it is 2:16 AM.
I am not awake because I am emptying my veins or medicine cabinets or tear ducts,
I am awake simply because I have not yet drifted into gray unconsciousness.
I will not fall asleep tonight on a salt soaked pillow-case and I will not wince every time my wrist rubs against the comforter.
I will fall asleep quickly, because I remembered to take my medicine, and I will stay asleep and dream of beautiful church buildings with stained glass windows and nativity porcelain and rooftop crucifixes I will not dream about jumping off.
When the bells ring, I will wake up and my mom will call me in for breakfast.
I will not be nervous.
I will not clasp my hands behind my back to hide my forearms.
I will eat eggs and toast and sausage and I will lick the grease from my fingers and it will taste good. It will not taste like calories. Like regret.
I will put my pants on and when they get stuck around my thighs I will groan and throw them out. I will not modify my body to fit into them.
My eyes will be bright and my veins intact and my shirt will be short sleeved and that will be alright.
I will be alright.

One more step
You're closer to the edge
Take a step back
I'm begging you
Get away from that ledge

I never thought this would happen to you
The one I was friends with and the one I knew
You were my brother
How could I let this happen?

Now you're gone...

this child refuses all intrusion
will not be fooled or sold
Into any false conformity

the silent vision
goes by the window
a stretch of horizon
brought near

One girl, one boy.
Totally different,
But very alike.
They find eachother.
They need eachother.
But not for love.
At least, not yet.

She feels guilty,
She flaked out.

He's ******.
But he'll accept it.

They'll figure it out.
Together.

Winter chills
as  I feel the breeze
against my cheeks
walking through
the mist I feel
so alone
then a splash of
sunshine dashs
across my mind
as I recall
midsummer dreams
what a beautiful dream

I see a girl
Looking at me
She looks so pale
So white
Her eyes are shining
So wide
She looks so thin
Her ribs are showing
The bra looks loose
Hanging on her shoulders
Her hair ties back
Up in a messy bun
The girl looks at me
And I look at her
She looks so tired
She seems to be in pain
I feel so helpless
That I couldn't do anything
I reach out to touch her
She did the same
The cold hits my fingers
It's hard and solid
Realisation hits
Shock look upon her face
That girl
Is me