they caught me
lying in the corner cradling my body
crying for help and praying for a god that didn't exist
they caught me with my chest split open
a still picture of my beating heart
vulnerable and gasping for human touch
finding love in places it doesn't belong
to feed my constant loneliness
with constant attention and fake affection
they caught me
with makeup stains on the pillow
at 3 in the morning
with gritted teeth and puffy eyes
that lay empty on my face just begging for relief

they told me they could save me
and take away my fear
they told me that there's a place
where I could disappear
they brought me to a rabbit hole
hidden deep inside my mind
that led me to a wonderland that was only mine

*I could stay here forever.

i left myself alone and stranded
without a map or the slightest
clue on how to get out of this mess.
i hate myself for causing you so much agony.
i find myself lying wide awake at night,
being eaten alive by the thought of
how much pain i caused you.
i wish something as simple as the rain
could mend that broken heart of yours,
but i promise i will prove myself, with each
stitch i sew, slowly fabricating each
scattered piece of heart until
you can finally feel whole again.
i am beginning to realize that home
is where the heart is, and that place
is back with you.
this lost boy is ready to come home.

                                 *i'm sorry

Center of all centers, core of cores,
almond self-enclosed, and growing sweet--
all this universe, to the furthest stars
all beyond them, is your flesh, your fruit.

Now you feel how nothing clings to you;
your vast shell reaches into endless space,
and there the rich, thick fluids rise and flow.
Illuminated in your infinite peace,

a billion stars go spinning through the night,
blazing high above your head.
But in you is the presence that
will be, when all the stars are dead.

Dearest beloved,

I wish I could tell you
exact what you mean to me.
I wish that I could show you
how you make me feel.
I wish I had more time to spend
with you and see that amazing smile.

I know you have a boyfriend and
he must be doing a great job because
you're always happy, smiling brightly
and laughing...

You enchant men without even trying
and every one of us fall for you.

What I wish most of all
is to sweep you off your feet,
take you away and travel the
world with you at my side.

I think I can make you far
happier than you already are,
but I know, without a doubt,
that you can make me the
happiest man in the world.

As long as there is a
single star above you,
you will remain on my
mind and in my heart.

I know I can't have you,
but that's why it's called
wishful thinking!


Written By:
Andrew D. Robertson

everyone has dark cellars
scattered within their body,
vanishing, pulling down planets
and cobwebs from the forgotten
corners of the room.
please enter my confetti filled castle
and slip elegantly on the rain soaked floor.
laugh at the paper airplanes we used to
make as kids that barely flew straight and
how every grandpa seems angry when they type.
nothing is important unless you allow it to be.
i'll buy a needle and thread and stitch together my words into
the warmest blanket for you to sleep under,
but falling asleep seems like a waste of time, and
we will probably get complaints about that.

i suffer from
that kind of
sadness that only
creeps in the
darkness of night,
forcing tears out
of my eyes.

                      i suffer from
                      that kind of
                      sadness that swings
                      like a pendulum
                      in your ribcage
                      for days, destroying
                      every heart vessel,
                      that soul-blackening
                      sadness.