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Mar 2021 · 969
on how to make breakfast.
asg Mar 2021
spend the night sober and wake
up drunk, tangled in legs and sheets
giggle at his snoring until he
rolls over.

nuzzle that sharp point of his nose
and mumble words of
affirmation, breath warm and tingling,
raises the peach fuzz on ears.

get up and go to the kitchen
house shoes and robes? maybe it's
nice enough to open a window
or two, and you might burn the bacon so.

argue over who cooks. start grabbing
things out of the fridge: jam, eggs, butter
that's non dairy, and cheese that isn't
cause it just doesn't taste the same.

hold hands, place fingers on nape
of neck, squeeze, rub the small of his
back, tease his lips open for a taste
just a taste, maybe take a break in the foyer

get out two plates.
eat.
asg Mar 2021
“Why do you want it all from me?”

I halt our conversation,
with wine redder than my boney elbows
in a glass tipped at swollen, drunk lips.
Hesitation knows me best;
my breath laps heady from my throat
and I blush from exhaustion & fear.


“I am okay without it all. I don’t need anything from anyone.” I tell these lies often. You say nothing back. You've none to give.

What is all! But an eternity’s worth of want, a list
of things cherished and bought in bakeries
or vacation homes, empty until wanted...


that wine sat in my belly and warmed it
I didn’t drink water
I didn’t need it
I wanted much from you that night
the milk of conversation would never be enough

I wanted the soul, the songs, the sight of your eyes inches from mine illuminated by morning’s soft gracious dawn.
I wanted a ******* miracle to eat.

All, was something I never enumerated in you,
simply assumed, and realized soon after how
I would never succumb to wanting too much.
And now my plate lies empty.

I gave all I gathered to appease you;
you, and the trepidation you carried sea to sea.
I should’ve explained my red want.
How it was dried and mistaken for a cranberry,
how I lacked the effort to show you more, all

I craved all. But I found you had none to share.
asg Mar 2021
this girl is not a gun
she is an old shoelace ripped and ragged
worn and overused but
unwilling to be retired, she is

lazy, but still does what is needed
holds tight and gets from A
to B, and maybe there is a bit of
unravelling on the way but she made it

why is life the only race we
don't get draped in roses and gold at the
end but instead burnt up and locked away
or worse, stuffed in a box that will not rot with us

and if the tales about souls are true
there is reprieve in that belief,

but this girl got so much cotton stuffed under her skin
the impact of falling from grace never scared her much
Mar 2019 · 350
Out the Back Door
asg Mar 2019
I don’t understand why you left.
Don’t understand why I left you.
Understand you, I don’t. Left...why?
Why, I understand. You left. Don’t.
You understand left, why don’t I?
Left you, don’t I understand why.
Mar 2016 · 432
superficial
asg Mar 2016
the Internet creates false idols
that wander and spend change
only ever speaking words
through their eager fingers
yet we follow
and the screen obsessed children continue
they rule with soft hands and soft touch
50mm Soft Focus
and we believe in their lips
their eyes
their hair
their makeup
their nails
their lives
we believe and we follow
but every so often
we're reminded how shallow they can be
petty fights
indignant rights
cheap plastic doesn't look cheap
with the right filter
weird, we judge people's lives
through silicon screens
there's a fear of digging deep some hold
personally I'd rather feel
rough skin and rubbery nails
thick hair to run fingers through
long limbs and bony elbows
narrow hips that don't hold his jeans up
thin fingers and slow breathing
torn skin with bumpy scars
silk sheets and warm toes
I'd rather see
rimmed glasses and brown eyes
soft smirks that hint at porcelain teeth
broad shoulders that hunch a little
small moles that lead to nowhere
I'd rather hear gravelly voices
low timbre with my name on tongue
so tell me
are the lips you spend so long plumping
announcers of aspect truth?
do your words have substance full of vermouth?
do you love the life you live or live to wander?
have you done anything special?
have you had a lot of good news?
tell me, really tell me...
can you do all this without posting it for views?
asg Jan 2016
Does it process in your mind at all
that I am not a rubber band?
I do not have a limit but you are constantly trying to push it,
and when you notice I am not breaking, you push harder
And it really makes me wonder
are you really trying to hurt me?
I open my chest and mind to you
I let you tinker with  my breath, my heartbeat, my thoughts
And yet some maleficent part of you wants access to even more?
You've taken advantage of my trust
and you've purple bruises on my body
the same color as the red wine you sneak out of your parents cellar
I should've known then you had the heart of a thief
and that you would continuously try to steal away my breath
But I did not think you would be so cruel
as to steal it away when I needed it most
You are slowly turning me into a drug, your own personal addiction
But I am not a pill or a cup of NyQuil you can swallow
I've always felt bad for those addicted to drugs
Those who no longer do it just to get high
but use because without them...
their body shakes and the earth quakes beneath their feet
And every day until their next hit is a headache
An irritation you know well
and can only soothe by ******* the life from me with your kisses
I've always felt bad for addicts but know that I know
what it's like to be a drug
I feel even worse for them
I'm pass the point of washed up
and just tipping on the edge of used up
And this is your indefinite warning:
If you do not leave me now, it will all end in a night
Because I will crash and drag your addiction ridden body with me
It's no longer a simple game
because you've turned this love into a hall of pain
Nothing can be the same
Jan 2016 · 596
cosmogyral
asg Jan 2016
romance ruined love for me
strange fixations on a character hoping for him to sweep out from the pages of my favorite YA  and take me away from this
romance destroyed *** for me
expecting fireworks, but receiving dud firecrackers instead
I don't want to be your manic pixie dream girl or your brown-eyed savior
people don't fall in love with features, no boy will swoon over my freckles
dreams aren't reality but they help me escape when my heart is too full
and my mind is on repeat
what a crime it is to want love
but always feel like you can't be loved
how monstrous are our pleasantries
why be polite when you could just cut me down in three swift motions like a shriveled rose on your prized rosebush
you mistook my curling brown outsides for death but I am more alive than I have ever been
awareness is the most painful emotion awareness could break me down someday
more often than not I work to be perfect in his eyes but those eyes never see me
it isn't enough to call me pretty **** it I know that I am something to look at, a mural is something to look at
that's why we hang paintings in museums for all to see but that doesn't mean
we love each and every one
the same goes for my heart
touched by one
and God it's the worst to let yourself be used
romance ruined love for me
so romance is all a love
Nov 2015 · 260
200 Years
asg Nov 2015
I can't breathe
And the voices around me say to just calm down and accept it
I can't move forward
Yet people tell me to forget the past
200 years is not that long
I can't sleep
For fear of my brothers and sisters
I can't eat
Cause my stomach clenches at violent slurs and degradation
200 years seems closer to home
I can't play
Because having fun just masks the wars on us
I can't see
For I'm blinded by oppression that is cloaked as missed opportunity
200 years just wasn't long enough
I can't dry my eyes
My tears flow rivers for the ones we're losing
I can't live
In fear of losing my life for the same reasons
200 years is still holding us back

