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Sep 2015 · 846
morning to midnight
oh me oh my Sep 2015
when i arrived,
i rose as a sunrise.

as i grew,
i became his noon.

and i grew,
and i became dusk.

and now,
i am the night,
but he wanted day.

i hope he loves me anyway.
forever searching for my grandfather's approval
Sep 2015 · 721
revert
oh me oh my Sep 2015
one a morning,
one a night.

he said it would make my world bright.

one a morning,
one a night.

white porcelain has never looked so right.

one a morning,
one a night.

my skin has never appeared so blight.

one a morning,
one a night.

i tell myself i am alright.
oh me oh my Mar 2015
i'm sorry,



she didn't make it.
i'll never understand why gentle souls suffer but i like to think she was too good for this world and was needed elsewhere. im glad you aren't suffering anymore. im sorry emma.
Mar 2015 · 1.0k
distance
oh me oh my Mar 2015
im sorry
i make your heels bleed from the eggshells,

im sorry
i bury landmines between your toes,

im sorry
i make you choke on your soft words.

im sorry i sail away.
same old same old
Feb 2015 · 783
i want/i need
oh me oh my Feb 2015
i want:

sadness and heartbreak and fingertips so hot and rough they melt my skin,
i want my tears to burn my eyelashes and i want my knuckles to crack and rip open my thighs,
i want passion and rebellion and police sirens and whirlwinds and asphalt.

i need:

compassion and tenderness so thoughtful it makes my heart bleed,
i need slow and bandaids and paint and canvases and muse,
i need love and life and light.
lost.
Dec 2014 · 904
Untitled
oh me oh my Dec 2014
i swear i feel them weep
as my hip begins to seep,
and
i told them i was strong,
but i was
wrong,
wrong,
wrong
.

it's a habit,
and
i know it makes your heart rabbit.
i am just really sorry
Dec 2014 · 1.0k
grey
oh me oh my Dec 2014
my thoughts have become wasps and my brain is a nest
and the angry red jagged lines keep weeping from my thighs,
and all i have to say is,
sorry.
sorry.
sorry.
because i cant change,
and i cant stop my hands from trembling;
and the dark rings under my eyes are big enough to swallow me whole
and i wish they would to save me—
because
i
cannot
save
myself.
sorry.
Nov 2014 · 455
Untitled
oh me oh my Nov 2014
i do not sleep,

though i weep.
Oct 2014 · 480
did she feel
oh me oh my Oct 2014
there's a mantra screaming inside my brain and it's eating me alive

i can't stop thinking if she felt it or if it hurt or what she's seen
did she feel the machinery eat into her flesh and snap her bones like in a ******* movie scene

did she see the ground become the sky and the sky the ground
or did she see the trees as they grew upside down

did she see her life in her eyes
does she know that all we've done is cry

did she feel the tons of steel barrel into her and rip her limb from limb?

did she feel any fear?
a girl died today as she was getting off the bus. i did not know you, but i remember you. i am so sorry. you were only in the seventh grade. everyone saw.
Oct 2014 · 436
i want
oh me oh my Oct 2014
i want to be pretty and i want to be vivacious and i want to wear ripped jeans and i want to have smooth skin and i want to be shorter and i want to have cheekbones so jutted i could slit throats and i want to dye my hair blue and i want to color my irises green and i want to stain walls with sadness and love and heartbreak and ruin them with holes and break my hands so i can feel my bones crack so i can feel something and be pushed up against them at 3 in the morning with a boy with his hands so tight around me and my legs so tight around him i feel ******* weightless and i want to watch the blood run from my wrists and thighs again and i want to say im sorry and i want to be confident and i want boys and even girls to love me and i want to stop hating myself and i want to stop ruining people's lives because i cant express myself and i want to write novels about strangers who wonder about the universe and why they matter in this insignificant world when nothing matters at all with coffee and paint stained canvases and i want to love someone and i want to grow up and i want to find myself and i want to know
who
i
am
and,

god.  

