Je l'ai dit quelque part, les penseurs d'autrefois,
Épiant l'inconnu dans ses plus noires lois,
Ont tous étudié la formation d'Ève.
L'un en fit son problème et l'autre en fit son rêve.
L'horreur sacrée étant dans tout, se pourrait-il
Que la femme, cet être obscur, puissant, subtil,
Fût double, et, tout ensemble ignorée et charnelle,
Fît hors d'elle l'aurore, ayant la nuit en elle ?
Le hibou serait-il caché dans l'alcyon ?
Qui dira le secret de la création ?
Les germes, les aimants, les instincts, les effluves !
Qui peut connaître à fond toutes ces sombres cuves ?
Est-ce que le Vésuve et l'Etna, les reflux
Des forces s'épuisant en efforts superflus,
Le vaste tremblement des feuilles remuées,
Les ouragans, les fleurs, les torrents, les nuées,
Ne peuvent pas finir par faire une vapeur.
Qui se condense en femme et dont le sage a peur ?

Tout fait Tout, et le même insondable cratère
Crée à Thulé la lave et la rose à Cythère.
Rien ne sort des volcans qui n'entre dans les coeurs.
Les oiseaux dans les bois ont des rires moqueurs
Et tristes, au-dessus de l'amoureux crédule.
N'est-ce pas le serpent qui vaguement ondule
Dans la souple beauté des vierges aux seins nus ?
Les grands sages étaient d'immenses ingénus ;
Ils ne connaissaient pas la forme de ce globe,
Mais, pâles, ils sentaient traîner sur eux la robe
De la sombre passante, Isis au voile noir ;
Tout devient le soupçon quand Rien est le savoir ;
Pour Lucrèce, le dieu, pour Job, le kéroubime
Mentaient ; on soupçonnait de trahison l'abîme ;
On croyait le chaos capable d'engendrer
La femme, pour nous plaire et pour nous enivrer,
Et pour faire monter jusqu'à nous sa fumée ;
La Sicile, la Grèce étrange, l'Idumée,
L'Iran, l'Egypte et l'Inde, étaient des lieux profonds ;
Qui sait ce que les vents, les brumes, les typhons
Peuvent apporter d'ombre à l'âme féminine ?
Les tragiques forêts de la chaîne Apennine,
La farouche fontaine épandue à longs flots
Sous l'Olympe, à travers les pins et les bouleaux,
L'antre de Béotie où dans l'ombre diffuse
On sent on ne sait quoi qui s'offre et se refuse,
Chypre et tous ses parfums, Delphe et tous ses rayons,
Le lys que nous cueillons, l'azur que nous voyons,
Tout cela, c'est auguste, et c'est peut-être infâme.
Tout, à leurs yeux, était sphinx, et quand une femme
Venait vers eux, parlant avec sa douce voix,
Qui sait ? peut-être Hermès et Dédale, les bois,
Les nuages, les eaux, l'effrayante Cybèle,
Toute l'énigme était mêlée à cette belle.

L'univers aboutit à ce monstre charmant.
La ménade est déjà presque un commencement
De la femme chimère, et d'antiques annales
Disent qu'avril était le temps des bacchanales,
Et que la liberté de ces fêtes s'accrut
Des fauves impudeurs de la nature en rut ;
La nature partout donne l'exemple énorme
De l'accouplement sombre où l'âme étreint la forme ;
La rose est une fille ; et ce qu'un papillon
Fait à la plante, est fait au grain par le sillon.
La végétation terrible est ignorée.
L'horreur des bois unit Flore avec Briarée,
Et marie une fleur avec l'arbre aux cent bras.
Toi qui sous le talon d'Apollon te cabras,
Ô cheval orageux du Pinde, tes narines
Frémissaient quand passaient les nymphes vipérines,
Et, sentant là de l'ombre hostile à ta clarté,
Tu t'enfuyais devant la sinistre Astarté.
Et Terpandre le vit, et Platon le raconte.
La femme est une gloire et peut être une honte
Pour l'ouvrier divin et suspect qui la fit.
A tout le bien, à tout le mal, elle suffit.

Haine, amour, fange, esprit, fièvre, elle participe
Du gouffre, et la matière aveugle est son principe.
Elle est le mois de mai fait chair, vivant, chantant.
Qu'est-ce que le printemps ? une orgie. A l'instant,
Où la femme naquit, est morte l'innocence.
Les vieux songeurs ont vu la fleur qui nous encense
Devenir femme à l'heure où l'astre éclôt au ciel,
Et, pour Orphée ainsi que pour Ézéchiel,
La nature n'étant qu'un vaste *****, l'ébauche
D'un être tentateur rit dans cette débauche ;
C'est la femme. Elle est spectre et masque, et notre sort
Est traversé par elle ; elle entre, flotte et sort.
Que nous veut-elle ? A-t-elle un but ? Par quelle issue
Cette apparition vaguement aperçue
S'est-elle dérobée ? Est-ce un souffle de nuit
Qui semble une âme errante et qui s'évanouit ?
Les sombres hommes sont une forêt, et l'ombre
Couvre leurs pas, leurs voix, leurs yeux, leur bruit, leur nombre ;
Le genre humain, mêlé sous les hauts firmaments,
Est plein de carrefours et d'entre-croisements,
Et la femme est assez blanche pour qu'on la voie
A travers cette morne et blême claire-voie.
Cette vision passe ; et l'on reste effaré.
Aux chênes de Dodone, aux cèdres de Membré,
L'hiérophante ému comme le patriarche
Regarde ce fantôme inquiétant qui marche.

Non, rien ne nous dira ce que peut être au fond
Cet être en qui Satan avec Dieu se confond :
Elle résume l'ombre énorme en son essence.
Les vieux payens croyaient à la toute puissance
De l'abîme, du lit sans fond, de l'élément ;
Ils épiaient la mer dans son enfantement ;
Pour eux, ce qui sortait de la tempête immense,
De toute l'onde en proie aux souffles en démence
Et du vaste flot vert à jamais tourmenté,
C'était le divin sphinx féminin, la Beauté,
Toute nue, infernale et céleste, insondable,
Ô gouffre ! et que peut-on voir de plus formidable,
Sous les cieux les plus noirs et les plus inconnus,
Que l'océan ayant pour écume Vénus !

Aucune aile ici-bas n'est pour longtemps posée.
Quand elle était petite, elle avait un oiseau ;
Elle le nourrissait de pain et de rosée,
Et veillait sur son nid comme sur un berceau.
Un soir il s'échappa. Que de plaintes amères !
Dans mes bras en pleurant je la vis accourir...
Jeunes filles, laissez, laissez, ô jeunes mères,
Les oiseaux s'envoler et les enfants mourir !

C'est une loi d'en haut qui veut que tout nous quitte.
Le secret du Seigneur, nous le saurons un jour.
Elle grandit. La vie, hélas ! marche si vite !
Elle eut un doux enfant, un bel ange, un amour.
Une nuit, triste sort des choses éphémères !
Cet enfant s'éteignit, sans pleurer, sans souffrir...
Jeunes filles, laissez, laissez, ô jeunes mères,
Les oiseaux s'envoler et les enfants mourir !

Le 22 juin 1842.

I.

One night at the Troubadour I spotted this extraordinary girl.

So I asked who she was.

‘A professional,’

That was my introduction that on a scale of one to ten

there were women who were fifteens—beautiful, bright, witty, and

oh, by the way, they worked.

Once I became aware,

I saw these women everywhere.

And I came to learn that most of them were connected to Alex



II.

She had a printer engrave a calling card

that featured a bird of paradise

borrowed from a Tiffany silver pattern

and,
under it,

Alex’s Aviary,

Beautiful and Exotic birds.



A few were women you’d see lunching at Le Dôme:

pampered arm pieces with expensive tastes

and a hint of a delicious but remote sexuality.

Many more were fresh-faced, athletic, tanned, freckled

the quintessential California girl

That you’d take for sorority queens or future BMW owners.





III.

The mechanism of Alex’s sudden notoriety is byzantine,

as these things always are.

One of her girls took up with a rotter,

the couple had a fight,

he went to the police,

the police had an undercover detective visit

(who just happened to be an attractive woman)

and ask to work for her,

she all but embraced her

—and by April of 1988 the district attorney had enough evidence

to charge her with two counts of pandering

and one of pimping.

For Alex, who is fifty-six

and has a heart condition and diabetes,

the stakes may be high.

A conviction carries the guarantee of incarceration.

For the forces of law and order,

the stakes may be higher.

Alex has let it be known that she will subpoena

every cop she’s ever met to testify at her trial.

And the revelations this might produce

—perhaps that Alex compromised policemen

by making girls available to them,

—perhaps that Alex had a deal with the police to provide information

in exchange for their blind eye to her activities

—could be hugely embarrassing to the police and the district attorney.

For Alex’s socially correct clients and friends,

for the socially correct wives of her clients and friends

and for a handful of movie and television executives

who have no idea they are dating or

married to former Alex girls,

the stakes are highest of all.



IV.

Alex’s black book is said to be a catalogue of
Le Tout Los Angeles.

In her head are the ****** secrets

of many of the city’s most important men,

to say nothing of visiting businessmen and Arab princes.

If she decides to warble,

either at her trial or in a book,

her song will shatter more than glass.





V.

A decade ago, I went to lunch at Ma Maison,

There were supposed to have been ten people there,

but only four came.

One of them was a short woman

who called me a few days later and invited me to lunch.

When I arrived, the table was set for two.

I didn’t know who Alex was or what she did,

but she knew the important facts of my situation:

I was getting divorced from a very wealthy man

and doing the legal work myself

to avail lawyers who wanted to get a big settlement for me.


Occasionally, she said, I get a call for a tall, dark-haired,

slender, flat-chested woman

—and I don’t have any.

It wouldn’t be a frequent thing.

There’d be weekends away, sometimes in Palm Springs,

sometimes in Europe.

The men will be elegant,

you’ll have your own room

—there would be no outward signs of impropriety.

And you’d get $10,000 to $20,000 for a weekend.





VI.

The tall, slender, flat-chested brunette

didn’t think it was right for her.

Alex handed her a business card

and suggested that she think about it.

To her surprise, she did

—for an entire week.

This was 1978, and $20,000 then

was like $40,000 now,

I knew it was hooking,

but Alex had never mentioned ***.



Our whole conversation seemed to be about something else.



VII.

I was born in Manila

to a Spanish-Filipina mother and German father,

and when I was twelve

a Japanese soldier came into our house

with his bayonet pointed at us,

ready to do us in.

He locked us in and set the house on fire.

I haven’t been scared by much since that.



My mother always struck me as goofy,

so I jumped on a bus and ran away,

I got off in Oakland,

saw a help-wanted sign on a parish house,

and went in.

I got $200 a month for taking care of four priests.

I spent all the money on pastries for the parish house.

But I didn’t care.

It felt safe.

And the priests sparked my interest in the domestic arts

—in linen, in crystal.



A new priest arrived.

He was unpleasant,

so on a vacation in Los Angeles I took a pedestrian job,

still a teenager,

married a scientist.

We separated eight years later,

he took our two sons to another state

threatened to keep them if I didn’t agree to a divorce.

Keep them I said and hung up.

It’s not that I don’t have a maternal instinct

—though I don’t,

I just hate to be manipulated.



My second husband,

an alcoholic,

had Frank Sinatra blue eyes, and possibly

—I never knew for sure—

had a big career in the underworld

as a contract killer.

Years before we got serious,

he was going out with a famous L.A. ******,

She and her friends were so elegant

that I started spending time with them in beauty salons.

They were so fancy,

so smart

—and they knew incredible people,

like the millionaire who sat in his suite all day

just writing $5,000 checks to girls.



VIII.

I was a florist.

We got to talking.

She was a madam from England

who wanted to sell her book and go home.

I bought it for $5,000.

