I whisper poems in your ears when you've fallen asleep
Half wanting to be heard and half wanting to stay safe

I leave maps all over kitchen counters for you
The ones that are so Easy to read that even I would be able to make sense of them

I turn my head to look back at you while I'm walking away, Just like they do in those movies I've memorised
But you get swallowed up by the people too **** easy for me to be able to meet your eyes

I sing my jokes and laughs in the valley of your sadness and when they echo, they reverberate in pride
-Oh to be the one who made you laugh-
But my own sighs fall flat on your ground, I can't deal with my own grief, the only impasse

I swallow my wooden ego down My throat
-I will always swallow gladly-
And open my mouth to get you to open yours
But your silence has become my frequency

We've run out of things to say and games to play
But we still keep on rolling the dice
I have a thing for love but my lover is distance himself
No wonder then that abandoning you is the only love poem I know how to write

Sister,
You are my skin
My bones,
My blood,
You're flowing through me
You ARE me.

I feel you.
Rushing in my veins when something exciting happens,
Because whatever it is, I'm rushing to get it to your ears.

I feel you.
Pounding in my head like the reverberation of a deep bass song

I feel you.
When I hug our mother and you're not there to hijack that hug
Or when no one argues with me when I say that I'm the favourite kid.
I'm not the favourite kid.
I promise I'm not.

I feel you.
I've grown up watching your smile take over your whole face so when something makes those very lips tremble and cry, I taste it in my own mouth like acid.

I feel you.
Every hit and every blow that you have ever felt is a bruise that I have tried to heal on my own body.

I feel you.
So deep inside that unreachable part of me that to hug you I sleep in a foetal position, all bent inwards.

I miss you.
So much that my throat constricts and expands and constricts, as if I'm trying to choke myself

But THAT is where I finally stop.

I stop myself
Because you said that
If I don't breathe,
Then you don't breathe.
And you,
You better keep on breathing.

I tapped on your door
To get your attention
And you opened it partially
I tiptoed in

You started humming to me
Beautiful music
And my steps became more sure
Less trepidation as they hit the floor

And your wings stretched,
your music, it roared
My feet twirled,
seeing you, I soared.

But you started beating the air
Way too fast
My legs started shaking
But I was still trying to dance

But I slipped and fell
On the marble where I'd used to fly
I stretched my hand to you for help
But all the music had died

You'd walked out of the door
I was left locked in
Bet you hadn't seen me dance
To whatever music you used to bring

If you'd just gazed once
I'd have have danced to anything.
I would've danced for you, hon
But you forgot to sing

She called last night
After months of radio silence

The first ring
Why? why was she calling?
Did she need anything?
that's why she'd usually called earlier
Did she even deserve my help?
She was the one who stopped
Stopped talking stopped calling stopped sharing
Nothing. just nothing.
like I was nothing
like we'd been nothing

The second ring
Why the hell was she calling?
how dare she?
I should just pick up and scream my head off
hurt her with my voice as much as she hurt me with her silence
or I just shouldn't pick up at all

the third ring
What's the whole point?
She'll listen to my rant with manufactured concern
and when I have bled everything out
when my bones have been robbed of the anger that galvanised them
she'll crumble these bones to dust
with a 'sorry'
and it will start all over again

the fourth ring
Maybe it could start again
once she apologises, we can talk
I won't be emotional, I promise
I will be cool, more detached
it's just fun to talk to her
I just won't have any expectations

the fifth ring
It could work this time..
I mean, this plan didn't work the last time she came back
Or the time before that when she returned
Ugh maybe I should just let it ring.

the sixth ring
You know what I'll pick it up
I can do this
I'll just find what she wants
It'll be okay

*My hands reach out, trembling
About to click on that green button
And the phone stops ringing.

A teacher with a nasal voice
Droning on with as much passion
As we listen with; none.
The whirring and intermittent squeaking
Of the ceiling fan which has
roofed over God knows how many
Indifferent young bloods
That sat on these very benches
And contemplated, maybe over
Their own nasal voiced ghoul
Or how this wasn't true knowledge
Or maybe how nothing is worth it anymore.
These "guides" that force feed us facts everyday
Like a mental patient being fed his meds
I don't think I'll ever get out of this asylum.

