Scratch the first thought
You dared to have
Thinking I'm referring
To that vacant feeling
Crawling in between
Layers of flesh
Not anymore
I warned you
The great **** river
Has ran dry
Lapped up
By over indulgent tongues
With diluted principles
Overestimated my secret stash
I kept hidden
Jokes over
Fort Knox is empty
Every **** is gone
That roaches don't bother
Thinking crumbs of one
May still remain
Dust doesn't settle
Where nothing exist
I'm perpetually lost
In the sense that who I was
Won't come back
Emotionally unstable
Balancing life on fishing line
All the while dancing
To the sound of my own thoughts
As they stampeded
Across marble floors
With lead soles
Deal with it
This is the me you wanted
The one you knew
In your subconscious
Given the chance
Won't hesitate to say
******* in the neck
As I'm skull dragging
That pathetic version of me
You so inclined to abuse
Walls are up
No one's getting in
You bombarded Area 51
Forgetting the other 50
Stockpiled with an arsenal
You weren't prepared to fend off
So relish in the dismal
Bleak fantasies of me
You ******* with
That won't let you peak
I promise it'll be faster
Using a corpses dead ****
I'm perpetually lost
To the era of once was
Forged ever so harshly
In the dawning of the era
I'll **** into a lake
Of ***** and blood
Joy to the world
I feel alive
So strike a match
Watch me combust
As two massive feet
Collapse your ******
Blessed is the New Founding Father
A man reborn
Purged of emotional filth
Baptized in ******

Your body screaming out in pain
The malevolent flame in your eyes
The decadence you taste
The death you reek of
You're petrified in malice
The god of your own demise
I hope you're happy now
Knowing you ruined a life
You never knew was worth living

Plastic emotions
Wooden heart
Deserted vines
That pulse dust
Only when the world decides to change
A new hat
New glasses
Everything about you screams fake
Change your name
Get forgotten
Headless corpses
You just want to be real
Know why it is your tears
Evaporate before they show
You want to love her
The way she deserved
You see her cry
You want to reach for her
Hold her
Let her feel warmth
From your cold shell
She is your heaven
Yet you fall short
From ever tasting
What reality is
Trapped in a world you hate
Rejected by fate
Discarded when she grows up
You’re Pinocchio without a wish
To come true

Every time I think if you
I want to play Russian roulette
Load every chamber
Punch the **** out of the trigger
I want your memories
Hunted out of my head
I want a noose on every voice
Your name slips
They all die
I'll have firing squads on standby
These flashbacks only bring gunplay
It's bad enough your blood rubs through me
But I'll chase your existence
With shovels and pistols
I'll mine these veins
All your cobblestone tainting
All my wealth buried
When you come around
I'll have plenty to erase you
Not even an idea of you will remain

Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me here
All alone in the dark
By myself
Left to stare into eyes
That reflects my life
That shows my scars
Please I’m begging you
Don’t trust me with myself
I can’t stand to be alone
Not when this monster stares back
Into vacant eyes
Left hollow and soulless
For the last 17 years
Every smile and laugh
Just a mask to disguise
The pain and sorrow
Every hug and compliment
Just a lie
So I could know what it was like
To be wanted by someone
Who didn’t even know me
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone
As I try to sleep
And dream dreams you want to be sweet
But can’t you see
I’m so scared
Because I know what lies behind these eyelids
Don’t leave me alone
Because it will surely bring about
My certain and inevitable demise
So I don’t have to look into the reflection
And see eyes that tell my life story
Scars that show my weakness
Tears that never fall
Fears that control everything I do
Pain that never goes away
Anger towards life and love
Hatred because I don’t deserve life or love
So don’t leave me alone
Not in this darkness
Leave the light on
Stay until I fall asleep
I don’t want this evil anymore
It ruined everything
So please don’t leave me
I wish I could dream those dreams
The sweetest dreams
That even you taste their sweetness
But they are so bitter
From the disgusting taste of my darkness
I’m afraid of it now
I wish you could help
But you won’t even look into my eyes
Can you see the pain
Can you see the sorrow
The fear that I know is evident
When I awake screaming every night
Please don’t leave me tonight
Promise me you won’t say goodbye
That you will hold my hand through the night
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone with myself
I’m afraid I won’t survive the night
I’m afraid the monster in the mirror
Will escape and choke me out
Or put a bullet in my head
Shoving pills down my throat
Slitting my wrist
And letting my blood spill and flood the room
I wish you could see how scary it is
To ******* be me
So please don’t leave me alone
In this engulfing darkness
To be murdered by the reflection on the wall
The monster in the mirror
Please ******* help me
Save me from this darkness
I can’t take being me anymore
Don’t leave me in this cold still darkness
To rot as a dying corpse

