I am a fake

The real me hides in blankets
Behind books
Never meeting eyes
Doubts everything
Constant music playing
Clings on to hope until it burns
Wants to curl up in your lap to hide forever
Has dark brown eyes that cry every night

Reaches for the knife
The little bottles of smells
The bigger bottle of fiery taste
Puts food in her mouth and spits it right out
Doesn't drink all day to see how long till she faints

The real me is
Terrified of you but
Wants you all the same