Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Scottie Green Jul 2012
I’ve always been the quiet type, never one to do the speaking, just listening and observing the lives of those around me.
If I can remember correctly, I began as a light blue, sheltering a newborn baby, Conner, I was covered in wallpaper lined by teddy bears with white silk bow ties like pin stripe pants.
Those few days before his birth in ’62 were filled with anxiety and anticipation, with his parents sneaking in to gaze upon my blue coat, tears in their eyes for the gift that they were days away from receiving. However, they would soon find that the young baby spent little time in my embrace other than evening naps, otherwise his cries became loud with the longing for his mum.

Six years later the teddy bears came down from the walls along with the crib, to be replaced by a bed, the baby blue coat replaced by a loud red.
Watching him grow, I saw his good days and his bad, he was built for math, fast cars, and jubilant laughter.
He had come to me in the midst of April when the flowers outside the windows bloomed, and left for a university after they flowered a mere twelve times.
Once again, his parents visited me, with tears in their eyes as if by being with me his presence would be restored.

His father had talked of a promotion he’d dreamed of, so with more money they were off to a more luxurious home, I was not sad, I was not lonely, I was happy.

I was alone for a while, while the wallpaper had been striped from me and I lay bear and exposed for quite some time, only briefly being introduced to new families by a smiling woman with high heels and big hair.
A group of four moved in, Tom, Adam, Lana, and Louisa. They painted my walls a bright yellow and carpeted my wooden floors, they added filing cabinets, desks, a white board, a telephone, and a book shelf that decorated my left side.
The boys were mechanics, around thirty years at the time, and worked strenuous hours. They bent over their desks re-drawing, re-scaling, and re-shaping until perfection.
Blue prints poured from their cabinets. The two girls owned a boutique down by the grocery store, I saw them less often, but they didn’t bring home their work, only their stories and their stress. It was a short acquaintance with the group, as their hearts were set on the big city and soon their paychecks were capable of supporting that lifestyle.

I was not sad, I was not lonely, I was happy for them.

The following year in ’88 a family of four moved in.
John, Ali and their twin girls converted me to a gym with barbells and some odd-looking mechanism called a “Bo Flex” used for hanging up dry cleaning and attracting the dust.
By then my vibrant yellow walls had faded to beige and my beige carpet had faded to yellow.

I don’t know much about those folks, as in-home gyms are more for decoration than utilization, I guess. The girls visited on days when the heat was unbearable in the Texas sun, running in with loud laughter as they let their weight thud into the ground. They sprawled themselves out on my floors making snow angels, in my warm, worn carpet. Oh, how I loved their attention!

They also left the windows open unlike Adam and Tom, so even when they weren’t around the sunshine kept me company. After fourteen years Bailey left shortly after Annie. I rarely saw anyone for a year or so after that.
The house became too big for John and Ali, and they decided to make the move to Florida that they’d always dreamed of.

The movers came and lifted the heavy weights from my creaking floors, but I was not sad, I was not lonely, I was happy.

The last person that came to live among my embrace was the eldest daughter of three girls. She and I became the closest of all prior inhabitants. Perhaps it was because of the frequent lack of happiness in her eyes, it was the only time I’d had an issue with my inability to intervene in a situation and speak as opposed to listening.
She left my walls there bare color, but adorned me with newspaper clippings and photographs. I was never lonely because her sisters looked up to her, never wanting to leave me, because they never wanted to leave her.
She was more imaginative than the young boy, and more precise than the mechanics.
The music she played was constant and expansive, from Sinatra and Coltrane to A Tribe Called Quest and the Rolling stones. It all correlated with her mood, causing me great joy when the tempo was fast, and depression in times when the dark music fell upon the room.
Her life appeared to be a struggle, as she often threw herself upon the carpet crying until late hours in the night. Only to wake up before the sun rose to write lengthy accounts of the inexplicable sadness she frequently experienced.

Soon she found the help that I was unable to provide with a therapist who visited her in the privacy of her own bedroom. The kind woman encouraged her to participate in activities beyond the confines of my four walls.
She had dreamed to be a psychologist, she wanted to help people, because she knew first hand how much some really needed it. And at age eighteen, that’s exactly what she set off to become.

She moved to Boulder the university she had written about and had wanted to attend for years past.
So I was not sad, I was not lonely, I was happy for her.