*i want to live
i am so, so lost.
Sep 2014 · 1.4k
father
oh me oh my Sep 2014
you listen.

when he tells you
you
are
worthless.

when he tells you
you'll
never
be
anything.

when he tells you
it's
always
your
fault.

when he tells you
you
aren't
good
enough.

you listen.
because im your father, and you have to respect your parents. you're just 16, you don't know anything. you won't succeed, you'll be just like your druggy brother, your other drop out brother. you're just like my bipolar ex fiance, that's the kind of stuff she would pull, you know better. you don't need that medicine, just get over it. you're going to hell for believing in that, you don't know any better, you're just 16. you are so disrespectful to sit there and talk back to me. you're wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong, im always right, you're only 16, you don't know anything. youll grow out of it, you need to do better, you need to try harder, you'll never amount to anything. you need to stop, you need to listen, you need to think. why are you crying because i raised my voice to get my point across, you weren't listening, you should've known better, you need to hear the truth. you need to get your act together, you're 16. you don't need to say things like that, you don't need to go there, you can tell them you can't go, you're only 16.
Aug 2014 · 1.1k
i ruin lives.
oh me oh my Aug 2014
some girl muttered,
under her pretty breath,
through her bubblegum round lips-

that i was a train wreck-
a walking,
talking,
breathing,
train
wreck.

and i agreed.

because i'm not a beautiful suicide,
i didn't land on the top of a fancy limousine,
i didn't leap from the top of the empire state building,

i wreck full force and careless,
i wreck into others without braking,
i wreck in the middle of absolutely no where with no one to care
i wreck in small towns and i ruin lives.

i ruptured their organs
and i ripped their flesh-
i ruined their bones
and i ripped their ligaments-
i readjusted their joints
and i ravished their brains.

i slit their throats and
wrists
thighs
hips
just so i wouldn't feel alone
they were the same as me.
Sometimes I get really upset during showers and remember I'm not a very nice person. I haven't cut in almost a year- 10/22/13.
May 2014 · 17.8k
jealousy.
oh me oh my May 2014
she hates me.
she doesn't know me.
she took him away.

her eyes are brown but they're tinted green with the scales of the monster that lurks beneath.

her fingernails are short but they grow sharp into claws and take him away from me because of the green monster that lurks in her fingertips.

her words are sweet but they cut me with the teeth of the green scaled monster that inhabits her tongue.

and he lets her.
and he lets her.
and he lets her.
i can't stop running to him.
May 2014 · 2.3k
move on.
oh me oh my May 2014
i thought.

you tasted like lust and you smelt like wintergreen and your hands were feathers and tickled my skin.


i know.

you tasted like skoal.
you smelt like smoke.
your hands felt like regret.
that's all you left me with. regret.
May 2014 · 3.5k
i am so sorry
oh me oh my May 2014
i need someone to tell him i am a train wreck and he's headed straight for it and he's not stopping and he's destined to crash and burn hard.

i need someone to tell him he's going to get attached and his green eyes are gonna turn red and he's gonna hate me.

i need someone to stop me from ripping open his chest and snatching his heart heart and eating it whole and watch him bleed and not be sorry.

i need someone to stop me because he doesn't deserve it because i cant make myself look at those green eyes and take my hand out of his hair.

i just need someone.

he doesn't need me.
i am so sorry for the train wreck you will burn in.
May 2014 · 729
reasons why
oh me oh my May 2014
because i see in colors,
and you shut your eyes in grey.

because you said
you loved me,
but you loved her
and her
and her.

i did not fall for you,
but my tears
did not listen
and fell for you anyways.
you would have thought i would've learned after the first boy.
Mar 2014 · 651
she would not.
oh me oh my Mar 2014
he looks at me
with those slate grey eyes.
he mocks at me
with that snarl tooth lisped grin.

he looks at me and his lips dont move,
but his eyes speak with mountains.

they say she slipped through my fingers
like water through the rocks in the river.
they say the longer i ran to keep her,
the further she ran to me.
they say the more you tried to save her,
the tighter your fingers bruised her pale skin
and gripped her throat
until her lungs were almost dead.

they said she did it voluntarily.
i know better.

you did not release your grip even when i let go.
i know better.
Feb 2014 · 964
addict.
oh me oh my Feb 2014
i said,
i can find beauty
in anything
and everything.

addiction is anything.
addiction is everything.

