I made a deal with the devil
Sold my soul
For a cheaper price
Just to finger bang
These *** backward emotions
Out of existence
All I have to do
Is sign the dotted line
The deal is done
My soul is his
All for the knowledge
That she smiles
One more time before I go

It's raining it's pouring
The old man is snoring
Its a childish lullaby
Soothing chaos in falling skies
But as the thunder sounds
Silence befalls even the mightiest beast
So why do I still weep
As the melody ends

This meadow once a graceful place
Pathways to untold peace
Narrow corridors into the heartland of tranquility
Weaving in, out, around trees
Like perfectly formed webs
That glisten with morning dew
Even as the sun sets through the branches
Cascading this meadow with darkness
New Moon blanketing the meadow
With the hope of new light
The voices begin to play
Lullaby whispers dancing on leaves
Shaking tree limbs to the eerie silence
The nonexistent breeze
Carrying the meadow into ballrooms of vampiric flames
Thirsty for the life each tree branch holds
Silent meadow voices
Truly are silent
When meadows burn to the sound
Of crackling horror-stricken leaves
Curling under the immense heat
Fossilized in ashes
Making this once tranquil meadow
An ashen wasteland for silent meadow voices
Refusing to even open their tongues
To welcome the morning sun
Bringing new light
To the horror of silent meadow voices...silenced

An awkward silence between friends
A blush a glance away
Somethings sparks
Maybe there is more
Your sweet voice in my head
Calling me to lean forward
My hands pulling you closer
Should I risk this friendship
For a chance at something that might not happen
A road trip to see you
A smile from your lips
Maybe I am a stoner
Maybe I am an alcoholic
A party-goer try not to be sober
So I can deny myself these feelings
Hide the pain, the anger, the sorrow
I should have paused the beers
The blunts, joints, and bongs
To talk to you
Show the level of guilt I feel
But like a dog with it's tail tucked
I hid, ran from sight
I can't say it anymore
The real way I feel
Words escape me
Everything feels so forced
Nothing flows
Im a puddle without a current
Stagnant and lifeless

On the wall
A dark shadow
Pulsating
Something falling
From your ghostly silhouette
There what is that shape
I have never thought
Something could look so disgusting
Something could be this broken
Yet there on the wall
Light shining upon you
Just a silhouette remains
What are you
Are you alive
Are you dying
Have you gotten drunk off love
Have you sniffed the powdered lines
Of passionate poison romance
Knives in and out repeatedly being stabbed
Needles to sow the gabbing wholes
Making room for the new ones
Oh ****
You're a heart
A silhouette heart
Is this all that is left of you
No actual body
No existence
**** it you're my heart

Step up to this mic
Clear my throat
I'll start this off
A glare into souls
That will learn this lesson
Maybe before me
Or a lot harder then I did
I'm sorry
Not the average everyday apology
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I'm sorry Mom
For not listening to you
When you begged me to stay young
Keep my innocence about me
Hidden from the reality
It's no prison
It's a violent sanctuary
Love is given never seen
Stupid syllables of anger
Annoyed by not knowing
How to explain who I am
I'm sorry
No heap of *******, get me out of trouble sorry
Truly, Honest;y, Sincerely
I'm sorry Dad
For being a burden
Asking for the world
Not knowing the cost
Hating you when you left
Gone off to work
Too tired to play
Stealing your liquor
Just in the hope to be half the man I saw you as
I'm sorry
No board game in the middle of a hurricane
Just to pass the time
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I'm sorry all my ex's
For cheating, for stealing your time
Your love, Your hate, Your perfection
For giving you reasons to do the same
Fighting with poetry
Hoping metaphors healed faster
Then blades dug
I'm sorry
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I apologize
I don't need forgiveness
Don't mistake this as a plee
I wish only you know
I apologize for my mistakes
For my short comings
For over doing it
For being an ***
Making one of myself
And forcing you to watch
I regret most
Care for less
Respect you all
Because it shaped the man I will be
Thank you