poems
my friends my family
the only thing i have to help
when im lost and have no one to turn to
i grab my only hope for survival
this cruel world ruined me

poems
my own counselor and consultant
i have been cursed with evil emotions
yet i harness them in my poems
hopeing for them to leave my soul

poems
always there for me to write
always there for me to enjoy
my only means of entertainment
unless i watch the blood flow

poems
my key to a world unknown
my adventure on this wretched planet
unchained and ready to ****
my last poem still unwritten

poems
still in all of us
like an unknown power
a single poem could save humanity
but still they remain lost to poetry

poems
our last hope to rescue us from the dark
our light at the end of the tunnel
can we really let it go
we thrive to let our emotions know
our lives are not a show

poems
releasing us from the currents
having faith in the poets
the made us who we are today
look in the mirror and write a poem

poems
are the end of the apocalypse
we ended a war inside of us
hoping to end the war in humanity

poems
our own savior from the chains
our master of words
elegant in nature
and true in your words

poems
you steal the air in my lungs
you stop my heart
you are the one we love
dont hide from us

poems
the truth untold
and today you are told
the path you have paved is the one i shall stay on

Pray to a god
Pray for mercy
Pray like a *****
Whos life Im ending

Nothing can save you
From the very monster
Your hatred created
Your rage fed
Just pray for whatever

In the end
Your life is within myy hands
Your heart somewhere off in the distance
In the hands of a girl
Who may have not love you anymore

Pray to whoever
Pray to be heard
Pray for a savior
Pray like a *****
Because your life is over

Pistol to your temple
Hands shaking
As the whiskey goes down
Wrist bleeding
Might as well say a prayer

No god as your shephard
No love at your funeral
No tears when you die
Just another day
That everybody will forget

Look up and meet my face
Look up into these eyes
Do they look familiar?
Because its a reflection of yourself
Going crazy from it all

Pray now
Pray for whatever
Pray not to die
Pray you *******
Pray for the last time

Nothing can save you
So pick up the phone
Make your last call
Call that girl
Who you gave your heart to

Maybe her voice
Will calm your demons
Silence the voices
Echoing in your head
That you want to scatter all over the walls

Do you really think
That she loves you
She wont even pick up the phone
She doesnt want to talk
To your pathetic ***

Listen to me
Im you
Face to face
No hallucination
Just a reflection

Im everything you are
Im alive
Yet Im dead
Im whatever I wish
So come on and pray

No one will hear it
No one will answer
Just make the attempt
Or pull the trigger
Because your wasting my time

Pray to her
Pray for her
Pray to be loved
Pray just pray
Like a *****

Come on together
We can pull the trigger
End each other
Yet we are one
So take another shot

This could be
What saves us
This bullet
These open wrist
That appear to never to run dry

She broke your heart once
So you kept breaking it
And you know
Just as well as I
You dont deserve anything

This moment
Is your last
So say a prayer
And pray for your right
To deserve anything other than death

Dont bother praying
I'll pull the triger for us
So I can rest in peace
And never see your
Weak and pathetic face ever again

The sound of gunshots
A silent crowd
Terror filled in a moment
Bodies scattered
Is this the world we came to create
Violence and death
A endless stream of blood
Just to get a message across
Too many lives wasted
As tears fall
Whats the point of living anymore
When death lurks around every corner
Hunting down innocence
With the barrels of evil intents
One prayer for Paris
Ten million for the lives of those taken

You'll never see me write this much
It's all you
Probably the only time
I'll ever write
Is when your on my mind
And I'm not fighting the guilt
Fighting the realization
I truly lost you
To the darkness within
I wont say it
I'll never say those words till you ask me to
I know you never will
But those three words are just for you
Any woman that wants my heart
Has to go through you

