Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
one of you Apr 24
I'm sorry to the people I love
that they deal with my choices
I'm sorry to my babies
one of you Apr 24
you called me pretty, but I didn't want to me pretty I wanted to be loved I wanted someone to care as much about me as I cared about them I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted a friend. you called me pretty and I wanted to tell you that I didn't like it but that would change everything. right? bc then I wouldn't be pretty I would be loud and ****** and confusing. even ugly perhaps. you called me pretty so I let you even when it felt wrong because then I was usefully and maybe for once you'd want to see the parts of me that weren't so pretty, you didn't but that was okay because I was pretty and that meant you would stay I mean I was pretty and easy as a child and he loved the same parts of me that you do now. so why fix what works why change what lets me escape from the fact that when I look in the mirror all I see is ugly knowing my pretty parts where taken far to young I was a flower forced to bloom then thrown to the grown no roots or water in the shade of a willow far to larger to escape. but that doesn't make sense its confusing, right? so I'll keep that  to myself and smile when you call me pretty but don't even know the color of my eyes because I know I will never earn that respect or demand your attention but I will always be your home when you're lonely so then I can know I'm fixing someone when I cant fix myself loving someone tho never feeling loved will be worth it. I think. I mean I hope you love me but its hard to tell I mean sometimes I wonder if we would even talk if I didn't ask to call or about your day I mean do you wonder at all how I'm actually doing I mean you barely even ask and when you do and I answer you end up getting mad. anyways I'm sorry for this what did you say ?oh yes it was- you look very pretty today
  Feb 28 one of you
Atticus
‘You’re so wet for me baby’ they say
‘You’re not saying no’
Rinse repeat

It hurts I say
‘That’s normal ‘

It is what it is what it is what it is
My words stop

‘You’re so quiet’ they say

If I unzip my abused vocal chords I won’t be able to stop the noise
Keening screaming bursting like a dam

It’ll fill up my head
My ******* bone marrow
Where do I begin and where do you end flush against me

I am good at being quiet
I am good at being small
I am good at being needed
I am good at pleasing others
I am good at saying yes when I mean;
Stop
Get me out
You are choking me
I can’t breathe
There is blood on my teeth
On my hands

I held you after you assaulted me for the first time and you told me about what was plaguing your mind
So I comfort you
Rinse repeat
Tell you I’ve got you through gritted teeth

Is that so bad is that so bad I am needed so why is it so ******* bad

You fill my lungs acrid and burning
Inhale exhale
Inhale exhale
Wd and vcka coat your lips like a gaudy lipgloss

Wash away the taste of you
Clean my teeth with dettol
Empty my veins clean the dirt and grime away  
Trying to forget the way you coat my teeth

Your mouth is so good baby’ you say
It is bad honey and expired milk


It is not being touched since
It is not sleeping
It is wanting to be held but being terrified of the thought
To be held is to be vulnerable
Split me open
Look inside
  Feb 28 one of you
Alex
Dear Dad,
That’s all I ever wanted you to be. A dad, my dad. I didn’t expect you to be a great dad, or even a good dad, but you never made any attempt to be anything close to a dad at all. You did try to be other things to me though. A dictator, a manipulator, even a ****** partner. You may say that I wanted it, you might even actually believe that, but I assure you that my compliance was not an indication of my enjoyment. Compliance was simply the only option you gave me. I saw the way you looked at me long before you ever put your hands on me, but you waited. You waited until you’d pushed me to the brink of insanity. You made me question my reality so much that I’d believe anything you told me. Then on top of that, you found a way to make everyone in our family question every word that I ever uttered in preparation for the day that I’d tell them what you’d done because you knew that eventually, I would. You planned out every piece of what you did so perfectly. Even after I’d come out with the truth you made sure that the walls around me crumbled before yours did. All I ever wanted was for you to be my dad, but you couldn’t even give me that.
  Feb 28 one of you
Lizzie
It’s said that the human body replaces itself
With entirely new cells every seven years.

In seven years, I will be free from your touch.

In seven years your fingerprints will
No longer be burned into my skin.
In seven years I will be able to
Wash my body and finally feel clean.

In seven years I will be able to kiss
Without getting sick in a cold toilet,
Sobbing sobbing sobbing,
Because my tongue tastes of you.

In seven years, maybe I won’t
Lock my bedroom doors,
Fearing a monster that lives
Not under the bed.

In seven years, one more woman
Will pretend to feel free.
Next page