Its funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
its funny how good memories can make you cry
its funny how forever never really seems to last
its funny how much you'd lose if you forget about your past
its funny how 'friends' can just leave you when your down
its funny how when you need someone they're never around,
its funny how people change and think they're so much better
its funny how many lies are packed into one "love letter"
its funny how people forgive even though the cant forget
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret
its funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part...
is that none of that's funny to me.

Funny how we've made the choice
To die even before we are born

Funny how many attempts we can make
Before we finally fall

Funny how long it takes for the blood to run out
And leave us for once and for all

Funny how much your body can handle
When you don't want to deal no more

Funny how gas can make you laugh and cry
When you're locked in the car and don't even care why

Funny how many pills your system can take
When death is the option you've already made

Funny how long we can hang in the balance
Between the length of a noose and the floor

Funny how hard our dreams can hit us
And with the car we could never afford

Funny how heavy water can feel
When its welling up in your lungs

Funny how the ones who aren't afraid to do it
Are the ones you'd never guessed would jump

Funny how people start paying attention
When you're holding the gun to your head

Funny how our own thoughts eat us alive
Aren't we all just better off  **dead?

Y'know what's funny?
Me.
I'm funny.
But not funny enough to draw a crowd.
Not funny enough for it to define my personality.
Not funny enough to compensate for my awkwardness.
Or my body.
Or my beauty . . . or lack thereof.
Not funny enough to go places because of my funniness.
Not funny enough to make other funny friends.
Yeah, I'm funny . . . funny looking!
See? That's my funny joke.
But not funny enough.

it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past
it's funny how “friends” can just leave when you are down
it's funny how when you need someone they never are around
it's funny how people change and think they're so much better
it's funny how many lies are packed into one “love letter”
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret
it's funny how you can forgive but not forget
it's funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me

Funny so
how my accent changes around white people
and I wrinkle memories I have on worn out clothes
Funny so
the sound of life hasn't an echo
and my reading voice isn't a girl's
Funny so
I read subtitles over the loud sound
and can sing a song, but read lyrics like a poem
Funny so
music can easily move your feet
yet love's symphony—makes me scared to skip a beat
Funny so
how we can smile the brightest in the dark
also telling a crooked lie through straight teeth
Funny so
how every world eventually becomes small
every person you come across—cousins yet to know
Funny so
how we call girls for dimes
but call her gold-digger later on in life
Funny so
how she calls all men dogs
but always loves barking up the wrong tree
Funny so
how we weren't taught enough about the ******
now the baby mamas we want to condemn
Funny so
we say actions speak louder than words
yet our own actions contradict the Word
Funny so
I laugh while telling a ***** joke
but will look at you as a joke, for making a dry joke
Funny so
how you can never really quench the thirst
the same way you can't water down a harsh truth
Funny so
the wife can count her *******
while the husband makes it count to always be first
Funny so
how we all have a good start, but end so poor
just like I started this piece, and don't know how to end my poem

                                    Well ****—I guess that's the end of the joke.

the funny thing is
when my mom was together with my dad
--like as a thing and he would
run to the pay phone across the street from where
he lived whenever his pager went off that
she was calling him--
his dad asked her is she was going to
give him a grandson
and my mom
being the person that she is
told me that she laughed and said maybe

the funny thing is
when i was born and the midwife
announced that i was a girl
my nan who had mistook my umbilical cord
for a ***** leaned over and asked
the midwife if they were sure

the funny thing is
my grandfather’s mother
she always thought that i was a boy
and yes i know that she had alzheimers
and was not all there
but now i feel like she was able to
see through my dresses and long hair
to the boy that i would one day be

the funny thing is
i was often mistaken for a boy as a child
and when that happened there was always
a little burst of warmth because yes
i was a boy
i looked like a boy
i felt like a boy
but no no no
silly girl they all would say