This is a call to arms for anyone who can hear me
We're dying and no one will save us
Will you not save us?
Oct 2015 · 472
Getting Nowhere
asg Oct 2015
It affects her:
The calls, the messages, the smirks, the frowns, the curses, the white lies, the missed phonecalls, the skipped dates, the whistles, the hoots, the whispers, the stares, the anger, the harsh truths, the words they use to describe a human being that just happens to have a little extra **** to her body, the comments that come from those of the same *** about a body that could be perfect but why bother if there's no one to be perfect for?

It affects him:
The blank stares, the condescending voices, the cheers, the tears, the jeers, the insults, the absent father, the oblivious mother, the useless job, the harrowing boss, the old flame, the aches, the pain, the fact that he can't seem to make things work right when it could benefit him, the assumptions by them that he should be strong enough to carry the burdens of 12 others plus his own.

We need our girls to be smart but not so much that they become overconfident
We need our men to be strong and tears are meant for boys
We want our girls to be pretty
We want our boys to be handsome
We want our girls to understand their role in society and that they must not cross an arbitrary line made by those who fear them
We want our boys to grow up and understand they must provide, provide, provide and if they don't it's a sign of weakness
We want our women to provide children but oh no no no they must not work, where is the father?
We want and expect our men to be fathers to children, but not the ones born out of wedlock
We want, want, want but never ask our children anything because while we've strived hard to help their brains grow
we don't actually want them using that knowledge

We oppress our own people
And wonder why we see little success.
Oct 2015 · 269
✨✨✨
asg Oct 2015
know your own mind. free your voice. travel far. eat delicious food. stop counting the calories. make dinner plans. break someone's heart. sleep in the afternoon. work when you want to. try your hardest. do your best. hold his hand. kiss her forehead. write that book. sing your favorite song. sing it again. buy expensive things. give something away. lose yourself in bliss. be extraordinary. be plain. be blank. change a life. help a friend. hug a stranger. drink a lot. then cleanse your soul. find pictures in a cloudy sky. count the days. lose the minutes. fall in love. be amazed. tell someone you hate them. apologize. forgive. never forget. draw a picture. play a game. whistle. take a walk. maybe run. go to the beach. read a long book. sit and meditate. scream at the top of your lungs. hit the wall. cry. choke back the disappointment. get back on your feet. fail a little. try again.

whatever you do, never stop trying.
Oct 2015 · 287
The Stranger
asg Oct 2015
Changed my number in the morning
Broke my records on the floor
Laced my fingers through his hands
Pulled the latch and locked the door

Fell in love with a name, not a number
Asked where he lived, he answered "On the shore"
Left my inhibitions back in the tundra
All night long he kept me begging for more

Sent me roses laced with arsenic
Gave him pinches full of pain
Slept beside him barely breathing
It seemed I was stuck in this silly game

Took my freedom but showed me love
Held my hands to keep me tame
I wasn't lonely, not with him
Life would never be the same
Aug 2015 · 344
☁️☁️☁️
asg Aug 2015
The difference between wanting & needing is one leaves you feeling empty inside, while the other leaves you waking up in strange hours of the night and grasping for a presence that was never there and tracing back memories of breaths that no longer mean anything and have no purpose other than to remind you of everything you never had. The difference between wanting and needing is the breaking point. The breaking point of need is immediate; you are let down quick, you saw it coming, you were prepared for the worst. The breaking point of wanting never comes. It sits idly in the background and makes little noise so you never know; you never see it coming, you feel it in your bones like a premonition but the fear of never receiving the love keeps you from ever stopping this madness before it's too late. You want and then you get, but what you receive is a heaping pile of stinking disappointment and not a **** thing to show for it besides the watery rims of your eyes and the meager shrug of your shoulder whenever someone asks "What's wrong?"
Jul 2015 · 559
Untitled 1-5
asg Jul 2015
1.** black coffee

lipstick stains I always have to clean,
not from mugs
but
from his shirt collars when I forget the cream
“Two creams babe. Why is it so
******* hard to remember two creams?”
I don’t have an answer so
I continue to scrub the lipstick stains and
swear I’ll get it right
He’s messing up worse, no one is keeping count
So I swear I’ll get it right

