I

i am so much smaller than you
and i can ever
                            believe...
and you are so much smaller
than you and
i know.

i sit within the winds,
those summer breezes,
some gusty gales, perhaps,
feeling
'the tug
               and toss
of its fabulous force
     rippling
     churning
combing the thinning grey hair on my tired head,
my clothing,
                          so indistinct,
flapping,
                  furling,
floating, --filled with this seen-un-seen presence,
     and i know

a am so small,
and my life so
ludicrous,
like the air
that comes
                      and goes
out of its own control,
but,
                                               i am too small,
and unable
to stop this, its invisible assault.

II


when i am a-float upon
the great lakes, the oceans
the
      rolling
                    rivers
i live
like a tiny slab of flotsam or
     driftwood
sailing
             slowly,
circularly,
(oh-so!) quietly
                                running,
reeling the peeling painted oars of my boat
against
the grainy flashing surface of the waters
                                 rumbling,
                                                                                  rolling
                                                                                       away
this insatiable yearning
to go wherever it takes me to go, but
i know
              i am very small,
and cannot control the eddy's creeping currents-
constant-currents
thus
          submitting
my wayfaring self
to the
unfathomable.

III
__

these trees towering
                                         above me
around me,
the sapling,
the blanketing
                              (in my lifetime)
                                blooming branches
creating
an emotional, outer, physical, inner, spiritual
                              dwindling
like the leaves left shivering beneath the cold winter's frost,
once casually
                falling,
                              dropping,
drying up around my soul
slipping
into silent winter slumber,
to awaken
                     again...
                                    --and then!
(to the dismay of my self-enlightened discovery)
i see
how small
                                            i am
only to return again
from that brownish-moist
soil-bed
                like a seed
beneath
                  the ground
                                        never sprouting,
only fogetting,
the once and always forvever
and ever
the natural
insignificance
                                                                 of being.

Hello sunrise,
My shining subtle friend.
Will you stay with me forever,
No.
For now well  just pretend.

Goodbye darkness,
I confided in deceit,
The secrets that we keep,
Inside
Could bring me to my knees.

Farewell tomorrow,
I loved you in my dreams,
The days go by in couplets
Wise.
But alls not as it seems.

Hold me right now,
Your touch is golden beams,
I've felt you wrap your arms around me
Tight.
And constricted my beliefs.

Here's to yesterday,
The best still yet to come,
Manipulate my finest words
And guise them as a pun.

I was walking down the aisle.
Nervous as can be.
On the arm's of the person standing next to me.
Leading me to the person.
Who purposed to me?

I just could feel my knees just a shakening.

Soon I was standing before the person.
Who would soon be my spouse?
Listening to the minister's lay out the vows.
As my hand sweat.

I know my soon significant other hands must be half wet.

I just know my knees just a shakening.

I know I barely heard those vowful words.
Do you take__to be my?
Forvever more through sickess and health.
Cause I know it's that only.
Because we have no wealth.

And then the minister turn those vows around.
Do you take___to  be my?
I was so nervous I couldn't look him/her in the eyes.
Until the ring hit my hands.
And I bursted into a smile.

My knees was still a shaken.

Oh, I'm wondering now about tonight.
When we must consumate it.
Will my knees still be shaken?

Or will hours later I'll be smiling.
I just hope I don't faints.

Find me elementary and I will show
That I'm a child at heart but there's alot I know
I could start to grow on you and change those reds into blue
And before you know that inner glow will show how my love is true

Find me ignorant and I will say
There are just some things that I avoid to save the day
But with the sun shining down so slim upon the needy ground
Could you blame me if there are parts of yellow I long to save

Call me bewildering and you will see
There's so much beyond your fence's patch of green
I'm part of technicolor folks who clear away this blinding smoke
And leave you with a simple harmony

Call me elementary.

Life for me's like a Crayola box
A simple structure made out of those buildin' blox
And I bind and take these new shadings of the world that I am coloring
Placing them on the structure of a solid rock

I can play with you amongst the sand
Don't you dare be afraid to take my hand
Those there's no ocean anywhere we can swim upon the air
Stop me please to tell me if you understand

My elementary.

Imagination paint the scenery
Use the finger paint that we supply freely
I will paint in and out the lines to make sure that you're forvever mine
And we will find that we can forever be

Seems like I can never give enough in a relationship
Like they break my heart because I'm not enough
Seems like I will never be enough
Seems like I will be alone forvever

It's never enough
They ask for things I'm not comfortable with
And they say "Okay, fine"
But then..
They purposely break me
To get their way

They ask for ****** contact
I say no
They break me
It's that way every time I feel loved
It's like they only want me to use me
So I just smile when they break me

It's sad that I can just say "I'm used to it"
It hits me like a truck though
It's ******* me
Makes me feel worthless
Makes me feel idiotic

For how many relationships I've been in
People call me "****"
They call me "*****"
They call me "Cheater"
And "Player"
When they don't see it the way I do

They don't see that I can never do enough for the person...
That I have never been enough and that I never will be
Because all the person wants me for
Is to use me

you're new
you're musical
you're cultured
you're talented
You watch movies in Russian
You listen to fleet foxes
You're shy
You danced with me
After your friend asked if I wanted to because you were nervous
You said you thought it was implied that you liked me
So did I
Until I heard about Isabel
You said you thought you liked her
But now you do not
I know I don't know you that well
But you're beautiful
And ****
And artistic
You're two years older and a senior
I'm a sophomore
You're leaving in 5 months to live in France
A continent away
You're perusing music in Lyon with Joseph I'm staying in Minnesota
I have to finish two more years of school
If you asked me to run away and join you creating music in France I'd probably say yes
I'd emancipate myself
I'd love to write music forvever
I'd love to admire your jaw and your teeth and your eyes, your hair and smile
I think most everything about you would work in our favor
Your friend Chad thinks we'd make a good couple
I think Chad is sweet
I think you're sweet
I know I'm sad that if I fall in love with you
And you leave me
I'll have a wasted broken heart
And that you will become a memory
I hope you do such great things
I want to live