i killed myself.
my old self.
sometimes she likes to sneak back into the cracks in my bones,
but she's never there for long.
she knows she is not welcome there.

i killed myself.
my old self.
then i bloomed like a dandelion,
fierce and ready to conquer all.
sometimes people like to pluck me
because i'm a ****.
but weeds can be flowers too if you get to know them.

m.a.l.

white man says
make america great again
white man says it
like he ever knew America bad
like he ever knew anything but privilege

white man says
take us back
to better times and
I wonder which he means

maybe genocide
or slavery
or Jim Crow
or woman only knows kitchen
or woman doesn't get vote
or back of the bus
or don't ask don't tell
or all that war and all that death

white man says
make America great again
like it ever was to begin with

other white man says
make America Christian again
like this country wasn't founded
on freedom of religion
like you’re only free to have it
if you love Jesus

white man says
conservative with fear between his own teeth
says the word
like it's a dying breed
like it'd be a bad thing if it did
says it like he knows a **** thing
about what it means to be a minority

white man says
**** political correctness
as if kindness requires too much effort
as if it's a mistake to be considerate
as if words don’t have significance
white man says
Mexican
Mexican
Muslim
says go back
says you're not wanted here
sounds a lot like 1941 Germany
sounds a lot like ******
Mexican
Muslim
brown person
doesn't know how much survival it takes to be one in this country

white man
says legal
like it only means good
like these men who look just like him don't walk into movie theatres and shoot
into schools and shoot
into churches and shoot
into mosques and shoot
into human and shoot
tell me again what it means to be legal
to belong here
to have the right to be alive without chains
say we'd rather have guns walk free than citizens
say we'd rather save money than lives
say this country's got too many problems
say you know how to fix it

white man says
make America great again but
doesn’t know that progress
doesn’t work in reverse
tell me again
how going backward
will make the future any brighter
when our past is a reflection
of all the light
we never really had

missing you when
you are here
that's the worst way
to have it

isn't it?

Me and you and poems

Ages ago i used to love poetry
I could write anything
Anywhere any time
Even my dreams consisted of poems
I would wake up middle of the night
Looking frantically for paper
So the poem that had formed in my dreams wouldnt disappear
All i would write about was you,
Me, me and you, and us
My poems were happy with
Those few moments we had spent together
Poems that contained fragments of memory in them
Of me and you walking together
They were happy poems
They'd make me smile and blush
And then i stopped and the happy poems stopped
Me and you, we stopped
I dont know why but after that
There were no more poems
I had nothing to write about
Poems as i knew them had to have
Smiles and laughter and love
I didnt have that with you gone
So i stopped
But then you came back and
The poems started again
And here we are
Happy again
Everything is beautiful again
But now theres question in my poems
An uncertainty a lack of trust maybe
Will these poems ever stop again

-is to feel the glow of light
even in darkness

is to want now to last forever
while still anticipating
tomorrow

is to draw a future
between the cracks of your smile
is to fill myself
in the lifeline of your palm

is to color cheeks into blush
at the sight of your gaze
is to stretch a smile
into a mountain range

is to pour myself
in the indents of your ribcage

is to hear a reminder of you
every time a love song plays
is to finally understand
why they were made

is to not have fully understood
a good night of sleep
until it is spent by your side

to be with you-
is to find god in our silence
to see the holy in our touching
to say grace for this feeling
and pray for it to stay.

do you know
i think of you
in my saddest moments
bittersweet memories
fill my head

but i feel no comfort
with these thoughts of you
only reminders
of where my sadness
was planted.

My nerves feel like
they are going to bunch up
and crawl out
of my body

Panic settles in
doesn’t come out
thankfully

The possibility of papercuts
fills my head
then my brain starts rushing thoughts of
them all over my body on overload

It feels like there are ten million
needles piercing my skin

Feels like the world is going to end
for one second
and I keep holding on
because I have to

I don’t want to

I don’t want to

But I have to

It is necessary for life
how can you live without it

So I keep grabbing on
and holding on
no matter the torture I feel
because I have to
I tell myself

I have to

Relationships are overrated.

I've got a boy I used to love and know who broke my heart but won't leave my mind.

Bestfriends that I can hardly stand the sight of,

And a family that doesn't know what I'm going through.

It seems to me that the relationships I have are as stable as my mind, yet they're the only ones I have.

K R W