Hey, I know it's been a long time
But have you ever wondered
Where we could have been
If the things we've done never happened
If the path that drove us apart
Never opened up
Would there have been an us
How would that have looked
Where would we grow
Because I know every home
Needs a garden to grow in
Would everything I ever wanted
Came true with you as the sculptor
Would you have all your dreams
Been set in stone by my hands
I've overanalyzed my past
The possibilities that never saw light
Sorrow fills my soul
Because I see the greatness
That could have been
So I write what I said then
That altered our reality
To a future that is our present
Two sides of opposite coins
Of opposing currency
Yet the needs of my heart
Compel me to still say it
I love you
Not once have I ever stopped
Yet I've started to dislike it
The questions I know the answers to
Even the ones I hate to ask myself
When those are the ones
With endless outcomes
I hate to admit it
But I only see one outcome anymore
Me growing old
Loving a woman
That will never be mine
Giving and receiving affection
To others I won't care for nearly as much
So do I write these hopes off
Pass thru life
Under the radar
And void of attention
Could it really be
I've become weary of emotions
Aching from all the breaks
Thinking each time could be the last
Knowing in my gut
There will be no such thing
I didn't mean to bother you
I was just wondering
Did you do the same
Have the same thoughts
Or maybe I was alone in that
I know the feelings
You may have once had
Are colder than ice
At the bottom of a glacier
But I've been wrong before
And that's a comforting feeling
Because it's something I'm not used to
So without holding you
Any further than intended
I wanted to tell you
One more time
Before I never got the chance
Or even the courage to again
Sincerely yours

Radiant smiles dancing on morning dew pedals
Simple days require complicated smiles
Your smile is undecribable
That's why this poem has no meaning
It only ends when I use a simple cliche

Your smile makes my world brighter

Say "Cheese"
Look into this lens
Of forgotten smiles
Let me capture your elegant beauty
They say a picture holds a thousand words
But this picture of you
Still holds me breathless
Your beauty is playing Cat and Mouse
With this tongue of mine
And my jaw hit the floor
With that smile of yours
It's cute how you try to hide it
I know you don't like it
But I love it
Smile for the camera
For me one more time
So the memory of you
Will never fade away

If it weren't for that smile
I chase on everyone's face
A symbol of approval
My life's not meaningless
I have a purpose
Or just an attempt
To give myself reason
Not to blow my head off
Or swing from that bridge
I've always given so many smiles
Earned one or two
Tried and tried
But I'll never be the reason
Anyone smiles forever
I'll be the reason
Someone cries before sleep
When it's my blood
Mopping up puddles of tears
*** for tat
I'll pray I'm forgotten quick
No one needs to know
The hell I go through
Smile please
It'll make this hurt a lot less
I'm smiling so why aren't you
Do you fear loosing me
Or that smile no one
Tries to hold onto

Went from daily drugs
Hanging with wannabe thugs
To watching a little girl grow
Without my daily influence
Daily buzzes
Weekly lows
Constant battles I fought on my own
Never addicted
Just chasing a feeling
Where I wasn't feeling
Tired of the depression
Wasting my life with anxiety
Now I'm getting high
Off the feeling that
Tomorrow will be better
Whether I'm there or not
Accepting the fact
I'll go to bed in a better place
Then where I woke up from
Instead of ******* about where I am

I love you
I love her
She loves him
You're with him
How do I go from point A
To point B
If every bridge is burnt
I'm so ******* confused
There are no answers to my questions
Might as well stop asking the oldest
What do I do?

There is a young man
No older than your son
Your brother
Your uncle
Your nephew
Or even you
He sitting on his knees
Whispering a prayer
To a god
And when he is done
He will lay in bed for the next three hours
And hope God will answer his prayer
He prayed for death to come
He prayed for his girlfriend
Of almost two years
To forget him and move on
For someone to be his voice
For someone that could have been there for him
To listen to is worries
But unfortunately before that prayer
Is even thought to be answered
He will have taken 36 of 20 different pills
Choked on the chemicals mixing
Suffer from his stomach eroding
Dying in agony
All because he felt like he was worthless
Like nobody bothered to get to know him
What a shame
See he was a poet
Had amazing artistic abilities
Listened to everybody else’s problems
Gave the best advice he could give
For years he tried to make everybody around him happy
And his last thought before he died
Was that somebody took the time to read this
Because it could save the life of somebody
That he didn't need to know
That he didn't have to love
But wanted to help anyway
Because he was your voice
When you couldn't find the words
He was your echo when somebody didn't listen
So I’m glad you took the time to read this
Because somewhere it just saved a life

