i'm the
glitch
in your
system

-cj

I can dodge the rain I'm so fast I can stand in the middle of the street and not be touched. I'm telling you this as I'm soaked.

You are like the canker sore in my mouth, I nudge at you trying to help then your heart and eyes go dry and a pain seeps on to my lip.

When I look into my dogs eyes I know I am a good person.

When I see the creases on my mother's face I know I have been a burden.

But right now I'm  sitting.
I never was standing in the rain, I ran
through it to get home.
Sometimes you need to say things to let people know things.

But I can dodge the rain.

I get so infuriated I attack my face until it's raw with a wash cloth.
Pick at my hair until its perfect.
Pick at the scabs that cover my head because I'm anxious.
But first off let me tell you that anger is a secondary emotion.

So I guess im miserable.

I rub at my face until there is noting left to see,
I pull out my hair because I can't stand the way it stands.
But first off let me tell you I never used to feel this way, I might of changed after that second, second.
I get so engaged I forget about everything. Its quite beautiful actually.
But someone calls off the marriage, then I get put back into reality so carefully just like a doll in a doll house.
But first off let me tell you something, they told me that what I feel comes in second.

She slowly marches up to the mirror lining up for battle, people may ask who she is fighting with, I'd say she's fighting with herself.
She's at war with herself.
She raises her hand pointing at the mirror accusingly.
Her hazel eyes stare.
Whispering her battle cry the mirror mimics her every move.
"Suicide they scream. Help me they beg."
They rob my of my answers and take off running. They grab onto me while I'm already drowning, then yell at me for struggling.
I act strong and brave.
People need a leader right? I can't remember the last time somebody asked me if I was alright.
Last time I checked I was a wreck.  
They scream riddles for me to solve threatening that death is the answer.
They get furious when I chase it away from their weak necks. I act brave.
I act strong.
I act like I can help but in all things that are true I'm just a girl at battle with herself.
Scream me another riddle before I drown.

My mother and father are two different breeds.
I'm the most mixed up mutt you'll ever see.

I've got his teeth, thank god.
My mamma gave me bloodshot eyes and the entitlement to want to die.
But.
I care about complete strangers because of that women.
I mimic that old man's cowardly stance.
A four year father and then he ran.
My last name hangs above my head so I'll wear my hand me downs the best I can.

Hallucinating for a cause.
Seeing how I act unconscious.

Mom I swear to god I'm fine!
This is research.  
I'm closet to god when I sleep. I thought you  wanted that?

My studies show that I can't throw a ******* punch when under attack.

My knees lock up at the exact moment it's time to run.

My screams can't leave my teeth.  

I watch this wide awake while sleeping.

I can't find god anywhere,
I believe in him
He doesn't believe in me.

When I dream
I don't just dream.

I'm going to sick the sickest parts of my mind after you.
Mental illness in a mutt is rabbies.  
Having the same ending,
recovery or death.
To me, there's no difference.  

Ever been hit by a truck?
No?
Okay that's great.

You're currently being attacked by a mutt with a mental illness.
Rabid dogs and getting hit by trucks aren't that different to me.

I know, because I made him.

He grew teeth when I gave up.
He got his bark from scraped knees.
Every hair on that animal's body has a story.

Are you currently being attacked by a dog?
Yes?
Okay, great.

Now I want you to figure out what's really attacking you,
Give that dog a name.