When I was younger
I would cry in my room when my parents would fight in the kitchen
I wished it would stop
I wished and I wished and I wished
What else could a three-year-old do?

When I got a little older
I would cry in my room because my dad was no longer there
He didn’t die, but it was the closest thing to it
I begged my mom to let me wear his wedding ring as a necklace
She never let me
But I wished and I wished and I wished
What else could a four-year-old do?

When I got a little bit older
I would hold in my tears when my parents would fight in the driveway
Not a great start to the weekend
I wished it could be easy
I wished and I wished and I wished
What else could a five-year-old do?

Then I got a little bit older
I would hold in my tears when the cops stood watch to stop my parents from fighting
It was a better start to the weekend
I wished it would be better
I wished and I wished and I wished
What else could a six-year-old do?

When I got old enough to understand parts of what was happening
My parents would tell me about all the terrible things each other had done
They both told me not to tell the other parent
I did what I was told
What else could an eight-year-old do?
As I got older and understood more
My parents would tell me that the other parent was lying
I believed them
What else could a ten-year-old do?

As I got into my teens
I realized that I was just a pawn in their game
I wished for a normal family
I wished and I wished and I wished
I wished for parents I could trust
What else could a thirteen-year-old do?

As I got older
I became numb to everything
Zoning out whenever my parents would go on rants about each other
Mindlessly agreeing with everything I was told
What else could a broken fourteen-year-old do?

Then I got older
I didn’t think it could get any worse…
Then it did
I found myself crying again
This time was different
I was crying in my closet

Trying to hide my pain from my brother who didn’t understand what was happening
He didn’t know that minutes ago our mom had been walked out of our house in handcuffs
He didn’t know what was happening
And I didn’t know what was going to happen

I didn’t know if I was going to see my mom again
I didn’t know if I was going to see my two-year-old sister again
I didn’t know if I was going to see tomorrow

My life was flipped upside down in just a few days
I felt like I was on my own
In my mind, I was left to take care of my brother

I went from feeling robotic to trying to be robotic
From feeling nothing to trying to hide my feelings

It’s been two years since this all happened
I’m still broken
And I’m even more numb than ever
I’m still not sure if I trust my parents yet
At this point, I’m not even sure if I have parents

Seeing my dad every other weekend
And seeing my mom glued to the TV
I’m not sure if they raised me or if I raised myself
I don’t understand

I try to understand
What more can an eighteen-year-old do?

We are having a family party
With my brother and Jane
Me and pat
And mum and dad
Yes it was rad
Dad was thinking about computer games
To play if it got boring
Me and pat played his computer
He had fun pretending
To drive the car around the track
And whilst we were doing that
Mum came down with the vacuum cleaner
And said we are having a party tonight
Your brother is coming and so is Jane
Me and pat said fine and kept playing
well we have only 2 hours
Mum took an hour
Me and pat were really having fun
Jane arrived at the same time as my brother
They ran up the road to see the neighbours
To include them in
And stayed there for half an hour
Pat played more and dad came in
With some discipline for me and pat
And pat said, don’t listen to him Briany
Just enjoy the game
And then my brother and Jane
Came back to play in the pool
And me and pat played some pool in the shed and dad was saying help with
The preparation kids
The work isn’t just for the adults
Pat kept playing because most parents
Say let your kids be kids
And pat and Brian went back to play computer games
Mum was in there finishing cleaning
Saying kids are treated like royalty
These days, saying sarcastically let kids be kids, pat said what is wrong with that
My brother and Jane went in and joined in
On me and pat
Dad made some egg in a nest
And brought them doen for us
Pat myself my brother and Jane gutsed it down and mum and dad watched tv while we were acting like kids
Then after a while they brought pavlova down and we gutsed that down too
Dad said you are just a pack of disgusting slobs and the party went to 2.00 am then we went home buying beer as we left
Cool man

A bloom is a bloom
warm and fragrant
and it pervades
It holds its scent
of knowledge
for today
Tomorrow,
I'll remember!

harmonious living, in sync with nature,
is not compatible
with the rate of consumption of the West

There is an
eternal winter
that lingers around
my heart.
It beckons with
icy music,
gray clouds, and
marches by Wagner.
Vultures, like ghastly
puppets picking at
my brain.

I drive it away with
sunflowers and walleyes,
fish fries and the gathering
together of friends and saints,
old soldiers that beat the odds,
and the neutered con game.
Leonard Cohen overcame,
and so did I.
Life was playing chess,
While I was playing
checkers.
Well, baby, it's checkmate.

I didn't need lucky bamboo
or a four-leaf clover, I needed to
use the wisdom that God gave me.
I made some changes in my actions.
When I behaved differently, I found
serenity and a Winnie the Pooh and
Piglet sort of happiness.
I was drowning, so I grew gills and
swam away to a river that flowed
through the Million Acre Woods,
and now when I am on land,
I waltz down Love Street.