2. wrinkled shirt sleeves

my favorite time is
in the morning before he’s up
when I get to take time and iron his works clothes
Today is not one of those times
He’s up early, and he’s risen irritated
He has a meeting
he told me, I needed to wake him up early
I forgot
He grabs his shirt and pants
whining incessantly about the shirt sleeves
I missed them because I was
not finished
He doesn’t care, “You’re worthless, so why should I be surprised?”
I don’t leave the bathroom all day

3. dog-eared pages

sometimes,
he has to “work late”
and I get time to myself
I’ve been reading a memoir about Vivaldi
I flip to find the most recently creased page
and settle into the soft couch
He thinks it is ridiculous and childish
that I don’t use a bookmark
I told him it makes the books
just that much more personable
He isn’t one for sentiment so
he laughs
and asks if I want him to pick me up one on his way back from work
I don’t say yes, but I don’t say no either
The bookmark he bought me
makes a really nice
coke liner

4. ivory piano keys

when I was younger
before the addiction
I played piano
In the basement of my great aunts
four story Victorian
sat the most elegant baby grand
it was out of tune, and dusty
but that never stopped me
from clunking out thunderous melodies
and driving the cats insane
now, in the emptiness of this apartment
I dream of that piano
it’s long white keys and low, low seat
I hear its music
never a note right but
it never sounded sweeter

5. crooked lip liner

“we’re going to be late to the banquet, babe.”
erratic nodding, yes yes yes I know but
I’m shaking again
he knows why he always he knows
“I need more.”
I don’t say of what, he knows
there’s no time is what he tells me
I know that but
god, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears
ragged breath and it feels like my skin wants
to be separate from my body
I hate when I’m like this
he’s so responsible
I hate him
fingers twitching and teeth itching
red lip liner was such a bad idea
I don’t bother filling it in neatly
if I’m to play the role
of cracked out wife
well goodness, I must look it
he doesn’t lay an eye on me all night
whispers let me know
if the people aren’t aware, they’re guessing
I don’t bother to uphold
one semblance of normalcy
knock back one glass of the
fancy bubbly champagne
the shaking subsides
knock back a second
my vision no longer whirls
the drunker I get
the more normal I feel
my outward appearance is a mess
but
I feel good inside
This is a WIP of a collection of short poems. Hopefully I will be finished before August 15th, when I leave for college. Wish me luck!
Jul 2015 · 320
Forever
asg Jul 2015
I am patience
I am bated breath being held in
I am a heavy sigh hissed out
I am a lazy sunrise
shimmering its soft light over dew covered blades
I am a hummingbird sipping on violets
I am the muting air around an infants cry
I am a familiar song
I am an ocean wave
that never quite reaches the shore
I am freshly packed slacks
I am a warm blanket on a chilly night
I am the breeze that dances with autumn leaves
I am the helpful cracks and crevices
that line the tallest mountains
I am the last wilting petal
I am a soft picnic blanket
I am the bubbles in a glass of champagne
I am us
I am all our experiences and all the things we've seen
I am everything we've touched and every moment we've had together
I am us
And I am eternity
Eternity is us
Mar 2015 · 948
Insouciant Adolescents
asg Mar 2015
Insouciance
It drives reckless souls
Out into the night
Spreading their unruly plight
Knowing nothing of fear, only of fight
Irresponsibility is a term
Those of this heart know well
As it's screamed from rickety back doors
It's reek seeps through cracked floors
Gets pounded deep in their cores

They are taking over this world
Jan 2015 · 352
Mr. Moon
asg Jan 2015
black and blue bruises print your back like a roadmap
and the red scratches are statelines leading toward our passion
enraged and engulfed in love
no outside matter can awake us
or catch our attention until the deed is done
and afterwrads we lay in a sweaty pile of legs and arms
and we both glisten and pant
and the world smells like daises dipped in sunshine
waking up from the deep slumber that later ensues
is like being born again
muscles are sore, such a sweet sense of pain
and everything is too bright, but it's nice
like the sun is a close second cousin you haven't seen in a while
together at night we're like a storm cloud
but there's always a decent sized rainbow when we wake
laying here now, in this morning glow, I watch
I watch your skin quiver at my touch
and I watch you eyelids flutter
you stick your fingers in my hair even though they get stuck
and we giggle and it is musical
because your laughter sounds like what I imagine the moon does
deep, but raspy like you've been smoking candy cigarettes
it's quite impossible for me to express my love
in any other way than between these sheets
and if that makes me unholy then so be it,
and let me ****** forever
because your body is my temple
and I bless you skin every night with my kisses
so I suppose that makes me a saint actually
and your words my teachings and your tattoos my scribe
I don't fully believe in reincarnation
and less in soulmates
but this feels too good not to have been
premonitioned by ancient stars
there are three ways I love you
and the first two are the way you take me to bed
the third is your eyes
and the way they are illuminant
like moonbeams
and round
like they could be innocent
except I know the deep seated lust they hide
god, your eyes are so beautiful
Nov 2014 · 307
coffee
asg Nov 2014
I am contempt with the fact, that I will always sip my coffee
before it cools and burn my lips
Because I know when I do, you will kiss away the pain
And I am realizing now as the stream curls around my face
that we were no more ready for commitment
than we were love
So I'll take my sips of piping coffee and await your tender lips
knowing it will never go further than that
And I will accept it.

