I wish I could whisper
sweet nothings into his ear
But he hates kitch
Loathes sentiment
And besides
He's hard of hearing

I loved your blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean
I loved the way you made me laugh
like no one else could
I loved how no matter where I was
I could think that you were somewhere else missing me
I loved how I used to call your arms home
they made me feel safe
I loved how you had my heart
I loved the feeling of being in love and
feeling love back
now
I'm hating how your blue eyes remind me of the ocean
I don't dare to go there anymore
I don't want to remember you
I hate how you made me laugh because
now no one else can make me laugh as you once did
I hate the fact that I'm sitting here
missing you when you're missing her
I hate how you have my heart
no matter how hard I try to give it to someone else
it always reminds me that it's yours
but most of all
I hate how I still love you
and how you don't even remember
half of the things that I won't forget

you made me promise
that i'd never cut.
then why the hell
did you inscribe
your name
your smile
your heart
all over my arms
in thin fragile lines
flowing with blood

you make me want to
cry
and
drink
and
cut
and
die