I'll be able to go back
To that beach
To that moment
Where life had meaning
My future had a value
Someday..
I'll feel the waves caress my skin
I'll taste the breeze
Chase shadow of every seagull
Witness that sunset in her eyes
someday huh
Every dreamer has to dream
Someday
I'll know why she called herself a mother
I'll know why she couldn't say no
Hopefully my hatred will die with her
All I know is I miss the things so far out of reach
I linger on those that bother me
Watch as everything crawls under my skin
I want to go back to that beach
Scratch my head
Ponder on everything familiar
Wonder about everything I'll learn

Its my fault aint it?
I did something
And it changed us
I just dont know what

Something happened between us
Because we used to talk
All day and well into the late hours
We used to kiss and hug

But now it just seems
Like everything has changed
And its my fault
Please tell me what I did

How did we go
From a great couple
And amazing friends
To barely anything now

Something happened between us
Please tell me what it is
Because not talking to you
Is ******* killing me!!

Mother why
Father why
Why do you turn your backs to me
Why can't you look me in the eyes
So much distance in this family
Mother, Father
Why have you abandoned me
Was I not a good enough son
Have I not tried hard enough
To show you I want to make you proud
This pressure is too much
Causing so much distance
All in an instance
You refuse to acknowledge my pain
You refuse to grasp the concept
That I am killing myself
That I am drowning in depression
And Mother, Father
I can't take it anymore
I am sorry
But this **** has to end
So much distance
All in an instance
So quick to deny me
The luxury of my youth
Have I not exceeded the others
I can't be the only one
To prove to you
You have not failed us
I can't take the yelling
I can't take the fighting
I can't take the constant cutting
I have scars from the years
Of trying to survive
But I am 17 now
And I am making this decision
To solve the problem
With a permanent solution
I have become so depressed
I have become so horse
From years of trying to make you hear me
I just want to be acknowledged as your son
Not your ******* slave
Mother, Father just shut the **** up
And listen to me for the first time
Go ahead and say your favorite line
"When are you going to listen to us?"
Maybe when you listen to me for a change
I am still ******* human
No matter how much I wish I wasn't
I feel dead inside because of you
So much distance
And it happened all in an instance
I can't take the separation anymore
Father, your always gone
You barely saw me grow up
Everything I learned as a man
Was by my own doing
Or by another man that took me under his wing
Mother, you always ***** at me
Even for the simplest things
I have watched as you changed
And you can't cope with the fact
That I hate you for it
That I have become a man
That I have decided to leave
So much distance
No one hears my calls for help
Even with a megaphone to my lips
Even with it posted all over the internet
I can't seem to find comfort
I have nothing left
All because you never gave me anything
Worth actually caring for
I didnt need the material things
I needed your love and compassion
Something neither could obviously give
And it caused so much distance
I have no relationship with either of you
So I bid you both farewell
I can't take this
I need a home
Not a place to sleep
I need a sanctuary
A place of peace and solace
Something you obviously cannot give
You both are unhappy
Causing me to be even more miserable
You cannot help me with my depression
You can't offer me anything but materials
And I don't want them
I want a Mother and Father
That can try to understand me
But I won't receive that in this life
So I am leaving
Due to so much distance
In this family
I hope you get to read this
Even if it is after
I scatter my brains all over the wall
Or get emancipated and move far away from you

Somebody out there save me
I sent a message in a bottle
Poured all my emotions into it
And I think it sank to the depths
I just want somebody to help me
I can't stay on this deserted island
I'm no Robison Crusoe
I have no intention of being the depressed version of Gilligan
I'm tired of being an outcast
Shadowed by everyone
I want my own spotlight to stand in
I want to fight with the stars
So I can bath in the blessed moonlight
I can't fight the universe
But a poem a day
Keeps the pain away
Right?
S.O.S
I need some help
I can't find it
The water supply is running out
The timber on this land
Doesn't exist
I'm sinking into a ****** pool
That covers three quaters of the Earth
I need solid ground
Not cave-ins at the slightest touch
Please anybody out there
Help me
Save me