She doesn’t rest within my walls and doesn’t watch my flowers bloom, but the sisters, they often come back to visit and roll up the blinds to let the sun shine in, practice their own talents, and fall in love with their own dreams, I am not lonely, they don’t leave me. In fact, one of them is sprawled out upon my floor now, taking over her sister’s absence with a pen and paper of her own.
This is something I originally wrote a few years ago when my sister was leaving for school. I read it to her and allowed her to edit it. Since then I haven't been able to find the original version so she deserves proper credit for the part she did in touching it up as far as word choice, punctuation, and small additions and subtractions to my piece of work. I hope you enjoyed it!
Scottie Green Nov 2015
I can still smell
The spit
On my
Fingers
From the
Early hours
Of last
Night
Though
My heart
Is no longer
Racing and
My mind
Has come
To a calm
My face
No longer
Damp
With anxiety
And beer
No longer
On my
Breath.
Yet I
Can still
Smell
The spit
Stuck
To my
Fingers
After
I played
Out
What she
Had done
With you
That night.
I came
Over
After
Two drinks
With
No dinner
After
A car ride
With missed
Stop signs
That I
Should have
Listened to
After
Novel text
Messages
And
Few words
After
A day
Spent
On my
Bedroom
Floor
Next to
A mandala
Diary
And
My colored
Pens
Laying under
My birthday
Blanket
On a stuffed
Animal
By a puddle
Of tissue
Paper
I went over
To your
House
Last night.
Where I
Kissed you
And your
Body
Until spit
Covered
My own
Fingers
Until you
Threw me
Under you
With sudden
Excitement
And ******
And ******
And ******
Me
Until
My breath
Grew shallow
My lungs
Collapsing
Beneath
My chest
Drowning
Beneath
Your body
Until
My temple
Shook
Like a
Stirring sea
Until
Tears came
From my
Face
Like rain
And then
You stopped
You hugged
Me
You asked
Me
Why I did
What she did
With you
Why
Did I want
To replicate
With spit
Sliding
Down my
Fingers
To be a
Replica
Of her
You
Held me
Again
Gave me
Words
Like medicine
Then
When my
Breath
Deepened
And my
Lungs
Rushed air
Into their
Open space
You
Asked me
To finish
What I
Had started
So I
******
And ******
And ******
You
Until
You found
Your finish.
cheating is painful, because once you have sifted through all of the emotions- the anger, the hurt, the jealousy, and the hatred - You find at the bottom, what you had at the very beginning; the love, the dreams, the desires. Then each morning, you pick up your sifter, and move through every emotion again.
Scottie Green Feb 2013
I get to watch the moon rise as the sun sleeps
I don't have many permanent friendships
that's either a blessing or a curse—I suppose you choose.

Sometimes getting stomped on just rubs the gravel into my worn body,
but it's pressed there softly with each step
Some kind of love few are familiar with.

I guess I bring a kind of solace
to the overworked brain,
and the underworked body.

There are regulars;
people who come with the pink of morning,
some with the sun and the wind,
and others only with that of the silent night.

Some days they take memories;
Rocks pressed in the rubber folds of their souls,
Mornings they will forever miss,
Tears they drape across their imaginary finish line,
Words they will speak only to me,
Thoughts that come with the discomfort of this passion.

They take breaks to push their fingers into the dirt of my body,
sift the sand up through their fingernails--
perfectly painted, and they still grab at my chest.
Pushing rocks between them and their polish,
I am left pieces of pink.
That must be some kind of love, right?
Scottie Green Aug 2012
It's easy when you have someone friendly and close.
It's difficult when you see them slip from their rope.

It's painful when you watch from a distance all tangled.
It's sad when you see their body and mind so mangled.

It's harder when they need help you can't give.
It's strangling when it's a subject you just don't want to re- live.

It's lost when you see their brown eyes become distant
When everything you say they feel so pained, and resistant.
Scottie Green Jan 2013
You asked for a poem,
but the truth is,
I don't know how to put us into words.
We are so imperfect.
But when I hug you, and lift your tiny, feather-weight self from gravity's grip,
there is nothing more familiar.
I could squeeze all night, try to squeeze you into myself,
where maybe I could keep you safe—be the hardened outer-layer to my little Lemon Drop.

We met at an age far from simple.
thirteen's complexities of spirit
is made up of much more than
ugly or pretty
white or black
sad or happy
mismatched or a puzzle piece fit.
It is made up of pieces, or wholes.