It's raining blood
Intestines dress the trees
Like Christmas lights
Heads on stakes
I'm king of the ****** Gore Fest
No rules no regulations
Come bathe in blood
Taste the sweet metallic flavor
Rejoice in the rotting of enemies
This is just the beginning
Of the ****** Gore Fest

Rejected from the loving embrace
****** from the hatred brewing
I don't know what monster you are
But show your true colors to me
Let me stare down into the eyes
Of my ****** reject reflection

You have the gun
To my temple
So pull the trigger
Im tired of living

You need help
Committing ******
Then why the hell
Did you contemplate it

You cant do it
Im part of you
Im the reason
You breathe and cry

Im your darkness
Im your happiness
Im everything to you
And you cant pull the trigger

Well Im tired of it
Im your disease
Ill help you pull it
So you can truly be happy

Pull the trigger
Please do it
For yourself
For me

I married the darkness
And now Im drowning you
With it everyday
Your suffocating under me

Like I said before
I love you
And your happiness means more
Then living in darkness

You cant pull me out
Im in too deep
So pull the trigger
And free us both

If you truly love me as well
Pull the trigger
Turn away and shut your eyes
I love...

It wasn't a gentle voice
Soothing my aim
Violence and fear in eyes wide
Coaxing my finger from the trigger
Screams echoing from her belly
"put the gun down"
I dont remember how I got here
To this point of breaking
Too much blood drained
From wrist shackled by these human tendencies
I've lived in this world for all too long
So many reasons but the biggest was rejection
Anger boiling over once more
Flashbacks as to why I aimed this pistol
At the temple of these voices
Nuclear warfare on this chapel of anguish
Blood hungry savages yearning
Pleading with insanity
Pull the trigger
There...
THERE IT WAS AGAIN!!
She's calling out for me
To save her?
No. Save me
From my suicidal reflection
Aiming the pistol
At his head

Covering a faceless tear session
Losing it all before my eyes
Mentality breaking
Physically erupting
I feel like imploding
But these gentle rain drops
Cease the fire in me
Before the pressure is built
It takes time to erase thick lines
But these clouds overhead threaten existence
Painted portraits pixelating
As the sky unveils
More tears I never cried

The great teachings
Wise old master
Kong fu is everywhere
Lessons in everything
Life is a puzzle piece
Mix matching
Wisdom to experience
Vivid in detail
How many pieces
Does the box say
Some finish early
Others way later
We each take the puzzles
Wear as poster boards
Rioting thru life
Chanting the purpose
We're given at birth
Questioning what it says
How do you believe
In something monumental
When you're not sure
How to start understanding
Random Pieces
We're given through
Just as random people

19 years old
4 car wrecks
All I should have died
People say it was gods will
I don't care what it was
I should have died
I wanted to die
My life a shambled mess
Of questions and fears
Will I succeed
Who will give me a chance
Do I get opportunities
Or am I stereotyped into immaturity
I've whispered only truths
Screamed nothing but respect
Played ***** to the man
*** bent towards the sky
Solicited my dignity
Abandoned my pride
Murdered my ego
Just to ask for a job
But still got rejected
This life isn't mine for long
I can feel it slipping away
Death whispers on the wind
It's scent calling on the waves
In this world I'm only another victim
Another corpse to be lain to rest
A weakling that couldn't survive
Another fool buried beside them all
A soldier trying to protect his own
A stereotyped scraggly pothead ***
Based only on my looks
I wear plaid jackets and beanies
Boots with a mustache and beard
I ask for shelter
Leave before the night is over
Im a worthless ******* in the homes
Of strangers unknowing what I go through
Life was perfect in the beginning
With family to love you
Give you reasons to smile
Give you the comfort
Knowing you were safe by their side
But in a world hungry
For souls of the innocent
Thirsty for the hearts of the hopeful
We find only death our true friend
The only truth to this life
You'll say I'm only complaining
But look around
Tell me what part isn't true
These are the rantings
This 19 year old scraggly pothead
*** in your eyes has left
A last resort
To save himself and the world
He grew up in
Watching it devour itself
With us as collateral damage
Us the reason we forced its hands
Savages wanting death
Tormenting till its suicide
A quicker answer than saying
There truly is hope
But I'm a blinded kid
Staring at the hallucinations
Of a light at the end of a tunnel
That never existed to begin with
This is just the darkness
We all contributed to create
Too scared to face music we wrote