From me

The way tears rolled down hills
With black eyed Susie's
Painted in perfection
On the porcelain figure that is your face
The way you forced rose petals
From your already thorn scarred wrist
Have you forgot the hours
We wasted just staring at each other
Afraid we might say something stupid
The way we would blush before we spoke
Like little kids pushed on stage
Fighting for a spot in the light
But never throwing a punch
Just stuttered and stumbled
On words we didn't even know how to say
Yet we threw words together
The way poets throw paper and ink
Into magnificent works of art
So you forgot
All the times we would hold hands
Start chanting some random song
Laugh a little till we realized we did it out loud
Where only seconds passed
Before hysterical laughter roared from our bellies
So you forgot
The late night beatings
Your egotistical alcoholic father gave you
Where you'd run to me before you ran to the blade
You don't remember any of that
So you simply forgot
Of course you would
Your no longer apart of this world
Yet you live through my memories
My scars I traced in an elegant array
To match the very ones your wrist held with shame
So you forgot
But I never will
Bc I still love you even after all the tears
Fall to the ground and puddle
Right beside the stains of blood
I still remember your smile
Forced onto your sculpted face
Yet plastered so awkwardly
It couldn't fool a blind man
I still remember the walks on the beach
Where we would play hop scotch
To avoid the jellyfish
I still remember your tailored blouses
Left on my bedroom floor
Scared we would get caught
I still remember running away from you
When I love you was so foreign
It pierced my soul quicker than any arrow
I still remember our last phone call
Where you whispered goodbye
Then dropped the phone
I still remember my screams
My pleads to a god I once trusted
Please don't die on me
Please be alive when I get there
Please dear god please keep her here with me
Yet you were 3/4s past saving
Bleeding into my arms
Staining my new t-shirt
Mascara dripping from your chin
Nothing I could do but watch you fade
I still remember every waking moment
Fighting to believe you were gone
Yet you forgot
You just wished yourself away
Into another galaxy far from me
On the tip of that razor blade
I'll always remember you
While you forget about us

First glance my heart stopped
As my eyes lingered
My lungs began gasping for air
As my voice slurred out the words
Adreishka...I...l.love...y.you
You left me speechless
My love
You are the only thing
This world offered me
That was actually perfect
My heart plays rhythms for you to dance to
My soul sings songs for you to relax with
My body becomes your castle for you to be safe
My love
You left me speechless
Adreishka...I...l.love...y.you!!

Lurking in the shadows
Street lights not touching your face
Hood up
Knife gripped tight
As you stalk her every move

Like a snake
Slithering into position
Coiled and ready to strike
Aiming for the purse
Willing to take more

You stalked her for weeks
Watching her walk
Her daily routine
Learning how many steps
She makes a day

As your moment draws near
Adrenaline rushing
Stalking her for this moment
To **** and **** her
Just because she broke your heart

You creep closer
Closer and closer
Not wanting to do this
But if you can't have her
No one shall

I have a bad case of the munchies
Should have took a right
Maybe the next exit on this stoner highway
Will lead to munchville
This 1991 Chevy S10 is Casa de marijuana
Stoners only ride
6 oz of berry white
2 oz of bubba kush
3 1/2 gs of Pineapple Express
I'm ******
Yet I've only had 4 bowls 2 extendo blunts
And 1 braided joint
Lost my touch
Hold on
Let me get right
Alright I'm not even high
Lets smoke another bowl
I'm ready to **** it up all night
Smoke out the western hemisphere
I'm a stoner
Staying ****** in ******* Mexico
So roll you a blunt
Pack a bowl
**** up the night
Get ******* ******

I ****** up pretty much everything in my ******* life

I feel like I'm drifting
Slowly away from all I've worked for
I've tried to fix my shattered sanity
But every piece I put together
Another breaks away

I feel like I'm falling
Endlessly into a darker abyss
I've tried to warm my iced heart
But every piece I melt away
Another grows thicker

Every attempt I make
At something right
I end up in a darker haze
Not knowing if the next step
Will end up killing me

Is this the life I'm meant to live
Can this be all I have to look forward to
No I refuse this
But if it i who I'm meant to be
I will not let it get the best of me

Haha world I got the last laugh
I'm the one standing tall
After you put me through it all
Even as death seemed imminent
I stared back with unrelenting eyes

Broken, beaten, lost, and confused
As I walk through deepening fog
But I laughed at your attempts
To bring me to my knees
Because all it did was make me braver

I feel like I'm suffocating
Under hollow flesh and bone
I've tried to fill these eyes of empty dreams
But every piece of soul I cleanse
Another becomes dirtier

My life, my dreams, my future
All remains a giant mystery
A guess changing like the sea
But not for a second will I stop
To someday, one day be free