You came
olive skinned,
brown hair—with eyes to match,
laughter that tickled at the throat of any nearing neighbor,
and a smile that held both truth and fallacy.
The pretty one who fretted over petty.
You came,
In pieces.

I came
Fair skinned,
blonde hair and blue eyes,
an imagination that couldn't escape even itself,
and confidence unfit for such a character.
I came,
a whole.

Our friendship
came like love—unexpected and almost ungraceful
at first.
Our paths had history,
but this was where both of our stories began,
at the edge awkward
at the brink of becoming.

As time passed
it even felt like love now and then
I your rock,
you my little slice of sunshine.
As time passed
our bridges split our interests differed,
but we never lost sight of the pieces to our whole.
Scottie Green Nov 2012
Covered in the soot
of last years math lesson
his drooping, purple button up looks as though
it has soaked in as much chalk
as he has knowledge.

A fragile bent-over body
even more worn than his blue jeans
and his thin, but wrinkled hands.

He is witty
Calculating,
and as cool as the deep grey slate
that he writes his stories across.

His white hair matches his dusty fingers--
dry,
and thinning
with nothing much left
to give.

I imagine him going home to a wife
Even though I have never seen
a ring.
His thin, and brittle body
Taking in the warmth of a woman.
A soft  woman
The only one who knows how to love him.
She fills up the edges of his concave bones
the tender heart that he never had.
A Juliet who escaped his callous,
chalked-over hands.

A human
that can, somehow,

make him Smile.
Scottie Green Jun 2013
After class, I will stay at the library and study until close at midnight.
Heading home hangs on my shoulders behind the music, the music that tries but can't quite keep my company, and stays well past falling asleep kissing the skin of my morning.
"Home."
White sheets with whiter walls that echo the whispy sound of the AC.
A dark green lace cloth standing as a curtain between me and my only friend--Sun.
I feel that I could reach out for her hug.
Gently pulling her through lace edges, and from behind embroidered corners.
My heart feels a light sqeeze at the thought of raveling into her warmth until I've rolled all the way up her arms, up her rays of sunshine, and into her warm familiar womb.
Scottie Green Aug 2013
Outside of the mall
Is a little bit more peaceful than the hustle and bustle of consumption hidden behind glass doors like a stage curtain,
But the air still smells like Japanese food
Over soaked in soy sauce
Bought from the crowded upstairs court

The bench I've sat myself down at (as I fry in the summer heat)
Is brown metal with the same old scratches and stains,
It is the one I laid myself out across
Six score years ago,
Eighth grade,
And too much codeine in my system
To tell where the time had went
Scottie Green Dec 2013
You will always follow me
Like melting canyon walls
Grown of glass
Forever folding inward
At my back.
In my mind;
Even when the rain clears up
You still stir
Your whitened waters.

One day,
When you left me
Mid-November,
heat still settles in only the South
The sun stole every sip
Slurped up every drop
From every pore
In my thinned body.
You almost killed me
I suppose-
Even then-
You tried to save me
Saving you
Hives across my body:
Holding aquifer pockets
Of your own blood.
You tried to warn me
With swollen, itchy
Reddened feet
My fingers burned,
But I went to sleep.

Awakened with delusion
You kicked at the curve
Of my knee
I; collapsed
Unconscious
With only pain running through my bedrock veins.
You left me,
With white running down my face.
You showed me how much mama loves me
Barely breathing
Bent over my body
With her own salty piece of you falling in my face.

Neaseous,
I could no longer hold you
No matter how much I longed to.
Mama took me to you.
Again, like glass on a November morning you sent ice through blue blood and back to my heart.
Like mama,
You screamed
Until you brought me conscious.

Twice mama had taken me to you
And on the first I'd fallen in love.
Hooked to an EKG
My eyes rolled back to when we met
As they pulled tubes of my blood from body
Weakened, I held only a blurred memory
Of three years ago
When you carried me over your muddied body,
Still with softened white ripples,
And warmed- no matter how far upstream- by July.
It was there
Touching the silk of your skin
With sun on my chest
And life at my back
That I promised
One day,
I would save you too.
Scottie Green Apr 2013
In the midst of my carefree, self-indulgent weekend, pushing down smoke with every breath, and searching concrete floors for something to lift me gently from ground, I met a guy at Emo's yearly "stoners holiday" concert hosting a number of Dj's and a half performance from Devin tha Dude.
Standing at the bar, and pushing back elbows to try and get a chaser for the half bottle of whiskey I had left, two young men appeared in front of me. One with curly, sweaty, brown hair, an angled face at every edge, and dark begging eyes- like a child's eyes as they ask to have ten more minutes before bed. The next guy came up behind his friend's right shoulder. His presences was lighter, but I noticed his sun-blonde military haircut looking as soft as it probably felt. His eyes were a shy green, matching his tattered skater v neck, and his small smile.
Before the sweating, curly headed man standing in front of me could get any words out the blonde boy, with the light presence said that he wanted to show me something. With no time to respond, he pulled his hands from behind his back.