*but it is not beautiful.
Feb 2014 · 789
chemical waste
oh me oh my Feb 2014
death rode through the
blood in his veins,
and ate his brains.

death in his veins
****** the life,
and made him pull out the knife.

death in his system
made me never want to miss him.
i am so angry. **** messes up not only your life, but your familys, your friends, your kids, and everyone around you. dont ******* do it.
Feb 2014 · 1.3k
brother
oh me oh my Feb 2014
red bloomed across my skin,
you told us you were riddled with sin.
my nails dug into the hide,
you wouldnt let down your pride.
my hands furiously shook,
you couldnt admit you were a crook.

tears gathered in my eyes,
you swore this time you werent high.
you said dont leave me in jail,
it's the same as ****** hell.
your face was gaunt,
but i spoke naught.

i am not sorry.
do not ever do ****, please.
Oct 2013 · 653
eight months thrown away.
oh me oh my Oct 2013
metallic between my fingers.
the metal throws shimmers.
eyes that no longer flash glimmers.

metallic biting into my thighs.
teeth ripping the skin of my thighs.
blood dripping down my thighs.

i sigh.
makes me calm.
makes me human.
makes me feel okay.

cant cry.
makes me disgusting.
makes me ashamed.
makes me regret.
makes me scar.

makes me hate myself even more.
Going through a rough time lately. Sorry for any triggers.
Sep 2013 · 1.2k
driftwood
oh me oh my Sep 2013
i am
worn smooth and clean
i drift
from place to place

i cant
stay
i float
away


i drift
peacefully

i battle
the angry rapids

i float
into others
get hung up for a while

i want
what every other
wants

i want to be washed ashore
nothing left
nowhere to be
nothing to lose

i want to be worn smooth
and clean and paled by the sun

i want someone to see me
on the shore
gleaming in the sun

*i want them to take me
home and make something of me
because im not making anything of myself
im lost and unhappy
Sep 2013 · 788
he wants you
oh me oh my Sep 2013
he wants your lips
on his
he wants your chest
in his hands
he wants your waist
against his.

he wants your skin
on his
he wants your hands
on him
he wants your legs
on his.

he doesnt want you
he doesnt want your intelligence
he doesnt want your laughter
he doesnt want you.
I do not like "growing up'
Jul 2013 · 759
two-toned
oh me oh my Jul 2013
he looked at me,
with eyes of red.

he spoke to me,
his words harsh.

he looked at me,
with voice of dead.

he spoke to me,
his eyes of the marsh.
-
his teeth were sharp
my tongue was his harp

his claws on my skin
my heartbeat was his sin

his eyes were red
my wrists pinned to the bed
-
he looked at me,
expected fear,
there was none to hear.
werewolf in love with a human, forbidden love, yadda yadda
-
Been a while since I've written! Trying something new, message me with your thoughts?
oh me oh my Jun 2013
his eyes are
galaxies of planets
and orbits
and you see stars
so clear you can
map every single
constellation

he looks at you
like you're his home
like you're a planet
and you've
wound him deep
into your orbit

because that's what
he needs and he knows it

and he looks at you
like you're the only
thing he's got in the
world

because you are
you're his home and his planet
you're his galaxy and his stars
Who says I can't write about spock and kirk
Jun 2013 · 748
Four Months
oh me oh my Jun 2013
no more
blood down
the drains

no more
******
band aids

no more
blades
of rust

no more
saying
i must

i want to be free
Over four years of fighting, I'm four months clean.
oh me oh my May 2013
they were like an
unexpected weight gain,
no choice but to adapt.

