**** WHY DO I STILL FEEL EVERYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO YOU I WANT TO FEEL NOTHING

Always remember....

When life is a struggle
And everything is ****,
Make like a Dung Beetle;
Just learn to roll with it!

                                          ....Life will get better!

my only wish was to see you,
to let you within the reach of my dreams
that realm between limbo and heaven
a nether world, where gravity is in reverse

As I grasp you hands once more
You leave me with dread
and I run flailing onto
the remains of a shadowy curse

I am left feeling
that it was too big of a wish
to ask of the universe.

Cigarettes are expensive
but I need a reason
to stand outside of parties
and avoid
interaction.

I keep getting this urge
To tell strangers
How you used to bring a can of Chef Boyardee
To school for lunch everyday.

Or how I used to collect
Plastic Hello Kitty cupcake rings
And give them to you
Just to see you smile.

I would laugh as you ate it cold,
plastic fork suspended
straight from the can.

I would smile with you,
and hope you didn't realize
I ate all those cupcakes
by myself.

I want to share you with the world
Take your memory with me in my pockets
Spill it out with my tongue

I want to share you with the world,
Introduce you to people you will never meet
Tell people about you
Because they will never get the chance
To get to know you like I did
Like we all did.

But when you took your life,
You did the world a disservice
You took away the world's chance to find you
So you could find yourself

You took away your opportunities
To change
To get better
To grow
To love
And be loved
How we loved
You.

Your smile
Your eyes
Your soul
All so bright
Like stars in sky

Stars that you snuffed out
Stars that we can't gaze at anymore.
Your constellation is lost
Just a fairytale now
But a favorite amongst us all

Now I behold that murky echo,
                    
                     Just 'neath the closed window,

               And here I am a living innuendo,  

Tossing pebbles 'gainst panes
                            of stained glass. Your pains hurt me more than the panes


I broke trying to wake you.