on her wrist they lie
even on her thighs
razorblade scars
the scars that i made

i suffocated her burdens
i drowned her screams
i relieved her pain
but the price was her heart

razorblade scars
now dress her dollish figure
threatening to extinguish
the embers of her life

i dried her tears
i conquered her fears
i sheltered her from the rain
but the price was her soul

razorblade scars
still bleeding her out
her viens will run cold
for all i did was hurt her more

i crushed her dreams
i obliterated her walls
i stitched her wounds
just to make more

razorblade scars
now dress her lifeless body
as two on her wrist
sill bleed out her sorrow

i would take it all back
i would give it all back
just to see her smile once more
but the razorblade scars keep that from me

I painted the walls
The sky
The tiles on the floor
A sick, twisted blood red
As you walked out the door

Am I to blame
For what you have done to me
So I guess Ill now go to bed
But did you have to say I was nothing to you?
Thats why I painted everything red

I painted a masterpiece
Want to know how its so pretty?
Because I painted it with you
You ****** me off so I drained you dry
Now I have nothing else to do

More than expected
Love notes and serenades
Batted away
Transmuted into grenades
Left at the threshold of my heart
It'll always be like this
I'm not meant to be loved
Just a source of love
To those who need a daily dose
I'm that barrel of ale
Left on tap
Abused as I'm consumed
Go to meetings to avoid me
I'm the problem
Never a solution
So why am I still here
Hoping still trying
Outcomes the same
I'm ok with that
They don't see any value
I'll have in their lives
How can I blame them
When I myself can't find any
Bleak and bland
Possibly the worst excuse
A shell of a man
With goals and ambitions
He himself can't achieve
Life's not meant for me
Love is evading me
Only thing I have
Are voodoo doll personalities
I converse with
Just to make the day go by quicker

Old habits die hard
Maybe I'll stop using
I did for a while
3 months sober
Chased that high
When it knocked again
Playing tag with my doorbell
All it took
Was a ding
Crumbling everything I thought
I had under control
Built Fort Knox within Alcatraz
But before you
And the emotions you stir
Limp blades of torn grass
A butterfly heartbeat
Is all it takes
Before it's laid out before you
A quick surrender
With all the wonders of my essence
From ruby thoughts
Sapphire dreams
Diamond heart
Tungsten devotion
To the rarest gem of all
My senseless addiction to you
And how the sound of your voice
Makes the darkest hour
A vibrant second I never noticed
So I chase an endless high
Relapsing
With every thought of you

From this prison
From these chains
From this hell
From this life
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my eyes away
I wish to see no more
All this blood and death

From this pain
From this hatred
From this curse
From this emptiness
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my ears away
I wish to hear no more
All these screams and weeps
That echo in every corner

From this earth
From this history
From these walls
From this rage
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my arms away
I wish to feel no more
All these scars and fresh wounds
That dress this body

From this everything
From this universe
From this pity
From this uselessness
Release me

I beg of you
Rip my tongue away
I wish to taste no more
All this blood and flesh
That I feed my inner demons

Just release me
From it all
All the memories
I torture myself with
Please anyone, somebody?

I beg of you
Rip my nose away
I wish to smell no more
All the decaying and rotted corpse
That cover this apocalyptic world

Now do you understand
Why I ask of you
To release me
And free whats left of me

All those tears we cried together
Opening the faucets on our face
Trying to wash the pain away
Yet the stains of our history
Were never meant to be erased
Remember those sleepless nights
Where you would walk for an hour
Just to find comfort in my arms
But we never found rest
Just more tears we shard
As the nght went on
Remember those seeming less innocent days
When salt water licked our feet
Puppy eying us into taking a swim
Remember those days when I would want to fight your father
When I saw the bruises
When you tried building dams out of mascara
And tried hiding behind the blush
I just wish you were here to remember
All those special moments we shared together
All the pain and suffering
I wouldn't let you deal with alone
Remember me
I know this voice doesn't sound familiar
After all its been four years
Since I've been to your new home
Where you rest peacefully
Remember I'll always love you
You were my best friend
My one true love
I just wish we had more time to spend together
Yet days pass, then months
But as they pass me by
And poems forget to be written
I'll still have a poem to write about you