She loves me!
She loves me not!
She loves me?
Stupidest game I ever played
Watching the pedals fall
Like my heart
Making love with my feet
When it reached the bottom
Only because I wasted my time
Being the pawn in your twisted game of love
I'm glad it's over between us
Nothing remains
Not even a friendship
You let that go to waste
When you decided
It couldn't be true

Cute subtle lips
I wonder how they taste
She's a mystery I want to solve
Her case of sweetness must be resolved
How can she be this beautiful
Yet remain with the shadows
Blending in with the perfection
Such a mystery
That is killing me
I find myself in a fantasy
Wondering how lovely she truly is
Making her smile seems simple enough
Maybe I can make her blush
With a poem about her mysterious beauty
Such a mystery
Yet an amazing girl

It's cold outside
Fog is just rolling in
I think it's a quarter after 8
Seems like the moon
Is playing peak-a-boo in the sky
Its quite fascinating
I guess I will miss all of this
I just wrote a poem
Three pages front and back
Simply saying I was going to die
That I didn't want to end it
But I had a feel that I had too
A feeling that I was the reason
To the reoccuring temporary problem
So I have the permanent solution
And maybe this solution
Could inspire the lives of others
Maybe my death could bring peace
To a family so torn and broken
Maybe their tears will be the glue
That will forever hold them together
Or maybe they wont show
Maybe they are sick of me
I know they don't
Because they are afraid to look me in the eyes
Afraid that I'm too dark
That my whole life is meant to revolve around them
So this is just a way
For me to say goodbye
I already had 40 pills
From the 8 bottles with a prescription
For about 4 different disorders
The 2 doctors think I have
It hase only 1 name
Its ******* depression
I'm not insane
Bipolar, paranoid, or OCD
I am me and your greed is destroying me
So I'll take another 30
All at once so I can be sure I'm gone
Hope this poem
Makes you realize
That you should of listened
When I asked to hear my poems
To listen when I was ******
So I hope that guilt kills you
Litterally decays your body
From the inside out
But wait like you said
Last night when we fought
"It would be another poet dead and gone"
Well *******
I was never a poet
Just a kid trying to relieve his pain
The very pain you gave me
So adios
I'm gone
I can feel the chemicals mixing in my stomach
It hurts like hell
But I guess being free has its dues

Why did you come?
I enjoy the waking up at 10
I enjoy the relief from school
But why did you have to come
And take away my friends
The very few that I have
You brought me a job
Money in my pocket
Well needed for the ***** and drugs
For my Saturday night Fiestas
Also for my funds to go and see my beloved fiance one day
Summer
I hate you
Yet I love you all the same
I need some sleep
A hell of a lot more sleep

Three shots down the hatch
Burning as it goes down
I'm a dragon
Breathing fire upon your nasal cavity
Sweet whiskey stench on my breath
Still drunk from the previous night
Maybe I had to much
Salud
I'll take another one
Pass out
Finally get the sleep I need
Maybe this is just a dream
Because I don't taste
The sweet, sweet whiskey
On my lips

It should be a crime to be me
This life a wasted effort in improving all others
An artificial defiance to the heavens
People so hopelessly look up to
Pray and waste there breathe believing
This life is synthetic
Pure and simple
But these emotions are raw and true

You're right
I was wrong
Yet you don't realize I was right
I've said it so many times
Stuck on repeat
I'm an old vinyl
It can't be helped
That you were scared
Reality is just a perception
It's not a script we follow
It's dialogues and ideas
Mistakes and lessons
I knew you loved me
I still love you
Yet those few words
You uttered into my ear
Desecrated my faith in my heart
I chose the path I took
Simply out of recklessness
Settling for less
When I deserved more at one point
Now I'm excepting
The sum of my worth
Just a divorced dad
Single for all eternity
I couldn't have given you
Anything of worth
We've played scenarios
Created dialogues within our monologue
Changed dreams so many times
They lost their shape
Our version of tag
It's funny now
How even after time passes
We still play it
Maybe one day
We'll stop lying to ourselves
And smile in each other's arms
Or face the version of reality
You're dead set on perceiving
I've announced it so many times
In different ways
Perhaps being blunt
Would be easier to say
I'm madly in love with you
You don't have my heart
You have my soul instead
Through endless heartbreaks
Life threatening seconds
I'm your crazy
Just waiting to be claimed
I guess that's the issue
We always are scared to face
How do we claim each other
When we're world's apart
How do we work
When our lives are already in motion
8 hours ahead and behind


Tag...