There are levels to this madness, it doesn't start from nothing
The sadness is bone deep and my molecules contain the disappointment that makes up every inch of my skin
I wonder all the time where exactly I'll find peace...
Will it be me alone in a dark room, listening to music?
Will it be in some foreign land with spicy foods and colorful culture with beautiful people around?
Or will I find peace in a person?
I hope to all hell I don't
I don't want to have to curl up in someone's arms to feel safe in my skin
I want to be free.

If you listen closely you'll hear that my mournings are fake
and the actual problem I have isn't within me
You'll notice I have amazing brain functions and there is no lack of oxygen, so the mistakes I make are natural
There's nothing worse than realizing your ***** ups were supposed to happen
Where does happiness come in all this?
Oct 2014 · 347
She Who Runs The World
asg Oct 2014
The reinvention of woman
will be the test of man
To see if he will follow
as steadily as he can
For if the world
becomes unbalanced by the two
There might be much conflict
between me and you
The test of man is not simple at start
it searches deep and turns on reality...
Their morals are shown and intentions burned brightly
they're soul-***** in all actuality
But the goal of we women is not destroy
nor embarrass the league of men...
It's simply to encourage and shelter and feed
through love, as best as we can
Sep 2014 · 267
Seasons
asg Sep 2014
We were careless in the summer
If there was a day to be remembered we quickly forgot
Sun filled days of bliss were too engaging
We trifiled in unimportant matters, we were free
Yet somehow something was missed
And as the autumn days reached us, we let go of bated breath
Just to be reminded of the chill we left behind
We swore we'd never go back to it...
And they say love is not like the weather
Sep 2014 · 643
moonlight
asg Sep 2014
The difference between trusting you and letting go... quite like the difference between walking into an unknown dark house, and trying to find the kitchen or waking up at home to a Sunday morning breakfast. It's more than subtle, but less than drastic. I suppose if I could find a light switch along these black walls it would change our chances of survival but I never try hard at any kind of love because what's the guarantee of satisfaction? A little bit of wine to tide your feelings is how you medicate when you think I'm leaving for good, but something always brings me back and I find you drunk and dizzy laying face down on a mahogany wood floor in a house that's still dark except for the dim light of realization that's clicked on in my brain for the thousandth time. "I should go now" the voice in my head always calls out and ******* the day I listen to it because that may be the day I'm actually sane. But what's the joy of being sane if you're never happy? The difference between loving you and letting go is as big a difference as there is between the chances of me leaving you, 100-1, so I guess your odds are good. You could worry less about me leaving and more about how you're going to make me stay but honestly as long as you keep taking me to bed the way you do I don't see myself escaping this heaven anytime soon. Its a devil's curse the way my heart thumps rapidly from anticipation and fear whenever you're near me. So stop asking for differences and start looking for what's the same. Love will not be and has never been a game for me and I do not like playing around with such matters. So just love me now, please.
asg Aug 2014
i think when i let you leave i let you leave with too much of me. i woke this morning and called the color teal green. i drank my coffee black instead of with cream. i struggled at work trying not to daydream about whtie picket fences and sunshine and even lawns. i went to the beach to watch the gulls and i never shared one bit of my sandwich; which was peanut butter with jelly instead of honey. you swore when you left i'd be a different person without you and you were right excpet for the implication that i would be better. you stole my laughter and my breath while you were here, but did not return them when you left and now i wake up gasping for air in the middle of the night and weep myself back to sleep. others would say i have become a shell of the woman i once was but i don't agree with that analogy. you were my shell, encrusted with jewels of knowledge and worldliness and creativity and you covered me with it. i didn' know before you left but i know now and i cannot stand the sound of the ocean anymore. i'd ask you to come back but it would be only to steal away your shell and mask this hollow body. and i don' want to do that to you. you're too beautiful to hurt again.
you left a bag full of books, by the way. i supose those can make me colorful again.
Aug 2014 · 707
Moving On Vibes
asg Aug 2014
there was a time before I left the town we called home where I would visit you every day, repeatedly approaching you with a proposition to leave with me and never come back. you, being afraid of any change were always so quick to change the subject and it took all of my self-control not to scream at you “do you not love me?” over and over and over until the words were echoes in your head and then maybe you would listen to them. but I never did and that was what I congratulated myself on every morning I stood patiently on your doorstep, and every single **** time I left, I told myself what a wondrous person I was thinking only of you…knowing you wanted that and needed that because you were a self-centered hole and I was a gift basket. after a while I stopped visiting and then eventually I was gone and you were more than a memory but less than my past. the first few months we wrote letters twice a week and I congratulate us on that also because it meant we were taking time out of our lives to think of each other, and it did take time because your letters would be pages and pages long. but it couldn’t last forever and I wasn’t surprised when it became once a week and then once every two weeks and then by the tenth month of us writing letters I hadn’t gotten one from you for two months. so I sent back one letter on one piece of paper, cardstock, with one word spelt out in my best calligraphy with a pen my new boyfriend had bought me…I wrote goodbye and sent that letter to you. I’m hoping you realize that by me spending time writing that goodbye I still care about you, I still want you to think of me as a decent person and not awful ex you couldn’t stand. I don’t want your tongue and breath to go bitter when you say my name because someone who is not a close friend has asked of my whereabouts and you have to answer. I don’t want that but I suppose if that’s how you feel then I cannot change that mind of yours, because I’ve never been able to before. you are stubborn and I do not miss seeing you but I miss the sound of your easy breathing as we lay watching a movie. my new boyfriends breathing is too harsh and we do not watch movies we only *****. I guess it’s nice when he’s sleeping but he never wants to hold me “I’m too hot” is what he always tells me, trying to cover it up with a lilt in his voice like he means it as a compliment when I know he’s very serious. I don’t want you back so don’t think that to be the reason I’ve wrote you back after so long. I just happened along a shoebox full of these things and it made me wonder and it made me cry but I never felt fuller than when I covered that box in gasoline, lit it, and watched in burn fast in the parking lot of my new ex-boyfriends yard.
