Even though I knew it was finished before it began,
even though I knew that I never truly had you,
even though you told me I had a chance,
it was only almost, but not quite.

Even though you told me you loved me,
you turned right back around and held someone else dear.
Even though I thought I was content,
I wanted all of you.
Even though you brought me to tears,
I thought it was worth it.

I'm tired of trying to care,
tired of trying to talk,
tired of you wasting your breath
and my time.

You always told me that it was better to have loved and lost
than to not have loved at all,
but I'm telling you now that you're wrong.
I wasn't happy
I wasn't myself
I wasn't your only one.

Even though I see you daily,
even though you want me back,
even though you want to interact,
I feel nothing.

For you robbed me of everything I had
and then some.

A stranger.
A stranger lies in front of me
but he didn't used to be one.
This stranger used to look at me
but now he looks at no one.
He used to talk and laugh with me
and hold me when I've broken,
but now our bond is shattered
and words remain unspoken.
I look at this stranger
with longing and regret,
Why did it have to be this way?
It's like we hadn't ever met.

There is nothing that I recognize
about this stranger that I see
He looks the same, speaks the same
but there's hardly familiarity.
He doesn't have the spirit
that urged me when I struggled
Nor the warmth and understanding
when I melt into a puddle.
There's no happiness in his eyes
no matter how hard he tries.
Instead he found new outlets
as his soul inside dies.

The man I used to know
is nowhere to be found
instead this stranger takes his place,
I cannot make a sound.
This stranger looks at me
without emotion
and departs with one swift motion.
But the clock is ticking
as I am picking
the pieces of my heart off the floor.

I still remember you
I lost you because non-commitment was all I could give.
Now I wake with my sheets soaked with the residue from my nightmares, suffocating me.

I long for those days when the sun was setting and hand in hand we'd sit, in silence.
You'd pull me closer to share your excitement with me; grab a fist full of my hair to allow you to enter into matrimony with my lips.

I long to have your presence next to me; to see the rise and fall of your chest reminding me that that is where my home is.
To have you wake me in the morning with your arms protectively caressing  me, rhythmically and suggestively moving along my body...
To have you send shivers down my spine with your hot breath as I feel you smile into my neck

I remember your lips became the metaphor for our young hasty affair:
your lips often grazing every crevice on my body, arousing feelings in me I never thought existed and exciting this dormant precious place between my thighs.

My thighs, which are now the empty hallways you used to roam with so much passion and ferocity used to release waterfalls that cascaded down in a pleasurable release,
long for one more body trembling exhilarating encounter.

But most of all I long to be loved again.

I don't want to date you I just want to be with you

I don't want to have to worry about idiotic things like Valentine's day or anniversaries

I don't need you to hold my hand in public or for people to know that I spent the night at your house last Saturday      
                                
I just want to sit on your bed and talk about the universe.

I want to be comfortable enough around you that you can see me bare faced or half dressed without either of us thinking twice about it

I want your hands all over me, holding me to you like I'm the last Breath of air you'll ever have

I don't need something as trivial as a boyfriend I just want us to be together.

In our own unique way.