I want to fall into the sky so I may swim with the stars

the coast, it is just as you promised.

         elusive--

the white stones shifting beneath my feet,
this wind. this rain,
the way the steely sky
trickles down to kiss the sea,
the indistinct rumors / hints / echoes of mountains
where the mist has slept with the trees.

                       vast, inconsolable:

the cliffs whisper to me
of their endless
journey to the horizon,
and captured in this fragrant
brushstroke of balsam and pine
I feel the damp northwest morning
soak into my skin,
and suddenly there is
an itching of feathers
and salt in my veins.

                                      {evergreen, wild}

                     for a second,
I bite into the marine chaos
of these dancing whitecaps,
and it is just as you promised.

untamable.


      pacific.

These joyful teardrops fall
Thousands and thousands of feet,
Falling through the shifting air currents,
warming as they approach the ground
That they are so determined to soften.
As these tears fall,
I dance.
Jumping and leaping,
Dreaming and laughing with no cares.
These tears fall on my bare skin,
Joyously painting their masterpieces
On my white canvas with translucent tracks.
Tracing the contours of my body,
Freely exploring these valleys and mountains,
For we are all free.
As I slide through the mud
No longer white or brown,
No longer Christian, Muslim, or Atheist,
No longer afraid or angry.
These tears wash away everything
As they fall to the ground,
From my cheeks and the sky.
Not a care for yesterday,
Not a worry about tomorrow.
As I lay still,
Allowing these tears to wash my body clean,
Mixing with the swirling brown water,
Telling a story,
It caresses my naked body.
It washes away my walls I have erected,
Laying bare once again my ever present
Love.
And as I look over,
I can almost see you lying beside me.
Your white teeth
Glinting as you stare back.
Not a moment of chagrin
As we lay here,
Bare ******* to the heavens.
Your deep brown eyes
Framed by a messy mane
Stare into mine.
But as I look back to the heavens
You fade away once more.

And as I lay there all alone,
I wish I could fall,
Thousands and thousands of feet,
Swirling through the air currents,
Onto your dancing and leaping body,
Caressing your cheeks,
Washing away your cares.
I fall onto your body
And as you look over
Your white teeth,
Glinting as I stare back.
Not a moment of chagrin
As we lay here,
Bare ******* to the heavens.
Your deep brown eyes,
Framed by a messy mane,
Stare into mine.
As you look to the heavens
I lay beside you,
Swirling around your body,
Washing the mud from your skin,
And the stains from your soul.

I wish you would see
my words are love transmitted through a computer screen
the little semi colons are my fingers
touching your lips
small computerized winks
my breath warming your neck
a line of periods
my unspoken words that capture the stars in your eyes.
I wish the keyboard was your face so that I may
paint my love not onto hard plastic
but the curving lines of your cheeks
and the letters would make up arms for you to settle in
rather then a sentence on a blinking screen.
We see each other so briefly
and words are lost to signatures scripted into the hard drive
hearts in place of arms
and emoticons in place of smiles.
I miss you.
I miss the real you even though I am "in touch" most of the time
There are so many ways to love
and through a computer is not one of them.
Even as your heat fills my room and your arms slide around me
late at night
it is only after the music
and then your gone before the light
hits my pillow and I am left with a small
computerized heart
flashing insistently from my phone
and once again
my relationship is with the computer screen.

I spend my days moving slowly along the kitchen floor
Singing softly and sweetly of the love I've never known
And as my song rises to the rafters I pray that one day it might reach you and with long spindling fingers fill the cracks of your body with the feeling you've always known in the center of your soul
Down to that secret place where all knowing grows and I pray that it spirals along your spine and out through your velvet eyes as you cry for the honest days wasted and numb on a drunken night
I pray that you find through the atmosphere my lyrics and melodies and that even when we are miles away you might sing back to me
We may never meet but darling I feel you in the blades of grass that grow from between the ribs of the earth
I feel you in that secret place in my sternum in colors of green and gold
And as the days pass may sunlight touch your skin as it touches mine
Gentle and breaking
So tender it makes you cry
I pray that that sun will come and tear you apart
so that you may be free of your walls
So that your body is no longer night
So that we may both learn to blossom in whatever season may come
Through fire and through seawater
May the feeling refine us
And bind us
In the spirit that surpasses all new and old
So brother please hear this song through the cracks of your wall
Lover please come down off the ledge and find that we are still all that we said we were when we were swollen and small
That we are all that we hoped we'd be when we were naked and filthy in the garden alone
Our father was angry but we did not yet know ourselves and we did not yet know the mess to be made
We are messes made by the good intent of apathetic friends
But darling as I move in the doorway I can promise that this feeling never ends
I don't know you yet but I will find you and feel you through the wind in the trees
With the voice of the spirit rolling freely through me
Can't you see?
As I'm singing to you
Can't you feel?
After the damage is done and they say there is nothing left to do
I will come rolling and ringing through you
And the divide will be no more
Alone together at last
clean on the kitchen floor.

This is the holiest form of love I will ever know.