My husband thought it was cute.

Now you’re getting your feet wet.

Three months later,

he died.

After eleven years of marriage,

just like that.

And of the names in the book

it turned out

that half of the men were also dead.

When I began the men were old and the women were ugly.



IX.

It was like a lunch party you or I would give,

Great food Alex had cooked herself.

Major giggles with old pals.

And then,

instead of chocolate After Eight,

she served three women After Three



This man has seen a bit of life

beyond Los Angeles,

so I asked him how Alex’s stable

compared with that of Madam Claude,

the legendary Parisian procuress.

Oh, these aren’t at all like Claude’s girls,

A Claude girl was perfectly dressed and multilingual

—you could take her to the opera

and she’d understand it.





He told me that when she was 40

she looked at herself in the mirror

and said

Disgusting.

People over 40

should not have ***.

But She Was Clear That She Never Liked It

even when she was young.

Besides, she saw all the street business

go to the tall,

beautiful girls.

She thought that she never had a chance

competing against them.

Instead,

she would take their money by managing them.





X.

Going to a ****** was not looked down upon then.

It was before the pill;

Girls weren’t giving it away.

Claude specialized in

failed models and actresses,

ones who just missed the cut.

But just because they failed

in those impossible professions

didn’t mean they weren’t beautiful,

fabulous.



Like Avis

in those days,

those girls tried harder.

Her place was off the Champs,

just above a branch of the Rothschild bank, where I had an account.

Once I met her,

I was constantly making withdrawals and heading upstairs.





XI.

We took the lift

and Claude greeted us at the door.

My impression was that of the director

of an haute couture house,

very subdued,

beige and gray, very little makeup.

She took us into a lounge and made us drinks,

Whiskey,

Cognac.

There was no maid.

We made small talk for 15 minutes.

How was the weekend?

What’s the weather like in Deauville?

Then she made the segue. ‘I understand you’d like to see some jeunes filles?’

She always used ‘jeunes filles.’

This was Claude’s polite way of saying 18 to 25.

She left and soon returned

with two very tall

jeunes filles,

One was blonde.

This is Eva from Austria.

She’s here studying painting.

And a brunette,

very different,

but also very fine.

This is Claudia from Germany.

She’s a dancer.

She took the girls back into the apartment and returned by herself.

I gave my English guest first choice.

He picked the blonde.

And wasn’t disappointed.

Each bedroom had its own bidet.

There was some nice

polite conversation, and then



It was slightly formal,

but it was high-quality.

He paid Claude

200 francs,

not to the girls

In 1965, 200 francs was about $40.

Pretty girls on Rue Saint-Denis

could be had for 40 francs

so you can see the premium.

Still, it wasn’t out of reach for mere mortals.

You didn’t have to be J. Paul Getty.





XII.

A lot of them

were models at

Christian Dior

or other couture houses.

She liked Scandinavians.

That was the look then

—cold, tall, perfect.

It was cheap for the quality.

They all used her.

The best people wanted

the best women.

Elementary supply and demand.



XIII.

She had a camp number tattooed on her wrist. I saw it.

She showed it to me and Rubi.

She was proud she had survived.

We talked about the camp for hours.

It was even more fascinating than the girls.



She was Jewish

I’m certain of that.

She was horrified at the Jewish collaborators

at the camp who herded

their fellow Jews

into the gas chambers.

That was the greatest betrayal in her life.



XIV.

She was this sad,

lonely little woman.

Later, Patrick told me who she was.

I was bowled over.

It was like meeting Al Capone.

I met two of the girls

who worked for her.

One was what you would expect

Tall

Blonde

Model.

But the other looked like a Rat

Then one night

she came out

all dressed up,

I didn’t even recognize her.

She was even better than the first girl.

Claude liked to transform women like that.

That was her art.

It was very odd,

my cousin told me.

There was not much furniture

and an awful lot of telephones.

“Allô oui,”



XV.

I had so many lunches

with Claude at Ma Maison

She was vicious.

One day,

Margaux Hemingway,

at the height of her beauty, walked by.

Une bonne

—the French for maid

was how Claude cut her dead.

She reduced

the entire world

to rich men wanting *** and

poor women wanting money.

She’d love to page through Vogue and see someone

and say,

When I met her

she was called

Marlene

and she had a hideous nose

and now she’s a princess.

Or she’d see someone and say

Let’s see if she kisses me or not.

It was like

I made her,

and I can destroy her.

She was obsessed

with “fixing” people

—with Saint Laurent clothes,

with Cartier watches,

with Winston jewels,

with Vuitton luggage,

with plastic surgeons.



XVI.

Her prison number was

888

which was good luck in China

but not in California.

‘Ocho ocho ocho,’ she liked to repeat

Even in jail, she was always working,

always recruiting stunning women.

She had a beautiful Mexican cellmate

and gave her Robert Evans’s number

as the first person she should call

when she was released.



XVII.

Never have *** on the first date.



XVIII.

There will always be prostitution,

The prostitution of misery.

And the prostitution of bourgeois luxury.

They will both go on forever.



“Allô oui,”



It was so exciting to hear a millionaire

or a head of state ask,

in a little boy’s voice,

for the one thing

that only you could provide

It's not how beautiful you are, it's how you relate

--it's mostly dialogue.



She was tiny, blond, perfectly coiffed and Chanel-clad.

The French Woman: The Arab Prince, the Japanese Diplomat, the Greek Tycoon, the C.I.A. Bureau Chief — She Possessed Them All!



XIX.

She was like a slave driver in the American South

Once she took a *******,

the makeover put the girl in debt,

because Claude paid all the bills to

Dior,

Vuitton,

to the hairdressers,

to the doctors,

and the girls had to work to pay them off.

It was ****** indentured servitude.



My Swans.



It reached the point

where if you walked into a room

in London

or Rome

as much as Paris

because the girls were transportable,

and saw a girl who was

better-dressed,

better-looking,

and more distinguished than the others

you presumed

it was a girl from Claude.

It was, without doubt,

the finest *** operation ever run in the history of mankind.



**.

The girl had to be

exactly what was needed

so I had to teach her everything she didn’t know.

I played a little the role of Pygmalion.

There were basic things that absolutely had to be done.

It consisted

at the start

of the physical aspect

“surgical intervention”

to give this way of being

that was different from other girls.

Often they had to be transformed

into dream creatures

because at the start

they were not at all



Often I had to teach them how to dress.

Often they needed help

to repair

what nature had given them

which was not so beautiful.

At first they had to be tall,

with pretty gestures,

good manners.

I had lots of noses done,

chins,

teeth,

*******.

There was a lot to do.



Eight times out of ten

I had to teach them how to behave in society.

There were official dinners, suppers, weekends,

and they needed to have conversation.

I insisted they learn to speak English,

read

certain books.

I interrogated them on what they read.

It wasn’t easy.

Each time something wasn’t working,

I was obliged to say so.



You were very demanding?

I was ferocious.



It’s difficult

to teach a girl how to walk into Maxim’s

without looking

ill at ease

when they’ve never been there,

to go into an airport,

to go to the Ritz,

or the Crillon

or the Dorchester.

To find yourself

in front of a king,

three princes,

four ministers,

and five ambassadors at an official dinner.

There were the wives of those people!

Day after day

one had to explain,

explain again,

start again.

It took about two years.

There would always be a man

who would then say of her,

‘But she’s absolutely exceptional. What is that girl doing here?’ ”





XXI.

A New York publisher who visited

the Palace Hotel

in Saint Moritz

in the early seventies told me,

I met a whole bunch of them there.

They were lovely.

The johns wanted everyone to know who they were.

I remember it being said

Giovanni’s Madame Claude girl is going to be there.

You asked them where they came from and they all said

Neuilly.

Claude liked girls from good families.

More to the point she had invented their backgrounds.



I have known,

because of what I did,

some exceptional and fascinating men.

I’ve known some exceptional women too,

but that was less interesting

because I made them myself.



Ah, this question of the handbag.

You would be amazed by how much dust accumulates.

Or how often women’s shoe heels are scuffed.





XXII.

She would examine their teeth and finally she would make them undress.



That was a difficult moment

When they arrived they were very shy,

a bit frightened.

At the beginning when I take a look,

it’s a question of seeing if the silhouette

and the gestures are pretty.

Then there was a disagreeable moment.

I said,

I’m sorry about this unpleasantness,

but I have to ask you to get undressed,

because I can’t talk about you unless I see you.

Believe me, I was embarrassed,

just as they were,

but it had to be done,

not out of voyeurism, not at all

—I don’t like les dames horizontales.



It was very funny

because there were always two reactions.

A young girl,

very sure of herself,

very beautiful,

très bien,

would say

Yes,

Get up, and get undressed.

There was nothing to hide, everything was perfect.



There were those who

would start timidly

to take off their dress

and I would say

I knew already.

The rest is not sadism, but nearly.

I knew what I was going to find.

I would say,

Maybe you should take off your bra,

and I knew it wasn’t going to be

beautiful.

Because otherwise she would have taken it off easily.

No problem.

There were damages that could be mended.

There were some ******* that could be redone,

some not

Sometimes it can be deceptive,

you know,

you see a pretty girl,

a pretty face,

all elegant and slim,

well dressed,

and when you see her naked

it is a catastrophe.



I could judge their physical qualities,

I could judge if she was pretty, intelligent, and cultivated,

but I didn’t know how she was in bed.

So I had some boys,

good friends,

who told me exactly.

I would ring them up and say,

There’s a new one.

And afterwards they’d ring back and say,

Not bad,

Could be better, or

Nulle.



Or,

on the contrary,

She’s perfect.

And I would sometimes have to tell the girls

what they didn’t know.

A pleasant assignment?

No.

They paid.



XXIII.

Often at the beginning

they had an ami de coeur

in other words,

oh,

a journalist, a photographer, a type like that,

someone in the cinema,

an actor, not very well known.

As time went by

It became difficult

because they didn’t have a lot of time for him.

The fact of physically changing,

becoming prettier,

changing mentally to live with millionaires,

produced a certain imbalance

between them

and the little boyfriend

who had not evolved

and had stayed in his milieu.

At the end of a certain time

she would say,

I’m so much better than him. Why am I with this boy?

And they would break up by themselves.



Remember,

this was instant elevation.

For most of them it was a dream existence,

provided they liked the ***,

and those that didn’t never lasted long.

A lot of the clients were young,

and didn’t treat them like tarts but like someone from their own class.

They would buy you presents,

take you on trips.



XXIV.

For me, *** was something very accessoire

I think after a certain age

there are certain spectacles one should not give to others

Now I have a penchant for solitude.

Love, it’s a complete destroyer,

It’s impossible,

a horror,

l’angoisse.

It’s the only time in my life I was jealous.

I’m not a jealous person, but I was épouvantable.

He was jealous too.

We broke plates over each other’s heads;

we became jealous about each other’s pasts.

I said one day

It’s finished.

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say:

Break my legs,

give me scarlet fever,

an attack of TB, but never that.

Not that.



XXV.

I called her into my office

Let us not exaggerate,

I sent her away.

She came back looking for employment,

but was fired again, this time for drugs.

She made menacing phone calls.

Then she arrived at the Rue de Boulainvilliers with a gun.

She shot three bullets

I was dressed in the fashion of Courrèges at this moment

He did very padded things.

I had a padded dress with a little jacket on top.

The bullet

—merci, Monsieur Courrèges

—stuck in the padding.

I was thrown forward onto the telephone.

I had one thought which went through my head:

I will die like Kennedy.

I turned round and put my hand up in a reflex.

The second bullet went through my hand.

I have two dead fingers.

It’s most useful for removing bottle tops.

In the corridor I was saved from the third bullet

because she was very tall

and I am quite petite, so it passed over my head.



XXVI.

There were men

who could decapitate,

****, and bomb their rivals

who would be frightened of me.

