Deaden
eat the anesthetic
immobilize
you've swallowed the sickness
tense
and digest
realize
the condition is terminal
if you keep on
this prosthetic infection
numb
gone to affection
substantial reality
unfeigned
you're taking wired
deceit
and tainted
addictive
lies
hollow promises
that fade out
and two time your eyes
that engorge in getting progressively
horrendous
planting a holocaust within your
insides
that hurts
that stains
that agonizes
the many around you
those few close to you
ripping them up
destroying that one that would do anything
for you
their lives
and yes you too
it doesn't forget
it can't
it takes it all into account
even when you don't
when you can't
it gleefully watches the struggle
the diseased suffering
and you keep on trekking that
self destructive trail
in the midst of a mist
so unsure
and insecure
keeping you grounded
in a life that's actually not
and it's turning those
in sequence
to actually nots
recall?
but you don't
or can't
who can tell?
but
instead of ruining
this real world
live what's actually there
face it
with them
and yourself
as just yourself
even with the little
painsake mistakes
there's a
glistening future ahead
refine time
to be here
awake
nothing else
but you
alive

(For Black History Month 1998)


i have a wish
to be profound...
   to be proud and stronger
   and carry myself like the **** poets on Def Jam
voices of Kenya and kings, emblazoned
with wisdom, respected / permanence
tanned in words of Malcolm & Martin's reign...
   to have passions of Nubian queens
   wear a crown to herald my approach
head held high
   without raising a calloused hand,
   copper polished hearts
A presence that only demands simplistic
of silences in the awe, the inspired
unchallenged in my reverence--an African / American ability
   choreography / invention
   the first to dance, when others fear to
to keep it real and say it loud
my human wishes, strong, profound, proud...
sometimes
   gentille...

i wanna be black...
like King Cobra, a hood to umbrella fright
with venom from just my stereotypical sight
   immobilize and paint caucasians whiter
   to be well endowed yet humbly
complicated,
angry but with proven reasons unrequited,
to be singled out by mere appearance
alone, a Halley Berry poster, child - dealing drugs,
   respected yet in the poetry of chains
   creative even in these multi-colored pains
from a thousand lands of strife
music is sister, artistic is brother life
become ingenious
   saxophones in the moody blues,
   athlete of hurtles, jazz / boxing fights / sang...
gold medals, worthy for full frontal
news...

do i amuse you, with these longings?
think do you - it's a cursed delight?
   but life only
   excels with each challenge: our battles
against ignorance / shame defines
the worth we're given
our lot mostly restricted, our lions tamed
perseveres - tho' weep the dust of our ancients names,
and bleeds these,
our cotton soft truths some mistakes
   and Dolby stereotypes revealed
   re-assigned
now worn like brand new:
a garden painted stronger
roots - and robes of shackles' / thorns
sharp with unlocked prejudices
   brown can do no more (for you sir)
   criminal confidences find the unmoving wave of faith
a prominent jaw-line, obelisk-lips
kiss and smack / wet with loving lengths
it is ... no hurt in these earthen eyes
   evident
   stoic, strength, serenity
mine to dance and sing my apathy instead...
about the history, i wish to dis
yes, re-avow
empty empathies before,
   experience my thousands, marching
   Melato’s at the founding fathers' doors, will show
you how to open house
these ghettos of / our violent villages / of tar & soot
shadow our poor ever the more
our stars shine on
   broadway be our stage / Stomps / in the heart, hopes,
   styles rap / songs to battle racial profiles
racial cops in devil blue,
beating brothas, home video tell our news,
while our rich forget the rest
******* **** in their cribs
re-pimped, yes, ******* new money & *****
   of course, they are the talented ...
   almost gods on Apollo / knock on wood...
the music is still
the song still is
the foot is stampeding
the noise will be loud,

i will be proud
i will be profound
   in this time of redefinition,
i will be strong
(i wanna be black) like Etta James
at last...

The feelings come
From roots so deep
The déjà vu
The slow repeat
Of thoughts so strong
They immobilize
Blur the vision
And paralyze
All actions, joy
And zest for life
Swirls of panic
Cut like a knife
Need to breathe
And think again
Calm the heart
Observe it when
The dark clouds stir
The tempests rage
As you struggle in vain
To turn the page
Observe the emotions
Do not judge
And from unconscious
Realms you’ll nudge
The thoughts that
Got you to this point -
All stressed out
And out of joint

Age old forests compressed
To thick primeval ooze
Interred between layers
Of sediments fused
By time and tonnage
To hard papa rock
Concealing CRUDE OILS’
Subterranean shock.

Shocking in value
Escalating with time,
Shocking in politics
Which equates to a crime,
Implications shocking
When you stop to see
That resource limitations
Have diminished quickly.

Consider the clout
When a fast world of cars
Without hydrocarbons
Would seize up like stars,
Stars, in the sense
Of their immovable grace,
For a fuel less planet
Would IMMOBILIZE this place.

