Nothing can make things work the way they used to
not clearing out the allies
not repainting the walls
I couldn’t shout the voices out of my head
nor let them speak as if they’ve swallowed my tongue along with all the things they have already taken


Could have kept it a little secret
Until I woke up inhaling air instead of ocean
The acrid taste hadn’t left my lips when I saw that you were there
And I was more afraid of you than the nightmare
Afraid you would look me in the eye and see the Titanic
Glorious steel drowning underneath its majesty in slow motion
No background music
No spotlight
Afraid you would blame the waves for a sin they haven’t committed
or the anchor for pulling me down

Do not despise the blue I have chosen
nor the dusty riddles it’s been whispering to my ear
It has got no allies
No walls
**Just blue

They said they were asking for heaven
I couldn't blame them but I thought I should
I wish I could tell them we're not heavenly creatures
But who else could?
I've been listening to the whispers they have been trying to keep
About misery and hurt
But I could never hear them scream
They said there's a universe inside of us
And I think emptiness is the one part they mean
I don't know if heaven could fix that
If it could fill the dark blank spaces with an ocean
Or if it would only keep them from being seen

I'm not a coward, You know that
I've always taken what I wanted and I intend to keep doing the same
I'm not a coward, You know that
But I've been brought down to my knees and my scars are carved on each of my bones
I'm not a coward, You know that
But I've been failed and betrayed by destiny and I don't deserve it
You stole the fire in my eyes so that your hell can burn higher but it's okey, they'll do just fine with the little rain left inside of them
I'm not a coward and you should know that
Even if you keep pulling me down deep your ocean
I'm a pisces
*I will  breathe underwater

Answer me
I didn't ask the question but answer me
And God do I wish you'd ask the same from me
I would tune every string out of your name
I would play nothing but your heart beat
I would call *goodnight and have you visit in my sleep
We would only talk in pictures we took because they'd make better sense than actual talk
The words would taste better on my lips for when you want to taste them
My scent would remind the whole world that I'm yours
And the trail of my nails upon your neck would remind you that you're mine
Everything would be so different if you would only ask the question
But I don't know if it would go the same way *if I do

I could've told you that earth is not home
I could've told you that beyond the skies,
there is nothing,...nothing but darkness
I could've told you that gravity isn't holding us down
I could've shown you that your body will be first to betray
that your brain is another creature living inside of you
that air doesn't taste as good underneath your feet
I could've sworn that life eternal and that emotion is all we have left from heaven
I could've kept asking for mercy until my heart choses silence instead of music
I could've cried my eyes out for you to listen but I know, I am too much of a burden for you to bare
If I could only see the flames from here, I wouldn't have put my faith in the bargain in the first place

Imagine if I could hear your heart from a distance
If the left side of your chest were a boombox
Imagine if the branches holding your muscles decided not to hide anymore
Imagine if they grew their way out of your skin
Maybe then you'll see you the way I see you
Maybe then you would feel what could be drawn outside of you
This world will tell you all about tears for it hates your eyes
It will **** every bit of oxygen out of your lungs just to see you shrink
Let it
Let it drain you of the fluids keeping you whole
Put your wrists forward
Show them that chains can turn to bracelets and that there is nothing more precious that the clouds can give to the earth but tears
I promise
There will still be wind
Even when they put boundries between you and the ocean
There will still be wind
So to hell with the world
We'll take away a piece of the sky and make another
One that doesn't require the clouds to cry.

Out of a million language
I've been taught a few
I learned how to put the letters into words, the words into sentences and the sentences into question marks
I've stolen each dot I could find and held it betwen my fingers as if it was mine to hold
Then I hid it,
Underneath my pillow waiting for some sort of fairy to turn it into gold.
I just didn't know
I didn't know that each dot was a seed to a plant holding more needles than it does roses.
I didn't know it could grow so fast that it brings in other creatures into life.
Out of nowhere.
I swear, I can hear monsters grin at the sight of my neck
I can see bees building kingdoms out of my own flesh
I can feel germs crawling under my skin biting their way into my kidney, my liver, up to my heart.
Now I can't put myself to sleep for there's a wilderness on top of my bed waiting to swallow me like the only meal there is.
And God They did
They taught me all about languages but How?
How do I put my insomnia into words?!
How do I communicate my fear?!
Teach my scars to speak the dreadful venom out of them
Teach my nails to rip the chains out of my wrists
Teach my fingers to let go
Let the dots slip
I'm tired,
God
May the moon be my witness
I've told him all about the bed time stories I didn't hear
I've apologized to the sun for its awake is no longer beautiful
For the light it's giving to the world hurts my eyes
for the voices rising throughout the day translate nothing but agony into misspelled poems I could've written
God, do I hate that I can no longer function for the electricity within me is fading away
So Stop
Don't teach me about languages anymore
I've had enough.