i thought.

you tasted like lust and you smelt like wintergreen and your hands were feathers and tickled my skin.


i know.

you tasted like skoal.
you smelt like smoke.
your hands felt like regret.

i need someone to tell him i am a train wreck and he's headed straight for it and he's not stopping and he's destined to crash and burn hard.

i need someone to tell him he's going to get attached and his green eyes are gonna turn red and he's gonna hate me.

i need someone to stop me from ripping open his chest and snatching his heart heart and eating it whole and watch him bleed and not be sorry.

i need someone to stop me because he doesn't deserve it because i cant make myself look at those green eyes and take my hand out of his hair.

i just need someone.

he doesn't need me.

because i see in colors,
and you shut your eyes in grey.

because you said
you loved me,
but you loved her
and her
and her.

i did not fall for you,
but my tears
did not listen
and fell for you anyways.

he looks at me
with those slate grey eyes.
he mocks at me
with that snarl tooth lisped grin.

he looks at me and his lips dont move,
but his eyes speak with mountains.

they say she slipped through my fingers
like water through the rocks in the river.
they say the longer i ran to keep her,
the further she ran to me.
they say the more you tried to save her,
the tighter your fingers bruised her pale skin
and gripped her throat
until her lungs were almost dead.

they said she did it voluntarily.
i know better.

you did not release your grip even when i let go.

i said,
i can find beauty
in anything
and everything.

addiction is anything.
addiction is everything.

*but it is not beautiful.

death rode through the
blood in his veins,
and ate his brains.

death in his veins
****** the life,
and made him pull out the knife.

death in his system
made me never want to miss him.

red bloomed across my skin,
you told us you were riddled with sin.
my nails dug into the hide,
you wouldnt let down your pride.
my hands furiously shook,
you couldnt admit you were a crook.

tears gathered in my eyes,
you swore this time you werent high.
you said dont leave me in jail,
it's the same as ****** hell.
your face was gaunt,
but i spoke naught.

i am not sorry.