at a table i sit
in an empty room

the ambient hum of myself in silence settles around as the smoke from my marlboro swirls around my fingers

fingers that ache for the impossible

the weight of my posture says more than all of tchaikovsky's musings...

as i consummate myself and dread with whiskey saved for a time just like this
shadows spin and dance and i become entranced with the spell i cast

soon the silence breaks and heaves as whiskey magic brushes a soft hand upon my cheek and fills the room with vibrant perfume

my fingers ache for the impossible

i break myself upon regret

i blink away the spell till i can see...

the ambient hum of myself in silence settles around as the cherry on my marlboro dies in the ashtray

just a moment
in an empty room

My heart is just paper mache, silver strings and georgia clay
A mass that drips and sings sad sad songs

You plucked the strings now out of tune
You said said goodbye we're done its through
So I left it on the tracks and walked away

It gave me wings and clipped them too
the feathers fall and fly to you
Jealous of the bits that float away

And the birdies say hey
gonna peck out your brains
You stupid ******* whatd you think

The crows they ate and now they know, my heart lies hidden and over grown
Maybe theyll take flight and eat that too

My gut it has some words for you but misery will follow suit
Something wicked always comes this way

It hit me like artillery from far away my ears still ring cant find escape in sleep its my dreams

And the birdies say hey gonna peck out your brains, you stupid ******* whatd you think

I break down put it on repeate cross the country break my feet always walking walking walking pain

While the sky was blue I thought of you
Sky turns red and the sun is dead
Skys now black and the moon it laughs

im just wax and Ice alive, candles melt but i survive
**** man,is all I do

But i am strong, or so im told
Not strong enough to face the feelings that i hold
I hold inside
Please hold my hand
I think i need help
Lettin go of the ******

My heart is just paper mache, silver strings and georgia clay
Lost it on the tracks
Not sure its ever comin back.

And the birdies say hey, gonna peck out your brains, you stupid ******* what you think?

Choked on chicken bones with a throat made of paper.
Rigamorits already in my joints but mostly in my jaw
A diaphram full of marbles that causes shaking at the knees.
Mostly im just scared to speak

Hook me in the mouth.
The feather of a friend, lost over the
Atlantic.
Deep down in the deep down, torn against the coral and then
Washed ashore.
Waves like waves, wind like winds,
if its all the same to you
it feels the same to me.
A battering along the coast,
ceaseless and inescapable.

In his tower of fish bone and stench
the sea called and the sea wept
He looked upon the promise of chance

A ribcage still with breath
the bird inside whiskey wet
callin out to the sea
"ohhh why can't you love me"

The moon it rose the tide did too
he unhitched the drift wood canoe
and the current stole all uncertainty

he rowed on, lost sight of shore
surrounded by what he adored  
water still; he feels complete
his birdie sang it's masterpiece.

He broke his ribs and let it fly,
"no need for that when i've got whats mine"
he watched his heart catch a westward breeze.

The king of bones, bleached by the sun
stepped out his boat immersed in love
his soul transfixed upon her depth
he looked down deep and held his breath

Ohhh he never saw it coming


The storm came and sent him down
her leviathans ate his crown
***** picked and scraped what laid at bottom

Swept away and drowning now
Grabbed for his bird and tried to howl
his fingers met the broken ribs
"how could I have fallen for this?"

Ohh a jawbone fit for a crown
The king of bones, the ocean drowns

her relentless undertow
dragged him to the shore he knows
smashed against the rocks, cracked and broken

ohh a jawbone fit for a crown
The king of bones, the ocean drowns.

So now he walks filled with pain
his birdie drowned in the hurricane
oh he was left wonderin, what coulda been.

ohh a jawbone fir for a crown
the king of bones the ocean drowns..

Whats the point now?

When I get the falling down,
The sky follows suit.

I grew feathers and gravity flipped a *****.
The moon rose in a sick sewer fog,
Orange and,
primordial.

I touched her,
silver strings followed my fingers and played me a song.

What I mean to say is.

I opened my door and never looked back. The heart I left still beats in time upon rail road tracks thick with tar and I still feel the vibrations from here.
Two thousand seven hundred miles and suddenly I'm stretched between mountains beech trees and limestone caverns. I remember a girl with fire hair and a bus to match and I fell in love but remembered I left my heart so I left her to. Upon a bike I rode a wave a gust of air from passing pastures at mach speeds.
So I traveled more and left behind even more than that and flung myself down an arkane maw rode a boat never looked at time.
So when I get the falling down..
I grow feathers and gravity flips a *****.
Like a moth I bounce off neon light to neon light without realizing im really looking for the moon but the doors that are open promise good times pretty faces and *****.

But I get out there,
Out there in the great beyond and scatter myself into the stars and talk to each little one. and the moon watches and stays amused at her little creation laying in Gaias hair just trying to understand and grab something that makes sense and I'm almost there.

Naked in a field
drunk on a tower
sweating in sheets
and gravity flips a *****
and I slip out and I never look back.
What I mean to say is..

I walk a lot.

Brown sugar cinnamon coffee cakes vanilla sin
I wish I was in love again
sassafras dragon tea the rented space inside of me there in lies a vacancy
I wish I was in love again
half full half alive half of me pines for life self sabotage sordid dreams
I wish I was in love again.
walk again walk away walking walking walking pain torture tours with traveling
I wish I was in love again.

Did I bleed enough already?
Sandpaper mounds, rough canyons, and catawampus scars
have replaced the soft hands I once had.
Rage has given way to a sardonic subsonic sentiment.
My throat was cursed and turned to glass.
Every word spoken threatens to shatter
what holds my head to my shoulders.
Have I suffered sufficiently?
The robin in my dry rotted heart
can not fly on whiskey soaked wings.
The sin that I consume I consummate with good intention.
Am I built on dichotomy?
Eye bitten blind, my wish for a fresh beginning
is always met with un-sustainability.
Finger nails aching for the bite of flesh.
Lips ache for fiberglass and lonely blue smoke.

Undulating rotations of no matter where I go there I am.
To understand I can walk there but I can never really walk from,
Is to understand the only way to escape is to change.
Disassemble; disassociate.
Brain waves are the only ones I drown in.
Am I asking the wrong questions?
My heart houses not just birds of spring,
but fledglings of dragons that war with the dampness of my innards.
Waiting for enough tinder to start the flame that burns this shell
and would set me free.
I offer it fingers I cut from lackadaisical moments heaving with unremitting love.
Just to burn the memory of touch.
It hordes digits and I wait for the day it fills my veins with pasteurizing fire.
I ate from the blackness of repetition and habit and became so comfortable in the self destruction I can see no other way to be.
My idiosyncrasies are synchronized with the pain of constantly finding the moon and longing..
I must change.
Before my tired eyes sag and separate from my face.
Before my ribs grow tired of my heavy sighs and point inward.
Before my little robin drowns.

Soon I'll come around.

The witness let out a parody of a scream
Strangled against the depths of the hollar.
The mountain like an inky black old God.
It spoke in tectonic speeds
It shocked the witness
Every cell moved in protest
Its mind was rent from body
Scattered to the void

Murmur languid passion
Crave, convulse caress
This flicker of fever
For you, wet ecstasy
Could give shudders
or,
luscious agony

I'll be your whiskey sacrifice
Adonis smiled thrice that night
Once for me and twice for you
I'll be your love sick sentinel
Your love **** receptacle
Look I think the moon is blushing
Rushing blood taste of tongue
murmurs of a languid soaking love