Oh Ashley,
You care so dearly for me.
Why?
What's so improtant about
Me?
Why should you care if
Blood pours out of me?
Why should you care if
My dad doesn't visit me?
Why should you care if
I **** myself?

Living is alot to ask for and
I'm sick of asking.
You pay alot of debts and
Fall in and out of love
Who wants that?
That feeling of a constant downward

                  s
p
      i
          r
a
               l
that never ends?
Who wants to feel so
Alone
And
Dead
And
Useless?

I'm scared of death sometimes.
But I'm not afraid to wish for it.

My thoughts at night are
Frightening.
I see different ways to end my life and
I actually almost did.
At least in my dreams,
Not in real life.

I hate falling and
I'm afraid of heights.

Why isn't the people I love
Willing to catch me?

locked in  cage
he holds the key to
she's waiting for him
on the other side
and he wants to free himself
but doesn't
doesn't know why
but he doesn't
maybe he's afraid
afraid that without the bars
she would become too real
they would become too real
and reality scares him
scares the ever loving hell out of him
ever since he picked up his first book
he realized,
fiction is just so much prettier
than real life

I left a trail of breadcrumbs for your lips to find
but they were hungry for something I couldn’t create.
I was hiding in a place that wasn’t hard to find
and I just,
I just wanted someone to take the bait.
But when the time came that you caught me there wasn’t champagne, there wasn't bouquets- no.
I looked behind to tag you back but you were already ten steps in the other way.
And to me this was play
but to you it was probably just a game.
We were a picture that couldn’t fit into any frame
or a fire that couldn’t be contained, it was all the same.
Just like the very place you called pleasure became the same room I called pain.

I spent my entire life chasing shooting stars
thinking that I could make all my wishes come true,
stopping my feet here and there just to then try and
catch my breath.
I was always chasing but never very good at pacing.
I got battles with my mind erasing while my heart keeps retracing
and in that time
on the assembly line
they smacked me with a sticker that said, “Replacing”.

You see I was born with fingers that were small and stubby,
stretching out trying to grab the answers I would always come up short on.
My heart’s been known to skip beats but sometimes as it skips,
it gets caught on something and trips
head over heals down a black hole that swallows then spits
me into another time and place where you are stripped;
from sight misplace, but I still chase
because no one ever taught me how to land in space.

And if you took my legs I would crawl through wet concrete,
and if you took my arms I would roll to a mountain peak,
and if my body is taken this heart would still beat
because when you left that home
you forgot to turn off the radio
so all of our songs still play on repeat,
you can hear them through the walls and down my streets
where everyone else still hears it too
but I,
I was the idiot for giving my only set of keys to you.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to close gaps
that I probably had no business closing in the first place.
But even if I’m not the one who wins the race,
or finds the foot this glass slipper longs to embrace,
or catches a shooting star flying in cold space
I know that being here is better than being there,
that living today is better than dying tomorrow,
and even if,
even if these tiny talking hands never get a reply
that it sure beat the hell out of never giving it a try.

We had our time
Hot summer nights
Dreaming under the stars
Kissing scars and getting completely lost
in eachother arms
We bloomed like vibrant flowers
and wept tears of joy
May showers
Talked about our love for endless hours
It was us we entangled in unity
But too soon we experienced the fall
Inevitably we reached a flaw
and those petals withered in the chill
We died out and lost the thrill
This winter has lasted far too long
You're far gone yet I'm still here musing along
Waiting for spring

If you were to read the desperate thoughts, that circle and spin around in my head
Would you consider me as already dead?
Would you burst into tears as you quietly hear
The screams of a heart that is drowning in fear?

Fear of the darkness, fear of being alone,
You would step back in horror at the images shown
Images of young girl who cuts her own skin
With her ribs sticking out as she wants to be thin

You would feel your stomach churn, with your heart left in sorrow
Knowing that broken young girl has plans to **** herself tomorrow
You would grasp at your chest for the pain in your heart
Would be so overwhelming it would tear you apart

But you would have never known of the things that she feels
Every day she is struggling and skips all her meals
She looks at her scars and wants to make more
For she feels some comfort when there's blood on the floor

You would ache at the fact that you ignored all the signs
Of her dying soul, because inside all your minds,
"It's not all that awful, because everyone gets sad"
But little did you know of all the pains that she had

She hides all her emotions, and puts on a smile
But those lovely painted masks only last for awhile
For when she returns to her bedroom at the end of the day
She lies bleeding on the floor, slowly withering away

Once you have read her mind, and have seen her true face
Would you still think she'd make it, or is that not the case?
Would you see her scars and her skin that's too fair?
Or must she truly be dead for anyone else to care?