The wind came looking for him
and take him away it did, it took him away
I could only stare as he let go with ease
Up up up and away

I still felt him there, in his room
Maybe the wind had brought him back
It hadn't. It didn't. It wouldn't. It couldn't.
It flew him to the land where they don't turn back

I cried and shouted, screeched and thrashed
The ****** wind couldn't even dry my tears
It had blown away, had set on its path
Never again would he been seen back here

He had gracefully faded and had Let go
like a painting's colors run down the canvas  
That's ****** in the water without its will
And fade into lightness, darkness decompose
Losing their color, lighter still

He flew like a skeletal leaf
Snatched by the wind from its branch
he'd always been elegant, painfully intelligent
So he left with the wind, graceful till the last

My control stood far, staring back at me
External locus, controlled externally
Tried to soak it back inside
That ball of fire should've been in my eyes
Told my soul to let it go
The world and its chances don't define your role
The future's strings can never be in our hands
So we must grasp onto our own selves
And try to stand
And with that thought
My control disappeared from in front of my sight
It found its way to me, back inside

There he lies, the one I love
Separated from me by 6 feet of soil
And every day so many people pass by
And they look on with unperturbed eyes
Have veiled conversations about how he died
These people, the majestically impaired
Carry on with their scattering lives
But I still go there and my fingers lightly touch
The stone that now shows your name
And trace its cold permanent outline
like I used to touch your warm face
And though these tears make it hard to see
They can never block the image of your smile
And though the heavy silence presses upon my ears
I hear your faint laugh echo in the light.
Oh it's torture to be able to feel but not to be able to feel you here
So I make my way back to your stone and trace the outlines with my tears

In the creeping halt of cars
When the signal turned red
I saw him on the pavement
There he was that sleeping man
In the blistering heat, On the Bed of stones
I came across him as accidentally as one
stubs a toe on the edge of a table
-and as painfully too-
I wondered who he was, What he had been and
what he had become
Did he have a family? Someone to wake up for?
I also wondered how easily I could pity him;
And not extend the same sympathy to my own self
  But of course the only answer he graced me with
Was his raspy snore, Breathing in and out, in and out
So peaceful. So raw. So oblivious.
I wished him sweet dreams.
The signal turned green and the world was awake and moving again

We say we won't let them go
That we'll hold their memories oh so close
That their imprint will linger on our souls
When they aren't with us any more
But time passes and we forget
And there remembrances don't make you cry
You can even mention them with dry eyes
And shards of glass that their absence had become
Slowly soften their edges with time  
So we forget, we forget the pain
But we forget the joy of their memories too
And we move on, like life does
Trudging on with issues new
One day we suddenly think of them
Rather how we haven't thought of them in so long
And then guilt hits dressed up as nausea
Like we cheated on them and did them wrong
And see I'm scared that now that I've lost you
With time I'll even lose your memories
what if I forget you? I can't I won't
I don't ever want you to leave me completely

Walking barefoot head swaying
To the music that the moon plays
only for me on nights like these
My hair scraping the very shoulders
That stand proudly arched back
  Under  dark windy skies
  But otherwise stoop with the sun's weight
I could say that I am tangled
Or maybe I toy around with the idea
of being a mess,   One who's knots you'll lovingly detangle
With your calloused inked fingers.
I dream with open eyes
And surround myself with longing sighs
I'd rather experience you as a pain
Than not remember you at all
That's what these nights do to me
They Take my movements and turn them into a ballad
If only daytime was as light

Each month torn of,
pages upon pages;
confined by your past,
cages upon cages

Yes it's true
we all get a fresh page
but what if it's indented
By past writings and spaces?