I would ask them how was the girl,

and they’d say

Not bad

and then

But I’m not complaining.

I was a little sadistic to them sometimes.

Some women have known powerful men because they’re their lover.

But I’ve known them all.

I had them all

here.



She will take many state secrets with her.



XXVI.

I don’t like ugly people

probably because when I was young

I wasn’t beautiful at all.

I was ugly and I suffered for it,

although not to the point of obsession.

Now that I’m an old woman,

I’m not so bad.

And that’s why

I’ve always been surrounded by people

Who

were

beautiful.

And the best way to have beautiful people around me

was to make them.

I made them very pretty.





XXVII.

I wouldn’t call what Alex gives you

‘advice,’

She spares you Nothing.

She makes a list of what she wants done,

and she really gets into it

I mean, she wants you to get your arms waxed.

She gives you names of people who do good facials.

She tells you what to buy at Neiman Marcus.

She’s put off by anything flashy,

and if you don’t dress conservatively, she’s got no problem telling you,

in front of an audience,

You look like a cheap *****!

I used to wear what I wanted when I went out

then change in the car into a frumpy sweater

when I went to give her the money she’d always go,

Oh, you look beautiful!



Marry your boyfriend,

It’s better than going to prison.

When you go out with her,

she’ll buy you a present; she’s incredibly generous that way.

And she’ll always tell you to save money and get out.

It’s frustrating to her when girls call at the end of the month

and say they need rent money.

She wants to see you do well.





We had a schedule, with cards that indicated a client’s name,

what he liked,

the names of the girls he’d seen,

and how long he’d been with them.

And I only hired girls who had another career

—if my clients had a choice between drop-dead-gorgeous

and beautiful-and-interesting,

they’d tend to take beautiful-and-interesting.

These men wanted to talk.

If they spent two hours with a girl,

they usually spent only five or ten minutes in bed.



I get the feeling that in Los Angeles, men are more concerned with looks.



XXVIII.

That was my big idea

Not to expand the book by aggressive marketing

but to make sure that nobody

mistook my girls for run-of-the-mill hookers.

And I kept my roster fresh.

This was not a business where you peddle your ***,

get exploited,

and then are cast off.

I screen clients. I’ve never sent girls to weirdos.

I let the men know:

no violence,

no costumes,

no fudge-packing.

And I talked to my girls. I’d tell them:

Two and a half years and you’re burned out.

Save your money.

This is like a hangar

—you come in, refuel, and take off.

It’s not a vacation, it’s not a goof.

This buys the singing lessons,

the dancing lessons,

the glossies.

This is to help you pay for what your parents couldn’t provide.

It’s an honorable way station—a lot of stars did this.



XXIX.

To say someone was a Claude girl is an honour, not a slur.



Une femme terrible.

She despised men and women alike.

Men were wallets. Women were holes.



By the 80s,

if you were a brunette,

the sky was the limit.

The Saudis

They’d call for half a dozen of Alex’s finest,

ignore them all evening while they

chatted,

ate,

and played cards,

and then, around midnight,

take the women inside for a fast few minutes of ***.



They’d order women up like pizza.



Since my second husband died,

I only met one man who was right for me,

He was a sheikh.

I visited him in Europe

twenty-eight times

in the five years I knew him

and I never slept with him.

He’d say

I think you fly all the way here just to tease me,

but he introduced me

by phone

to all his powerful friends.

When I was in Los Angeles, he called me twice a day.

That’s why I never went out

he would have been disappointed.



***.

Listen to me

This is a woman’s business.

When a woman does it, it’s fun

there’s a giggle in it

when a man’s involved,

he’s ******,

he’s a ****.

He may know how to keep girls in line,

and he may make money,

but he doesn’t know what I do.

I tell guys: You’re getting a nice girl.

She’s young,

She’s pleasant,

She can do things

she can certainly make love.

She’s not a rocket scientist, but she’s everything else.



The world’s richest and most powerful men, the announcer teased.

An income “in the millions,” said the arresting officer.

Pina Colapinto

A petite call girl,

who once slid between the sheets of royalty,

a green-eyed blonde helped the police get the indictment.

They really dolled her up

She looks great.

Never!

What I told her was: ‘Wash that ******.’





XXXI.

Madam Alex died at 7 p.m.

Saturday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center,

where she had been in intensive care after recent open heart surgery

We all held her hand when they took her off the life support

This was the passing of a legend.

Because she was the mother superior of prostitution.

She was one of the richest women on earth.

The world came to her.

She never had to leave the house.

She was like Hugh Hefner in that way.


It's like losing a friend

In all the years we played cat and mouse,

she never once tried to corrupt me.

We had a lot of fun.


To those who knew her

she was as constant

as she was colorful

always ready with a good tidbit of gossip

and a gourmet lunch for two.

She entertained, even after her conviction on pandering charges,

from the comfy depths of her blue four-poster bed at her home near Doheny Drive,

surrounded by knickknacks and meowing cats,

which she fed fresh shrimp from blue china plates.



XXXII.

She stole my business,

my books,

my girls,

my guys.

I had a good run.

My creatures.

Make Mommy happy

Oh! He is the most enchanting cat that I have ever known.



She was, how can I say it,

classy.

When she first hired me

she thought I was too young to take her case.

I was 43.

I'm going to give you some gray hairs by the time this is over.

She was right.





XXXIII.

I was fond of Heidi

But she has a streak that is so vindictive.



If there is pure evil, it is Madame Alex.





XXXIV.

I was born and raised in L.A.

My dad was a famous pediatrician.

When he died, they donated a bench to him at the Griffith Park Observatory.



I think that Heidi wanted to try her wings

pretty early,

and I think that she met some people

who sort of took all her potential

and gave it a sharp turn



She knew nothing.

She was like a little parrot who repeated what she was supposed to say.



Alex and I had a very intense relationship;

I was kind of like the daughter she loved and hated,

so she was abusive and loving at the same time.



Look, I know Madam Alex was great at what she did

but it's like this:

What took her years to build,

I built in one.

The high end is the high end,

and no one has a higher end than me.

In this business, no one steals clients.

There's just better service.



XXXV.

You were not allowed to have long hair

You were not allowed to be too pretty

You were not allowed to wear too much makeup or be too glamorous

Because someone would fall in love with you and take you away.

And then she loses the business



XXXVI.

I was pursued because

come on

in our lifetime,

we will never see another girl of my age

who lived the way I did,

who did what I did so quickly,

I made so many enemies.

Some people had been in this line of business

for their whole lives, 30 or 40 years,

and I came in and cornered the market.

Men don't like that.

Women don't like that.

No one liked it.



I had this spiritual awakening watching an Oprah Winfrey video.

I was doing this 500-hour drug class

and one day the teacher showed us this video,

called something like Make It Happen.

Usually in class I would bring a notebook

and write a letter to my brother or my journal,

but all of a sudden this grabbed my attention

and I understood everything she said.

It hit me and it changed me a lot.

It made me feel,

Accept yourself for who you are.

I saw a deeper meaning in it

but who knows, I might have just been getting my period that day!



XXXVII.

Hello, Gina!

You movie star!

Yes you are!

Gina G!

Hello my friend,

Hello my friend,

Hello my movie star,

Ruby! Ruby Boobie!

Braaawk!

Except so many women say,

Come on, Heidi

you gotta do the brothel for us; don't let us down.

It would be kind of fun opening up an exclusive resort,

and I'll make it really nice,

like the Beverly Hills Hotel

It'll feel private; you'll have your own bungalow.

The only problem out here is the climate—it's so brutal.

Charles Manson was captured a half hour from Pahrump.



I said, Joe! What are you doing?

You gotta get, like,

a garter belt and encase it in something

and write,

This belonged to Suzette Whatever,

who entertained the Flying Tigers during World War II.

Get, like, some weird tools and write,

These were the first abortion tools in the brothel,

you know what I mean?

Just make some **** up!

So I came out here to do some research

And then I realized,

What am I doing?

I'm Heidi Fleiss. I don't need anyone.

I can do this.

When I was doing my research, in three months

I saw land go from 30 thousand an acre

to 50 thousand an acre,

and then it was going for 70K!

It's urban sprawl

—we're only one hour from Las Vegas.

Out here the casinos are only going to get bigger,

prostitution is legal, it's only getting better.





XXXVIII.

The truth is

deep down inside,

I just can't do business with him

He's the type of guy who buys Cup o' Noodles soup for three cents

and makes his hookers buy it back from him for $5.

It's not my style at all.

Who wants to be 75 and facing federal charges?

It was different at my age when I

at least...come on, I lived really well.

I was 22,

25 at the time?

It was fun then, but now I wouldn't want

to deal with all that *******

—the girls and blah blah blah.

But the money was really good.



I would've told someone they were out of their ******* mind

if they'd said in five years I'd be living with all these animals like this.

It's hard-core; how I live;

It's totally a nonfunctional atmosphere for me

It's hard to get anything done because

It’s so time-consuming.

I feel like they're good luck though....

I do feel that if I ever get rid of them,

I will be jinxed and cursed the rest of my life

and nothing I do will ever work again.



Guys kind of are a hindrance to me

Certainly I have no problem getting laid or anything.

But a man is not a priority in my life.

I mean, it's crazy, but I really have fun with my parrots.



XXXIX.

I started a babysitting circle when I wasn't much older than 9

And soon all the parents in the neighborhood

wanted me to watch over their children.

Even then I had an innate business sense.

I started farming out my friends

to meet the demand.

My mother showered me with love and my father,

a pediatrician,

would ask me at the dinner table,

What did you learn today?

I ran my neighborhood.

I just pick up a hustle really easily,

I was a waitress and I met an older guy who looked like Santa Claus.



Alex was a 5' 3" bald-headed Filipina

in a transparent muu muu.

We hit it off.

I didn't know at the time that I was there to pay off the guy's gambling debt.

It's in and out,

over and out.

Do you think some big-time producer

or actor is going to go to the clubs and hustle?



Columbia Pictures executive says:

I haven’t done anything that should cause any concern.

Jeez, it's like the Nixon enemies list.

I hope I'm on it.

If I'm not, it means I must not be big enough

for people to gossip about me.



That's right ladies and gentlemen.

I am an alleged madam and that is a $25 *****!

If you live out here,

you've got to hate people.

You've got to be pretty antisocial

How you gonna come out here with only 86 people?

That's Fred.

He's digging to China.

You look good.

Yeah, you too.

It's coming along here.

Yeah, it is.

I wanted to buy that lot there, but I guess it's gone?

That's mine, man! That's all me.

Really?

I thought there was a lot between us.

No. We're neighbors.



He's a cute guy

He's entertaining.

See, I kind of did do something shady to him.

I thought my property went all the way back

and butted up against his.

But there was one lot between us right there.

He said he was buying it,

but I saw the 'For Sale' sign still up there,

So I went and called the broker and said,

I'm an all-cash buyer.

So I really bought it out from under him.

But he's got plenty of room, and I need the space for my parrots.

Pahrump will always be Pahrump, but Crystal is going to be nice

All you need are four or five fancy houses and it'll flush everyone out

and it'll be a nice area.

They're all kind of weird here, but these people will go.

Like this guy here,

someone needs to **** him.

I was just saying to my dad that these parrots are born to a really ******-up world

He goes, Heidi, no, no; the world is a beautiful garden.

It's just, people are destroying it.

I’m looking into green building options

I don't want anything polluting,

I want a huge auditorium,

but it'll be like a jungle where my birds can really fly!

Where they can really do what they're supposed to do.

There were over 300 birds in there!

That lady,

She ran the exotic-birds department for the Tropicana Hotel,

which is a huge job.

She called me once at 3:30 in the morning

Come over here and help me feed this baby!

Some baby parrot.

And I ran over there in my pajamas

—I knew there was something else wrong

and she was like

Get me my oxygen!

Get me this, get me that.