I love you

Just filled up
Ready to conquer
Miles upon miles
Stretched out
Untamed asphalt
Awaiting me
Yet I watch
Ever so diligently
As "Full" gradually drops
3/4
1/2
1/4
1/8
Dancing on E
Soon to be stranded
Thumbs out
Thigh might shake
Maybe a laugh
Will get someone to stop
Help me put fuel
In a tank ran dry
It won't help now
My gauge has been broke
I rigged it to be on "F"
When it's really bone dry
I've been running
On a tank stuck on E
No amount of prayer
You whisper in idle hope
No supply of hugs
You discount tirelessly
This gasoline engine
Intent on starving
Rather keep going
Depriving all maintenance
Oil leaks
Transmission slipping
ECM haywire
Throwing endless codes
Mechanics can't figure out
This one here
Ole Reliable
Old Faithful
We'll call her Betsy
Somehow
Someway
With a tank on E
Your destination you'll get to
Run ragged
Throttled till the lifters knock
Patiently dying quicker
Holding out
Till that one mechanic
Actually will take the time
Put forth the effort
Ever so effortlessly
Running part by part
Through and through
Fixing what needs it the most
Just so the gauges won't lie
And the performance
Will be dramatically improved
What more do you expect
When you got a tank
Stuck on E
And nowhere to fill-up
Where the price
Actually matches the sign
Or the quality of the fuel
Is genuine in it's conviction
To get you there
That place you need to be
Where the fuel is abundant
Maintenance is easier
All attention is set
On the perfect match
Between your fuel station
And my vehicular heart
Always wanting to go
Just no destination
Or company for enjoyment
Just a tank on E
Waiting for the towtruck
With salvage on the side
Crusher it is
Even if it runs and drives
No use without the fuel
To keep it going

Embodiment of emotion
Pictured perfectly
From letters to cartoons
Displaying my thought process
Abstract sleeves
Illuminati meanings
Da Vinci and Van Gogh
Psychological in art
How do you see yourself
When others can't see
Past the ink on pigmented flesh
This is my therapy
My freedom in expression
So don't judge me
When I know I'm guilty
Of self interpretation

Please you're killing me
With velvet lips
Of pure ecstasy
Just release me
From your silken smooth skin
That has become my prison
I can't take it anymore
Tell me goodbye
Let me go
I loved you enough to stay
But I'd hate to hurt you
So please I'm begging you
Tell me goodbye
Don't kiss me goodnight
Just let me go
I loved you once
Now love me
And say goodbye
I am a virus
I complex disease
With no cure
I am a cancer to your heart
So tell me goodbye
End this for me
Please I'm begging you

Is it wrong
These feelings I feel
Hopelessly unreciprocated
Stuck in this black hole
Longing for your touch
On every heart string
Words I cling onto
Cliffs I scale every night
Before I dream of holding your hand
Is it delusional
How I think
Eventually there will be an us
I'm sorry I can't stop these feelings
I honestly don't want to
It's you I think of
Whether I'm with her
Or with another
I plaster your face on my eyelids
God's perfect sculpture
Ask me why I couldn't tell you
Every feeling I feel
Wrecking ***** to my chest
On every breath
If I died I want it carved on my headstone
The feelings I feel for you
My one desire
The bone chilling fire
That makes me wake up
When I know you're not around
Even in these messages
I pray to see you say hello in
Ask me why now
My answer remains the same
It's you I spend my life daydreaming about
The wind in your hair
Your eyes piercing my soul
The way you smell
Annihilating my senses
Overwhelming me with joy
Bc I'm that close to you
Is it wrong for me to feel this way
I don't care
I'd never want to be right if it was

On the hills of mother America
Somewhere on the greatest of plains
Ten thousand jagged rocks cover my grave
You'll never see them
Only because they have an invisible weight
It is the weight of my insanity
The weight of the darkness in my soul
A weight that cannot be measured
So stone my grave
With your hate filled words
I'll know I'm still alive
Somewhere in the confines of your heart and mind

I know every time you look at me
You see a little of yourself
You see the strength in these eyes
The horrors I was born ready for
I'm only this strong because of you
You raised me to be tough
To never underestimate my own capability
You see the sands of time
Age me into a better version of you
As you grow older
You grow prouder
Knowing your youngest is doing great
Even though I'm struggling
I don't let it stop me
You keep your hands folded
Never offering a hand
Always teaching me life is a lesson
I love you Pops
Even when we're too much alike
And our anger gets in the way of it all

You read my poems
You messaged me
You listened to my problems
You could relate to me
And all I can say is thank you

You really understand
Your poetry speaks to me
Like my poetry speaks to you
Your cool as hell
So again thank you

This poem is for you
Hope you enjoy
Because really
All I can say to you right now
Is simply THANK YOU!!!!