I can't anymore
It's worth the time
The effort of making you smile
But how long do I have to love you
Just for you to realize
I'm not always going to be there
I'll leave your side eventually
Even if I don't want to
You've plagued my mind
With frowns and scars
Still leaking a velvet substance
Remember I told you I love you?
I'm sorry but my heart is dead
Murdered by the tyranny of my mind
Telling me I'm useless
That the love I have for you is meaningless
I can't fight wars that I'm too weak to battle
I can't go to war
Without the thought that I'm fighting for nothing
No chance is given
To love you for all eternity
I don't want to be the foundation
Of a vacant house
I want to be the utilities
Required to keep it alive
I want to be the fire in the chimney
The water used for your showers
The electricity for you to read my poems
The ones I wrote about you
But I guess loving you
Became so much of an obsession
I forgot why I loved you in the first place
Yet I'd rather just love you
Than know the reasons
My love shouldn't have a limit
But I'm limited every time
You don't pick up the phone
Or every time you don't pay the bill
I can't love somebody
Who doesn't want to give living another try
I've died twice because of you
I've lived a century for you
I can't do it any more
The beams in this supporting this housed flesh
Is growing weak
Though my fire still burns
Trying to keep you warm
I'll smolder in the past
As you walk away from this house
And find something better
Something of modern innocence
Remember I told you I love you?
I just seem to weak to that anymore

You couldn't stop smiling
Jibberjawing about nothing
Always stumbling on your emotions
Not sure what you were saying even made sense
You just blushed when I held your hand
Smiled when I said I love you
Remember?
All those good times we had together...gone
Guess time changes everything
And if you asked me where we go from here
The answer is always the same
I really don't know
We're just not in love anymore

Over and over again
I hear the same thing from your mouth
All I want to do is silence it
Make age catch up to you sooner
Let the light fade from your eyes
Underneath my hands
I want to watch as I shatter the record you became
I'm tired of being your puppet
I'm not your kid
Even if I am dating your daughter
My life never had any worth to you before
I know what I'm doing
I'm making my life the way I want it
If its too far on the edge for you
STAY THE **** OUT OF MY RELATIONSHIP
Repeat...repeat...re..re...repeat
I'll pull the plug myself
If that's what will make you see
I'm not deserving of your daughter
But I'm what makes her happy
While you make me miserable
I know you think its all out of love
If ever I need your advice
I'll proudly give ask you for it
I'm not always right
But I like the risk of never being wrong
So let me grow up
Let your daughter grow up
Dont marry us just yet
She doesn't know the darkness creeping
Sitting silently being courteous
Not to rip your throat out
Please I beg you
Stop this madness
I'm going to walk
My insanity slowly slipping away
Sanity prevailing
Wanting to **** you
Trying desperately to keep you alive here
Step away take an absence
I'm being nice I'll put this warning on repeat
Step away take an absence
Step away take an absence
There's only one way id like to end this
And that's to live happily ever after with her

Brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers
We bid you farewell for now
But we'll join you soon enough
You have accomplished so much

Footprints in the sand
Unable to be washed away
Impossible to replicate
Still you will never be forgotten

Names forged in stone
Medals pinned on your chest
Flag draped over your coffin
Laid to rest as the final shots ring out

Friends, uncles, aunts, and cousins
Family relatives of all kinds
Never have we seen stronger people
We salute all you upheld

Veterans, men and women of  war
Thank you for your sacrifices
Now on this day please
Rest in peace

There's something wrong
It hasn't rung
That very tune I love to hear
Love...
What's the point anymore
Just heartache and disappointment
Like an empty voicemail
Thinking maybe I missed it
Fell asleep in the middle of the day
Forgot to charge it
A relationship is all about communication
Yet there's none
You want me to tell you all my feelings
But maybe its pointless
Telling you I feel like a third wheel
Always being on the back burner
It feels as if you're toying with me
Like maybe there isn't one man here
But why wouldn't there be
We aren't together
Maybe that's where I keep fooling myself
My emotions blind me further
I've never felt this way
All this love and cheesy lines
Trying to get you to smile
I should just give up
Just stop
Like the ringtone that never rang

Roses are red
Violets are blue
What do I do
When I'm lost without you

You brought color
Into my black and white world
Life flourished with smiles
Every time you walked by

