religion should be about hope
not putting fear in other people's souls
should be about about peace
not about starting wars
about forgiveness
not about punishing innocent hearts

imagine all the people living life in peace

but how can one do this when bombs are thrown
instead of love
when moms cry
and children die
peace is impossible to be seen
when music dies and we hear only desperate hearts
praying
begging
wondering why.

we have different Gods and rules
our prayers sound different
our holy books are not the same
and
there are many sins in our souls
but
you're not God, nor am I
and none of us should play
the game of washing sins away
with spilled blood
and shed tears.

25 daydreams and nightmares i've lived
25 trees i climbed and fell from
25 poems i wrote and then destroyed
25 cherries i stole from Death's lips
25 times i danced in rain trying to forget the pain
25 hopes i found and hopes i lost
25 cigarettes i smoked until suffocation
i died a little more  25 times.

25 years seem sometimes like they went in a blink;
sometimes like it's been an eternity.

i'm looking in the mirror trying to find
a sign of peace
a trace of light
but i can only see
the ugliness building up
the heavy rain in my eyes
the craks in my skin
the 25 wringles life has put all over my face,

25 years and i feel too old, too tired, too weak
to destroy
these 25 walls
i've built
around
myself.

in my dreams i see you sometimes
i am next to you and your eyes
are not sad
they just smile the way i saw them smiling
only a few times

when i look in the mirror
i hear your voice saying there was beauty in my
smile and in my big blue eyes
i was a little girl then
and many years have gone
and you have gone with them
but
i still remember your hugs
though it feels like decades since i was last in your arms
and your voice still echoes in my brain
i remember the last time we spoke you told me
to not cry,
to be strong
and i am trying to be.
i am.

i pretend that i am.

i see you in my dreams sometimes
and i am again a 6 years old little girl
running to you
when you open the front door
and waking up realising
i will see your face no more
it's the most painful story
and i cry sometimes
but you are not here
to open any door
and i am not 6 years old any more
and there's no beauty
in  my big blue crying eyes.

you left and took away your voice,
your dancing,
your bright face
your warm arms
and your kind eyes,
i am left only with a picture
i keep inside a box
behind the front door of my heart
and i want to go back,
to be your little girl again
and i know i'll never get to tell you
that I don't want to pretend any more
and I want you to tell me
that it's okay if i am not always strong
that it's okay to cry.

in many lines i have tried to write you
but i always do it the wrong way
and it seems impossible to describe
how much i miss you
and i need you
and
how much
i love you.

looking for a fresh page
a new start
but I fail
the lights are still down
in the back of my brain
seems impossible to come out of this alive

looking for a hand to hold mine
a friendly smile
a saviour
but I am only lying to myself
as I know,
today's heroes are the ones
who tomorrow will shoot you down

I look for love
and kind words at night
I look for the star that's gonna make light on my path
I look for someone who'll tell me
that it is gonna be all right

I look around for rescuers
I picture them in my mind
I smile when I think that I might one day find
they're real
and I forget for a few moments
there are only temporary heroes
and the ones to save me today
will tomorrow be the first ones
to **** me with their ****** hands

I look around for temporary heroes
and I forget
that my only forever lasting hero
lives within myself

i hope  she thinks of you
when the sun shines
in her morning window
and when the moon is full at night
i hope is your face what comes to her mind

when beautiful songs play on the radio
i hope she wants to share them with you
cause i know music is like therapy to you

i hope she thinks of you
before closing her eyes at night
and in her dreams she kisses you
a billion times
i hope she smiles at your picture in b&w;
that she sees all the beauty you carry
inside,
outside.

i hope she talks with you
and she wonders if you're feeling all right
if you had lunch
if you sleep enough
if you rest at night
i hope she asks you about your fears
and dreams
i hope she's there for you
when pain hits you the worst.

i hope she doesn't hurt you.

i hope she gives you the happiness
i could never bring to you
i hope she cares about you
at least as much
as i do.

i hope she loves you