Aug 2014 · 516
Plastic Grocery Bag
asg Aug 2014
He was like a plastic bag, but the
non-translucent kind...
the kind that you could call foggy
The kind that you didn't know the contents of until you reached in and pulled them out
With him you had to be smart enough
to check what you were pulling out first or there could be a fight
He was not the type to accept impatience
Especially if he was the one being rushed
If it was raining you could be sure he wanted to sit in it
Not sing, or dance, or run
Just sit in the grass and let the raindrops trickle down his neck
That's how patient he was
Until he met me
I begged, maybe too much in the beginning but I was always
"Go, go, go" when he was ready to rest and I did not catch his initial irritation
I did not pay attention to his needs but he worked overtime attending to mine
and that's what made him the most patient in the beginning
It was not our love or my running that got old
No, it was some greater force
Like the one between two magnets driving us further apart
the closer we tried to get
The day he lost his patience with me was the day I found my ignorance and recognized my wrongs
Though I did not correct or accept either
And he walked away with no regrets while I tried to figure this empty feeling I think he left
But I couldn't be sure because I never felt full with him here
I never felt full but I emptied him out
I pulled all the items out the plastic bag
without looking first
Jun 2014 · 271
Actions & Music
asg Jun 2014
Do you believe in the lyrics you listen to?
Does the melody speak your language?
You're a good girl making bad choices
And don't know who to fall in love with
So why fall in love with anyone?
He's a better boy
Falling for the sweetest girls like you
And he tries so hard to impress
But he was never enough for you
Does the rhythm match your heartbeat?
Do the voices stroke your soul?
It's impossible for you to find love
If you're only looking for a moment
That takes away your breath
He finds it difficult to trust them now
It's all because of you
He questions motives and their smiles
He reasons their happiness can't be because of him
Jun 2014 · 392
Random Thoughts
asg Jun 2014
Does it matter if the caged bird flies?
Truly, I wouldn't expect you to understand
Why does a poem need wings
When it's lines carry enough beat
To give it speed through the times?
Locked up or let out
We still have our voices
It doesn't take much to be heard
It's the fear of isolation
That keeps these rich kids quiet
Its the fear of responsibility
That keeps these poor kids home
To be loved and to live and then to leave
Cycle of life, cycle of patience
It goes and comes and goes like
The merry go round that is your (not so)dysfunctional brain
Branches of knowledge that used to hang low
On the giving tree
Now are broken and burned, the branches higher up now contain the world's information
And how tyrannical does that sound?
Jun 2014 · 355
Reminder
asg Jun 2014
blue
not
brown
are the colors of your eyes
and
smooth
not
rough
are the contours of your jaw
and
straight
not
crooked
is the bridge of your nose
and
warm
not
cold
are the palms of your hands
so why do I have to repeatedly tell myself
**YOU ARE NOT HIM
asg Jun 2014
what's sugar taste like when you taste it on someone else's lips? does it taste sweet when you're in love? like deceit when you're in love with someone else? would it make a difference if my lips were covered with honey? sticky unconscious telling me not to press my lips too tight because the words I have tingling on my tongue are too important to be trapped behind porcelain teeth. if you're raised to always love unconditionally how does it feel to love someone who was raised not knowing what it felt like to be held? all this feeling and emotion and I wonder if this was a trap laid set for us. because how cruel is it to give us the power to feel love but not to feel loved. to only feel doubt when someone whispers sweet nothings in our ear as we lay staring at blank walls that just almost depict the walls of our hearts. could we muster up the energy to bleed ourselves onto each other...is that a normal way to express gratuity for an equal exchange of attraction?  how do we show love if we can't love ourselves? if we love ourselves too much how do we find an infinitesimal amount to give away to someone who could need it desperately? are we yet sweet enough to try? so again I ask you, what's sugar taste like when you taste it on someone else's lips?
Jun 2014 · 328
Elemental Reason
asg Jun 2014
If ever in your entire life
You've felt a little sour
Eat teaspoon of sugar and smile a little
Keep thinking the world will get better
When days are dark
When you open your eyes
After attempts to sleep away pain
Lift your head a little higher
Surround yourself with the sunshine of life
It's possible that the bad days run long
And the best nights of our lives
Seem to be as thin and wafting as breath
But if you continue to be
Living, breathing, walking, running
Then it's okay and worth it
There are many things to live for
Like the feel of sand beneath your toes
Or solid rock under your hands
As you climb adventurous mountains
Or the sound of a baby's laughter and cry
And the rushing waves of the ocean
The taste of exotic foods
And the view of oriental fashions
It's all worth living for
Worth being for
So swallow your pride, along with your fear
And conquer your days
Listen close as the world cheers
asg Jun 2014
eternal love -
bright & effervescent
illuminating the walls of a vagabonds heart
walls - which used to be opaque
like ebony glass -
the kind of love that makes young boys
recite loquacious poetry
into ladies' chamber windows -
eternal love that never sees eternity
May 2014 · 4.4k
Colors can Remind Me of You
asg May 2014
Blue
The color I always imagine your eyes to be
Same as the sea
And I'm always pleasantly surprised
When they're both bluer than
I'd dreamt they'd be
Blue
The predetermined color to represent sadness
But I like the color blue
More than I like being sad
The only thing about blue that makes me sad
Is not seeing it
Blue
You imagine the sky should be this shade
Yet are always shocked
When it blooms a magical purple at night
And turns the softest pastel pink
At dawn