You don't know what it means to me
Coming from a broken home
And learning there is someone
Who comprehends everything
Even my crazy *** philosophy's

I undervalue myself
While overvaluing
Everything around me

I wasn't meant to be alive
I'm a ******* failure
The day my life deserved to end
Was three months before I was conceived
The day I was thought up
Ever since that day
One of these ******* gods
Needs to answer my prayer
******* End My Life Now!

Smoke a blunt
The pain will fade
Get lost in the high
The voices will be silenced

Cut yourself again
Go a little deeper
Bleed it all out
Sleep in the lake of blood

Take another shot
Let the liquor burn
Scorched throats breathe fire
Drink till the wallets dry

**** another chick
Leave in the dead of night
She was just another ******
Tossed to the sewer

What the **** is wrong with me?
Where's my heart?
Will I love again?
Do I deserve to?
Same **** all over again
Suicide works for me
I'll die in a second
Let me finish my routine
Puff, Cut, Drink, ****
Add the last step
Que now → Die

He had me by the nuts
Telling me every girl passing by
Was the girl for me
Looking back now
It all was a false reality
There isn't a girl out there for me
But a woman I can make happy
Hopefully
I've said a few prayers
Yet the one I whisper every night
When I stare at her picture
Goes somewhat like this
Dear Who It May Concern
I don't know if there's a heaven
Waiting to accept me
I know the devil made my heart
Into the fiddle it is now
Played by the immature
The ***** girls that come and go
The times I play it myself
Just to keep it in tune
There's only one thing I ask of you or you all
Let me hold her for an hour a day
Love her 4 hours a night
Kiss her good morning and good night
Whatever you can do
Make sure my path begins
And happily ends with her
I'm asking you (all) for a 24/7 chance
To be the man for her
Not the failure for myself
I guess I've been given too many
This one just feels right
I know she's reading this
So I guess I'll say it now
I've fallen pretty deep and even harder
For the one thing that proves
I'm truly insane for not believing
In some kind of god

Final words echo
Bouncing off the walls
Rubber ball words beating eardrums
Crowd stands in awe
Applause roars from the cricket filled room
The end
It finally came
Here I stand
Taking my final bow
This old hand finally ran dry
This heart shrunk
Deleted the room for love
No more emotions
The end
Where everything just stops
Time to draw
Made friends
I thank you all
Reading, liking, complimenting
Even the worst of my work
So I take this final bow
Bid you all farewell
I look forward to reading your work
If I ever find the strength
To pick up the pen
Here my words shall fall


The End

You talk to me like I'm human
That I could be your best friend
You don't realise the things I say
Are just ******* excuses
To keep you from seeing
Exactly what it is I really am
On the outside you'll see a smile
On the inside you'll see
Daggers in the headlights of my reflection
Shotgun shells falling quicker than my pulse
All I am is hatred to myself
You see me as a shy kid
Sometimes gutsy to show the way
Trying to have a little fun in my life
But that's always the lie I'll live
The everyday excuse to why I'm a ****
Why I can't tell a girl I love her
Outside it's because it's who I am
Inside it's because I'm afraid
What kind of man cuts himself
Holds his scars with more pride than his honor
Would rather fight to feel pain
Than watch himself feel loved
It's the self loathe you don't see
My best friend is a rotting corpse
And it always seems to cry before I can
Your'e just the outside excuse
For everyday I feel like doing something
The excuses became an empire of lies
I seem to have coronated myself in
I'll sit upon my throne of desolation
While you play jester
Trying to make a sad king smile
That everyday excuse
It's nothing, I'm fine, Honestly
Became the reason I never learned to love myself

Round 1
You beat me with a 2x4
I didn't see it coming
You snuck up from behind
Drilled splinters into my cranium
I dropped to the floor
And the ref counted 10

Round 2
I ***** your ***
You didn't hear me sneaking into your room
I taped you up
Tied you to your bed
****** you till you cried tears of blood
From your ******
I forgot you were a ******

