teacher teacher, oh no what have you done as a college girl? What did you do to disgrace your families name? what regrets do you hold, if any? What mistakes did you make? is that man in the uniform as truly honorable as the uniform makes him look? Should I care for that man, respect him because of the tittle he carries, because of the tittle I was told he earned? Should  look up to that man in your little picture frame because he s gone, what things did he truly do or for that matter didn't do? oh my teacher teacher, I have so many questions but, it is not my place to ask but only, to ponder. For my teacher what will become of you, once you leave will my peers remember you for the way you taught, or for your picture frame, which would you want to be remembered for? oh my teacher teacher, I cannot help but wonder what will you move on to? Or wha did that man mean to you, what did he represent, obsessiveness, or smiles or even tears? oh teacher teacher, what secrets do you hold? oh my teacher teacher, why do you do what you do, do you regret this here occupation? oh my teacher teacher all I want is a glimpse of your brain for you are all to complexing than any boy I have yet to me, so dear me me my teacher teacher what is it you withhold , an ending or a chance? or fr that matter is is neither? of my dear teacher teacher, what is it you ponder?

Obsessiveness, it angers me;
Why does someone have to pick that one person that they won't leave alone that they apparently see no flaws in ? I hate it.
He bothers every inch of me:
If he walks past me I get a creeping shiver:
He stairs at me like I am diner;
I tried to be friends but he just doesn't understand;
He annoys me when he follows me around;
Migraines, he has made them consume me;
When he is around my stress level goes from a field of flowers to buried seven feet under! I want to scream and shout and let my stress seep out but all I can do now is sit and pout.

how the **** can i be angry when
you help yourself to what's left
after all love is
always the closest thing
to death

bethlehem is restless
terrorist holograms of mary teary unblessed when
death is living every day of your life forever breathless
breathing is all that is left in your chest when the stress hits
regresses to compressing aggressive obsessiveness
******* in pages to confess unspoken messages
the lightening and quiet screams promise me
they'll light my step through this
green grass in it's morning dress
uncaressed by pestilence
beth/rest
you're possessed by this

and the ghosts flitting between the trees
direct me to the places i must have seen in dreams
before i lost the connection to the earth long since
to the directionlessness of adolescence
every vibration left a crack
enough tremor to slide a pin in
and erzebet would visit my skin every night with rumplestilstkin
and they'd spin another needle through the muscle soft as linen,
they promised it would turn to gold, so long
as i stayed hidden at the loom in this prison

shoulders tightening as they thread it away
i look at the money in my minnie wallet and pray
everything safe always seems to go away in a flash
so perhaps it was just that nothing was ever safe
maybe they will leave if i say that i don't
believe in any of these ******* fairies anymore
but maybe i am older than the world is different
and they were just never fairies at all

it seemed to be such a small small place back then
when you could always cheat at LIFE
and run away and play pretend
in your imagination
didn't have to listen to anyone
now cops and parents hate you
and everyone wants to know
what college you've been in cause
surviving is neither irony nor blessing today
just simple catastrophe and endless dissarray

The weight comes on around
The time
The silence takes its toll and
The way she said she loved me with a grin and
The hair that fell in the wind made me believe that
The world was nothing but
The present

I ask nothing from no one and expect that
I, myself, will ask everything of
I
So in turn
I watch the crystallization of dreams where
I see that reality and fabrication are only the limits
I put on life in wake

You say that I live in a world only for me
You speak in a fog thicker than the grey of San Francisco
You ask if I'm o.k. when the breeze is only right
You speak of Russia and its corrupt politics
You see the horror and I see the coming grace

Like a tidal wave
Like the morning sun
Like these ticking clocks
That hang from crippled walls
Asking for forgiveness in a
Unforgiving

World

But I can make it through
Through all these lonesome blues
Because the weather is clearing
And there is no reason to be weary
Watch me as I go out of my mind
As I try to separate life and time
Where friends just act like their touch and go
When these days of mine just feel so' so'