I called my dad; he was like,

I don't know, honey, you better call the paramedics.

They ended up getting a helicopter.

And they were taking her away

in the wind with her IV and blood and everything

and she goes, Heidi, you take care of my birds.

And she dies the next day.

She was just a super-duper person.



XL.

I relate to the lifestyle she had before,

Now, I'm just a citizen.

I'm clean,

I'm sober,

I'm married,

I work at Wal-Mart.

I'm proud to say I know her. I look into her eyes

and we relate.





I got out in 2000,

so I've been sending her money for seven years

She was…whatever.

Girlfriend?

Yeah, maybe.

But ***, I tried like two times,

and I'm just not gay.

She gets out in about eight or nine months

and I told her I would get her a house.

But nowhere near me.

I didn't touch her,

but I'd be, like...

a funny story:

I told her,

Don't you ever ******* think

about contacting me in the real world.

I'm not a lesbian.

Then about two years ago, I got an e-mail from her,

or she called me and said, 'Google my name.'

So I Googled her name,

and she has this huge company.

Huge!

She won, like, Woman of the Year awards.

So I called her and I go,

Not bad.

She goes, 'Well, I did all that because you called me a loser.'

I go, '****, I should've called you more names

you probably would've found the cure for cancer by now.



XLI.

No person shall be employed by the licensee

who has ever been convicted of

a felony involving moral turpitude

But I qualify,

I mean, big deal, so I'm a convicted felon.

Being in the *** industry, you can't be so squeaky-clean.

You've got to be hustling.

Nighttime is really enchanting here

It's like a whole 'nother world out here, it really is

I’m so far removed from my social life and old surroundings.

Who was it, Oscar Wilde, I think, who said

people can adjust to anything.

I was perfectly adjusted in the penitentiary,

and I was perfectly adjusted to living in a château in France.



We had done those drug addiction shows together

Dr. Drew.

Afterward we were friendly

and he'd call me every now and then.

He'd act like he had his stuff together.

But it was all a lie.

Everything is a lie.

I brought him to a Humane Society event at Paramount Studios last year.

He was just such a mess.

So out of it.

He stole money from my purse.

He's such a drug addict because he's so afraid of being fat.

He liked horse ****, though. He did like horse ****.

This one woman that would have *** with a horse on the internet,

He told me that’s his favorite actress.

Better than Meryl Streep.



XLII.

The cops could see

why these women were taking over trade.

Girls with these looks charged upwards of $500 an hour.

The Russians had undercut them with a bargain rate of $150 an hour.

One thing they are not is lazy.

In the USSR

they grew up with no religion, no morality.

Prostitution is not considered a bad thing.

In fact, it’s considered a great way to make money.

That’s why it’s exploding here.

What we saw was just a tip of the iceberg.

These girls didn’t come over here expecting to be nannies.

They knew exactly what they wanted and what they were getting into.

The madam who organized this raid

was making $4 million a year,

laundered through Russian-owned banks in New York City

These are brutal people.

They are all backstabbers.

They’re entrepreneurs.

They’re looking at $10,000 a month for turning tricks.

For them, that’s the American dream.



XLIII.

If you’re not into something,

don’t be into it

But,

if you want to take some whipped cream,

put it between your toes,

have your dog licking it up and,

at the same time,

have your girlfriend poke you in the eye,

then that’s fine.

That’s a little weird but we shouldn’t judge.



She was my best friend then

and I consider her one of my best friends now,

because when I was going through Riker’s

and everyone abandoned me,

including my boyfriend,

I was hysterical,

crying,

and she was the one that was there.

And, when somebody needed to step up to the plate,

that’s who did, and I have an immense amount of

loyalty, respect, and love for her.

And if she’s going to prison for eight years

—that’s what she’s sentenced for

—I’ll go there,

and I’ll go there every week,

for eight years.

That’s the type of person I am.

À Madame *.

Il est donc vrai, vous vous plaignez aussi,
Vous dont l'oeil noir, *** comme un jour de fête,
Du monde entier pourrait chasser l'ennui.
Combien donc pesait le souci
Qui vous a fait baisser la tête ?
C'est, j'imagine, un aussi lourd fardeau
Que le roitelet de la fable ;
Ce grand chagrin qui vous accable
Me fait souvenir du roseau.
Je suis bien **** d'être le chêne,
Mais, dites-moi, vous qu'en un autre temps
(Quand nos aïeux vivaient en bons enfants)
J'aurais nommée Iris, ou Philis, ou Climène,
Vous qui, dans ce siècle bourgeois,
Osez encor me permettre parfois
De vous appeler ma marraine,
Est-ce bien vous qui m'écrivez ainsi,
Et songiez-vous qu'il faut qu'on vous réponde ?
Savez-vous que, dans votre ennui,
Sans y penser, madame et chère blonde,
Vous me grondez comme un ami ?
Paresse et manque de courage,
Dites-vous ; s'il en est ainsi,
Je vais me remettre à l'ouvrage.
Hélas ! l'oiseau revient au nid,
Et quelquefois même à la cage.
Sur mes lauriers on me croit endormi ;
C'est trop d'honneur pour un instant d'oubli,
Et dans mon lit les lauriers n'ont que faire ;
Ce ne serait pas mon affaire.
Je sommeillais seulement à demi,
À côté d'un brin de verveine
Dont le parfum vivait à peine,
Et qu'en rêvant j'avais cueilli.
Je l'avouerai, ce coupable silence,
Ce long repos, si maltraité de vous,
Paresse, amour, folie ou nonchalance,
Tout ce temps perdu me fut doux.
Je dirai plus, il me fut profitable ;
Et, si jamais mon inconstant esprit
Sait revêtir de quelque fable
Ce que la vérité m'apprit,
Je vous paraîtrai moins coupable.
Le silence est un conseiller
Qui dévoile plus d'un mystère ;
Et qui veut un jour bien parler
Doit d'abord apprendre à se taire.
Et, quand on se tairait toujours,
Du moment qu'on vit et qu'on aime,
Qu'importe le reste ? et vous-même,
Quand avez-vous compté les jours ?
Et puisqu'il faut que tout s'évanouisse,
N'est-ce donc pas une folle avarice,
De conserver comme un trésor
Ce qu'un coup de vent nous enlève ?
Le meilleur de ma vie a passé comme un rêve
Si léger, qu'il m'est cher encor.
Mais revenons à vous, ma charmante marraine.
Vous croyez donc vous ennuyer ?
Et l'hiver qui s'en vient, rallumant le foyer,
A fait rêver la châtelaine.
Un roman, dites-vous, pourrait vous égayer ;
Triste chose à vous envoyer !
Que ne demandez-vous un conte à La Fontaine ?
C'est avec celui-là qu'il est bon de veiller ;
Ouvrez-le sur votre oreiller,
Vous verrez se lever l'aurore.
Molière l'a prédit, et j'en suis convaincu,
Bien des choses auront vécu
Quand nos enfants liront encore
Ce que le bonhomme a conté,
Fleur de sagesse et de gaieté.
Mais quoi ! la mode vient, et tue un vieil usage.
On n'en veut plus, du sobre et franc langage
Dont il enseignait la douceur,
Le seul français, et qui vienne du cœur ;
Car, n'en déplaise à l'Italie,
La Fontaine, sachez-le bien,
En prenant tout n'imita rien ;
Il est sorti du sol de la patrie,
Le vert laurier qui couvre son tombeau ;
Comme l'antique, il est nouveau.
Ma protectrice bien-aimée,
Quand votre lettre parfumée
Est arrivée à votre. enfant gâté,
Je venais de causer en toute liberté
Avec le grand ami Shakespeare.
Du sujet cependant Boccace était l'auteur ;
Car il féconde tout, ce charmant inventeur ;
Même après l'autre, il fallait le relire.
J'étais donc seul, ses Nouvelles en main,
Et de la nuit la lueur azurée,
Se jouant avec le matin,
Etincelait sur la tranche dorée
Du petit livre florentin ;
Et je songeais, quoi qu'on dise ou qu'on fasse,
Combien c'est vrai que les Muses sont sœurs ;
Qu'il eut raison, ce pinceau plein de grâce,
Qui nous les montre au sommet du Parnasse,
Comme une guirlande de fleurs !
La Fontaine a ri dans Boccace,
Où Shakespeare fondait en pleurs.
Sera-ce trop que d'enhardir ma muse
Jusqu'à tenter de traduire à mon tour
Dans ce livre amoureux une histoire d'amour ?
Mais tout est bon qui vous amuse.
Je n'oserais, si ce n'était pour vous,
Car c'est beaucoup que d'essayer ce style
Tant oublié, qui fut jadis si doux,
Et qu'aujourd'hui l'on croit facile.

