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 Nov 2015 Rob Kingston
moss
ninety hours and I still can't sleep
can't close my eyes, no not a wink
melatonin still does not seep
into my brain. I'm on the edge, the brink
of plummeting fully into this wretched insanity.
I am no longer inside of my body, though
it does not make sense. what is this calamity?
this beast that eats my sleep continues to grow
day after excruciating day.
attempting to live, I fill my veins with caffeine.
all my nights I hope and pray
for some powerful force to pry away this screen
that keeps me away from my dreams
where at least my pain isn't real
and at least people aren't deaf to my screams
when everything is what I deeply feel
including my heart dragging its feet along, loosely tied to my lungs
and my head. all I hear is thump-thump
the throbbing as I fall down the rungs
of a ladder I'll never be able to climb
and no one I know understands how
I spend hours under the moon, calculating the time
to see how much I might get "if I fall asleep right now"
but I never can because my mind is boisterously loud
and though I plead with it to just calm down
it's volume remains as that of a needy crowd
so in the sleepless noise, I continue to drown...
I have chronic insomnia, and the longest I have been without sleep is ninety hours. I did not, however, write this then because I was not even functioning, making that impossible. I wrote this yesterday when I was at about 34 hours.
 Oct 2015 Rob Kingston
Y Rada
It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.
Dedicated to all abused males by other men and to the men abused by females. A simple shout out to the world that I care…that I have heard your cries… and that you are still loved.
 Oct 2015 Rob Kingston
chris
im not saying that
i think of you constantly,
but i can't deny the fact
that each time my mind
wanders, it always finds
some way back to you.
 Oct 2015 Rob Kingston
chris
-
 Oct 2015 Rob Kingston
chris
-
tonight i am sad
tonight i am lonely
the demons are screaming
and i need you to hold me
 Oct 2015 Rob Kingston
Traveler
Life can be
Such a mess
So get out there
And do your best

You fell down
Well, get back up
I never meant
To be so rough

The world is fast
And it ain't fair
Love is hard
And it's cold out there

Life can be such a mess
It's up to you
To do your best...
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