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't feel dead
Everything is clear in my head

Fog swept in
You whisk it away with a kiss
You blew to me in the haze
That hit me with deadly accuracy

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I should be dead
But I'd rather live to love you

We all lose our minds looking to be sane right?

screams of a child
as she watches
her father die
and his blood spills

screams of the dark
as they drag
the body away
and feast on his bones

screams of an angel
as she falls
when the clouds open
clipping her wings

screams of the helpless
as they starve
their bodies crumble like ash
bones showing aging scars

screams of everybody
yet nobody hears
muffled by refusal
drowned by prayer

screams of the restless
knowing they will never sleep
hoping for death
so they can sleep forever

screams of ghosts
as they try to find their way
no hope for them
they are lost forever

screams of the forgotten
as they march a path
paved by death and loneliness
never to be remembered

screams of the living
when they look in the mirror
and see time take its toll
death releasing them from times hold

screams of the tortured
as they are left stranded
helpless to nature
reckless in their steps

screams of the poet
as he loses his mind
sanity never gained
lost in words he choked on

I'm not the god I thought I was
Reckless beyond all hope
Dodging more bullets than *******
Expecting concrete to be soft
Laying my life on the line
Thinking it was a safe bet
Adrenaline pumping pushing myself
Over every ledge I climbed
I may be the master of my own creation
Yet nowhere did I master my own emotion
Gambling feelings like poker chips
Life's own currency
Wasted on one night stands
Sipping the cup of life
Toxic in all its flavor and aroma
Stressed when my heart pockets are empty
Checks bouncing as I dance from girl to girl
Dinner dates and movie tickets
I've wasted my own prescious resource
Mining for a gem
Fooled by gold's luster
I don't want to die this way
Collecting debt with my sanity
Worrying the wealth I have left
Will be stolen from me again
I'd rather invest in my own goals
Mine for the strength to see myself
Without smoke and mirrors
So here's the only safe bet
Guaranteed to win
One quick glance in the mirror
Straighten the tie
Smile
I know I'm going to win
As long as my faith remains in myself

I'm just like you
Take a look in the mirror
I have the same features as you
I have the same pain
If not more
Hell awaits my coming
But till then I shall feed Lady Death
With the souls of those I ****
But they don't have a soul
Because they are all me
I'm a serial killer poet
But its not anybody you know I ****
I **** the multiple personalities
To the sick and twisted side of my mind
Let me be the next victim please
I can't stand to live this way
I am awaiting the chair
Maybe lethal injection
Anything will be better than this
Constantly killing
I'm just the typical serial killer poet
I hunger for blood
Thirst for the scent of rotting flesh
I get off with my constant suicide
I envy the way I die
But sadly I cannot attain this gift
I'm a serial killer poet
But I **** myself within my poetry
Not people I don't know in life
So call me crazy
Throw me in an asylum
Lock me up and throw away the key
I will continue to be nothing more
Than a serial killer poet

Dancing and taunting me
With evil grins under oak trees and pines
Calling unto me to finish the war
Show no mercy to these wrist
Show no mercy to these intestines
As razor blades and bottles
Disposed of quite quickly
One cut two cut
Three bottle four
All gone
I'm drunk
I'm bleeding
Oh well
Maybe tomorrow will never come
Kiss the sun for me
Say goodnight to the moon
For the later nights of the distant future
The shadows of the night
Beg me to join them
To fill and quench their thirst
With rivers of blood
Underneath this moons
Vacant shadow arrayed light
I'm sorry but I must finish what I started
This war will have to come to an end
And with five cut six cut
Seven bottle eight bottle
It is over...

I'm not digging my grave
I'm just going to hang from this tree
Bleeding from my wrist
Drunk off the freshly opened bottle of Jack Daniels
My grave is in total opposite
I'm six feet above the ground
In this shallow grave
Nobody even knows I'm here
They're all probably thinking it's a hoax
Well I'm no UFO
Or Bigfoot sighting
I'm a 17 year old
Hanging from the neck
Of my favorite old oak
I think it's over 100 years old
I left a note
I wonder if they found me yet
I told them I was dead already
Nobody ever believes me
Maybe now they will
When they see what I carved into my wrist