I'm dressed at noon with the high sun in the sky
And I'm asking everyone I know for a ride
But the sea outside changes to a different tide
And the girl I loved is no longer on my side

I smile as I turn her image loose
And the cabin is wide as is the caboose
We are the treasure of the world
And we are the spreaders of the word
But the ugly heart is telling me
You have to fight to be really free

Sitting here stranded, the branded make their minds up
As this cup I am holding is neither empty nor full
To make the choice makes me think only of Joyce
For the free world is in a twirl as we vote for the goat
Or the free donkey that dances like a square sycophant

Where I'm near and coming up on the rear
Howling that "I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I'M HERE"
The sky spreads itself wide as the kite I hold
Blows only in a wind that I rightly know
And these times that press on me only seem to be
An excuse for the tired to quit and cry

I take the judgement
And see I have nothing left
Shattered to pieces
Thinking of reasons
To quit or carry on

And the distance I feel
With right or wrong
Is to only be answered
By whispers or an angel's song

I woke and I was thinking
That the dead are never blinking
And that this life is only sinking
See me rising, embrace this hope
As I push my body to breathe and cope
As I focus and adjust this rusted telescope

Oh my smile!
Oh my crooked soul!
Oh my laughing heart!
These tears are not for you
And they are not for me
They are not apart of any intricate scheme!

Observe the curve of my fleeting soul, into the wicked
Chilled fog that crawls across my skin
And into another world

Exhaling for only the sake of a
Life that accepts forgiveness
And sees that the sadness of its craziness
Only exists because of its obsessiveness

I'm fleeing to the forest
I see the horizon
I smell the scent of Orion
I believe in a being
That follows only kindness

There is something else I've realised
Realised recently
That when I get obsessed
Is all about me
I don't put myself in your shoes
Not thinking of your needs

So I'm taking a wee step back
And keeping track
Of my mental state of being
Noticing when my selfish trates
Surface and scream at me
Letting go and letting love
Enter into my being
Knowing that you love me
Is perfectly enough for me
❤️

i just came here for the whiskey and music,
the rest is zoology formerly known as darwinism, i.e.
logically me monkey you you monkey me
was going to be a rainforest and not a cage,
but the purring in o# gravitated us to
the stratosphere of talkative dinosaurs:
you know... no rain for millennia... then volcanic eruptions
and to the bone tattoos... i almost clapped with the t-rex
concerning our fate without theology; but god it was funny,
runny ***** too, i told the reptilian rejects (crocodiles and snakes and
leather boots) - ‘mind ‘em monkeys, they’ll start to juggle
a single sound into many and discover the steam engine and scalpel!
and depilate for the obsessiveness of ******* *** with politicians
singing - pinky pinky fold into knuckle, floyd my barber whisked up nirvana!’
yep... you just caught me with two watermelons and four flamingos
lodged in my armpits while i pursed my lips waiting for applied lipstick.
it's not that i think evolutionary biology is incorrect...
but for god's sake, i need the word for fluidity and the friday night cinematic stretching of legs knowing that no one made a career from talking crap
imitating a choir of gorillas hoping for a beatbox in the chest of the hidden seal’s applause.

****, it happened again,
where I pull my feelings out,
and put them back again,
my feelings shouldn't matter,
but apparently they can still get shattered.
comfortable, uncomfortable, and comfortable again,
it keeps happening the same, is it a shame or just lame?

I got it stuck in my head that all I wanna do is go to bed
holey socks shocks my classy mother,
who asks if I still wanna be a mother
Repetitiveness runs through me,
Obsessiveness comes ruining this so-called "life"
that I've come to live,
Cheers, I made it through another year,
is it really that important?

