She was crying when I got there,
and throwing up when I left.
I hate seeing her like that.
She's always been the strong one.
Well, the second strongest,
anyway.

I practiced guitar and played my keyboard,
and played burn ball with my brother and his (sort of) son,
but I still feel like I did nothing productive today.

My friends were drinking and I brought a bottle.
Beer wasn't going to cut it-
just sayin'
Gave a ride home to the kid who drove me to Tim's.
I didn't bring up the irony of the situation.
Brought Wayne home soon after.
If M.A.D.D. ever got word of me,
I swear, it'd be a disaster.

I killed a turtle yesterday,
on the way home from the hospital.
I didn't mean to.
Thought it was a piece of trash.
Placed it between my two front wheels.
Too tall for his own good.
When it hit, I swear,
I almost had a heart attack.
Went back to see if he'd survived.
An upside-down and ****** broken shell was all I found.
I'm a horrible person.
I swear, the worst.
Kicked him off the road so he wouldn't get run over anymore.
But I'm pretty sure he was already dead.
He was dead, for sure.
**** everything;
I don't care anymore.

So much for breakfast.
Tim locked us out.
I'm half-shocked that I didn't get violent.
I thought that I might get violent.

I love my friends.
I love my sister.
I love that turtle too,
even though I killed it.

Keeping it together in front of my uncle,
but I'm not though.
I failed.
I'm a wreck.
Look at what you've walked in to.
I don't care though.
I don't care what you do.
The feeling is mutual.

a brief moment of clarity
a moment of grace is all it takes  
to truly surrender

the hard part is to keep surrendering
a day at a time, but not as hard as
living in the hell of my disease

grateful to be free just for today
and to be trudging
on this "road of happy destiny"

perhaps it's because i can't draw that i write.
if i can persuade someone to create the image in their own head,
am i still the artist?

*(e.f.)

A howl is heard
in the dead of night
a shadow seen
on the hill
between the trees
a pair of golden eyes
strikes fear into the hearts
of those who trespass
in his territory.
this beast is
the beautiful wolf