Hands tied to headboards
*** up face blindfolded
She likes it rough
Even as my hand collides with each cheek
She likes the way both holes
Get ravaged by the hungry force
My animalistic instincts produce
She likes it rough
Being thrown from her knees to her back
Hair pulled as my hands grasp more
She gasping even harder
Moans coming out in squeals
She didn't know it was this fun
Filling her with the decadence of life
Not knowing which hole it feels better in
She likes it rough
She only wants to be my *** slave
For every one of my lives
She knows my heart is empty
That's way she loves me
Her moans for more echo
So we both know how good it is

**** digging deeper
Maybe she can take it
Hope this rubber don't break
I don't feel like being a daddy today
But ****** she'll call me daddy
As we're ******* tonight
Leave a path of clothes
A trail of breadcrumbs
From door to bedroom
Rose pedals tracing out our hearts
As her moans stain the sheets
She'll call me daddy tonight
Even after all the hell I put her through

She loved him once
Gave him everything she could offer
He wrapped his greedy fingers
Around her heart
Choked it till it stopped beating
But when she regained her strength
She found she still loved him
He couldn't find another victim
So he fed her lies and *******
He treated her like a queen
Found the treasure
He looked for once before
Only to shatter the remnants of her heart even further
She said to herself
Love him or **** him
If he can't love me
Nobody ever will
So she shot him
Hung him by his dying neck
Beat him with a dull machete
Used him for target practice
And slit her own throat
Their bodies found
Bathed in each others blood

One pedal gone
Two flowers opposite of the same field
Winds screaming the same thing
My heart says with another pedal gone
She loves me
I love her not
Torn between this
Relationship fading
Will I ever see her smile
Or will I be the reason she cries rivers
She'll eventually drown herself in
I love the silence
She loves that I'm still there
Even though our mouths are sewn shut
She still tries to knit one more i love you
In the text that will lead to its over
She loves me
I love her not
Two pedals left
I already knew the end result
Nature never lies
It tells whether we're meant to be
And today we got our not to be

Day in day out
Constant thumping in my chest
Headlights wrapped around the tree limbs
Of her well being
Is she happy
Does she miss me
She's all I think about
What steps do I take
To speed up this process
How do I convince a judge
What he/she is looking at
Isn't the monster they make me out to be
I'd never harm my daughter
Never issued I'll will against them
But every step is excruciating
Bc it puts me another week
Without her smile
Without her laugh
Without her hugs
I'm loosing faith
I'll ever see her again
But I keep preparing
Keep my head in the game
Knight to E4
This game of chess is brutal
Strategizing against lawyers
Decisions hardly my own
Why do they keep doing this
Petty notions just to see me behind bars
All I want is to see my daughter
Tickle her and Chase her around
Play hide and go seek
Peek-a-boo behind corners
Play tag till my feet hurt
She's all I think about
She's my daughter
And they robbed her from me
The only joy I had in this life
The only reason I kept breathing
Now oceans of bills
Unnecessarily weighing on me
Immature in all it's nature
This game they play isn't fair
It's emotional homicide
Using my daughter as the weapon
Knowing she's my only weakness
Yet I know she's my greatest strength

Perfume bottle of ecstasy
Broken glass covered in rose blood
Her body laying on carpet
Blood blanketing her corpse
She smelled like roses and death
Yet they say she smelled like me the most

She rode into my dreams
On the coattails of comets
Danced with constellations
And juggled planets
She was everything I could want
But reality called at 4:30 in the morning
She wasn't mine
Shackled to ideas that's she's fat
Ugly in every sense
But she had beauty
In the way she carried a smile
With gashes bleeding on her back
She had purpose in her walk
With cast-iron boulders bolted to her ankles
She was the epitome of perfection
Bundle in sweat clothes
Afraid everyone would stare at her ***
Because it shaked a whistle from across the room
She was everything
Any man could hope for
But she was a cab away
A ferry too far
A plane ride too long
She was unreachable
But maybe my heart will stop soon
And take a deeper look
At all the possibilities
That she could be mine
Maybe by then
Every fiber in my body
Will realize
Some dreams just never come true
No matter how many stars
You wish upon
On the early hours of the evening