Round 3
We laughed about this
Because it never happened
Just joked around
But we kissed
And continued with the fight
Because we wanted to hold the title

Round 4
Instant KO
I win told you I would
Simply by saying
Te casatoresti cu mine?
Mi vuoi sposare?
Quieres casarte conmigo?
Will you marry me?
I love you

But still you hold the title
Because you have the ring on your finger
You have my heart
You did what no one else did
Said....Yes I will!
With tears in your eyes

You stare down empty corridors
Filled with memories
Of a desolate past
Broken mirrors lay on the floor
Hearts rotting and decaying
The true essance of life
Destroyed in seconds
How many chapters can an author write
Before realizing it is time to end the story
How many scars on a persons wrist can one have
Before realizing it is time to end their life

Life is a book filled with struggles and perils
But how many people have died in this book
How many were writing their story
Before they stared down the corridors
Of empty rooms and broken dreams
The final chapter everyone is literally dying to write
I don't know when I will write mine
But the final words are already written



Goodbye, I love you.

Carved perfectly in the stars
Constellation smile shining
Lips tracing the milky-way
The Lady in the Sky
The only woman I ever loved
Only woman I ever want to love
Mine for eternity
Soon I'll dance with you
On Saturn's rings
Marry you and carve a ring
From the asteroids
Make the sun the perfect diamond
I'll be yours in a few
Let me sleep on this asphalt

As you took your last breath
Dying in my arms
The blood from your wrist
Scattered everywhere
I was paranoid
On the brink of collapsing
But you needed someone strong
So I hid the tears
That still flowed
You needed somebody quick thinking
But my mind focused on not losing you
You slipped in and out of conscienceness
Your body so cold
I knew I came too late
I tried to be something
That obviously I was not at the time
I was completely scared
I dialed 911
But I knew they wouldnt come in time
I knew I was going to lose you
But I told you to hold on anyways
I told you I loved you
That I wouldn't be the same without you
That everything would be wrong
That words in my poetry
Would suddenly not make sense
And I would regret not coming
To your aid fast enough
I remember the last thing you said
I hear it clear as day today
It made me stop and stare at you
Thinking how could this be true
We were always friends
There side by side since we were kids
Held hands on the beach
Went to Disney World together
Rode the same rides
And the last thing I heard you say
Was that you love me
That you were sorry
And your eyes told me exactly how much
I told you to hold on to that love
To survive this and we would live a perfect life
We would be each others forever and always
But sadly you never even made it to the hospital
You died at exactly 9:36 p.m.
March 29, 2008
And every year I call your mom
To say I am sorry because I was too late
That I couldn't save her daughter
That I wasn't strong enough for you
That I know it was my fault you died
I am truly sorry
And will never forget
The last thing I heard you say

Bang!
Sound of the 45
I stuffed in my mouth
Swallowed the barrel
Reaching it far enough back
To silence the voices
Drank the gunpowder
Inhaled the smoke
Ate the bullet
Filled myself with death
Suicide freed me
I'll do it again later

I see it
Tiny fractals glistening
Microscopic yet radiant
Pillars of hope
Centimeters deep
Endless supply of warm
If only the sun never fell
I'd never have a worry in the world
But thanks to the moon
A kiss in the dark
Keeps me moving forward

Ups
Down
Tripping
Falling
But you made the dirt
Tastier when I ate it
Making it easier
To dust myself off
You'd offer bandaids
A helping hand
Yet I'm as hard headed
Almost as stubborn
As you are
You taught me
That life isn't about taking it
It's about conquering
Everything that wants to bury you
The Long Road
Isnt living cautiously
It's learning from mistakes
From the risk you take
Being prepared for possibilities
Accepting of consequences
Everything you did
Was for my betterment
That I fought you over
Thinking I mastered
Those pieces of advice
If not for you
I know several places
I'd be stuck in
Without hopes of a future
You held my hand
To make it this far
Now hold onto your faith
And walk with my heart
As I make you proud
With every step I take
Down this long road
We endure called life
With your teachings
I'll obliterate remaining obstacles
I love you mom
Happy mother's day
The only present I have
That's worth anything
That I can offer
Is the smile I bestow
Everytime you witness
Me implementing
Those invaluable lessons
You diligently worked on
Instilling them into me
Thank you