It's like shittin' on all my dreams
whenever I open my eyes,
let the pendulum swing
till it tells everything
feels like a little kid today,
but I keep hatin' away
police make me nervous,
maybe a little curious,
it's nice outside,
*******,
I like when it's like ice outside
hide your scars like you hide your feelings,
no one ever sees them,
everybody thinks you're fine,
and no one knows you're lyin'
hatin' on your body,
hatin' on your insides,
don't try callin' me,
you won't make it better,
shoot me in the foot,
it would hurt lesser
than the feelings I keep feeling,
****, I don't even listen.
I say things won't help because I've already tried them,
don't say it, I'm stubborn
I'm not gonna let you help
because I'm just a ******,
****, this *****,
roll a blunt, and just give up.

I don’t really believe in aliens
Only the ones in my head
I don’t believe in monsters
Except the demons under my bed

I’m sick and tired of feeling feelings
That I know they’re not
I’m living in a horror movie going on in my head
That I just can’t turn off
I don’t know why I have obsessiveness
It doesn’t really make sense because it’s not like I deserve this
Or do I?

Sometimes I can just drown myself in sad songs
And not even feel a **** thing
Some days I hear a love song
And I’ll cry until I can’t breathe

I’m not writing this to try to get pity
I’m just asking why the hell does my mind
Keep playing on repeat?

This keeps happening to me
I begin to fall
And I’m trying my hardest
To convince myself it’s not my fault

Just thinking about,
I begin to shiver
“Almost over night, my world began to darken
And hope seemed to wither”

Back in middle school, after I said I was depressed,
They made me sign a piece of paper that said I wouldn’t **** myself
But a piece of paper is just a piece of paper
Doesn’t make a difference, can you tell?

Yes, I’ve made some stupid, pathetic decisions
In the past that weren’t so wise
I’m just trying to find the welcome mat into my life

I used to think talking to her was the best thing,
The greatest victory I’m focused on
But it’s been two years and she went away
I’m okay with that so I guess you could say I’ve moved on

All those stupid things I said
Can’t believe I had the nerve
And God ******, I’m sick and tired
Of acting on an urge

One of the reasons this came back to get me
Is because I judge
Despite the fact that I go to church
And they tell me not to hold a grudge

So Father, heal me.
Forgive me of my shameful sins
Just rid me of hatred and all those demons
And just finally let my life begin

I grabbed the happiness
And choked you with my obsessiveness
My desperate attempt to keep you
Just pushed you away
And now I'm obsessing over the fact that I obsessed
I grabbed on to the only happiness in my sea of sad
Now I'm left here drowning
I guess I'm saying you were my life jacket
But I sunk myself trying to keep afloat
You wanted to stay and save me
Instead I just kept pushing myself under
With every obsessive thought
Every second guess
Every time I freaked out and sent you text after text
Asking the same questions over and over
I pushed you away as I pushed myself further under
And now I'm left in my sea of sadness
With only the memory of you

4:26 am
white ceiling
Cold floors
ain't got no miss calls
I got 1..  actually 2
but none from you .

white ceiling
cold floors
I keep trippin' I stopped counting my falls

This white ceiling
those cold floors
these phone texts
My obsessiveness  
I keep compressin' this
feeling into a tiny whole
Over it I built a wall
Why don't you ******* call !

This white ceiling
This COLD WORLD
understanding is getting old
There is so much scars I can close

This white ceiling
is so clear
That I let it go
I have no one in my heart that I hold dear
no more
thank you for making that clear
world .

Scratched up feelings
caused by my obsessiveness.
My unawareness of never
backing off
has broken the old lamp.
This room was a disaster to
begin with.
Everything fell out of place
due to what you said last night.
If my writing scared you,
my emotions were nothing you could handle,
and you were so overall uncomfortable,
thus not
my problem,
now only still a mess.
You are not one for me,
I'm leaving this old room in my head.
Old house,
with bills overflowing the counter.
I had hoped you would cry to understand I care.
Now I am only your worst nightmare since you close your eyes,
and I am in your head.
I am still writing now,
these poems are my babies.
I will always create and tend to my writings.
I just wanted you to see,
now you can't.
The room is dark
since you broke the lamp
that lit our friendship.
And I won't be one to fix it.
I will get a burn again.