Maybe we're all just
based upon our base
Defined by what happened
on a former date

But Still every day we try
searching hands, fingers reaching out
Almost there touching the imagined fruit
But still barely missing out

It's a rope made out
of roads we walked on
Chains made out
of things we dreamt and did
Clasped around our ankles taut
We'll never be able to close the lid

Thus when others see new dates
I see new maps to those old destinations
And when they open up hope's floodgates
I lock them up with familiar inclinations

Carly's just blossomed
Now she walks with a wicked twist
And a knowing smile on her lips
While the boys look on
Because that's all they're allowed to do
To take turns to try who gets to woo her
Rather they take turns getting rejected, no one gets to her
She knows what she does to them,she does it a lot  
but who can blame her it's the fault of her lot
She was a lonely child, shunned and ridiculed
Her eyes, still hungry, are dried up pools
So she exchanges love for lust
She tries to get their attention not their trust
She feeds manically on their desire
And the way they want her so
All she does is flash that 'innocent' smile
And the boys keep coming back for more

She walks the stony streets with the newly turned 19 steps
And sways her hips and licks those lips
The looks turn to stares their eyes look on
and she fills her inner dessert with their ***** dreams
Passers by whisper in their  all knowing indifference
She wasn't love as a child she likes to lash out and scream
Likes to be noticed for those suggestive smiles
They are like warm hugs, those staring and roving eyes
But she already knew that
Knew why her innards are always dry and she knows those leeches' attention is only passing by
But what can you tell someone so desperate to be adored
she does not want to be loved she just doesn't want to be ignored

I don't want to write about you
.
.
.
.
.
Yet again.

After one point of time cruelty stops making you cry instead love becomes baffling enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Do you know that feeling when
your heart is full
Of that horrible feeling
Everything is wrong
And your heart swells so much
That it's in your throat
And you might just throw up
Retch and retch and dry heave?
Yeah, neither do I

They fall in love with her
Because she's mean
They like the chase
They just don't know
That she doesn't get caught
While I'm beside standin still
And they don't see me
Won't see me till
She runs away or breaks their heart
And they come to me to mend their parts
They say I wish I'd fallen for you
You'd never treat me like she'll do
And I smile because it's true
I'd like to think so too
But that wouldn't happen, They won't fall for me
You see Boys only want love when it's agony

One thought plagues me
It fills me with doubt
What if I'm always the one who writes
Never the one who gets written about

What if I'm just made to observe
Not graceful enough to be observed
It keeps echoing in my mind's corridors
What if I'm just not enough?

It is in these moments that I run
Into the arms of empty hope
It nurtures me with the fact
That the future is unknown

For all I know I could be plaguing
Someone's mind like these thoughts plague mine
And if I'm not, well then
I'll choose a better role in the next lifetime

Let me pour you with the love
You adoringly drench me in
Lau your head on my chest
And cry away your pain
I'll hold it, I'll hold it all
Cradle your pain too
It's okay for you to fall
I'm right here to catch you
You can hold me tight
Like a child holds his mother
I can be your support
Anything for my lover
Give me a chance to embrace
You like you hold me
As if I'm made from glass
And could break easily
My arms wait for you and so does my empty *****
Lay your head on me darling
You can close your eyes and drift on

A tempest rises and subsides within me
Building unfurling tumbling
It recedes to build itself up again
Hitting the walls within me
They are thinning, God knows how long they'll last.
Endless waves tossing and turning
I feel it all over myself prickling
Each breath shakes with this storm
And every ***** tickling
I finally exhale, the smoke (of my burnt insides), it seems
I exhale it all from within
And the smoke takes up another form
in front of my eyes, Writhing and slithering;
*It looks oddly like you.

People are better when you don't know them
They can be whoever you want them to be
It's not the same when you get to know them
Their reality limits them  
I think that's the problem,
I've put everyone that I find the teeniest bit interesting up on a pedestal
Why do I forget that they are humans. Just humans.
Guess you don't have to be religious to be into idolatry

It's times like these
When my usually tiny gaps
Tear into huge chasms
They are waiting to be filled
With what, I don't know
With who, I'm scared to know
But it's when I'm gaping wide like this
That the words start to trickle out
Like ****** mud stains under wet flowerpots
All I know is that I don't know
I am empty and hollow, devoid of
Something I'm not even aware of
Such a comic tragedy, wouldn't you say?
It's like Hepburn said
I can handle the murky blues
But I can't handle the Reds-
Those moments when I don't even know why I'm so uneasy
Maybe it's been too long since I have been challenged
Or maybe I'm just flaky,
fluttering from one inconsequential thing to another;