Red
The known color of fear, it scares me also
Reminds me of bad things
Dreams soaked in red
Are never ones to be retold
Though it looks magnificent on brown skin
Red
Representative of love
Yet war
Maybe that's why love always turns bad
Why we can get so angry
With the ones we hold dearest
Red
Reminds me of sweet apples
And sweeter lips
Of harlot lips, like the one's on that girl
The one you left me for
That Saturday evening the sky was blue
May 2014 · 359
For Him (Again)
asg May 2014
This is my goodbye letter:

Goodbye,
   I hope to never see you face again. Not because I hate it, but because I hate the way it makes me feel. I don't like feeling confused when one shan't be confused. It does not sit well with me. There are many emotions I have come into check with but confusement is where I draw the thickest and final line. I must say I adored you, and idolized and revered you. I never saw myself beside you until you made it slightly apparent I was worth it. But that picture was never drawn, was it? It was never meant for us to be one no matter how much I yearned for it. We cannot simply be together so we must be far, far apart. So adieu, my neverwaslove, I hope I never see you again.
              
          Very Insincerely,                  
**Broken and Unsatisfied
asg May 2014
I've laid and watched you say things
I don't know what your smiles mean
I get lost when you talk
Whole years gone by
Yet our conversations still lack something
I don't understand your hesitance
To acknowledge what words I've said
To agree or disagree with them
Is all I've ever asked
I've never had my heart broken
Only my ego stroked and then shot down
But I suppose the hurt
Could be the same
All end with you playing games
A better friend I could have been
A friend at all I guess
What you consider me to be I cannot tell
Such is my everlasting hell
asg May 2014
The sunset was fantastically accurate to my mood as we laid in the plush grass and listened to lyrics that told us the hearts of saints are the hardest to love and that we should stay away and I, being a saint in your eyes, became the one poison you could not swallow. You left me that night.

2. Pushing rocks off the overhang to the sea which used to crash high onto the surf but now only just reaches the sandy banks of our backyard, I tossed rocks into that water for months waiting for you to come back.

3. Fact: there was a period of time where I would sleep off your special brand of liquor
    Fact: you called it love
    Fact: I thought of it as ***

4. If I had told you I loved you for the 186th time would you have finally accepted it?

5. Towers of lies like skyscrapers, every floor filled with the lies I've told (What floor ma'am? Oh deceit? Yes see, that's floor 23)

6. Excessive bleeding of my heart caused by the incisive ends of your sharp words.

7. You think I don't understand the flow of your mind and I think it's silly because I do - the flow isn't quite unlike a river near a stormy city, overflowing half the time I rain information on you, information that dries up on the banks of your brain like a salamanders back on a steamy beach, it runs in one ear (maybe) and out the other because you don't care about me anymore.

8. Never did I see a moon shine like it did the night I caught you sipping moonshine with my neighbors' daughter - the one who was 15, not the oldest - which would have hurt me less but I suppose my pain was your goal.

9. Making assumptions doesn't suit me well, but half the assumptions I made about you we're true like when I assumed you we're really out are Pinky's the night of our 1 year anniversary when you told me you got caught up at work. How do you get caught up at a 9-5 desk job?

10. Or the one time I assumed you were at work the time my sister went into labor really late on February 29th. I assumed, when you said the only car we had wasn't working and you were stuck at work, but when I drove by your job (in our neighbors car) under the direction of my very pregnant sister, I saw what I assumed - you ******* the floor tendant in the back of our Prius.

11. Her name was Becky, right?

12. My sister named the baby (a girl) Adelaide. You always called her Addy, knowing she hated it

13. The last night we went to watch the sunset I had you wait until the sky was an ink blot and explained to you that you made me like this, like the sky looked then. And even though I couldn't see your face I knew I'd hurt you because you'd picked me up 2 years ago by asking what my favorite color of the sky was.

14. I don't love you anymore, but I still miss you. If that doesn't make you want to just kiss the holy ground I walk on then I suppose I'm just wasting time and breath.
May 2014 · 278
For @issuings
asg May 2014
Did you really think
You could form diamonds out of his words
I realize that yes, they cut
But there are no fractals disguising his hate
Burned lips from letting cigarettes
Go for too long
You've come to hate those lips and
What mysteries come from this feeling
Why you love him, only God knows
Maybe there's perfection only you can see
Maybe it's the lack of perfection
Maybe it's the way his eyes will go
Slant and opaque when you tell him stories
The gritty sound of his voice and laughter
Smokers are disgusting but
You'd smoke a thousand cigarettes with him
Why do we love the ones
Who are most dangerous for us?
May 2014 · 538
For @electrifying
asg May 2014
Lightning (in their eyes)
• dangerous
• force to be reckoned
• skin peeling from impact
• must stay away, must stay away
• irrational fear
• terrifyingly easy way to die

