my head keeps
running
exercising more than i do
constantly coming back
like a treadmill
to you
and it keeps going on
and on
unable to stop thinking
about how you make me smile
or how i
can't meet your eyes
embarrassed you'll see
that my pupils dilate
when i look at you

and my hands are knotted
together
so i don't reach out
so i don't
throw myself
into your arms
where i am
comfortable
and safe

and my heart is beating unnaturally
it's fast
and slow
all at one
fast when it catches up
to my running brain
but slow when it sees
you
and doesn't want to stop
looking

and my feet want to run
away from you
so that my heart
and hands
and head
don't have to suffer
but they always
plant themselves
outnumbered
three to one
unable to turn away
from you

the problem is
my mouth will never
tell you the struggles
my entire body
is subjected to
my feet and head are running
in different directions
and my heart and hands are grasping
at straws
at you
at the one i'd never
tell