Jackal

Jackal Mar 2020

algernon

you are so small
and simple minded
pure and white
and your time
will come
too soon.

I was inspired by my hamster, Algernon

#hamster #algernon #fleeting

Jackal Mar 2020

i spent so much time
believing that you
would get better

that i didnt see
what was right in front
of my face

i was eleven when we fought
i told you to go to hell
and im pretty sure
you did

and now here i am
taking the blame
for your suicide

Jackal Mar 2020

Mother (Part I)

when i was younger
i believed
that if you believed in something
that it would happen

i spent
ninety percent of my time
believing with all my heart
that you would get better

so young and naive i was

forgiving the bruises and boyfriends
that would violate me at midnight

forgiving you
for leaving me alone
at the age of ten

to take care of a toddler
for
hours

in and out of rehab
as i moved in
with grandma

and i always believed

that you'd be better
when you came home

Jackal Mar 2020

What do you call a letter for the dead?

I will always hate my birthday.
I vowed that the day your heart stopped beating.
A mere four hours after I called your best friend
begging him to find you
because I was too far away.

My hands grasped at nothing as my lungs did the same i pleaded with him and he tried so hard to get there in time but you just couldn't hold on. like that past year meant nothing.
And i thought i was superman when i first started loving you.
I wanted to fix your hurt and be your number one and you tried so hard to let me in but it never worked and now here we are and i'm crying on my couch four years later because i cant erase you from my mind.

they found you on the rocks,
broken and twisted as the sea tried to was you away

why cant i do that to my memory?

I lost my friend four years ago. He committed suicide on my birthday. This is a little thing for him.

#suicide #loss #coping

Jackal Mar 2020

Underthinking.

Silence, like a blanket
envelops me.
It is comfort at first,
But all too soon
I am suffocating.

God help me
whatever deity there is
i cannot continue living this way.

Hand shaking,
Ink stains blotting
White paper now corrupted
by the words of an unforgiving society

Scarlet dripping on the floor,
my breathing becomes shallow
one pill at a time

my world shakes
my vision blurs
and all i can think of

is you.

#overthinking #comfort #sad #lost

Jackal Mar 2020

Ramblings from a Shattered Corpse

Words spill from my mouth in a constant flow of black sludge.
My ribs shake as wind blows through my hollowed bones.
I am exploding and caving in on myself
all the same

As emotions take over and
I am left to my own devices because
There is no one to save me

The hardest pill to swallow
Is the drug that says I did this to myself.

Now all I can do is lie here and waste away
As the mushrooms and bugs take over
Consuming what once was living me
And returning my flesh to the dust from whence it came

So juvenile, my language is
When trying to describe the torment i feel
That grows with each passing day

And yet here i sit,
Desperately trying to piece some semblance of
Art from this
Horrible mashed up plea

And you're still reading,
But at what cost?
A soliloquy from the ******.

I have stolen minutes from your life
And yet still you continue
As the corpse screams in your face

You tread on..

#midnight #high #sad #thinking

Jackal Mar 2020

Reach

I knew a boy, who flew a kite made of clouds.
Some might call that feat magical,
Impossible, even.
But to him,
it was nothing more
than a reminder
of what
he would never
reach.

#poetfreak #canada #lost #love

— The End —