Ah, If only knowledge of my incompleteness could make me complete
...I'd be bloated by now

Cries shrieks and guttural sounds
They form the chorus of the war
While the thumping of hooves
And clashing of swords forms the tempest
In the weather of war
Thick fog or maybe it's the smoke of burning flesh
Lies heavy upon the ground
While the battle sets are painted muddy and red
From the amalgamation of the flesh torn wounds
into a big throb of disgusting comedy
There is no escaping from this purgatory
Except maybe the moment when one lies cut open on the ground and heaves his last breath

You are haunted and confused
By a custom made hell
And your thoughts are a struggle
And your words don't jell
But I see you, all of you
Ive focused and pierced
Your words, old to the new
And like a case of torn muscles
You're setting fire to my insides
But the irony is that
I'm still a sucker for your eyes
The dead juke box that beats
Inside of my chest belts out
The Song of you again and again
And I am happy to be lost
The only itch on my deluded skin
That rises tenaciously again and again
Is you're already too full with gone women and games
And I know that all of us have our very own ghosts
But I'd rather be your haunting
Than be no one of note

I think  of your memories as a rope tied from my ankle to
the dank wall that is my past
And I pull against it with all my weight
I clank my chains to catch attention for help;
Someone does rush up to untie me and as I stand freed from these bonds temporarily
I hear the dooming footsteps of your memories approaching yet again
I ask myself-
                       Will you ever let me go

I wish I could roll you up in a joint
Lick that dry paper with the wet pad of my tongue
and smoke you all day long
Your words get me high
They are so abrasive masculine and rough
I want more
Not that I'm going to tell you
Being one of the many lovestruck
Is too much for my ego
I am more of a far away observer
Immersed but distant
You're a guilty pleasure and a secret thrill
Not that you'll ever know
Because I'd rather burn far from you
Than turn to ashes in front of your
eyes
You see pretty you may be
But you're still just one of the guys

I've left and Ive looked back many times
It was fiery, too hot, not to mention
That I'm too ****** up
But seeing the huge stakes of fire
That I've left behind, I yearn
I want to come back 
Try to make it okay
But It can't be the same 
Oh It can't be the same
But I know that's not reason enough to stay away
But you see You can tape the mirror back up
But it'll only show you cracked pieces
Different reflections on what was once the same surface
And you see, the reason I don't come back
Is that I can't create havoc in your life like that
I've left once and now I must go on
Yes I want to come back, But I chose my wrongs
I can't just come barging in again
And bang on the walls you created in pain
So I'll just sit down on the crossroads from where I left,
because in order to unhurt you, I have to act deaf

We're living in a gyrating mass of alcohol
All fighting for skin on skin contact
Losing consciousness to animalistic instinct
Let's forget we're humans, let it all ******* go.
Gulp the fire and the teasing hell,
Shake your *** to the music again.
Touch me, touch, me I want to feel alive
While I deaden my mind, only skin feelin the drive.
And when I'm fired with that liquid, I bleed,
I cry tears of golden alcohol.
And when I'm burning with that fake happiness,
I'm laughing under an influence that's bound to fall.
So touch me, kiss me, lick my neck
that's drying with your ****** alcohol so fast.
I set my mind on fire and it burned,
But I kept gyrating with the ashes in my dance.

The world is falling asleep on me
Everyone gets their heavy burdened body
Lands on the mattress with a thump and unloads
All their troubles on me
And hey, I'm not complaining, a bed is made to be used
And it's good to be needed, isn't it?
But just sometimes it isn't enough;
Standing solitarily with the weight, oh the weight
There is nothing and no one I can turn to
Or maybe there is but I just like wallowing in self-pity
Either way, all that I know is that the pressure, it's becoming too much
I might crack.

