The first time I picked up a pen was for you,
They said I should write you a letter,
I did you one better
And sculpted my life in poem,
Wrote down my pains so you'd know them.
and sometimes you push "like".

I'm too young to feel this old,
Mentally too old to be his young.
Took a shotgun to my pillow
And told the dreams that I was done.
I stopped buying breath mints
So the devil might stop trying to take my breath,
I stopped believing in church when
They they denied the only saint here left.
I'm sure in your religion I'm going to hell,
But in mine, it's only the hipocritical who fell.
Farewell.

I've had my fair share of brushes with death
Painting me into this man
But her I am, standing tall enough,
To help you stand.
I've been paying this life forward,
In a karmatic effort to see old age
And laughing at how silly it must sound
To hope I can live long enough
To be broken down.

I'm not sure of very much,
But I hope to keep dancing

I wrote something I couldn't share
I put it in a special place
And hidden, let it die there,
Just like him, just like me.
That worst case scenario they'll never see
The darkest demons don't need light
To make you see their light of day,
So I took them from within me
Riped them out and locked them in a box
Without a single key and drowned them
In a pool the kids use to play.
Now all that's talked of there
Is an accident then conversation fades.

Like oysters reading words,
I could be a carpenter building herds
To come and read the writs I wrote
Until all eaten on a solemn note.

While I'm working today,
While I'm at a desk wasting away,
I've got more and more responsibility,
People complaining, head straining.
The speed I type is making my fingers bleed.
But still that isn't enough and it's killing me.
Can I, am I, could I be worth a raise?
"Not today, sales aren't great,
I hate to say, the big heads only made
A half a mill for what you did today,
Prove your worth, this is not okay."
Okay.

So I wait, time being all I've got,
Until that final hour hits the clock,
I punch the clock, eight hours in,
Back home to eat, home to sleep.
Never sick, never really sleep.
Another pawn they keep
With just enough carrot to never really eat.
Complained about my shoes
Until the corporate world removed my feet.
And that's the land of being free.

While I'm working today,
While I'm wasting away,
I'll fix every problem you create
I'll be smiling with a hand to shake,
Someday I'll be the person
I dream to be awake.

Sometimes,
Sometimes I just don't know
Buried my hands in my face,
Breathing in a rhythmic flow.
Kicking my heels to go home
But Kansas was a place i did not go.
Can't speak without defensive joke.
You've been looking at a personality
But in reality, you've just seen smoke
Don't choke on the vapor or you'll vaporize
The main disguise I hide behind.
Behind the eyes that calmly sigh
My mind is cranking into overdrive.

I look into a mirror in a life-filled light.
Hair a tangled mess,
running fingers through it as I write.
if I pulled the stress through dead skin cells,
I'd bald tonight.
I've got scars upon thars like Sneeches
So Mr. Mcbean I'm looking for help
I'll pay a penny to remove the roofing defects.
If I seem to be speaking a bit crazy,
You must not have read the pretext.

If you had read me like a book
And shook the cover loose
I wonder what chapter I'm on with you.
Surely, every book had begun
I've got you rising in suspense
But while I know, I'd never tell,
The surprise at the end.

A child robs from a store,
A thousand dollars
Some pieces of paper so plain,
Losing his future and little to gain,
A thousand dollars.
He goes to jail for pulling a gun
He goes to jail at 18 and his life is done.

The boy hardens into a man
Gets out of the cage, tries to do what he can
But they put him up on a stage.
"So tell me, son, you've got no skills.
You're 28 with a record to ****."
Every other candidate comes first,
One ***** up, now you're the worst.
You chose a fate before you knew your fate
They'll call you back so you sit and wait.
So you sit and wait.

Can't even be trusted to take out the trash
So you punch out the mirrors
Looking back at you, only seeing trash.
He's not thinking clearly,
Writes up a quick note and signs it sincerely.
Shaky hands tie a knot,
The only thing he saw as a blessing,
I wonder if the system taught him his lesson.

We all have a friend
Who didn't make it very old
Whether you were there at the end
Or somewhere in life's between
I bet you would give your weight in gold
For a chance just to see them,
For one more night out in the world
Or even just a small talk.
All you have is a short mental walk
Through the times that seem too small
Stuck in a place without you at all,
And I wonder how you're doing
Wherever you are.

I made my first friend in second grade,
He was the kid who seemed to always find a way
He learned to ride a unicycle
Making his own parade.
He got me out of my house in the middle of fall,
Went swimming in my pool,
While the algae was stuck to the walls.
It was freezing and slimy.
I'm sorry your world was unwinding
And I wish I would've known you more.

I don't have the right words
Because truly none of them are right
I've thought about the fact you aren't here
On quite a few nights.
I send my regards to all you knew,
I'm sorry to say a part of my childhood
Feels like it passed with you.
This is the only way I have to show
I miss a man I barely got to know,
My old friend John O.