Paralyzed by the unknown, lost in shadow, how can I find the fissure where light might pierce this gloom? It presses in – a void that steals the air, leaving me breathless in the emptiness. Doubt, a fragile seed, sprouts even here in the suffocating dark. Where is the conduit for truth? How can it be brought forth? Is the only passage forged in fire? Must I consume myself, offer my own being as the flame, hoping its sacrifice illuminates the way forward?

I'm mature at times and immature at lengths
I need to keep my tongue to go off a roll
I regret a breath later, I'll regret it till the end
So hard is to make do, my assessment calls
I need to think through it, the pitfalls
Blink and compute, what comes from the mouth
Is it true, kind and necessary?
Am I calm, steady and ready?

I waited so patiently for years
Could drown in all the sorrows and tears
Used to flush out my poor heart
But still I waited...
Like a wife that sends her husband off to war
because I knew you were fighting off demons
Things that I could not see
It's not like the darkness ever evaded me
You never returned from that war
I was left to fend off my darkness alone
Shouldering life tragedies on my own
But even then I waited...
Even though some days
There wasn't even any hope
And yet I still waited...
I waited though totally exhausted
I began to chafe at all the waiting;
Patiently,
I sent out my light once again
Like only a lighthouse does
To help you find your way back
Amongst all the turmoil and shadow
All these things I then came to know
Your love could be reawakened to grow
and where I had waited so patiently
You and that love did return to me
and my patience was finally set free

My eyes, throbbing with agony,
bore through the window,  
desperately seeking the freedom of sky.  

To my surprise the crabapple tree  
possessed joyous magenta flowers,  
providing an unexpected  
jubilant assault of my mind.  

Lush leafy erratic branches,  
a turmoil of spring beauty  
stood in striking empathy of my silent cries.  

The afternoon sun pales the majesty of magenta.
As only love can pale agony.  
Memories live forever, is a haunting horrible lie.  
Unlike me, those magenta flowers don't need a why....

My love for her will never die.  
The majesty of those magenta flowers,  
if only for a moment, seizes and saves me deep inside.

You and I
Wade knee-deep
In fragrant meadows

Pen to paper
Write
I can't
Fingers to keyboard
Write
I can't
Thoughts in mind
Write
I can't