We **** ourselves everyday,
the way we let the light blind our vision,
the way we let the smoke feast on our lungs,
the way we let the impurity multiply inside our mind,
the way we let the desire dominate our body,
the way we let the eagerness control our ***** and vaginas,
the way we let that someone **** us,
the way we let that someone be ****** by us,
the way we let people see that someone be ****** by us,
the way we let ourselves be murderers and just **** and **** and ****.

Day and night, I wondered aimlessly
From the sound of unwanted dogs barking at the thunder,
up to the trash collectors,
yelling door to door during Fridays.
Day and night, I seek aimlessly,
From the moment I saw the shadows of the curtains,
up to the flickering lights of cars passing by in the darkness.
Day and night, I felt aimlessly,
From the taste of that morning's cigarette,
up to the crusty leftover mint at the corner of my mouth.
Day and night, I thought and I just thought aimlessly,
From the time I placed my words into paper,
up to the day my eyes are to be filled with nothingness.

i will die.
and when i do,
i will still carry your
burden,
your resentment
and
your cruelty. That'll never leave me,
like the scars that imprinted
themselves into my body,
making a home in this frangible pale skin.
You
marking it vigorously
and demandingly,
like how i used to
like it.
When the darkness
starts to overthrow the remaining light in
my sight,
I
hope that you'll be the last person
I
could catch a glimpse of before i start to
peel and bleed.
The pain,
the anguish
and
the ghastly,
quickly ****** everything into me,
and i'll undoubtedly let them control
my conscience
and destroy the tiny bit of self-awareness that was hanging at the edge of
my uncertainties.
this time,
the time that i'll die,
i'll bring the iniquitous and vile you to the grave.
the you that i had loved
and adored
and cherished
ever so dearly than my own life.
i'll die with them,
and you'll stay here,
with the ****,
and the restless
and the stupid
and the cowards.

and all that's left of you, is the you whose no's are extinct,
whose consciousness' unadulterated,
and the you whose love i never witnessed.

and this time, the time that i'll die, it'll be your death too,
the very moment that your purity cracks, and corrupted by them,
you'd finally understand.