licking Poison Ivy
and unfortunately I am NOT talking about Pamela Lilian Isley
Practically high all the time
Hitting an all time high
because I'm on a constant low
Literally waiting, being afraid
for that T.K.O .

Technically losing what I love most.
Y'all can take my honour
Y'all can take my pride
You can take my life
Y'all can break my mind
You all can bury me
or let me burn at the stake
I'll give you all of that
if it means avoiding this possible fate
Because if she takes my daughter away
I'll need 24 hour surveillance
Or I won't make it that day.
Cut to the chase.

Alyssa, thank you for your poems GBU.
Larry , thank you for your poems GBU
Kristy, thank you for your poems here GBU.
Roumen, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Wendy, thank you for your poetry GBU.
Brandon, thank you for your poems GBU.
Sally, thank you for your poetry GBU.
Mark, thank you for your Poems GBU.
The Girl, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Ava, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Godson, thank you for your Poems GBU.
TheRaven thank you for your Poems GBU.
Raven , thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Krippi, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Mike H, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Willow, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Kim, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Keith, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Jules, thank you for your Poems,GBU.
Traveler,thank you for your Poems GBU.
Moonlight, thank you for your Poems GBU.
AB, thank you for yourPoetry GBU.
MAM, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Guy, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Fawn, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Frank, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Melancholy, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Pradip, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Melanie, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Mike E, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Lilian, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Phil, thank you for your Poetry GBU.
Katja, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Godwin, thank you for your Poems GBU.
Jennifer, thank you for your poetry GBU.
Bijan, thank you for your poetry GBU.
FJ, thank you for your poetry GBU.
For the ones that I miss sorry GBU.
My hands are really sore right now.

"Yo, for my anger settle,
Man give me a treble !    
Wait, i've got to mingle      
So, give me a single    
in fact, i'll take a double    
cos' this may start trouble !"    
    
All These DOUBLE STANDARDS ...    
Are Getting Me ANGERED ... !!!!    
      
From Lawrence To Walker ...    
To ... Christopher Alder ...  
      
It Seems Some English People ...    
CAN'T Deal With The Evil .. !!!    
That LURKS In Their House ... !!!    
When They Get ... FOUND OUT ... !!!!!!!    
      
We Blacks Should SHUT MOUTHS And NOT Speak About ...    
The Way We Get Treated In Some English Towns ... !!!!    
      
Or Speak of Our LOSSES Because of White Bosses ...    
Who've Got EVERY RIGHT ... !?!    
To DISMISS Our Plight of Fighting For Lives ...    
When Police SHINE THEIR LIGHTS ... !!!!!    
      
Or KEEP Us ..."In The Dark" ... ?    
About .... MONKEY CHANTS .... !!!    
    
While Black Soldiers DIE On Police Station Floors ... !!!    
They'd Rather Deny How We're Treated Like ****** ... !!!    
    
AND ... Left On ALL FOURS ...    
While THEY Have A LAUGH In Stations And Courts ... !!!!!    
      
The Standards They Have DON'T Add Up Like Math ... !?!    
They'd Rather NOT HEAR About The .... " Veneers " ...    
Behind Cover Ups That ... EXPOSES STUFF ...    
      
About Just How LOW Their Standards Can Go ... !!!!!    
Excuses EXCUSES And YES ... MORE EXCUSES ... !!!?!!!    
Are What They Provide To Cover Their LOOSENESS ... !!!    
      
"All people do wrong !"  
    
Is Their NEW ... " HOT SONG " ... !!!  
      
ALL THIS While ... " Trayvons' " ...    
Are LOST Due To Shots From ... Zimmerman Bods' ... !!!!!!!!!!!!    
      
"Of course we should *****' !    
Let's erase those chapters !"    
      
See I'm Down With The Man ...    
....... " Lilian Thuram " ......    
      
So Take The Stance THAT ...  
DOUBLE STANDARDS Land In The Laps of CLANS ...    
Who Stand Next To Racists In Various Places ... !!!!!!    
      