Il fut donc, dans notre cité,
Selon ce qu'on nous a conté
(Boccace parle ainsi ; la cité, c'est Florence),
Un gros marchand, riche, homme d'importance,
Qui de sa femme eut un enfant ;
Après quoi, presque sur-le-champ,
Ayant mis ordre à ses affaires,
Il passa de ce monde ailleurs.
La mère survivait ; on nomma des tuteurs,
Gens loyaux, prudents et sévères ;
Capables de se faire honneur
En gardant les biens d'un mineur.
Le jouvenceau, courant le voisinage,
Sentit d'abord douceur de cœur
Pour une fille de son âge,
Qui pour père avait un tailleur ;
Et peu à peu l'enfant devenant homme,
Le temps changea l'habitude en amour,
De telle sorte que Jérôme
Sans voir Silvia ne pouvait vivre un jour.
À son voisin la fille accoutumée
Aima bientôt comme elle était aimée.
De ce danger la mère s'avisa,
Gronda son fils, longtemps moralisa,
Sans rien gagner par force ou par adresse.
Elle croyait que la richesse
En ce monde doit tout changer,
Et d'un buisson peut faire un oranger.
Ayant donc pris les tuteurs à partie,
La mère dit : « Cet enfant que voici,
Lequel n'a pas quatorze ans, Dieu merci !
Va désoler le reste de ma vie.
Il s'est si bien amouraché
De la fille d'un mercenaire,
Qu'un de ces jours, s'il n'en est empêché,
Je vais me réveiller grand'mère.
Soir ni matin, il ne la quitte pas.
C'est, je crois, Silvia qu'on l'appelle ;
Et, s'il doit voir quelque autre dans ses bras,
Il se consumera pour elle.
Il faudrait donc, avec votre agrément,
L'éloigner par quelque voyage ;
Il est jeune, la fille est sage,
Elle l'oubliera sûrement ;
Et nous le marierons à quelque honnête femme. »
Les tuteurs dirent que la dame
Avait parlé fort sagement.
« Te voilà grand, dirent-ils à Jérôme,
Il est bon de voir du pays.
Va-t'en passer quelques jours à Paris,
Voir ce que c'est qu'un gentilhomme,
Le bel usage, et comme on vit là-bas ;
Dans peu de temps tu reviendras. »
À ce conseil, le garçon, comme on pense,
Répondit qu'il n'en ferait rien,
Et qu'il pouvait voir aussi bien
Comment l'on vivait à Florence.
Là-dessus, la mère en fureur
Répond d'abord par une grosse injure ;
Puis elle prend l'enfant par la douceur ;
On le raisonne, on le conjure,
À ses tuteurs il lui faut obéir ;
On lui promet de ne le retenir
Qu'un an au plus. Tant et tant on le prie,
Qu'il cède enfin. Il quitte sa patrie ;
Il part, tout plein de ses amours,
Comptant les nuits, comptant les jours,
Laissant derrière lui la moitié de sa vie.
L'exil dura deux ans ; ce long terme passé,
Jérôme revint à Florence,
Du mal d'amour plus que jamais blessé,
Croyant sans doute être récompensé.
Mais. c'est un grand tort que l'absence.
Pendant qu'au **** courait le jouvenceau,
La fille s'était mariée.
En revoyant les rives de l'Arno,
Il n'y trouva que le tombeau
De son espérance oubliée.
D'abord il n'en murmura point,
Sachant que le monde, en ce point,
Agit rarement d'autre sorte.
De l'infidèle il connaissait la porte,
Et tous les jours il passait sur le seuil,
Espérant un signe, un coup d'oeil,
Un rien, comme on fait quand on aime.
Mais tous ses pas furent perdus
Silvia ne le connaissait plus,
Dont il sentit une douleur extrême.
Cependant, avant d'en mourir,
Il voulut de son souvenir
Essayer de parler lui-même.
Le mari n'était pas jaloux,
Ni la femme bien surveillée.
Un soir que les nouveaux époux
Chez un voisin étaient à la veillée,
Dans la maison, au tomber de la nuit,
Jérôme entra, se cacha près du lit,
Derrière une pièce de toile ;
Car l'époux était tisserand,
Et fabriquait cette espèce de voile
Qu'on met sur un balcon toscan.
Bientôt après les mariés rentrèrent,
Et presque aussitôt se couchèrent.
Dès qu'il entend dormir l'époux,
Dans l'ombre vers Silvia Jérôme s'achemine,
Et lui posant la main sur la poitrine,
Il lui dit doucement : « Mon âme, dormez-vous ?
La pauvre enfant, croyant voir un fantôme,
Voulut crier ; le jeune homme ajouta
« Ne criez pas, je suis votre Jérôme.
- Pour l'amour de Dieu, dit Silvia,
Allez-vous-en, je vous en prie.
Il est passé, ce temps de notre vie
Où notre enfance eut loisir de s'aimer,
Vous voyez, je suis mariée.
Dans les devoirs auxquels je suis liée,
Il ne me sied plus de penser
À vous revoir ni vous entendre.
Si mon mari venait à vous surprendre,
Songez que le moindre des maux
Serait pour moi d'en perdre le repos ;
Songez qu'il m'aime et que je suis sa femme. »
À ce discours, le malheureux amant
Fut navré jusqu'au fond de l'âme.
Ce fut en vain qu'il peignit son tourment,
Et sa constance et sa misère ;
Par promesse ni par prière,
Tout son chagrin ne put rien obtenir.
Alors, sentant la mort venir,
Il demanda que, pour grâce dernière,
Elle le laissât se coucher
Pendant un instant auprès d'elle,
Sans bouger et sans la toucher,
Seulement pour se réchauffer,
Ayant au cœur une glace mortelle,
Lui promettant de ne pas dire un mot,
Et qu'il partirait aussitôt,
Pour ne la revoir de sa vie.
La jeune femme, ayant quelque compassion,
Moyennant la condition,
Voulut contenter son envie.
Jérôme profita d'un moment de pitié ;
Il se coucha près de Silvie.
Considérant alors quelle longue amitié
Pour cette femme il avait eue,
Et quelle était sa cruauté,
Et l'espérance à tout jamais perdue,
Il résolut de cesser de souffrir,
Et rassemblant dans un dernier soupir
Toutes les forces de sa vie,
Il serra la main de sa mie,
Et rendit l'âme à son côté.
Silvia, non sans quelque surprise,
Admirant sa tranquillité,
Resta d'abord quelque temps indécise.
« Jérôme, il faut sortir d'ici,
Dit-elle enfin, l'heure s'avance. »
Et, comme il gardait le silence,
Elle pensa qu'il s'était endormi.
Se soulevant donc à demi,
Et doucement l'appelant à voix basse,
Elle étendit la main vers lui,
Et le trouva froid comme glace.
Elle s'en étonna d'abord ;
Bientôt, l'ayant touché plus fort,
Et voyant sa peine inutile,
Son ami restant immobile,
Elle comprit qu'il était mort.
Que faire ? il n'était pas facile
De le savoir en un moment pareil.
Elle avisa de demander conseil
À son mari, le tira de son somme,
Et lui conta l'histoire de Jérôme,
Comme un malheur advenu depuis peu,
Sans dire à qui ni dans quel lieu.
« En pareil cas, répondit le bonhomme,
Je crois que le meilleur serait
De porter le mort en secret
À son logis, l'y laisser sans rancune,
Car la femme n'a point failli,
Et le mal est à la fortune.
- C'est donc à nous de faire ainsi, »
Dit la femme ; et, prenant la main de son mari
Elle lui fit toucher près d'elle
Le corps sur son lit étendu.
Bien que troublé par ce coup imprévu,
L'époux se lève, allume sa chandelle ;
Et, sans entrer en plus de mots,
Sachant que sa femme est fidèle,
Il charge le corps sur son dos,
À sa maison secrètement l'emporte,
Le dépose devant la porte,
Et s'en revient sans avoir été vu.
Lorsqu'on trouva, le jour étant venu,
Le jeune homme couché par terre,
Ce fut une grande rumeur ;
Et le pire, dans ce malheur,
Fut le désespoir de la mère.
Le médecin aussitôt consulté,
Et le corps partout visité,
Comme on n'y vit point de blessure,
Chacun parlait à sa façon
De cette sinistre aventure.
La populaire opinion
Fut que l'amour de sa maîtresse
Avait jeté Jérôme en cette adversité,
Et qu'il était mort de tristesse,
Comme c'était la vérité.
Le corps fut donc à l'église porté,
Et là s'en vint la malheureuse mère,
Au milieu des amis en deuil,
Exhaler sa douleur amère.
Tandis qu'on menait le cercueil,
Le tisserand qui, dans le fond de l'âme,
Ne laissait pas d'être inquiet :
« Il est bon, dit-il à sa femme,
Que tu prennes ton mantelet,
Et t'en ailles à cette église
Où l'on enterre ce garçon
Qui mourut hier à la maison.
J'ai quelque peur qu'on ne médise
Sur cet inattendu trépas,
Et ce serait un mauvais pas,
Tout innocents que nous en sommes.
Je me tiendrai parmi les hommes,
Et prierai Dieu, tout en les écoutant.
De ton côté, prends soin d'en faire autant
À l'endroit qu'occupent les femmes.
Tu retiendras ce que ces bonnes âmes
Diront de nous, et nous ferons
Selon ce que nous entendrons. »
La pitié trop **** à Silvie
Etait venue, et ce discours lui plut.
Celui dont un baiser eût conservé la vie,
Le voulant voir encore, elle s'en fut.
Il est étrange, il est presque incroyable
Combien c'est chose inexplicable
Que la puissance de l'amour.
Ce cœur, si chaste et si sévère,
Qui semblait fermé sans retour
Quand la fortune était prospère,
Tout à coup s'ouvrit au malheur.
À peine dans l'église entrée,
De compassion et d'horreur
Silvia se sentit pénétrée ;
L'ancien amour s'éveilla tout entier.
Le front baissé, de son manteau voilée,
Traversant la triste assemblée,
Jusqu'à la bière il lui fallut aller ;
Et là, sous le drap mortuaire
Sitôt qu'elle vit son ami,
Défaillante et poussant un cri,
Comme une sœur embrasse un frère,
Sur le cercueil elle tomba ;
Et, comme la douleur avait tué Jérôme,
De sa douleur ainsi mourut Silvia.
Cette fois ce fut au jeune homme
A céder la moitié du lit :
L'un près de l'autre on les ensevelit.
Ainsi ces deux amants, séparés sur la terre,
Furent unis, et la mort fit
Ce que l'amour n'avait pu faire.

