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It is no different, even now.

I hold this pain inside dearly- it's the only thing gifting me life.
My eyes without focus and my brain all the same.
My tongue and mouth are frozen, after my legs and arms.
Years of decay- falling over my head, massing around me.
The poisonous air moving me swiftly to my death.

It is no different from the four wall cage-
though I am not bored now
I am dying still.

Why am I so lucky to experience love?
I don't deserve this, any of it.

I want to live, rid of this pain
but all around me
is only death.

I am honored
I am the luckiest girl in the world.
I love you.
I want to die
but I want to live.
My bed; my wardrobe; my drawings on the wall.
My dolls; my games; my cosmetics.

It is where I live
at least half of my life.

Life is walking and breathing; talking and fighting
loving ourselves.
These are half in my room, half on my screen.

I wondered why.
Why Eva are you here only in half?

The answer is that outside this room is unavoidable death.

Life is to eat; to drink... to be pretty, even.
But death is waiting for me.

This death is insidious. It takes many years to get you
so you forget.

But you can run away.
Eva can walk and breathe; eat and drink... be pretty.

But what will it be of her screen?
Of her love?
It's beautiful
my ears bring me to tears
but I don't cover them.

I cover yours
your lips.

I take your voice for myself; your breathing.

I understand your position:
an object of pleasure.

But it matters not
for your defenseless mind
is now mine.
I slide the door open,
she was rightfully there.

It was the room I assigned for her
she had just moved in.

A few spares of her outfit peek out of her wardrobe,
A couple dresses as well
One blue; one red.

At the side is a broom; feather duster and such
Still lying around.

Her personality hadn't changed the room yet.

now

I take my first step in,
she amusingly begins bowing already.

No different than the rest of the furniture she is: tidy, a pleasant aroma around her and a pretty thing to look at.

I greet her, my maid.
I hear those dutiful words, that name: "Mistress".

She's blushing; her arms so obviously tense.

Every footstep I take towards her echoes in our hearts.

...


I lock our gazes- such an adorable and intimidated look.
Her lips are trembling as I get closer: "Mi-" she tried to say.

But my finger was keeping her mouth shut.

"Shhh" a whisper followed by a modest nod from her.

The tension is cut as I slide my fingers down her arm
her gasp held hostage by me.
She could make no sound.

I can't help but giggle.

With that smile I lean closer to her.
To her lips.
I had her captive already, my arms resting on her hips.

"You are my furniture, dear."
"Yes Mistress."

It is all there was before with my kiss
I took over her mind.
Love today is in name only.

A game:
A rush of excitement; a sudden worth in our hearts and blood.
"Love" because we love it.

"Love" yet is to care; it is strength from below- service to fight on.
And now instead I stroke your hair; I grant you a kiss.

You are a girl as well
I pull on this bond and you can only lean towards me.

A power and responsibility, fear and pleasure.

I have your smile
I have your pain
But it cannot be a game.

Between praise and punishment
Rest in my arms, my warmth will take over,

for you are my doll, not a toy.
Before my eyes I can see the ends of the world though the distance is beyond imagination.
I see too much, too far.
It is a blinding sight, a maddening prophesy.

But in blindness instead I live.
Life is only a moment. A single repeating moment.

Those moments were happiness.
For "a moment" then, I love you.
Title : Being Transgender

Being transgender
Being transgender is unique.
Being transgender isn't disgusting.
I find these people wiser and stronger.
Because they are not afraid to show who they love

Bullying someone because he or she is trans is not cool.
Actually, they are making themselves fool.
what would matter if I am trans, or your best friend, even your neighbor?
That's right it wouldn't matter!

If someone think being trans is wrong,
they are just being childish.
Sleep the 96,
May your slumber be free,
From lies pain, hidden truth,
And disparity,

Sleep the 96,
On the shoulders of your home,
For 27 years we walked with you,
You never walked alone,

Sleep the 96,
May your hearts like ours be light,
For justice came, the time is now,
We never gave up your fight,

Sleep the 96,
Liver birds sing your song,
With pride, truth and justice,
What we believed all along,

Sleep the 96,
May your slumber be deep and true,
Until we meet again my friends,
Justice was won for you.

For all who lost their lives and for all who walked through the storm.
Hold your heads up high ***
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