I try to drown myself in music.
Forget all my sorrows.
Choke down my tears.
Keep my chin up and face my fears.

The posture of a Queen.

But my head is so heavy,
It keeps falling down, starring at the soil beneath my feet.
My hair hides the tears dropping on the unblossomed dandelions on my last walk.

I don't want this to be a farewell,
So I turn up the music til my ears bleed.
But at least I can't hear my own thoughts.

At least I cannot hear the voices in my head, telling me,
I am a disgrace to my family.
That I am not worthy of living
And I can't do anything but be the songless bird in a golden cage.

Yet I do want to scream and yell and curse at the world I was born in.
But instead I put my earphones in
and listen to tunes,
Trying to drown everything in a melody that once had me swoon.

I am trying.
I am trying.

I am trying to walk through fire.
But I still feel it;
How it's biting my skin,
Leaving me bruised.

I am trying to inhale shards of glass;
Yet I can still feel them cutting my throat,
Making me choke
on my own blood.

But all of this goes unnoticed
after the words
"I am okay, just tired"

I am tired!
Wouldn't you be as well?

But don't worry, I am not going to sleep yet.
Maybe later.
Maybe not.

This is not a farewell.

This is my excuse why we can't meet in the evening.
It's because I will be sitting
in a field of Lilies drowning my head in the tunes of once upon a time.