right now there's no air I can't breathe and for once,
it's not because I'm heartbroken. well a part of me is but I learn to live with it. people can learn to live with a lot of broken bones. too many.
I can feel every single bone in my body and break them with a touch even,
if I want to heal. but I like being broken. it kind of feels like sky diving even though I have never,
tried it and I probably never will.

sometimes I like to stab myself just for fun because it feels good. it's a great reminder that some people actually have to stab themselves just to,
stop feeling. a year ago,
one of them was me. now I just laugh and wipe the blood off while my father is yelling at me that I'm gonna die. he tells me that too when he has to buy me a new pack of cigarettes after only 48 hours but what if I don't mind? what if I actually don't mind dying?

(e.k.j.)