biblondesubgal: hey miss
queenkendraxx: happy turkey day
queenkendraxx: Is it you and your mistress?
biblondesubgal: yes maam it is
queenkendraxx: what are your names?
biblondesubgal: shes kellie im allan
queenkendraxx: She is 25, you are 20?
biblondesubgal: its reversed
queenkendraxx: Do you always swallow the black stud's ***?
queenkendraxx: Lol tell her she should put it in your food so you can have a daily dose Allan
queenkendraxx: Do you have a ***** name Allan
biblondesubgal: allyssa
queenkendraxx: Ask her what she thinks of Allison
queenkendraxx: Allyssa the bbc *****
queenkendraxx: huh?
biblondesubgal: she said she likes allison too
queenkendraxx: tell her she rocks
queenkendraxx: you are her ******* property, huh?
biblondesubgal: yes miss i am her property
queenkendraxx: I do yoga and pilates to keep my body in tip top shape
queenkendraxx: DO you two have pics?
biblondesubgal: no sry
queenkendraxx: mmkay don't wanna share or just don't have?
biblondesubgal: dont like to share
queenkendraxx: that is cool what does Kellie look like?
queenkendraxx: Well I would delete it
queenkendraxx: but I understand
biblondesubgal: blonde blue eyes 5'4ish 36c
biblondesubgal: your first pic was blurry
queenkendraxx: How did you two meet?
biblondesubgal: mutual friend lol
queenkendraxx: was she ooking for a *****?
queenkendraxx: looking
queenkendraxx: What is her black stud's name?
biblondesubgal: not that i was aware of. she didnt get aggressive until like a month after we were dating
biblondesubgal: daquan
queenkendraxx: hehe I will show you
queenkendraxx: pics of my previous and some of my past blac studs
queenkendraxx: How big is Daquan's ****?
biblondesubgal: 8.5 in pretty thick too
queenkendraxx: big heavy *****?
queenkendraxx: mmm
biblondesubgal: oh yes so heavy and full
queenkendraxx: lol ask her if you have a ***** ****
biblondesubgal: she said yes its so cute his little ***** ******
queenkendraxx: ow big
queenkendraxx: how big 5 in?
biblondesubgal: im 5.5 in
queenkendraxx: aww not bad
queenkendraxx: for a *****
biblondesubgal: thank you miss
queenkendraxx: can I talk to Kellie for a while?
biblondesubgal: sure can i watch yall type?
queenkendraxx: yes *****
biblondesubgal: hey hunny
queenkendraxx: Hey Kellie
queenkendraxx: I love your *****, so obedient-- I have one too
queenkendraxx: His name was Matt but I call him Maddeline
biblondesubgal: yeah? was he hard to break?
queenkendraxx: at first wanna see the black stud that helped me break him?
biblondesubgal: yes please. i have my ***** watching
biblondesubgal: dayum
queenkendraxx: gorgeous huh?
biblondesubgal: yes wow
queenkendraxx: I have a pic of his **** too hehe
queenkendraxx: Is Dayquan really built?
biblondesubgal: not like that lol he has abs but his arms arent that big
biblondesubgal: did your man *** you?
queenkendraxx: yes, that is Darius a different studof mine
queenkendraxx: He makes Maddeline blow him--- gorgeous **** huh?
biblondesubgal: yes so big allyssa thanked me for not giving him that big
queenkendraxx: hehe does Allyssaswallow all Dayquan's *****?
queenkendraxx: I wish I could see your pic Kellie, I bet you are so pretty
biblondesubgal: if it doesnt go in his *** and even then sometimes he does
queenkendraxx: he is learning to take it
queenkendraxx: deep in his ***?
biblondesubgal: yes hes gotten 8 in in so far another half inch and we will be ready for thicker lol
queenkendraxx: hehe ever took pics of that and showed ur gfs?
queenkendraxx: lol good *****
biblondesubgal: no i havent thought to do that
queenkendraxx: hehe good idea?
biblondesubgal: i might do that next time lol
queenkendraxx: lol that way he will be your property for life
queenkendraxx: lol he tries to leave you -- you can send them to his friends haha
biblondesubgal: oh he is lol i have him in chastityafter our sessions he goes back in
queenkendraxx: hehe he in permanent chastity
queenkendraxx: lol there is a space in those to *** right?
biblondesubgal: pretty  much ill let him free when hes being fuked or *******
biblondesubgal: yes there is
queenkendraxx: nice, his *** must be gettting nice and loose
queenkendraxx: does he cry when he is being ******?
biblondesubgal: lol not as loose as maddies. he cries like a baby  because he doesnt get fuked easy
queenkendraxx: lol u know Maddie is such a bbc ****
queenkendraxx: you know all about my Maddie, huh?  hehe
biblondesubgal: lol with the *** you showed me she cant be tight lol
queenkendraxx: Do you tell your gfs all about Allyssa?
queenkendraxx: I stuff my ******* in Maddeline's mouth as he is being pounded in his ***** ***
biblondesubgal: no lol ive been thinking bout having a ******* party
queenkendraxx: taking pics
queenkendraxx: or a video of him
queenkendraxx: So you are toned and fit like me Kellie?
biblondesubgal: your tummy looks better but im not to far off
queenkendraxx: one of ur gf's ******* her mouth while the other has her ***
queenkendraxx: you have a great body too
queenkendraxx: how tall are you?
biblondesubgal: im 5'4 you?
queenkendraxx: guess from my pic
biblondesubgal: hard to tell without comparrison. 5'6?
queenkendraxx: ya
queenkendraxx: 5 '5 and a haf lol
biblondesubgal: i was close lol
queenkendraxx: Did you have your first bbc in college?
biblondesubgal: highschool
queenkendraxx: mmm yay me 2 I was 18
biblondesubgal: i was a cheerleader so i got and *** i wanted really lol
biblondesubgal: i was 16
queenkendraxx: hehe bad loved to see
queenkendraxx: how the black studs plowed over
queenkendraxx: the pathetic white guys?
biblondesubgal: what? sry that was confusing
queenkendraxx: well when I went to football games
queenkendraxx: I like to see how the black men tackled
queenkendraxx: the sorry white guys
biblondesubgal: lol i fuked a basketball player
queenkendraxx: lol one time Darius hit another white guy so hard he sent him to the hospital  
queenkendraxx: nice in college?
biblondesubgal: in highschool lol but he went to college on a scholarship
queenkendraxx: nice
queenkendraxx: you a freshman now?
queenkendraxx: or sophmore?
biblondesubgal: im a freshman
queenkendraxx: nice what you study
queenkendraxx: Does Allyssa do well and spoil you?
biblondesubgal: business i want to own my own store like vic secret
queenkendraxx: lol I make Maddeline shop there
biblondesubgal: she doesnt make a ton of money shes a secretary
queenkendraxx: lol a secretary for a woman?
biblondesubgal: yes lol
queenkendraxx: does she wear her ***** *******
queenkendraxx: to work?
biblondesubgal: and cute dresses heels hose wigs makeup
queenkendraxx: lol what?
biblondesubgal: and a chastity belt
queenkendraxx: they let her wear that?
queenkendraxx: not to work lol
biblondesubgal: yes lol its not like slutty but cute
queenkendraxx: do all the women laugh
queenkendraxx: tease her?
biblondesubgal: they think shes actually a girl
queenkendraxx: heheh yayy
queenkendraxx: Do you make her kiss Jayquan's ***?
queenkendraxx: Is she on estrogen?   Maybe you could research that
queenkendraxx: She will grow soft *******
biblondesubgal: daquan lol and yes. i started crushing up estrogen and making it in his food (i sent him out for a second)
queenkendraxx: My Maddeline has such useless little *****--- Does Allyssa have a little ***** sack too?
biblondesubgal: yes it sags and small *****
queenkendraxx: (hehe is she gone)
biblondesubgal: yes i dont want her to know im turning her into my real life barbie  doll
queenkendraxx: One day do you plan to have it removed and be there to watch Kellie?
biblondesubgal: idk lol ive thought anbout it im not sure i can do that to him though
queenkendraxx: lol so cruel
queenkendraxx: a simple snip hehe
biblondesubgal: simple that costs a lot of money lol
queenkendraxx: lol maybe down the road
queenkendraxx: lol I know its cruel but
queenkendraxx: their ***** sacks are so useless
biblondesubgal: hehe hes said how sensitive his ******* are
queenkendraxx: I hate how their ***** goo is so clear and watery
biblondesubgal: why you think i need a black man lol
queenkendraxx: lol u have one
queenkendraxx: lol like me
queenkendraxx: not like you ever have *** with him right?
biblondesubgal: any way you can resend that first pic? it came up blurry.
queenkendraxx: ya
biblondesubgal: lol very rarely
queenkendraxx: I just really wish I could see you Kellie
queenkendraxx: ?
biblondesubgal: idk still blurry
queenkendraxx: you can post it on pic paste if you wanted and choose to show it for just thirty mins
queenkendraxx: and it will be gone
queenkendraxx: Mmky I trust you to keep them private
biblondesubgal: i will miss
queenkendraxx: I don't usually send my pics to people
queenkendraxx: this is Kellie?
queenkendraxx: you can just call me Kendra Kellie
biblondesubgal: yes it is ok lol sry im kinda submissive too
queenkendraxx: hmm its ok
queenkendraxx: can you please put your pic
queenkendraxx: on picpaste?
queenkendraxx: You are submissive to women and bi?
biblondesubgal: ill put one on display is that ok?
biblondesubgal: yes
queenkendraxx: sure, lovely
queenkendraxx: cool I love women too
queenkendraxx: The first time Maddeline was ****** in his ***---I spread his cheeks open
queenkendraxx: It was so hot to see all 9 inches buried deep inside my ***** ****---- it got me so wet
biblondesubgal: mmm i love to watch it go in slowly until its burried
biblondesubgal: you see a pic?
queenkendraxx: My Maddeline is here with me on the bed
queenkendraxx: not yet?
queenkendraxx: try again
biblondesubgal: on display
queenkendraxx: we could be like sisters lol
biblondesubgal: lol yeah?
queenkendraxx: we look similar I think
queenkendraxx: you coud model if you wanted
queenkendraxx: My Maddeline is 5.5 too
queenkendraxx: lol ***** ****
biblondesubgal: hehe thank you i wish lol
queenkendraxx: have a pic of your alyssa?
biblondesubgal: sry i dont
queenkendraxx: its cool
queenkendraxx: wanna see maddeline on display?
biblondesubgal: hehe love to
queenkendraxx: what do you think?
biblondesubgal: i dont see
queenkendraxx: it is
queenkendraxx: on my avatar
queenkendraxx: on the convo window, see now?
biblondesubgal: no accept my friend request
queenkendraxx: ur on my buddy list already hmm
queenkendraxx: should I just put it on photo share?
queenkendraxx: DOn't save her pic ok?
biblondesubgal: i wont save it
queenkendraxx: She told me she is sensitive about people seeing her, I know you won't
queenkendraxx: she wants to know what words come to mind  when you see her face
queenkendraxx: if you think she looks femme
biblondesubgal: yes maam
queenkendraxx: ol Kellie
queenkendraxx: you can be a lil submissive
queenkendraxx: it is cute
biblondesubgal: im sorry lol kendra
queenkendraxx: you are impressed by my gorgeous body, huh?
biblondesubgal: i love it
queenkendraxx: I am Miss Perfect hehe
biblondesubgal: hehe well i cant argue that
queenkendraxx: what do you think of the midde one?
biblondesubgal: looks cute you dont have him in a wig nd makeup do you?
queenkendraxx: no he wears anties though
queenkendraxx: think he would look cute in a wig?
biblondesubgal: hehe you should fully dress hi
queenkendraxx: think he looks femme
queenkendraxx: and radiant?
biblondesubgal: i think with some make  up a wig hes be a very pretty girl
queenkendraxx: yes
queenkendraxx: think he has a femme smile?
biblondesubgal: yes maam
biblondesubgal: shyt kendra
queenkendraxx: lol I have a pic of his ***** **** too
biblondesubgal:
queenkendraxx: Do you have others lovers besidses Jayquan?
queenkendraxx: so you love to shop at victorias secret?
queenkendraxx: what do you usually get there?
biblondesubgal: its daquan lol
queenkendraxx: where did kellie go?
biblondesubgal: i dont shop there often to expensive lol
biblondesubgal: i am kellie lol the man is dauan not jayquan
queenkendraxx: ooh I see
queenkendraxx: lol my bad Dauan
queenkendraxx: lol my bad
queenkendraxx: lol u will laugh when you see Maddeline's ****
biblondesubgal: its ok your cute enough to kmake up for it
queenkendraxx: u2 love your smile
biblondesubgal: awe thank you
queenkendraxx: want to make him your cuck hubby one day?
biblondesubgal: i think hes basically there
queenkendraxx: lol nice
queenkendraxx: maddeline goes to a 35 yr old female therapist
queenkendraxx: and she tells her all about feeling inferior to alpha males
queenkendraxx: and wanting to be a woman, lol
biblondesubgal: hehe you did that to her huh
queenkendraxx: yes she cries
queenkendraxx: in front of the therapist
queenkendraxx: wonerful, huh?
biblondesubgal: you want to get her clittlky a real ******
queenkendraxx: hehe well
queenkendraxx: she has thought of having her ***** sack removed
queenkendraxx: she even told the therapist she said
biblondesubgal: hehe you ruined her that makes me wanna kiss you lol
queenkendraxx: heheh I totally own her
queenkendraxx: beautiful, huh?
biblondesubgal: it is so beautiful. allyssa wants to know if ill let her back
queenkendraxx: hmm maybe in a bit
queenkendraxx: wanna see Maddeline's ****?
biblondesubgal: please miss
queenkendraxx: lol 5.5
queenkendraxx: she said she took it with her ipad
biblondesubgal: its so cute
queenkendraxx: that is why there is a weird angle
queenkendraxx: so small, huh?
biblondesubgal: yes well my girls the same size i  think yours is thicker
queenkendraxx: isy bitsyteenie tiny
queenkendraxx: hehehe
biblondesubgal: hehe can i finger?
queenkendraxx: do you do that to her alot?
biblondesubgal: i dont have one yet i have one on order
queenkendraxx: hehe I do
queenkendraxx: a bbc *******?
biblondesubgal: its black like 10in pretty thick
queenkendraxx: I got her an 8 in brown one too that vibrates
queenkendraxx: mmm will **** her so deep
queenkendraxx: yuuummmmmm I have been with him!
biblondesubgal: vibrates? shoot use that on me
biblondesubgal: wow are you loose? lol
queenkendraxx: lol it was a whil ago but
queenkendraxx: mmm love him
queenkendraxx: ehe you look up to me
queenkendraxx: huh kellie?
biblondesubgal: i couldnt even get that in my mouth
queenkendraxx: how much can you *******?
biblondesubgal: 7.5 in
queenkendraxx: oh mi gosh
queenkendraxx: 7 4 me hehe
queenkendraxx: I sometimes make maddeline practice
queenkendraxx: on bananas
biblondesubgal: hehe that guy almost made me puke
queenkendraxx: when she is not practicing on BBC
queenkendraxx: cause Maddeline is so ugly?
biblondesubgal: i make alyssa practice on my ****** after i use them
biblondesubgal: no lol the guy i deepthroated
queenkendraxx: oh
queenkendraxx: hehe I know they *** soooo much
queenkendraxx: I love it soaking my face
queenkendraxx: yummmmm
queenkendraxx: lol I am making Maddeline practie
queenkendraxx: practice on her banana now
biblondesubgal: hehe hot my ***** is peaking at me through the droor crack
queenkendraxx: lol *****
queenkendraxx: you two have your own place
queenkendraxx: are you at a college dorm
queenkendraxx: or apartment?
biblondesubgal: apartment
queenkendraxx: I should make Maddeline
queenkendraxx: ******* her banana
queenkendraxx: on cam for you, haha
biblondesubgal: oh my gosh id get so wet
queenkendraxx: let me get her, and you can speak to her for a few mins and she can put on a show
queenkendraxx: would you enjoy that Kellie?
biblondesubgal: i would love that miss kendra
queenkendraxx: I am so wet too
queenkendraxx: I have my little rabbit vibe
biblondesubgal: hehe im just using my fingers
queenkendraxx: she is getting the banana one sec she is coming
biblondesubgal: hehe she a good girl for you
queenkendraxx: Hi Miss Kellie
queenkendraxx: This is Maddeline
queenkendraxx: Should I keep writing in this pink?
biblondesubgal: hey girl you dont have to call me miss
biblondesubgal: yes its a good color for you
queenkendraxx: just Kellie or what?
queenkendraxx: I feel like I am being disrespecful
queenkendraxx: I saw your pic and you are so gorgeous
biblondesubgal: you can call me kellie its ok. thanks i wanna eat your girl out
queenkendraxx: yes my Mistress
queenkendraxx: you love BBC
queenkendraxx: like my mistress?
biblondesubgal: yes are yougoing to show me what youve been practicing with your bananna?
queenkendraxx: uhh yes
queenkendraxx: may I touch my ****
queenkendraxx: as I do it?
biblondesubgal: well ask your mistress
queenkendraxx: she said for this show you can decide for me
biblondesubgal: lets not do it right now
bi

"I can’t figure it out.” She said.
“I like cigars,
and pretty dresses and crossing my legs.”
She paused,
then continued,
“And I like smoking cigars in pretty dresses while crossing my legs.”
She uncrossed them,
then crossed them again.
One smooth limb over the other.
Just like that.

