I wake up today already feeling melancholy
today is the day you are leaving for your dream job
I should be happy for you right? but instead i told you
it's time to end things between you and I
I told you the distance was too much, I couldn't handle it
but I'm laying awake in bed and all my thoughts are filled with you and your warm brown eyes, your dashing smile
they way you make me feel so alive and happy
like nothing bad could ever happen to me
and I've come to a conclusion, as I've spent the last hour
thinking about you, the distance is no match for how much I will miss you, I hurry as fast as I possibly can so I can catch you
before you leave on your train
I speed through the traffic and arrive 10 mins before the
train should depart, I push my way through people trying to find where
you should be, and suddenly in the blur of everything I catch a glimpse
of your ebony hair, I change my course and now I'm running straight for you I catch your wrist just in time, for you were just about to board and you would have been gone forever, your warm eyes immediately look down to me,
like you were expecting me, we stand there staring at each other for
what feels like hours, I take a deep breath and I breathlessly say
“It's you” as I look deep into your loving gaze, returning it
“explain, what changed your mind” you say in return, I have to think
what did change my mind? “ you see, the distance is no match for how much
I would miss you” I say, you look as if you will start crying “thank you” you say, “because I would miss you so much more because I’m in love with you” and I know that I’m in love with you too maybe even more

And do you feel more like a man
When you strike her beautiful cheek
With your hand wide open, leaving a mark
That turns bright red instantly, and will soon
Turn into just one of the many other bruises
She has to cover up with makeup, it's a struggle
Every morning, the more bruises you give her
The earlier she has to wake up so she has
Time to cover them all before she makes you breakfast
For if it's not at the right time, another bruise will find its
Way onto her lovely body, you leave them all over her
Her face, neck, hips, wrists, and even legs,
Do you really even see what you are doing?
Have you noticed how the light in her eyes
Has vanished ever since the bruises started
Appearing. “You know I love you right?” You say
After each time, shes starting to believe it less and less
And I cant wait for the day when she's brave enough to
Leave you, you are a disease, infecting every single
Part of her being, and she deserves so much better than you
She should be put on a the biggest pedestal, and you are
Incapable of doing that. I can't wait for the day when she leaves you
So tell me, do you still feel like a man?

This will be just one more ****** love poem
to ***
to drugs
to rock n’ roll.

   You think you’re too young to die, huh?
well, everyday my facebook feed
fills with people who were
too young to die.
   Everyday people they loved post
on their walls, memories and pictures,
writing how their hearts ache at the passing
of one too young to die.
   People who the dead disliked or even hated
also post on their walls, RIP, sad to see you go,
etc. empty ******* like “only the good die young,”
please.
   I try to watch from afar, for if I get too close
I fear I am the next to go.
   You think it can never happen to you, until
you wake up in a hospital bed with an IV in your arm and
a head awhirl with Narcan.
   But still, it couldn’t happen to me, because
it’s happening to the people all around me.

The last girl I ****** off of Tinder
I stole thirty dollars from to buy
black tar ****** in Colorado
then saw a **** jam band
play their **** music,
it wasn’t rock n’ roll.

The last girl I had *** with
because I was in love with her
won’t hardly speak with me, anymore,
because ***
because drugs
because rock n’ roll
….That was like four years ago.

I miss the rock n’ roll in ***** Philly basements
that felt punk even when it was folk.
I miss doing drugs without ending up
homeless, broke, and emotionally destitute
immediately after.
I miss the *** that meant something,
but more so miss the idea of *** being related
to love, which was it ever even in the first place?
I don’t know.  
I like the tenants of pop punk music,
example: I like my friends, I remember that time you were drunk and spilled the apple juice in the hall, I like the ideal of that one girl all the Jesse Laceys of the world write about, most importantly I like the thought that none of this is really my fault…when it is.

I had a therapist, more than one, ask me
to write a break up letter to drugs,
I could never get very far with it
because drugs dumped me a long time ago
and had since moved on.
If I was honest I would write, “Take me
back, I can handle you again and
things can go back to how they
were when we first met.”
But, I know this can never be,
as drugs are busy seeing other people.

Do you remember the day the lightning bugs
began to disappear?
Now, in the stead of those tiny glowing insect dots
is only the sense of a faintly felt fear,
of growing old
and
losing our illusion of safety.
Bring back the insects,
bring back the
***
drugs
and
rock n’ roll

Met an angel in an alley,
I'm sure all angels snort dust.
She told me she was lost.

I pointed towards the nearest ditch and said,
"Sweetheart, go home"