Lightning (in my eyes)
• tantalizing
• giver of unseen life
• glowing skin and electric scars
• need to be close to
• pure energy, causing extreme wanderlust
• something so beautiful, could it **** me?
May 2014 · 1.6k
For @avxlanche
asg May 2014
Whipped through the crowd in a
Senseless tornadoes wrath
Head bangs and throbs with painful passion
For the rush received
Blurred are the lines
Between faith in you and leaping off this boat
Maybe the wind will catch me
Maybe it won't
Maybe the wind will swallow me down into it's perilous belly
Yes
That sounds more pleasant
May 2014 · 927
For @sunflowered
asg May 2014
Gossamer
That's what her hair felt like
When she leaned over my body and
Rusty nails  
Is how her fingers felt
Trailing paths up my back and
Daises
That's what her breath smelled like
As she whispered love in my ear and
Sunflowers
Are what she looks like
When she smiles and I feel my heart collapse
May 2014 · 529
For @lostscars
asg May 2014
You really may have travelled too far
But only in your heart
Your physical body is constantly catatonic
Especially when the scars on your skin
Are lit up like a strip mall on Friday
Scars lead you back home
Home is where again?
Possibly somewhere far off in the sky
Definitely actually underneath the ground
Soaking pounds of dirt into skin
Breathing pounds into lungs
Teeth gnash
And eyelids flutter
Oh my, you've relapsed again.
May 2014 · 484
Bruised People?
asg May 2014
bruises leave pain
and marks
but never memories
constantly we forget
how a bruise has come about
though we know touching it hurts
so we leave it alone
to heal
and soon we forget it was ever there
so why
when it comes to bruises (metaphorical ones) in history
does the memory of pain
and the marks
hold so strong?
we need to learn to be more like bruises forgive but never forget?
how about we
forgive
forget
and MOVE ON
May 2014 · 555
Spots
asg May 2014
spots
like blisters on skin
irritate me
not only are they
extremely noticeable
they also have the audacity
to be irreversible
once marked or made
they never go, as if to say
I am here
you have seen me
and you can do nothing about it
nothing makes me feel
as powerless as spots do
plus, you can't always hide them
so someone else is bound
to see them too
now we have two irritated
people
because of one
significantly insignificant
spot
asg May 2014
Breath
It pulls out of me and I'm left
Needing
Sometimes I forget
It is my own choice
To pull in new air
And breathe again

Anger
Like an infection
It festers and burns in my chest
And lo, I don't realize from time to time
It is my own thoughts
That **** my joy
I need to relax once more

Fear
It fills me and
Squashes my pride
And confidence
Many a days I overlook
The possibility that
There's absolutely nothing to fear

Paranoia
It tells me to be watchful
And I feel all eyes on me
Nerves on end and tingling
My nights get restless
Though sleep is all
I really need