“But I never seem to have a lighter on hand.
Could you— sir,
please light my cigar?”
“You see, I have no pockets to hold such things and my purse…
Well,
You’ve confiscated that, haven’t you?”

“Thanks.” She breathed,
and inhaled,
and exhaled;
Sluggish wisps of smoke dissipating into the air.
Just. like .that.

“I didn’t know L'homme was into women who smoke cigars in pretty dresses while crossing their legs", She said.
“I mean, how was I to know?
I only noticed him noticing me.
It was probably the way my hair was tousled like so,
Or how my lipstick shone a deep, dangerous rogue,
Or the way I sipped at my champagne…
That made him walk over.”

“But I never asked him to light my cigar
Or comment on my dress…
Or stroke my legs.
So when I whacked him up top over the head with my glass,
I bet he never expected it to shatter and split his skull like so.
He dropped so sudden, sir. I…”
Another ringlet of smoke, a sigh, an uncrossing and crossing of legs again.
“I had no clue,
what else to do,
But to sit still in my pretty dress, with my legs crossed, smoking my cigar trying to figure out...
Just how I'd committed ******.”

Moi femme
You are very special for me
I want to tell that I just love you
Moi femme
I love your beautiful smile
So please smile more often
For me
I don't like people that is seriously
I am telling you the truth
Moi femme
I will never brake your heart Moi femme
You  are somebody of my dreams
Every night when I sleep
I dream with you
And the dream is very vivid
That is how I see it
Moi femme
I want to spend the whole day
With you
Swimming at the beach
That is because it is a hot day
In this **** Summer
Also we haven't had any days of rain
During this Summer
We booth try to spend our times together
During the summer
Moi femme
I will never argue with you
Or brake your heart
Moi femme
I am so afraid that I could lose you some day
So I try to treat you with respect
Moi femme
I want to spend my whole life with you
Moi femme
I just don't know how much I love you
Moi femme
I pray every night for you
Moi femme
We want live forever
We will die one day
And Go to heaven
So first we must live our lives to the fullest
And enjoy every minute of it
It was God that made as with his holy hands
And placed as here on earth to live
We both love the earth very much
I know that we are killing the earth
And all the marine life is dying
Also I have notice that they will be an endanger specie

Moi femme
You are very special for me
I want to tell that I just love you
Moi femme
I love your beautiful smile
So please smile more often
For me
I don't like people that is seriously
I am telling you the truth
Moi femme
I will never brake your heart Moi femme
You  are somebody of my dreams
Every night when I sleep
I dream with you
And the dream is very vivid
That is how I see it
Moi femme
I want to spend the whole day
With you
Swimming at the beach
That is because it is a hot day
In this **** Summer
Also we haven't had any days of rain
During this Summer
We booth try to spend our times together
During the summer
Moi femme
I will never argue with you
Or brake your heart
Moi femme
I am so afraid that I could lose you some day
So I try to treat you with respect
Moi femme
I want to spend my whole life with you
Moi femme
I just don't know how much I love you
Moi femme
I pray every night for you
Moi femme
We want live forever
We will die one day
And Go to heaven
So first we must live our lives to the fullest
And enjoy every minute of it
It was God that made as with his holy hands
And placed as here on earth to live
We both love the earth very much
I know that we are killing the earth
And all the marine life is dying
Also I have notice that they will be an endanger specie

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
’Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other’s tale—
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations-worm and savage otherwise,—
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue— to the scandal of The ***!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges— even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it cames that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.

« Vraiment, ma chère, vous me fatiguez sans mesure et sans pitié ; on dirait, à vous entendre soupirer, que vous souffrez plus que les glaneuses sexagénaires et que les vieilles mendiantes qui ramassent des croûtes de pain à la porte des cabarets.

« Si au moins vos soupirs exprimaient le remords, ils vous feraient quelque honneur ; mais ils ne traduisent que la satiété du bien-être et l'accablement du repos. Et puis, vous ne cessez de vous répandre en paroles inutiles : « Aimez-moi bien ! j'en ai tant besoin ! Consolez-moi par-ci, caressez-moi par-là ! » Tenez, je veux essayer de vous guérir ; nous en trouverons peut-être le moyen, pour deux sols, au milieu d'une fête, et sans aller bien ****.

« Considérons bien, je vous prie, cette solide cage de fer derrière laquelle s'agite, hurlant comme un damné, secouant les barreaux comme un orang-outang exaspéré par l'exil, imitant, dans la perfection, tantôt les bonds circulaires du tigre, tantôt les dandinements stupides de l'ours blanc, ce monstre poilu dont la forme imite assez vaguement la vôtre.

« Ce monstre est un de ces animaux qu'on appelle généralement « mon ange ! » c'est-à-dire une femme. L'autre monstre, celui qui crie à tue-tête, un bâton à la main, est un mari. Il a enchaîné sa femme légitime comme une bête, et il la montre dans les faubourgs, les jours de foire, avec permission des magistrats, cela va sans dire.

« Faites bien attention ! Voyez avec quelle voracité (non simulée peut-être !) elle déchire des lapins vivants et des volailles pialliantes que lui jette son cornac. « Allons, dit-il, il ne faut pas manger tout son bien en un jour, » et, sur cette sage parole, il lui arrache cruellement la proie, dont les boyaux dévidés restent un instant accrochés aux dents de la bête féroce, de la femme, veux-je dire.

« Allons ! un bon coup de bâton pour la calmer ! car elle darde des yeux terribles de convoitise sur la nourriture enlevée. Grand Dieu ! le bâton n'est pas un bâton de comédie, avez-vous entendu résonner la chair, malgré le poil postiche ? Aussi les yeux lui sortent maintenant de la tête, elle hurle plus naturellement. Dans sa rage, elle étincelle tout entière, comme le fer qu'on bat.

« Telles sont les mœurs conjugales de ces deux descendants d'Ève et d'Adam, ces œuvres de vos mains, ô mon Dieu ! Cette femme est incontestablement malheureuse, quoique après tout, peut-être, les jouissances titillantes de la gloire ne lui soient pas inconnues. Il y a des malheurs plus irrémédiables, et sans compensation. Mais dans le monde où elle a été jetée, elle n'a jamais pu croire que la femme méritât une autre destinée.

« Maintenant, à nous deux, chère précieuse ! À voir les enfers dont le monde est peuplé, que voulez-vous que je pense de votre joli enfer, vous qui ne reposez que sur des étoffes aussi douces que votre peau, qui ne mangez que de la viande cuite, et pour qui un domestique habile prend soin de découper les morceaux ?

« Et que peuvent signifier pour moi tous ces petits soupirs qui gonflent votre poitrine parfumée, robuste coquette ? Et toutes ces affectations apprises dans les livres, et cette infatigable mélancolie, faite pour inspirer au spectateur un tout autre sentiment que la pitié ? En vérité, il me prend quelquefois envie de vous apprendre ce que c'est que le vrai malheur.

« À vous voir ainsi, ma belle délicate, les pieds dans la fange et les yeux tournés vaporeusement vers le ciel, comme pour lui demander un roi, on dirait vraisemblablement une jeune grenouille qui invoquerait l'idéal. Si vous méprisez le soliveau (ce que je suis maintenant, comme vous savez bien), gare la grue qui vous croquera, vous gobera et vous tuera à son plaisir !

« Tant poète que je sois, je ne suis pas aussi dupe que vous voudriez le croire, et si vous me fatiguez trop souvent de vos precieuses pleurnicheries, je vous traiterai en femme sauvage, ou le vous jetterai par la fenêtre, comme une bouteille vide. »

Le poète

Le mal dont j'ai souffert s'est enfui comme un rêve.
Je n'en puis comparer le lointain souvenir
Qu'à ces brouillards légers que l'aurore soulève,
Et qu'avec la rosée on voit s'évanouir.

La muse

Qu'aviez-vous donc, ô mon poète !
Et quelle est la peine secrète
Qui de moi vous a séparé ?
Hélas ! je m'en ressens encore.
Quel est donc ce mal que j'ignore
Et dont j'ai si longtemps pleuré ?

Le poète

C'était un mal vulgaire et bien connu des hommes ;
Mais, lorsque nous avons quelque ennui dans le coeur,
Nous nous imaginons, pauvres fous que nous sommes,
Que personne avant nous n'a senti la douleur.

La muse

Il n'est de vulgaire chagrin
Que celui d'une âme vulgaire.
Ami, que ce triste mystère
S'échappe aujourd'hui de ton sein.
Crois-moi, parle avec confiance ;
Le sévère dieu du silence
Est un des frères de la Mort ;
En se plaignant on se console,
Et quelquefois une parole
Nous a délivrés d'un remord.

Le poète

S'il fallait maintenant parler de ma souffrance,
Je ne sais trop quel nom elle devrait porter,
Si c'est amour, folie, orgueil, expérience,
Ni si personne au monde en pourrait profiter.
Je veux bien toutefois t'en raconter l'histoire,
Puisque nous voilà seuls, assis près du foyer.
Prends cette lyre, approche, et laisse ma mémoire
Au son de tes accords doucement s'éveiller.

La muse

Avant de me dire ta peine,
Ô poète ! en es-tu guéri ?
Songe qu'il t'en faut aujourd'hui
Parler sans amour et sans haine.
S'il te souvient que j'ai reçu
Le doux nom de consolatrice,
Ne fais pas de moi la complice
Des passions qui t'ont perdu,

Le poète

Je suis si bien guéri de cette maladie,
Que j'en doute parfois lorsque j'y veux songer ;
Et quand je pense aux lieux où j'ai risqué ma vie,
J'y crois voir à ma place un visage étranger.
Muse, sois donc sans crainte ; au souffle qui t'inspire
Nous pouvons sans péril tous deux nous confier.
Il est doux de pleurer, il est doux de sourire
Au souvenir des maux qu'on pourrait oublier.

La muse

Comme une mère vigilante
Au berceau d'un fils bien-aimé,
Ainsi je me penche tremblante
Sur ce coeur qui m'était fermé.
Parle, ami, - ma lyre attentive
D'une note faible et plaintive
Suit déjà l'accent de ta voix,
Et dans un rayon de lumière,
Comme une vision légère,
Passent les ombres d'autrefois.