the funny thing is
when i first met my father’s father
my grandfather if you will
i was a lesbian
and in texas that isn’t a widely accepted thing
and i was told a lot during my two week visit
that i just hadn’t found the right man yet
and so now that i am a man
i wonder what they would tell me now

the funny thing is
i don’t have bottom dysphoria
have a ****** does not bother me
i like being able to comfortably ride a bike
and read ****** novels in public
without it being obvious that that is
what i am doing

the funny thing is
my grandfather’s mother
who we all called papa lucy
died before i realized that i wasn’t a girl
i had that terrifying revelation at seven
and though my memory is foggy
through much of my childhood
she passed a year or two prior to that
and no i do not mean it is funny that
she died because that is terrible and i loved
her with all my heart
but it is funny that she saw who it would take
me nine years to be
and i didn’t get to reintroduce myself to her
and tell her she was right

the funny thing is
now that i am a boy
i am near-constantly misgendered
and it seems that no amount of slouching
or wearing a binder under it feels like my
ribs are cracking with every breath
and wearing pronoun buttons on my sweatshirt
and bright rainbow beanie
is enough to make people see otherwise

but ****** i am a boy
and my nan thought i was a boy
and my papa lucy knew i was a boy
and i used to get mistaken for a boy
before i grew hips and ****
and despite all those things i am still
a boy and i always have been and i always
will be and the really not funny thing about that is that
people seem so eager to tell me i am wrong
and try to force me back into the box of
daughter and woman and mother and sister
and no i will not be those things
and it is not my fault that i live in this world
where they do not know what
a body other than theirs means and how terrifying it is
to realize you are not the girl you were raised as at such a
young age you do not have words to describe how you feel
and they do not know
and they will not know
until they shut their mouths and open their minds

so please do
before any more of my transgender brothers and sisters
have to die for your ignorance and hate and fear
because there is nothing funny about that

its so funny...
Its funny how you pretend to care
Funny how im always crying
Its funny how you always "promise"  
Funny how I believed you
It's funny how you leave me to rot
Funny how you hurt me this much
Its funny how you could be so fake
Funny how I  couldn't see a snake
Its funny how your slipping away
Funny how I let you
Its funny you hurt me nonstop  
Funny how I say nothing

But the funniest thing about all this is the fact that this has happened before ,
And what's even funnier about all this is I opened up to you--when I should've locked the *******  door

I can't really rhyme very well,
or write.
so... apologies.

[verse 1]
finally asking for some help
and swallowing my pride
friends won’t listen to me
and I’m stabbed in my backside

scared of my own shadow
and watching my every move
giving it my all despite
knowing you’ll disapprove

there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.

[verse 2]
writing my own hero
that I thought I’d always need.
giving him the deepest,
darkest flaws inside of me.

broken hearts and promises,
makeshift therapy.
run into burning buildings
always voluntarily

working from dawn to dusk,
told secrets I cannot keep,
work always follows me home
so I cry myself to sleep.

writing to escape this ****** reality
while I sit in silence
and question my sexuality

there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.

[verse 3]
sleepless nights, stick & pokes
unblocking my ex
bloodshot eyes, fake smiles,
fill the void with meaningless ***

always stopped when I said no,
but never heard a yes.
stepped outside to call his wife;
left me a crying mess.

total disassociation
lie, say that I’m fine.
googling ptsd
but denying what I find.

exploited daddy issues,
making myself small.
the silent contemplation
of ending it all.

there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.
there it is again,
that funny feeling. that funny feeling.

hey, what can you say?
we were overdue.
but it’ll be over soon.
just wait.
ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da

How funny life can be
How funny men can be
How funny I can be
Its two funny we iam in bed
Thinking about how funny
Life is life can be up and down
Its how you make it right now
My life is funny I ask my god
Y every day I asked myslfe y love is funny sometimes y  iam laughing Cause its funny
I laugh so I dnt cry  I think its funny but my life is funny....how funny is your life...