"Court, you can't die with him. You have to let go."

But what if I need to?
I can't go to that coffee shop without losing my ability to breathe, as if I was hanging next to you.
I can't  listen to "Chasing Cars" with thinking about lying next to you and forgetting the world and myself.
I see your cousin at school and I see so much of you in him.
I can't go to the movies without wishing our fingers were intertwined.
I see flowers on the side of the road and all I can remember is your parents in all black kneeling at an alter in prayer.
Snow globes, hot chocolate, super hero movies and all the things that reflect us pull me through our timeline and remind me that I can't bear to look at rocks without seeing your name in that stone.
I can't drink coffee without tasting your vanilla kisses.
I can't look at ropes or strings or laces or ribbons without seeing your body hanging from your ceiling.
You used to leave me with smiles and stupid jokes but on October 13th, all you left me with was our history. And now its slowly carving my name into a rock and that's all I've ever known about letting go.

I have to say
The truth be told
I'm addicted
I'm addicted to bettering myself
But not in thy way of improving oneself within
Improving myself with cosmetics
I'm addicted to the dark eyeliner
The cherry red lips
The perfect skin
It gives me confidence
It makes me scared to look my natural looks
Even when nobody else is going to lay eyes on me
I feel like I still have to put it on
For myself

Over time
I built the box
wall by wall
day by day
composed of dreams
and desires
ideals, beliefs, and goals

Over time
it kept me safe
and where I wanted to be
within the boundaries
of what I wanted
pushing me to succeed
keeping me in line

Over time
it became a prison
trapping me in, not letting me out
leaving no room for growth
no room to move
to change, improve,
or to fail

Over time
I took it down
wall by wall
day by day
removed of dreams
and desires
ideals, beliefs, and goals

Over time
replaced by the openness
of being whatever I want to be
able to let things go
and to make mistakes
for to err is to be human
and with that I was set free

The damage a storm can do
isn't even close to how I felt after you