Lies
I hear them constantly
And like an animal
I am trained into believing
Obediently figuring
That everything I hear
Must only be the truth
May 2014 · 399
If Bells Never Ring
asg May 2014
If bells never ring for you
When you leave through open doors
I'll stand on the other side and cheer
And if the lights never shine for you
As you stand upon an empty stage
I'll smile brightly as to comfort you
If treetops reach too far above
When you try to climb their age'd branches
I'll hold you up, no need to fear falling
But all this could be trivial
For how could we determine fate
And what might we feel later on
Shall I be as forgiving then?
With ample heart I love you now
And I suppose I will tomorrow
But times do change
And I'm known to be volatile
Though I'd never hurt you
And I could never hurt him...
I suppose I wane decidebly indecisive
Too troubled to say I love you straight
Apr 2014 · 288
Looking Back
asg Apr 2014
He concentrated so hard you would've thought he was recreating the Mona Lisa
When he placed down the pen and handed me the piece of paper I got nervous even though all I had to do was read it later at home
I didn't...ignoring that thought was the best choice I had ever made.
Apr 2014 · 431
Night Watch
asg Apr 2014
I watched him like I watch sunsets...
With my breath held waiting for him to disappear
To my surprise he never did
Could it have been possible he was just an apparition?
Mar 2014 · 350
Young Kids (lyrics)
asg Mar 2014
The world is missing, nah loosing, it's main supplier
Young kids scheming on ways just to get higher
Forgetting that what we need to be doing is making fire
Burning out what y'all old folks have laid, crucifier
Young kids killing off themselves, donning Columbian neckties
Cause no one told them that eventually they will get by
Watching out for our youth, it ain't in the old folks heart to try
Given up on us, not even worth it for us to cry
Over spilled milk, because honestly we did it to ourselves
We're buying all the crap the industry likes to sell
Like if we don't think a certain way we're all surely going to hell
Young kids taking all of this in like a chorus of angry bells
When the choir started to sing and we all felt uplifted
Old preachers telling us that all His children are gifted
Yet when I turn on a TV it seems that mindset has shifted
No one tells us about other religions without getting frigid
Young kids thinking they're crazy because our mindscrap are different
If I didn't know better I'd say you adults were all in ya feelings
It's just layers upon layers of ignorance, but I'll keep on peeling
Until this world opens it's eyes onto this new millineum
Young kids holding their tongues, we need to stop fearing
We need to start growing and shearing
Away these layers of skin that don't mean a thing, become domineering
We don't need their permission to take charge, start clearing
Cause it takes a village to raise one child, major solution
A child I'd like to call revolution
So I want to start writing lyrics, and the closet thing to home for me is hip-hop. I like conscious rap, and this is my first go at it. With poetry I feel like we're speaking, but in a way that only reaches people who understand and think the same way. Lyrics are different in the way that everyone who hears them can understand and relate to them and that's what I think rap lyrics should strive to do. Educate through words. Educate through music. We need to start a need revolution.
Mar 2014 · 272
For Him
asg Mar 2014
It doesn't matter to me
If your fingertips sweat
As they glide over ivory piano keys
Be the music lovely
And if you look me in the eyes
And if your hazel gaze never falters
Then I'll know, and we'll never need to worry
I never knew a boy
With a heart as wide as your mind is full
You are the epitome of worldliness
Anything you know to be true is useful
I imagine your thoughts to be magical
Dreams, yours are universal
I'd love to hear you play
To watch the pads of your fingers
Tap all over the board
Like they may do my body
Apparently I have dreams too...
Dreams of me waking up with you beside me
In a tent, cuddled close, fire burning
Watching your lazy attentiveness as you drive
Top down, wind in our faces
If only I had hair to flap in it
It makes me nervous how different we are
And sometimes I think the thoughts I have about you
Are just that, thoughts
But then you talk to me
Guys never just talk to me...
Unless they want to be friends
God, I'd love to be your friend
But I suppose I want  more than that too
I want you to play piano for me
I need to know if you can fill the hole
That runs through my heart
Steals all my happiness
I want to know if you can make me smile
Without even saying a word
These are more my thoughts than a poem
But it needed to be said
Because I think I could love you
Love...
It's a **** powerful word, huh?
I wrote this because I needed to get my thoughts out and read them to see if I believe them. And I believe them...I really do.
Mar 2014 · 2.8k
Petals
asg Mar 2014
The skinniest tulip
Sways gently in a breeze
Comfortably and serene
Never does it ask why or how
It just knows that life is nice
And the sun is warm against it's growing leaves
Then a storm comes around
And the tulip finds a new emotion
Fear
And as she trembles she begins to wonder why
A sky that hung blue and brilliant above her
Decided to rain it's wrath down upon her
When she is innocent of anything
And though the tulip
Loses a petal that day
She's grown a little taller
That tulip continues to thrive that season
She gets very used to the rain and terror
So no longer does she ask why
But suddenly the winds get colder
And the tulip begins to wilt
With nothing to help her
As she spreads her leaf to the sky
She wonders
How a caring world
Could watch her die
Could see her helplessness
And seize to aide
Why Mother Earth, so prosperous and great
Let the tulip down that day
How something that helped her grow
That told her to always be strong
How
Could it let her down that way?
Feb 2014 · 563
Deep
asg Feb 2014
You crawl under my skin & leave marks I can't erase & these layers separate me from relief. A bunch of broken glass in my body like the glass that crunched softly under my shoes when you pulled me by the whorf that day. But instead of the best night of my life I feel pain pain that deepens everytime you smile at me. Sandpaper rough hands & sticky tongues are an image of our past & now I don't even recognize the color of your eyes anymore. Make believing is a dangerous hobby & I lived that lifestyle with you but now the camera is back on & I figured out you have terrible stage fright. So now it's sweaty palms & clenched teeth that keep the anxiety real. Quick like how you used to be in conversations I am quick to leave & quick to find a new place to put a head that has been beaten & overused. Trouble finds you & trouble is leaving you now & I'm sorry you have the worst luck with vixens like us. But your words cut into my skin & imbedded themselves there & now every time I lay down my body it whispers to me the same things. Every time I shower the words are magnified into shouts & I feel trapped in this body you left. I wonder lots of nights whether going back to you will solve my issues. Then I just go back to sleep.
Feb 2014 · 356
Bittersweet
asg Feb 2014
Take these hands and mold them like clay
Make them operate under your will
Sow these fingers together like lace
Because that's how fragile my actions are
Make me like snow that falls and never melts
Crystallize me in the multifaceted edges of your mind
Break my bones and separate my molecules
Turn me into what you want, if not just for tonight
I saw a blazing constellation the other day
And it reminded me of you
I felt my face aflame under my sheets
And I needed you so bad to come cool my skin
With your lips froze like the ice that roams your blood
Passionate like roses, but ever shy like daffodils
Yellow with worry and trepidation
You wound my hair with your finger so tight
I could feel your apprehension that night
Could taste it in your heady breath
And we fell asleep afraid
Having nightmares that paralyze you in your rest
Trapped by our own emotions
But I never asked you to stay, you just did
Maniacs keep awful company
That's what I told you anyway as I counted the blades of grass
Outside tastes like magic and honey
Like energy made for our lungs sweet drinks for our mouths
Steady it goes
The pounding of my afferent heart
Until it doesn't
But the earth that will fill my lungs then
Will be just as bittersweet as your tongue is now
Feb 2014 · 553
Wet Eyelids
asg Feb 2014
absolute
a word that marks finality
yet seems to encourage improvement
like how we are (were) absolutely perfect for each other
yet you went seeking for someone better
though I would hesitate
to call her arm improvement
and I know you were sincere
when you softly cried your apologies
but it is so hard, you see
to believe in a word like that when it surrounded my entirety
though I absolutely hate you
and I absolutely loathe her
I don't really
because absolute is not a real thing
not a real way to measure the mercuriality
of the human race
of you
of me
of we
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