Each
Day
I
Pray
To slay
My depression.
Never been a quitter,
But I’d like to quit this obsession.
This obsession with my sadness.
And with my social status.
It’s like I fetishize the madness
Endlessly raging
Inside of my soul.
And I swear I don’t have
A place to just go
And lay low
For a while.

A place where I don’t
Have
To
Fake
A
Smile.

I sink down deeper
gasping for air
farther and farther
your not there
you where supposed to raise me
to build me up
but I did that myself
I didn't give up
then I raised them to
with out you
did your part on my own
but now you tell me
to stop acting grown

I wish I could tell your that to be yourself is enough
but I can't because I know
assumptions will be made
based solely on your shade,your gender,age,or what you believe
but I want you to know you are enough for me
that someone loves you even though you may not see
but you need to be enough for you
cause if one thing I know is true
is you will never be happy if all you do is for another
yes you should be there for each other
but you should also live for you
but that is just some friendly advice
in the end you are accountable
for what you do

even with a map
I'd still get lost in those eyes
and weaving paths of twisted lies
played with my mind
gain my trust
now I feel I'm not enough
as I find
you and her for the
     THIRD.
          *******.
                    TIME.

I put on my big boy pants,
My big boy shoes,
My big boy shirt
In shaded blues.
I put on my big boy hat,
My big boy tie,
My big boy suit
And my big boy lies.
I put on my big boy smile,
My big boy pills,
My big boy dreams
Went to hell with a chill.
I put on my big boy tears,
My big boy belt,
My big boy face
To hide what I felt.
I put on my big boy job,
My big boy stress,
My big boy lonely nights
Spent behind a desk.
I put on my big boy cross,
My big boy prayer,
My big boy goodbyes
As I said how well I’d fair.
I put on my big boy rope
In my big boy cell,
Took my big boy courage,

And I killed myself.

They took my big boy clothes
And stripped me down bare
And all that was left
Was their little boy, scared.

gen·e·sis
/ˈjenəsəs/
noun
the origin or mode of formation of something.

I know you try
not to be like her
to be better
than you where
but anytime I look at you
I remember the things
you used to do
the words you said
the hurt you made
the holes you left
gifts you never gave
so don't ask me why
I can't connect
yes I forgave you
but no I wont forget