dionysus,
i beg,
plague me with your drunken spirit,
free me of my heavy heart,
let me revel in your happiness,
i beg,
let me,
let me.


dionysus,
king of the party,
spirit of the drugs,
protector of the drinks,

make me high
higher
than ever before

take me to ecstasy
let me taste your amphetamines
let me feel and feel
until i can feel no more.

feelings are boring now,
and they only feel like a deep, brooding ghost
waiting to pounce on me
and weigh me down.

DIONYSUS,
how long will i scream your name?
how long will i be tormented by your silence?
come to me with your fun spirit of party,
plague me with the spirit of relaxation,
i want what you can give me.
release,
sweet release.

i want it all,
i want to dream of trees turning into lollipops
and hydrangeas looking like candyfloss.

i want to be far away,
so far away,
that i can never come back down.

but,
but,
only for a bit,
only until i feel better,
only until i am happy again.

can you do that for me dionysus?
can you?

because, you see,
i can't do without help,
i need help to do everything.

i need help to be happy,
and you have what i want.

it feels like i am chanting the same thing over and over
you are just like everyone,
you all never listen.

YOU NEVER LISTEN!
you just sit and watch.
watching me drown.
i am plummeting,
and the most all of you can do
is to record my downfall.

and dionysus you have my cure,
but you won't give it to me.

you know that feeling you get?
that feeling where its like you're watching everyone's life through some *****, fake, tainted glass.
that feeling that you're invisible, unseen and unclear to the world; like you don't even matter.
that feeling where you can't even understand the human beings around you,
are they from a different planet?
what language are they speaking?
because i swear you're sitting right next to me but the way you're talking makes you seem eons away.

that feeling where no one understands you,
or you don't understand anyone else.

that moment where you feel like a bystander,
watching through a movie screen,
as the others live their lives,
play their games,
and catch their fun.

that moment has been with me for days and months
its creeping up me like a pariah.

making me feel,
no making me un-feel.

i am isolated,
isolated by myself.

they say no man is an island,
well i am no island,
but i am a black house on a road with colorful apartments
all changing their decorations as the year passes

but i still remain,
black and alone.

sad and isolated.

i would ask for help but
they wouldn't understand.