31/12/2022

It’s the last day of the year, and I’ve had one extra depressive episode
because a 21 year old noped out, apparently I’m demiromantic
and have never had a crush
need a strong connection, when it’s there – it’s nothing
to reckon with, had I known
I’d have put more space between us, taken it slower
rather than convincing myself I have control, as it slips

I’m leaving another lover, wretched with stench
I look at their face in old pictures, becoming
afraid at their void expression, beard
they refuse to trim for me
so I daydream and I know
like, I know now, with therapy that

there is no magical himbo to save me,
no delusions about that, no boo, no more
but I also know I deserve some ******* comfort
after the hell, oh the hell
I can’t broach, if I **** it will burst
like a yolk, I’ll be dead by morning, oh and

he’s so beautiful
his eyes on me, his cautious fingers, fear and shudders
makes me feel like my best was not just good enough
my best was fascinating.
I want to tell him about my songs, mixing in studio 1
I wanna duet, and melt,
I want him on his knees at random words, I want
that worship, wanna feel
his piercing on my
everything,
want to give that worship
not just in a word document,
so I daydream, I get to.
I ******* get to if I need it, daydream about
whichever thing will never happen if I need it.

I will not be shamed for surviving
I will not be blinded to an oasis for the chance
it’s a mirage, I need to
get from place to place, boo
What shall I do as I heal? Drink? Drugs? ******* cigarettes?
did you know the internet says I’ll die at 67?
Little more than half now
my life is not shortened by zoning out -
If I want a muse I will have a ******* muse, and he can think
I’m crazy along with the rest of them,
****
if
I
care,  
I want him to come here.
                                    I want to ask him questions, reasonable questions
because I know I would:
                                                          ­             is this an impulsive decision?
have you broken up?
                                                                ­                               how long ago?
are you in therapy?
                                            I am **** demisexual,
                                                  even in my mind,
                                              especially in my mind
Do       you      want      me      or      do       you       want      polyamory?
Because I can be anyone, and I have already been
                                                         an experiment for some guy, ‘fore he  
                                                            gets­ a bi curious, monogamous girl
Because we can grow alongside one another, but not fix
each other
because you need to process
because if you’re with her, she wouldn’t have a reason other than “my boyfriend really wants to” and that is the worst reason for polyamory, and I am not nor have ever been in the business of hurting people with intent (excluding  grade school, ((I’m
sorry, Martina – double sorry you died from
leukemia,) excluding when you c o n s e n t )),  
I’d like you to answer all of those, then
maybe I get to hold you.

That’s my daydream. Holding you. Watching films, you commenting on them the way I’ve done and annoyed all of my lovers.

how your neck would smell

                                      how your hair and head would feel in my hands

how you’d shiver and breathe shallow, and how easily
I could make it calm.  

and yeah, subspacing you and using your body, I am not entirely ace.

I drew the word "pride"
But it's the Pan flag.
Underneath it it's the same
But it's a trans flag
I couldn't draw a demiromantic and/or a genderflux flag with chalk.
Now we wait for my parents to see

To say, "Love is an art is a dream." to that of which we cannot say, "Hatred is an art form of nightmares." I don't know where in dream psychology I am referencing but I know these are the quotes I choose to live by. And I am a demiromantic bi. So I love my girl with my heart, soul and mind. Chels the Angel of my ever spreading fire within my heart.
The Art of True Love is to be selfless, self sacrificing, self loving and self confident within that relationship. Within 7 months she and I will be engaged again. I am willing to wait 2 years for her to finish her physician degree. While I get known as an local poet of my religious small town. I work with the Art Man. And I know that sounds weird but he is a really good elder of my small town. I trust him with my poems.

It is cold and green. My entire life is confusing.
I am a demiromantic bisexual.
Happy Pride Month! Who wants fresh sarcasm?!
Life is Gay(Sarcasm).

My abusive ex-boyfriend were in the Quad Cities and this was a year ago. It was December of the Gays.
The Peppermint Latte was so Gay it was chilly in the Starbucks.
I love being a demiromantic bisexual. And it ruthlessly annoyed him Kenneth Darkheart Jr.

Randomness. Flirting.
Being a demiromantic bisexual.
This is my queer life. Gay is an insult in the Midwest but I take it as a compliment. To get too close to someone is terrifying to me as a person but you get used to them living with you.
It's freeing, it's thrilling and they notice the small details about you.
It's fun and dangerous, commitment is. Because to love someone is worth all the **** you go through together as a couple.
I regret nothing. And I never will.
So rebel and live with yourself as mad you may be.