You know those moments where you just feel so worthless for no reason. Like out of the blue the entire world comes crashing d o w n even though you were feeling perfectly fine the minute before.
All of a sudden someone calls you over or asks for you and you realize you're so angry and there's so much just bubbling inside and it comes out.
Except it's not what you expect.
All of a sudden you find yourself feeling so tired and weak and all you want to do is lay down and dig yourself a hole.
All of a sudden you want to be buried but not die.
Every time you breathe, you feel all of this anguish deep in the pit of your stomach and in the centre of your chest and it makes you want to claw your insides out.
But you don't want to die because somewhere deep deep inside your mind you enjoy it.
You enjoy this sadness and this pain and these tears and all the hurt. The hurt that makes you want to disappear and hide away and run and sleep and fall and curl up all at once.
All of a sudden you're so worthless so meaningless and you... You're not even sure how you feel you're just angry and annoyed and sad and everything.
It's so much, and you can't even register what's happening.
You just lie there and enjoy the feeling in the centre of your chest and in the pit of your stomach.
You lie there and do nothing. Nothing because that's all you can do and all you amount to. Nothing.