I want to tell you that your beautiful,
inside and out.
but I think lately I've come to the realization,
that the only beauty I care about,
comes from within.

Now my voice may not be the loudest,
and I really hope that it is not drowned out,
because I want to tell you that
being judged for something you are born with
is a disadvantage for us at all

Also, please stop telling me that "I know beauty doesn't matter.".
Because, if it didn't matter then why to advertisers make millions every year selling women makeup.
Why does society try to sell me this illusion of the perfect woman?

If our country focused less on our apperance then there would be a lot less self-hatred
and much higher self-esteem
and so much less eating disorders

So I want to start a resolution,
no more telling someone their beautiful,
just based on appearance.
If I want to tell someone they are beautiful,
only it's because I know that their actions,
and decisions, and personality,
are really truly beautiful.
So I wanted to start with you.

Meet someone in a perfect timing and a perfect reason is everyone's wishlist
But the reality is just *****
There's no coincidence at all
If you want to meet, just say it
If you miss him, just call him
If you need, just ask
If you love him, just let him know the truth

Well, I believe in a quote ;
"Coincidence. That's an explanation used by fools and liars."
Well, lately I've been finding a lot of dating app
Which always say that meeting someone is just easy as downloading the app, faster than you think.
Wow
Just wow
You can't just easily trust anybody among their social media, like
Photos, status, bio, that's all lies
They just wanted to prove that they have a good apperance so they can get a lot of chats
But it's okay, 'cause at least they try an effort.

Besides there, I believe in quote ;
"People fall in love in a mysterious ways, maybe just a profile picture on instagram."
We don't know right?
We all do

Well
I'm just waiting here and hoping that there's a coincidence will come to me.


- dlx

Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: dear future self



Dear future self, 
i am writing this as a reminder of the misery associated with drug abuse.

At this point in my life i am addicted to heroine and crystal ****. I own nothing and live for a fix thats broken me down to a point that i can no longer stand on my own two feet. everyone i love has given up on me, and most of them cant stand to be in my presence, without feeling sick to their stomach. but i dont care because im to numb to feel. my emotions have become artificial only brought on by drugs. i live in a pretend world where my choices have no consequences, and my smile is only a side effect thats brought on by smoking crystal ****. i work everyday yet i have no coins in my pockets. its a struggle to wake up in the morning and my priorities are out of order, so badly that my beautiful son has been taken from me cause they deem me a bad influence, an unfit parent who cannot take care of him. i miss him so much its sickening . I try not to think because my problems are overwhelming. and im to high to deal because society does not accept what they do not understand . i wear sunglasses to sleep since im to ashamed to be seen, cause my eyes tell a story that i cant share with the public. lost touch with reality and love is nothing more than a word that i relate to painful memories. I must be crazy since i self inflict this misery. this day to day life i lead is a sad existance.and excuses mean nothing ten years later. time has passed me by i wasted life on getting high. i dont respect who iv become or any of the people i surround myself with and my best friend is heroine. sleep has become a luxury and its beggining to show in my apperance . im not the person i used to be iv changed drastically some for the better but im far from normal, my mind is constantly growing but with what iv witnessed, iv come to realize im my own worst enemy.

to whomever cares to listen or anyone who will even remotely understand,

i am not the person that you think i am and nor the person that my
apperance happens to give off. there is more to me than what meets
the eye. i am weaved together of cells and molecules and atoms and
genes to make this human being that several others fail to comprehend
and maybe the different assortment of my genes and molecules constructed
together is what makes you think that i am almost always hostile, but i am not.
maybe it's my crazy assortment of everything that happens to create me or
maybe something happened to cause such an inclined assumption, but let me
tell you one thing. as much as you you think i am full of hostility, i'm just as
much full of love and care. a lot of people may not think so, and a lot of the
time, i may not even think so myself, but it is true, as true as i or anyone will
make theirself believe. so maybe what i'm trying to get at here is, maybe
you should look deeper. take the time to analyze why i do the things i do. and
maybe give me the benefit of the doubt that i actually am a good person
(and a really good one at that) some people have taken the time do so and
i'm glad they did. but maybe that's what i need more of. for people to give me
the benefit of the doubt and to believe in me.  if you do, you'll see me care for
you and do that. can you do that?

