I just want...
To look in the mirror
And not be disgusted

I just want...
To use my voice
Without telling a lie

I just want...
To wake up each morning
And not regret it

I just want...
To sleep at night
Without the nightmares

I just want...
To be able to think
And not want to cry

I just want...
To smile again
Without being fake

I just want...
To look at my wrist
And not see blood

I just want...
To live
For once in my life

*Is that too much to ask?

there are so many things I should've said but I thought you knew.
         my guilt stares me in my face.
but there's nothing left to do,
now I only have my sweet memories of you to embrace

1,2,3,4,
I count sheep; lying down on this cold pillow.
Staring into darkness
The black abyss staring back laughing
Reflecting my own self conscience.

5,6,7,8
more sheep pass by my eye lids
The wool falling off their bodies
towards the doors that lead in to my sub conscience
Where my mind runs rampant with thoughts
That leave the wool ineffective
That keeps me from entering a safe haven

9,10,11,12
This herd of sheep are wasting their time
I can’t live with out something so sublime
My love, My hate, My depression, My attraction
All pointed towards you
I get up and scream towards the sheep
I’m not your shepherd
I’m not your shepherd
I’m not your shepherd
just leave me be

13,14,16,17
Why couldn’t you stay
You stranded me at bay
I can’t enter the bomb shelter
with out closing my eyes
I can’t close my eyes with out you
I can’t,
I can’t,
I can’t,
I won’t

18, 19,
20 black sheep cross the roof of my eyes
as I sit here on the edge of my bed
This bed is a comparison
a comparison to my sanity
The one that was already fragile
The one you already broke

21…22…23..24…26…27…28….29….30

With the lick of a lollipop, you gain my affection.  Forgetting everything, but the saxophone in the corner, possibly the stares will stay. winter is around the corner or was it spring? I can’t remember, my mind is filled with pop rocks and soda.  Stars burst as you laugh, creating juicy flavours that spill out over the world. Allowing people to laugh and cry.  Jolly ranchers, farming for the last echo of your laughter. I imagine the juicy fruits crying out of joy as they pull them out of the ground and pick them from the vines.  I can’t stop caring I can’t stop enjoying my time staring. Its who I am. I obsess over ones I can’t have.  Its my curse. Black liquorice, filled with the dark liquor. My mind wrapped up, twizzler. I’m attracted to ones that are a shelf above me. I’m a yellow star burst, thrown into a bowl of rejected m&ms; and skittles.
Your candy flavoured lips covered in bright sugar and harden sprinkles.  How many small glances does it take to get to the center of your heart. Stuck in the centre of my tootsie pop,beating on the glass made of pre chewed gum. I can’t see where I’m going. Getting my hands stuck. Replicating what you gave me the first time we met. I filled my empty stomach with sweets. Not so sweet now that I think about it.   40 winks and telephone calls, Small glances and hard gum *****.  My obsession will be the end of me.  From the chosen one to the brunette, to the lesbian. I’m stuck in an endless cycle of headaches and sick stomachs. All this candy wasn’t good for me.

Vaya Con Dios, she said as she walked off, into the foggy abyss.
I return to my position on the stage and pick up my saxophone
Everyone in shock and awe at the argument that just took place.
A mother crying out in fear
A body laying on the floor; lifeless
Whats worst than losing a son.
My mind in the skies
I cry into my saxophone
As its slowly drowned out by the sirens
I think to myself, don’t worry my darling; I will be with him shortly
I pull out my gun at the end of my solo. The gun that the second I bought, it was predestined
“Don’t worry my darling”