It's not often that I let myself be
alone with my self and my time.
It feels easy at first, but then
I begin to scratch.
I scratch the same sores on my hands
as I scratch when I am stressed,
when I am worried,
when I am scared.
So I'm not sure
why I'm scratching now?

What is so stressful,
so worrying,
so scary about being alone?
Is it just that I am not used to it,
always seeking people out
or found by them?
That when, at last,
I have my self to myself,
I don't quite know what to do?

What would happen if
I just sat with that
for a moment?
Stopped scratching,
to just sit and breathe.
No one will come
and save me from this.
*Why do I feel like
I need to be saved?

Suicide can make you feel better
Very important to leave a letter
Take your time, be a careful type-setter
Don't want to off-set Her!

Don't cry my darling
My small little child
You're not the only one
There is probably another
child like you who is
upset because they feel
nobody sees them.

Become the person
who recognizes that
other child.

To which would you prefer?
To own a citizenship in the Earth
But lose your own soul?
Or to be a stranger of the World
Where you are persecuted due to your faith
But *not abandoned in Heaven?

Sacred vows
Now cheap obligation
Promises and ringed forgiveness
Say it back with some conviction
Speak up, girl
Use your diction
The priest is waiting for your decision
Staring at the man parallel
To spend a life with through insanity and hell
Now you see his intentions are well
Fight the urge for flight
But finding courage from the hits taken last night
Foggy trails of wedded delight
Masking the fumes of foreboding night
Snowstorm omens await your matrimony
Making it known that it's not just for now it will be stormy
Crack the glass
Tip the bottle
Dance our dance
Two steps back
We had the strength to move further from that
We dance right through our holy pact
Now that all our time has lapsed
The last grain of truth fell through the hourglass
Cleaning up and looking back
Memoirs of our wedding trash
Throw it out
It was a memory passed
One day that we forgave the past
Kissed so true
Hands tightly clasped
Man and wife
Became monster and *****
Too proud to say we would ever take it back
Too hateful to assure it was worth the blast
Too kind to pull the trigger too fast
Shotgun wedding without the ***** filled sack
Praying for it to never come to that
Make an honest woman of me at last
At least we don't have to disappoint
Everyone assumed where this was going
Trace our steps back to the alter
Take back our words
Reverse the legality on paper
Pull off rings and our fake tremors
Replace it with who we really were to begin with
Shape and create a ending with splendor
Finish the way we started
I'm game for either
Get a reaction
No such luck
I went crazy on your behalf before
This final indenture
I don't owe you a pound of flesh
You had my mind
When I thought I had lost it
Keeping it locked and hidden in a box marked lovers
And now you show it back all tattered
The wrinkles once healthy
Now sag with bitter remebrance
And grey with genuine attempts and constant failures
You saw potential
You declared a ways back
A molding I tried to pour myself in
But instead it cracked
All you see now is what I lack
No purpose
No sense
No redeeming countenance
Just a used up waste of penitence
Apologies and sincere regret
What the **** would you do with that?
Each promise broken
Moved up two steps back
Go figure we moved behind
Instead of progressing forward on this track
It's not a race
And in our disgrace
We both lost ourselves
Before we stepped on the starting place

Blinded by blood
I do anything for you
A relation that whirs my head
Until I am sick and I spew

Now with this mirror
I see the knife you stab through
You're the cause of my death coming nearer
And yet I'm the problem, the ******* issue

The hating words of love
That come from your mouth
You cover your tracks with the glove
That you wear, you're a tyrant, a louse!

But I won't sink so low
I won't return the favor
For your death will be slow
Cause no more am I your savior

I'll just walk out the door
I won't even turn back
I know I'm worth so much more
No longer am I your snack

Good luck with your new life
Who knows what's in store
Without your radiation
Life grows deep within my core

It was all dark before I met you,
and darkness elope me,
and I find myself sinking further,
and further into the abyss where no life would be.

And suddenly,
my world light up like how you are the Sun of which consumes me entirely,
and of the Rain,
as you came in almost immediately.

I would used to think that I have storms raging in me,
a mass of ultimate destruction,
but you clear them away,
and grew flowers in me which you would never pluck even if they are pretty.

I would find myself in the comfort of bittersweet drinks which infuriate my mind,
making me dizzy.
But now, I find myself in your comfort,
you evading my lungs with your cigarette-scented breath,
leaving me hazy.

At 3AM before, insanity would kick in and my demons would rise,
leaving me to suffer in delusions and fear eating me alive,
At 3AM now, I dream of technicolor and your arms wrapped around mine,
reassuringly as you whisper words that cuts my breath.

My inbox mail would usually be empty,
and to be filled up with advertisement and radical nonsense.
It is now filled with messages and poems from you,
of which that I left them be ever since I met you.

Death would often spark a sinful thought,
that the nerves of my brain would always response.
But now ever since you told me you want to live a lifetime with me,
I, too, wish to live a possible lifetime with you.