sincerely,
the girl who is ALWAYS misuderstood

Wet Face Buried In the Pillow
At The lowest of the lowest

Couldn't prove them wrong
Couldn't make you proud
Couldn't make myself proud

Beginning to pick at my apperance
mentally loud
"Whats wrong with me"

Did what was expected of me and Failed
Weight of the world is on my shoulders

Feels like my heart is getting hammered through with nails
Hurt by EVERYTHING, Even the sky is turning gray

I prayed but the right knowledge
just never stayed

But on this note
things have to change

There's just some " Priorities" in life
that need to be re-arranged

It was another episode
Really coming from the bottom

Could I fall any deeper than this ?
*** those hardships ? I have em

To go from here
Things are coming that I cant even wrap my head around

But it's coming
i'll just sit here and listen to these surrounding sounds

When we're in a room
even at a distance
I feel you

When I close my eyes
I hear your laughter
your perfect voice blessing the air

When I block out the noise
I see your smile
the dimples almost clear to see
Your long lashes
The lush lips that I want
your apperance that warms me

When I open my heart
I feel yours
the heart that hurt me
only when I hurt it
the heart I want
it's beating that soothes me
and takes away every bit of pain

When we're in the same room
I know I love you
and every other part of you

im un aware sometimes
of just how ****** i can be

not realizing i push you away
arms working as seperate beings from my body
i dont mean to i swear

comments on my physical apperance
my body
my clothes
arm my defenses to have nothing
but a "*******" attitude
when i never should be like that
with you

it makes me quick
bitter

"i dont care"
meant
"what do you want me to do?"

because id do it all
id do anything for you




we've been home hours
in company of silence and small talk

when i should have apologized long ago
but this all just sounds like excuses

for me being the way i am


explanation for how sorry i am

oh, young robin, your daily apperance
I await
upon the rail, singing to the morning sun
and the newness of the day
stretch out your sleepy petals, beautiful rose
absorb the dew, capture the sunlight
as your fragrance lingers, for me and those
who've waited for you, from winter's night
the frozen piles that lay upon the corners
are dusted *****, the purest ****** white
melt away, to the dismay of winters mourners
the fragrance of spring, stimulates the mind
with each solo the robin sings
and each day the sun rises higher, we find
the warmth to start our new beginnings

There was a lover
Whose skin glowed and refelcted snow
whose eyes held the sea and a boat for the crossing
whose hair caught the suns gentle smile and waved
whose apperance was requested every night but only in the room of the others mind

She doesnt see her own beauty

She doesnt see the perfection in her stride

She doesnt see the plan for her life

She doesnt see how many people would cry if she was gone

She doesnt see me

I'm not friends with her

sadly

I only met her twice

and maybe if i didnt look at her apperance

and if i looked at her eyes

instead of her eyes shadow i would of seen

maybe if i practiced what i preached i would of noticed something

maybe if i wasnt stupid enough

to judge her on her clothes

I would of seen the pain

she was trying to hide

maybe if i didnt spend as much time critecing her lifestyle

I could of seen what her life was like at home

maybe instead of throwing her away

I could of looked in her eyes

Maybe if i wasnt so stupid

I could of seen

the one thing we both hide perfectly

She hides behind her apperance,the mask she was forced in. Everyone can see the outside, yet nobody can see within. Behind that costume shes wearing is a very wonderful girl. She doesn't deserve nothing, no she deserves the world. Anyone who doesn't see that must be terribly blind, because even a blind man can see her, because she is a wonderful person. All she needs to do is take off her mask.