Seeing what you wrote makes me want to write,
A poetic back and forth, if you will;
And I have all these words (the ones you'd like)
But I'd probably spill them all to shove them back in
Feeling what your words make me feel,
Makes want to be seen, to see whether I'm one of the many
Who fell in these words probably never to rise again
Or whether I am the one who stands out on your periphery
This is the problem with my ***, or maybe just me
I feel too much and hope too much
So while you go gallivanting with the bad broken pretty boy vibe
I'll just sit here and think of the words I'll never say to you
While hoping, maybe I'm the one you think of

I like being sad
Just some deep melancholy.
Those random reds
When you're sad for no reason
And lana del rey songs
Seem like odes to you
I harbour and nourish and cajole
This sadness.
My happiness seems lost without it
Like tiny ****** putting holes
In my body and instead of bleeding out
The air seeps in
Sadness is underestimated, really.
I finally see what he meant when
he was asked "why do you keep hitting yourself"
And all he said was
"Because it feels so **** good when I stop."

Your touch sends jolts of
Electricity crackling along
My skin, creating rifts
Like an earthquake does on the
Ground. You split me into halves two-
What I am now & what I was before you

Your voice drenches me
Like a tsunami wave, from
My head to my toes.
In your decibels I'm soaked
And I'd rather be wet and high
With you than dry and low

Your words are tornadoes
Wreaking havoc And I'm the
centre eye. They're All I hear
and see. Even your Chaos
appeals to me and Is what
I want to be Surrounded by

**** boy, you're a natural disaster
Waiting to happen.
And like Any smart rat
I know I should flee
But I want to be wrecked by you
You're my very own calamity

Guess I should've written it down
Long ago when it had entered my mind
It's  like all the ink bled right out
From the pen I've been ignoring for a while
Almost as if the words got tired of being tired
And walked away from this tunnel of a mind
They dutifully packed up their bags and left
Trudged on into the night
And try as I might now, to place that typewriter
The sounding of the keys sounds hollow
just like the clanging of fake jewellery maybe I've lost it, maybe I never had it
And finally has that realisation dawned
This is all just a rant anyway
I haven't slept properly in too **** long

My bed is an island
And I, its sole inhabitant
It used to be a coven once
Long long ago
When I used to lay with you
Tangled,  like the headphones you kept misplacing
But now it's almost bare even though
I've placed a thousand fluffy pillows
(just the kind you hated)
And I go to sleep knowing that
Nobody else can get in
Cuz I'm on a freaking island of my own
Isolated even from isolation.

The Whirring of the fan in the dark
As I lay on the cotton sheet
Sleep eluding me, perspiration finding me
This blasted Delhi heat

In the burning orange of the noon
The rickshaw tires play with the dust
And all is silent like a black n white film
It's just screaming in the color of rust

Neem trees, dried leaves
And the buzzing of the evening flies
Time to chase the ice lollies vendor
As the temple bell tolls by

Along comes the night again
Heaving and spewing, choking on fiery stars
Already restless for the next season
Oh why are Delhi winters so far

As I watch her sleep
The moonlight seeps in from the window
And caresses her skin gently, just like I wish I could
Her eyelids flutter, chasing another dream
Causing her eyelashes to touch her cheek and go
Her chest rises and falls, so calm
Unaware of all the world's filth, her innocence hugs her like a white nightgown
She purses and moves her lips in silent speech
Those two rose petals that would be any gardeners delight
And when I say her name Even the sound floats like a feather
And lands softly on her ears
Only to roll off of them as she sleeps
and I keep on staring at my dream as she dreams away

My edges got singed
Like the crisp paper charred
That sizzling noise
Sounded oddly like your voice
And the blackening is spreading
Like a slow poison
Ugly red blue flames licking at my skin;
The skin that used to sing at your touch
Or like a snake's parted tongue
Darting in and out, in and out
Slowly over my wounds
Lovingly licking venom over
The pained oozing blood

*I am singed
You set me on fire
And honey, it's not even the good kind

And then I realised what the problem was
You made me feel
You made me feel too much
And honey that's where it went wrong
Girls like me don't want love
They're too scared, too ****** up
You were like a Tsunami, drenching me
When I didn't even want to go to the **** beach
And so I ran, screaming, burning my lungs
You were too you
While I was barely me
So just take me dancing babe
Take my hand and
Then leave me stranded
It's so romantic.

One day I'll  over analyze to the stage of delirium
Hopefully that day is near
At least then I won't have to think of you