His left hand was missing his index finger, and the four remaining seemed disproportionally long. Like the legs of a tarantula became his boney fingers.
His right looked swollen. In my daze I don't remember if he had three, four, or five fingers on his right hand.
His thumb and pointer were swollen huge; his palm was convex it lifted upward and took to the sole of my hand when I shook it--like a hug.

I, regrettably, had let out a small yelp when I first saw them.

His right reminded me of the large Mickey Mouse gloves that kids purchase from small stands at Disney World, and I didn't at first think it was real.
It was the softest hand I've ever felt.

He said it didn't hurt, he was born that way with 1% of his DNA amiss, and he could write and do everything else.

He put his hands away--folded them back up underneath his arms against his chest.

We kept catching each other's eyes briefly before I let mine flutter to lose his gaze.
And I didn't know what to say as his friend spoke in the background of my thoughts to my best friend.

I had so much trouble looking at him the rest of the time. After seeing his dimly lit eyes looking like they were seeping with some need for reassurance.
It wasn't that I thought his hands were ugly, and I didn't have the normal flight feeling; wanting to get away from a random guy I met at 1 am.
I even thought he was cute; his surfer necklace, soft smile and his seemingly huggable personality.
I was scared that if I looked at him he would see the, most likely unwanted, pity seeping from my eyes too.

I wanted to apologize for my initial reaction, but didn't know how. I was so stuck in my thought process. I can't, for the life of me, remember his name.
Scottie Green Nov 2014
Standing in
The grocery store
Dazing through
Colored produce
Her hands
Tangled
In her hair
Looking past
The people
Passing
Your ring
On her finger
A little lose
Wires
Of her hair
Clutching
Its turquoise
Edges
Looking
Like she
Is looking
For you
Like She never
Got the phone call
Like an answer
Never came
Like you only hid
In the tall grass
With a small
And laughing
Smile
Like if I shook
Her
I would be
The first
To tell her
Where are her words
I wonder
Falling
From her lips
From her
Mangled mind
Scattered and
Silently pleading
For rearrangement
For a callback
To say
It was all
A miscommunication
They didn’t need
Her daughter
For the role
To hear
It was just
A mistake
The store
Could make
A refund
Because this
Isn’t
What she bought
Standing there
I stare
At her
Staring
Almost blankly
Almost apathetic
Almost just barely
Uneasy
Contemplating:
If she pressed
Hard enough
Into her temples
Wrapping
Her fingers
Deep into
Her hair
If she
Could get it
To become
So quiet
No one around
Remained
Maybe
Time
Could pause
A moment
To breathe
A deep
Breath
Opening a door
For understanding  
Overcome
With relief
Maybe then
She could
Press harder
Releasing
The reel
Of time
Letting it
Roll backward
I almost
Don’t want
To interrupt
Though I know
Her mind
Is not quiet
I place
My hand
On her
Shoulder
Softly
As if
To wake
A sleeping
Baby
I almost
Expect her
To turn
To me
Not knowing
Who I am
To tilt
Her head
Back
Her mouth
Falling open
And her face
To become
Wrought and
Wet
With distress
It doesn’t
She looks
At me
As if removed
From some place
Far from where
We stand
She says
She thought
She saw me
Walk in
I see
Your eyes
In her eyes
She sees
Your memories
In mine
We exchange
Words
Both
Looking
For you
I realize
She thought
She almost
Found you
Until turning
To see only
My face
The hurt
It carries
To her
Placing it
Back
Into the
Front seat
Of her
Memory
Though she
Had been
Far
From forgetting
Standing
Like two
Lovers left
By the same
Lady
An awkward
Almost drunken
Daze
Her heart
More broken
Than mine
It didn’t matter
How much
Either
Of us
Loved
Our lover
Left us
It grows
Silent
I tell her,
I need to go and return my mushrooms

— The End —