Abrupt immobility
To bring chaos and mess
And the utter lost beauty
Of a girl in a dress,
And the time and space
To smell a good rose
Instead brittle chaos
Malevolently  posed.
Bleak desolation
Of the world we hold dear
And a massive regression
To impoverished fear.

Marshalg
Looking thru the hour glass
4 July 2011
**Only way to deliver this poem is SLAM and with vehemence!!

trepidation.
walk on eggshells. Don't make the wrong move. words are more powerful than you know. vanquished by them, yet again. Woulds never heal when written by a blade of sound.
walk away.
hopeless, forlorn. dejected and rejected. failure cuts a knife so deep. why. Never should make a person feel, this way. rejected. a state of being denied, shunned, dropped, jilted or abandoned. Drop-kicked is more accurate. through thoughts and feelings and walls of un-intention. Unintentional doesn't mean, unafflicting. It's not unconditional.
Up, down, turn around. Hide and seek, but words will always find you. Ominous. Noxious. Apocalyptic. Impending and inauspicious, never pending doom. Don't drown. words surround. Overpower and oppress, get in touch with loneliness. Inescapable. Better to surrender. words.
Immobilize. Can't even hear. Things being said, here. take out. shut off. take over. can't control. it's overtaking. seize power. let go. it'll never stop. Beaten. Buried. Conquered. No respite here. Weariness, none do care. Defeated, run-over. a dump truck of cruelty crushing, running over your heart. The soul is next. **** the heart, now defeat the senses. can't, survive. stressed and, suppressed.
The power of a consonant hath never been matched.
Rip apart, tear down from the start. People don't matter when reduced to mere words and petty emotion. Remove humanity. Steal personality. Nothing matters. Anymore. Disheartened and, Decomposed. Striped bare. unaware. doesn't matter, anymore.
forebodingly frightful. frustrating, feeble, failing, falling, faintheartedly framed. Fuddled. Flustered. No solution to this mess. no respite from such unbearable distress. The fright won't subside.
What a great terror, to be left outside. Alone. In the dark. words. tear, destroy. Shut out in the cold, still scared and alone. Abandoned and deserted. Desolate in a land of cruel misintentions. Uneager comprehensions.
Falling, no stopping. Fear suffocating any chance for hope. Fall.

To bend, to twist and warp your mind into something you can not define. That is their purpose, they want to blind those that can see. To see the truth behind the lies, to read the word that shows the light, is the very thing they wan us disbelievers to feed on to others. To feed onto me, they want to show the very truth we want to see.

Not the truth that is meant to be. Our minds have melted into nothing but mush and gush that can never be rebuilt, or saved from the very thing we fear to this day.

Insanity.

They want to immobilize us, control us for they know we are all weak human beings. With envy and lust, this is how they take hold of us. Using this to our disadvantage. Telling us we are nothing, yet we know everything. That they are instilling and drilling into our brains. they are scared and fear, that we will rise and fight and start a new revolution.

Inside the room,
That surrounded by the gloom,
I find myself exposed,
Covered by duvet with my eyes closed,
Looking for some comfort,
That I, myself hard to resort.

Every time I stand in front of the crowd,
My mind succumbed by familiar tremors and doubt,
Eyes that full of judgment, I want out,
Heart pounding fast and a mental block,
I anticipate the time would stop.

Anxiety, the word that I always felt,
Even I cannot dealt,
Uncomfortable to socialize,
It suppresses me to vocalize,
It makes me immobilize,
Then I recognized,
Social Anxiety, I realized.

Having a Social Anxiety feels like you are in a box,
Trapped by oneself, tightly sealed, and locked.
Unable to free myself because it makes me terrified,
Lack of confidence, courage, I clarified.

Think about the people inside the box,
Carrying the feelings that there is no way out,
Sooner or later they will build a wall as a blocked,
that surrounded by nothing but the dark,
make themselves isolated, separated, and locked.

I finally realize what is with the box,
It is some façade formed as a rock,
excluding them from connection,
As the box designed as protection,
That the people inside it thinks there is no direction,
But I believe we can use it to make you a better person.

Social Anxiety prevents you from being who you are,
A person who should shine so bright like a star,
So dear, do not be shy,
I know someday you will soar high and fly,
With the dreams of yours held up high,
Standing in front of the ear-splitting crowd,
Saying the word “I overcome it!”, as you shout,
“I am anxiety free!” with pride.

Always remember that you are loved,
Maybe not by everyone but the people that you surround,
you are a diamond that certain people found,
the successful end game is bound.

People with no experience of anxiety,
Can say that it just a minor issue entirely,
But no one realized that it is the society,
Society is the reason why there is anxiety,
On the contrary, if people start to have empathy,
Maybe there is a future in society.

Having social anxiety is not easy,
it makes you feel queasy,
it *****,
people who have it mostly to be vulnerable as ****,
so, if you know some people who have experienced it,
Please help them conquer it.