But WON'T Get In The Faces ...    
of Those Who Spread HATRED ... !!?!!    
      
I Wonder Sometimes Whether They Recognise ...    
Or Take Time To THINK ... About ANYTHING ......    
BEYOND .................................... Their Kin .... ?!!!?    
      
It's CLEAR Most DON'T ... !!!!!    
And WON'T Rock The Boat ...    
When Within Their Folk ...    
      
They Hear Subtle Jokes ...    
That EXPOSE Attitudes With Racist Styled Views ... !!!!!    
      
How Many Make FEUDS Within Their Own Crews ... ?    
It Seems There Aren't Many Who TRULY Are READY ...    
To REALLY Say Something They'd Rather Do NOTHING ... !!!  
      
And Be YES ... COMPLICIT ...    
With Those Who ARE ... RACIST ... !!!!!  
      
But Are QUICK To Run Lines ...      
And Wanna Start Fights With Blacks Who AREN'T SHY ...    
To Speak On Their Crimes And Bring Them To LIGHT ... !!!!!    
      
The Question Is .... WHY .... ???    
      
Their Standards Seem ....... " DOUBLED " ... !?!    
When Their Feathers Get ... " RUFFLED " ... !!!!    
      
It's CLEAR They Get ... " TROUBLED " ... !!!    
And Just ... WILL NOT BE HUMBLED ...    
      
I've Said It Before ... I'll Say It AGAIN ... !!!    
      
It's Like Mos' Def' Said ...    
      
"When they do it well, It's seen as success !    
When we do it well, It's seen as SUSPECT !"    
      
But Who Are ... " SUSPECT " ... ?!?    
When Their Standards Are CHECKED ... !?!  
  
It's Time To INSPECT And Let ME Cut The Deck ... !!!    
I Ain't From Wu Tang But Know About KLANS ...    
And IGNORANT Gangs Who STILL Take The Stance ...      
      
That ...      
      
Immigrants Cause Their Country's Downfall ... !!!  
      
So Let's DOUBLE CHECK And Get This CORRECT ...    
When They Move Around Across DIFFERENT Towns ...    
      
On YES ... FOREIGN Grounds ...    
      
Does Their Migration ... ?    
Or ......... IMMIGRATION ...    
Make For ... BETTER Nations ... ?!?    
When How They Get Stationed ...    
Seems To Bear ... NO RELATION ... ?!?    
To ... Living In SQUALOR ... ?!?    
And BEGGING For DOLLARS ...    
Or BEGGING For POUNDS ... !?!    
      
That's REALLY NOT HOW They Seem To Get Down ... !?!    
Do They FEAR POLICE When They Walk The Streets ... ?    
Upon FOREIGN Shores Or Live Like The ... POOR ... ?!?    
      
Their Standards STAY HIGH ... !!!    
Wherever They .......... " LIE " ...........    
Of Course I Meant ... " LAY " ... !!!    
      
But In The ... U.K.      
Immigrants AREN'T OKAY ... !!!    
And Should YES .......................................... PLAY AWAY .......    
      
UNLESS They Will Play In Ways That Display ....    
A Wish To CONFORM And NOT Kick Up A Storm ... !!!    
When How They Are Treated Is ... RACISM Born ... !!!!!!!!!!    
      
I DOUBLE UP My Standards So That They Stay HIGH ... !!!    
And WILL NOT Have HANDLERS Decide How I Ride .... !!!    
      
And DON'T KEEP ******* Types ...    
Standing .... By My Side ... !!!    
    
And DON'T Hide Behind Lies ...    
Or ....... IGNORANT Pride ... !!!!!!!!    
      
Cos' It's Now CLEAR TO ME ... !!!    
Some FORGET Their Manners ...    
And Seem To Be HAMPERED ... ?!?    
      
When It Comes To Them SEEING ...    
      
How They ... "HOLD" ...    
      
.... " DOUBLE STANDARDS " ....