(sung to "If I Only Had a Brain/Heart/Courage" song from the Wizard of Oz)
I'm a ****** *******, altho I seem quite merry, I am always causing strife. I've a rot for a banana, But I'd smoke the whole Havana,
if I only had a LIFE!
I just love to cause division, By other's lives derision, I'll cause gossip to be rife! It don't matter! I am toothful, I don't claim to be that truthful,
If I only had a LIFE!
I would love ta get ta know ya, But I smoke like Krakatoa, You could cut it with a knife. I will put it in my ashtray And conclude another entry
if I only had a LIFE!
I've no girlfriend, it don't matter, I'm as loony as a hatter, I will never have a wife. I've a teeny weeny shooter, Can't make love to my computer,