Blood dripping onto my pillows
As I try to escape this reality
The colorful pill diet
Waterboarding me between sleep
And an existential crisis.
I think a demon will come in tomorrow
He’ll probably be wearing a suit and tie
Maybe he’ll sit down for some coffee
And we’ll make pleasantries as the day goes by.
Oh there I’m wandering again.
My mind is slipping.
Hysteria has got me in her cage.
I hope I can hang on enough
To cull my life before I lose
More of myself in the rubble of this brick and mortar.

please please please please
help me
i am not okay
I don’t know why my life falls apart
I lost my only good luck charm
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
please somebody save me
the floor is full of holes
I’m falling. I’m falling. I’m falling.
please. please. please.
the devil has a hold on me.
god hasn’t heard my prayers.
please.
is there someone who can rescue me?

I float
Between destinations
My physical body
Worn down and aching
My spiritual side nonexistent
I fear they’ve crossed over
And have left me here
An empty bag of bones
Arriving at your door.

For a long time I took refuge in you
Nothing mattered except my tear stained cheeks
And heart palpitations from grief
The throw up bottle in my car
For when my stomach wanted to be as empty as my arms.
The brands on my legs to stop keep myself from crying.
Now I choose me.
And whoever I am with you
Bringing melancholy to my every step.
Let your reach spread into my new memories
Paint a world showing the impossible pursuit of happiness.
I will not fight you off.
I will be your comforting friend.
The hug the others refuse to give you.
Come sadness.
Let us take steps forward.
Afraid and sad.
Together.

Like my pair of safety scissors
I leave the mesh on my window intact
My outlets remain hidden in their covers
My keys tucked away in a different drawer each day.
The pills down the toilet drain only to be bought over and over again.
The razors tossed out after a longing caress
My weighted blanket anchoring me to my bed
Pulling all the stops to keep my mind from repeating “I’d be better off dead”.