Le poète

Jours de travail ! seuls jours où j'ai vécu !
Ô trois fois chère solitude !
Dieu soit loué, j'y suis donc revenu,
À ce vieux cabinet d'étude !
Pauvre réduit, murs tant de fois déserts,
Fauteuils poudreux, lampe fidèle,
Ô mon palais, mon petit univers,
Et toi, Muse, ô jeune immortelle,
Dieu soit loué, nous allons donc chanter !
Oui, je veux vous ouvrir mon âme,
Vous saurez tout, et je vais vous conter
Le mal que peut faire une femme ;
Car c'en est une, ô mes pauvres amis
(Hélas ! vous le saviez peut-être),
C'est une femme à qui je fus soumis,
Comme le serf l'est à son maître.
Joug détesté ! c'est par là que mon coeur
Perdit sa force et sa jeunesse ;
Et cependant, auprès de ma maîtresse,
J'avais entrevu le bonheur.
Près du ruisseau, quand nous marchions ensemble,
Le soir, sur le sable argentin,
Quand devant nous le blanc spectre du tremble
De **** nous montrait le chemin ;
Je vois encore, aux rayons de la lune,
Ce beau corps plier dans mes bras...
N'en parlons plus... - je ne prévoyais pas
Où me conduirait la Fortune.
Sans doute alors la colère des dieux
Avait besoin d'une victime ;
Car elle m'a puni comme d'un crime
D'avoir essayé d'être heureux.

La muse

L'image d'un doux souvenir
Vient de s'offrir à ta pensée.
Sur la trace qu'il a laissée
Pourquoi crains-tu de revenir ?
Est-ce faire un récit fidèle
Que de renier ses beaux jours ?
Si ta fortune fut cruelle,
Jeune homme, fais du moins comme elle,
Souris à tes premiers amours.

Le poète

Non, - c'est à mes malheurs que je prétends sourire.  
Muse, je te l'ai dit : je veux, sans passion,
Te conter mes ennuis, mes rêves, mon délire,
Et t'en dire le temps, l'heure et l'occasion.
C'était, il m'en souvient, par une nuit d'automne,
Triste et froide, à peu près semblable à celle-ci ;
Le murmure du vent, de son bruit monotone,
Dans mon cerveau lassé berçait mon noir souci.
J'étais à la fenêtre, attendant ma maîtresse ;
Et, tout en écoutant dans cette obscurité,
Je me sentais dans l'âme une telle détresse
Qu'il me vint le soupçon d'une infidélité.
La rue où je logeais était sombre et déserte ;
Quelques ombres passaient, un falot à la main ;
Quand la bise sifflait dans la porte entr'ouverte,
On entendait de **** comme un soupir humain.
Je ne sais, à vrai dire, à quel fâcheux présage
Mon esprit inquiet alors s'abandonna.
Je rappelais en vain un reste de courage,
Et me sentis frémir lorsque l'heure sonna.
Elle ne venait pas. Seul, la tête baissée,
Je regardai longtemps les murs et le chemin,
Et je ne t'ai pas dit quelle ardeur insensée
Cette inconstante femme allumait en mon sein ;
Je n'aimais qu'elle au monde, et vivre un jour sans elle
Me semblait un destin plus affreux que la mort.
Je me souviens pourtant qu'en cette nuit cruelle
Pour briser mon lien je fis un long effort.
Je la nommai cent fois perfide et déloyale,
Je comptai tous les maux qu'elle m'avait causés.
Hélas ! au souvenir de sa beauté fatale,
Quels maux et quels chagrins n'étaient pas apaisés !
Le jour parut enfin. - Las d'une vaine attente,
Sur le bord du balcon je m'étais assoupi ;
Je rouvris la paupière à l'aurore naissante,
Et je laissai flotter mon regard ébloui.
Tout à coup, au détour de l'étroite ruelle,
J'entends sur le gravier marcher à petit bruit...
Grand Dieu ! préservez-moi ! je l'aperçois, c'est elle ;
Elle entre. - D'où viens-tu ? Qu'as-tu fait cette nuit ?
Réponds, que me veux-tu ? qui t'amène à cette heure ?
Ce beau corps, jusqu'au jour, où s'est-il étendu ?
Tandis qu'à ce balcon, seul, je veille et je pleure,
En quel lieu, dans quel lit, à qui souriais-tu ?
Perfide ! audacieuse ! est-il encor possible
Que tu viennes offrir ta bouche à mes baisers ?
Que demandes-tu donc ? par quelle soif horrible
Oses-tu m'attirer dans tes bras épuisés ?
Va-t'en, retire-toi, spectre de ma maîtresse !
Rentre dans ton tombeau, si tu t'en es levé ;
Laisse-moi pour toujours oublier ma jeunesse,
Et, quand je pense à toi, croire que j'ai rêvé !

La muse

Apaise-toi, je t'en conjure ;
Tes paroles m'ont fait frémir.
Ô mon bien-aimé ! ta blessure
Est encor prête à se rouvrir.
Hélas ! elle est donc bien profonde ?
Et les misères de ce monde
Sont si lentes à s'effacer !
Oublie, enfant, et de ton âme
Chasse le nom de cette femme,
Que je ne veux pas prononcer.

Le poète

Honte à toi qui la première
M'as appris la trahison,
Et d'horreur et de colère
M'as fait perdre la raison !
Honte à toi, femme à l'oeil sombre,
Dont les funestes amours
Ont enseveli dans l'ombre
Mon printemps et mes beaux jours !
C'est ta voix, c'est ton sourire,
C'est ton regard corrupteur,
Qui m'ont appris à maudire
Jusqu'au semblant du bonheur ;
C'est ta jeunesse et tes charmes
Qui m'ont fait désespérer,
Et si je doute des larmes,
C'est que je t'ai vu pleurer.
Honte à toi, j'étais encore
Aussi simple qu'un enfant ;
Comme une fleur à l'aurore,
Mon coeur s'ouvrait en t'aimant.
Certes, ce coeur sans défense
Put sans peine être abusé ;
Mais lui laisser l'innocence
Était encor plus aisé.
Honte à toi ! tu fus la mère
De mes premières douleurs,
Et tu fis de ma paupière
Jaillir la source des pleurs !
Elle coule, sois-en sûre,
Et rien ne la tarira ;
Elle sort d'une blessure
Qui jamais ne guérira ;
Mais dans cette source amère
Du moins je me laverai,
Et j'y laisserai, j'espère,
Ton souvenir abhorré !

La muse

Poète, c'est assez. Auprès d'une infidèle,
Quand ton illusion n'aurait duré qu'un jour,
N'outrage pas ce jour lorsque tu parles d'elle ;
Si tu veux être aimé, respecte ton amour.
Si l'effort est trop grand pour la faiblesse humaine
De pardonner les maux qui nous viennent d'autrui,
Épargne-toi du moins le tourment de la haine ;
À défaut du pardon, laisse venir l'oubli.
Les morts dorment en paix dans le sein de la terre :
Ainsi doivent dormir nos sentiments éteints.
Ces reliques du coeur ont aussi leur poussière ;
Sur leurs restes sacrés ne portons pas les mains.
Pourquoi, dans ce récit d'une vive souffrance,
Ne veux-tu voir qu'un rêve et qu'un amour trompé ?
Est-ce donc sans motif qu'agit la Providence
Et crois-tu donc distrait le Dieu qui t'a frappé ?
Le coup dont tu te plains t'a préservé peut-être,
Enfant ; car c'est par là que ton coeur s'est ouvert.
L'homme est un apprenti, la douleur est son maître,
Et nul ne se connaît tant qu'il n'a pas souffert.
C'est une dure loi, mais une loi suprême,
Vieille comme le monde et la fatalité,
Qu'il nous faut du malheur recevoir le baptême,
Et qu'à ce triste prix tout doit être acheté.
Les moissons pour mûrir ont besoin de rosée ;
Pour vivre et pour sentir l'homme a besoin des pleurs ;
La joie a pour symbole une plante brisée,
Humide encor de pluie et couverte de fleurs.
Ne te disais-tu pas guéri de ta folie ?
N'es-tu pas jeune, heureux, partout le bienvenu ?
Et ces plaisirs légers qui font aimer la vie,
Si tu n'avais pleuré, quel cas en ferais-tu ?
Lorsqu'au déclin du jour, assis sur la bruyère,
Avec un vieil ami tu bois en liberté,
Dis-moi, d'aussi bon coeur lèverais-tu ton verre,
Si tu n'avais senti le prix de la gaîté ?
Aimerais-tu les fleurs, les prés et la verdure,
Les sonnets de Pétrarque et le chant des oiseaux,
Michel-Ange et les arts, Shakspeare et la nature,
Si tu n'y retrouvais quelques anciens sanglots ?
Comprendrais-tu des cieux l'ineffable harmonie,
Le silence des nuits, le murmure des flots,
Si quelque part là-bas la fièvre et l'insomnie
Ne t'avaient fait songer à l'éternel repos ?
N'as-tu pas maintenant une belle maîtresse ?
Et, lorsqu'en t'endormant tu lui serres la main,
Le lointain souvenir des maux de ta jeunesse
Ne rend-il pas plus doux son sourire divin ?
N'allez-vous pas aussi vous promener ensemble
Au fond des bois fleuris, sur le sable argentin ?
Et, dans ce vert palais, le blanc spectre du tremble
Ne sait-il plus, le soir, vous montrer le chemin ?
Ne vois-tu pas alors, aux rayons de la lune,
Plier comme autrefois un beau corps dans tes bras,
Et si dans le sentier tu trouvais la Fortune,
Derrière elle, en chantant, ne marcherais-tu pas ?
De quoi te plains-tu donc ? L'immortelle espérance
S'est retrempée en toi sous la main du malheur.
Pourquoi veux-tu haïr ta jeune expérience,
Et détester un mal qui t'a rendu meilleur ?
Ô mon enfant ! plains-la, cette belle infidèle,
Qui fit couler jadis les larmes de tes yeux ;
Plains-la ! c'est une femme, et Dieu t'a fait, près d'elle,
Deviner, en souffrant, le secret des heureux.
Sa tâche fut pénible ; elle t'aimait peut-être ;
Mais le destin voulait qu'elle brisât ton coeur.
Elle savait la vie, et te l'a fait connaître ;
Une autre a recueilli le fruit de ta douleur.
Plains-la ! son triste amour a passé comme un songe ;
Elle a vu ta blessure et n'a pu la fermer.
Dans ses larmes, crois-moi, tout n'était pas mensonge.
Quand tout l'aurait été, plains-la ! tu sais aimer.

Le poète

Tu dis vrai : la haine est impie,
Et c'est un frisson plein d'horreur
Quand cette vipère assoupie
Se déroule dans notre coeur.
Écoute-moi donc, ô déesse !
Et sois témoin de mon serment :
Par les yeux bleus de ma maîtresse,
Et par l'azur du firmament ;
Par cette étincelle brillante
Qui de Vénus porte le nom,
Et, comme une perle tremblante,
Scintille au **** sur l'horizon ;
Par la grandeur de la nature,
Par la bonté du Créateur,
Par la clarté tranquille et pure
De l'astre cher au voyageur.
Par les herbes de la prairie,
Par les forêts, par les prés verts,
Par la puissance de la vie,
Par la sève de l'univers,
Je te bannis de ma mémoire,
Reste d'un amour insensé,
Mystérieuse et sombre histoire
Qui dormiras dans le passé !
Et toi qui, jadis, d'une amie
Portas la forme et le doux nom,
L'instant suprême où je t'oublie
Doit être celui du pardon.
Pardonnons-nous ; - je romps le charme
Qui nous unissait devant Dieu.
Avec une dernière larme
Reçois un éternel adieu.
- Et maintenant, blonde rêveuse,
Maintenant, Muse, à nos amours !
Dis-moi quelque chanson joyeuse,
Comme au premier temps des beaux jours.
Déjà la pelouse embaumée
Sent les approches du matin ;
Viens éveiller ma bien-aimée,
Et cueillir les fleurs du jardin.
Viens voir la nature immortelle
Sortir des voiles du sommeil ;
Nous allons renaître avec elle
Au premier rayon du soleil !