Whiskey on her lips
A cigarette barely hanging on
To her index and *******
Scared to fall and set her world on fire
She was lovely
Perfectly ravishing as she fought her intoxication
Said her name was Daisy
But couldn't remember where she parked the general lee
Sadness painted her face
Like ***** to her shoes
Turkey sandwich and a light salad
A fifth of crown chased with a few too many shots
Of her good ole friend Jaeger
She was lovely
As she passed out barely missing the steel
Of a rednecks jacked up Chevy bumper
Waking up with mascara running down both cheeks
Clothes hung neatly next to the bed
She asked if I was the butler
I only said I was the one who saved her
From the woman in her mirror
She was lovely
Blood flushing her cheeks
A cuter kiss then what I could give
Alcohol leads to nightmares
Nights we can't seem to remember
I told her she was lovely
Even after she tried to ruin herself
By painting red walls redder
On toilet seats of forgotten stalls
She laughed and called me crazy
Maybe I am
But who cares
When you witness beauty rise from chaos

A sweet lullaby of what could happen
A night filled with pleasure
Ecstasy with shots of pain
Bedsheets freshly placed
They needed memories
She whispered...
I love you
But I never heard
Too busy drowning on my own problems
All I heard was tear drops
And my own footsteps
Captain ******* of the varsity ******* club
Too afraid to stop and realize
She was everthing I ever needed
She whispered...

I kissed your best friend
Loved her like I would love you
She called my name like you do
She dug her nails in my back
Like I was a scratch pad
She did all the things you did
I don't know how she knew
All she did was whisper in my ear
The very sentence you screamed every night
I'm sorry I know you'd **** me if you ever found out
But I'm not going to run away with my tail tucked
I ****** your best friend like it was the end of the world
Like the sky was falling
Like I would make love to you
Still it was you I came to
Your face I saw as it all happened
No excuses I deserve whatever is coming
But if you only knew
Your best friend was always your reflection
Your shoulder to lean on
You'd always run into the bathroom after a fight
Talk to yourself for hours
Tell me you hated me
But rushed out before the words even pierced the door
Kissed me like it was forever ago before you had them
I'd never love anybody but you
And I'm glad I traced you on my mirror so you'll never disappear

Herd of voices
Thunderous teeth
Beating eardrums
Orchestra of vocal cords
Choir of inharmonious chatter
Battle of the mind
As the body begins it's rebellion
It's a mutiny
Paranoia creeping
They're all against me
Every voice
Each individual personality
Even those with silver tongues
Whispering sweet lullabies
Simple distractions
To avoid the plot
They conjure in secret
I'm going to die
By our hand
Their wickedness
My fear
I'm schizophrenic
Towards the countless
Multiple personalities
Residing behind temple doors
One flinch
I'll take them all out
Before they take control
I hear the riot
On tips of tongues
I deny exist
Heed my warning
If I don't die physically
I'll die mentally
You'll see a shell
Of someone other than me
Do not peak behind the windows
You'll only witness madness
Dormant I wish they stayed
Yet their hunger
Knows only one limitation

Do you hear them?
There on the wind
Can you feel your blood curling?
Can you feel the chills crawl like spiders?
Can you taste the blood?
Can you taste the bitterness of horror?
Can you smell the decaying corpses?
Can you smell the fear present?
Shhhhhh...listen
The screams of horror
Mutilation of the weak
The cries of help
Desecration of purity
Listen to them
Answer them
Because they are your own
Coming deep from within

Hey...


                                                        ­    ...this is our little secret



                                                       ­                                                                 ­                  ...I love you




                                 ...forever

Im alone while holding safe hands
In an ocean of cannibals
Wishing they'd eat me
Instead of fattening me up

When I wasn’t scared
Unafraid of what tomorrow held
When I didn’t care
Who cried who I left behind
Should have done it sooner
While I was young
When I was good enough for it
When nobody mattered
So many ways
I should have done it
Just walked away
Stepped of the deep end
Forgot the world above
Slept in chaos and hatred
Now the only thing I look forward to
Is the day she grows up
And tells me she loves me
For never following through with it

I didn't cut myself
I'm just fine
It's just a scratch
Oh the red stuff
That's just ketchup
I was eating a hamburger

You walked away
Bad decision
You didn't look in my other hand

Everything I just told you is *******
I'm carving "Help me"
Into these ancient veins
I'm not mining for gold
I'm mining for iron
A little bit of nickle
I just didn't want you to worry
I'll wake up in the morning

I think?