My worst fear as a kid Never was monsters under my bed Because before I could even walk I'd known monsters lived within us Within me ... It was waking up one day And realizing the world Had moved on without me, Realizing the world Had left me As nothing more Than a faceless void in the crowd ... Now I'm stuck Forever running Trying to catch up with time Alone Lost Scared out of my mind, Wishing someone would Just hold my hand And tell me everything would be okay, Except it won't.. It never will be ... But you've cried your tears already You've already mourned my loss Because my guardian angel Won't let me die And now I'm back as a bigger burden Than I could ever imagine.. A burden on you, A burden on those closest to me A burden on my parents And my friends and family Hell, I'm even a burden On myself ... How am I supposed to burden you With truths I won't even admit to myself? How am I supposed to tell you what's wrong When nothing is right to begin with? How am I supposed to fit so many unsaid words, And so many unsaid feelings Into a couple meaningless letters strung together? How am I supposed to hold on to you When we're living in different times? Because everything and everyone around me Is fast forwarding and moving in slow-motion All at the same time. Because I'm still suffering in the past And you've moved on with the rest of the world. Because everything has changed And I'm nothing more than a heavy heart And an empty soul... Because I've turned into My own worst fear ... I'm trying to hold on to some hope Not yet ready to disappear altogether The hope I find in your smile The hope I find in your laughter. This hope I find because my most favorite thing In the entire world besides music Is making someone smile And seeing you happy. So maybe if I can do that My meaningless rebirth Would have been worthwhile And yet That's exactly why I have to let you go ... I'm nothing more than a freak Who rose from the dead Resurrecting more demons That made home in my head And you're someone I'd give my whole life to.. My mistake wasn't loving you It was not letting you go sooner Because your only mistake was Loving me more than I deserved. ... Because those risen from the dead Have no place with the living And they never will.
Bits and pieces of a 9 page long rant nobody will ever see hiding what was behind my cheap plastic smiles and the words I couldn't say to you (referencing people who'll never know I was thinking of them while writing this). Yea I know its a really long write and this will probably be taken down tomorrow but for now just understand that sometimes you're so lost in your own life you just want to start over and sometimes you have to leave in order to finally be found again...