they came into his life
in a train wreck,

he fell head over heels
and wondered if he
had been enrolled back
into high school.

there was a catch,
much to his disdain.
11 and 19,
perpetually angry at
their father
at their mother
at life.

he was the blunt
victim of their rage.

the boy soon
redirected his rage
into drugs, alcohol,
***, jail.

the girl did not.

it was not his fault,
he would not let
her get to him.

but he did,
and she had grinned
at the murderous
fire in his eyes.

he screamed
and released his own
anger,
you're letting her ruin it
she knows what shes doing
shes ruining us
you're letting her ruin it
please listen to me.

tears glistened
down his cheeks,
she smiled.

he was gone,
though insults and
words remained.

that was 2 down, more to go.
I believe(know) it was my fault. I seem to be the instigator in my mother's divorces. He's happier now, we're happier now. Harm aside, it was for the best.
May 2013 · 761
i am free
oh me oh my May 2013
today i realized
you were never
the world to me.

today i realized
you were the culprit
of my sadness.

today i realized
you were never
what you promised.

today i realized
i don't need you
and never did.


today i realized

i am okay.
i do not need you.
i'm getting better.
I am okay, for the first time I can vividly remember. I'm getting better.

This was more for me to relish than it was for others to read and enjoy.
Apr 2013 · 1.0k
i am hellbound
oh me oh my Apr 2013
ill swallow
my words
ton by ton
and choke
on every
single
one.
This seems pretty weak, but I'm trying to get back into my writing. I've hit a rough patch, ran out of people to go to.
Apr 2013 · 3.5k
medical overdose
oh me oh my Apr 2013
he tells me the
words she does
not care to read,
nor understand.

his words
are narcotics,
rolling thick
off the tongue,
fat and vain.

i tell him the
words she does
not care to read
nor understand.

my words
are flesh wounds,
festering and
upsetting
to the stomach.

he's a medical
overdose,
drugging
to numb the
brash and pain.

i'm an angry
hornet through
your heart
and your mind,
livid and
vindictively
stricken.

thick through
your veins,
eyes a blur
and head a fog,
he's a medical
overdose
with mind of
a syringe
and tongue
laced with
narcotics.
oh me oh my Mar 2013
tongue forked with venom
gums intertwined with sorrow
throat of stomach acid
teeth clacked with drowned dreams
stomach empty with regret
eyelashes woven with disgust
blue eyes definition of dread
lips twitched with anxiety
cheekbones hidden beneath cobwebs
skin scarred with silence

brain gave up and gone to waste.
Mar 2013 · 953
you were my distress
oh me oh my Mar 2013
he said,
i know how you
get sometimes,
and i'm always
here to save you,
you just have to let me.

and i only
smiled sadly,
and replied a
terribly cliche'
old saying.

you can't
save a damsel if
she's in love with
her own distress.
were.
Mar 2013 · 954
i wish i could do more.
oh me oh my Mar 2013
eyes so brown
she came to me
and the wind howled.

it chilled my bones,
tickled the marrow,
and salted my eyes.

i could understand her,
i did,
with her eyes so brown,
so pleading, so full
and round.

a syllable did not
slip through her lips,
though she spoke
through weak and wavering hips.

frantic, distraught,
and my heart pleaded,
though she knew naught.

i'm sorry,
i told her,
she hung her head low,
turned her back to me,
gave to the ground.

i'm sorry.
Mar 2013 · 1.0k
where have you gone?
oh me oh my Mar 2013
between the marrow
of your bones,

in the depth of
your shoulder blades,

beneath the ligaments
of your heavy hands,

maybe even underneath
the corneas of your seas,

you have to be in there somewhere.

the you that i used to know.
Feb 2013 · 945
trembling hands
oh me oh my Feb 2013
loved him with
everything i had
my soul
my heart
my head.

but in the downward spiral,
i realized i had forgotten
to love myself,
maybe i loved him too much.

and when he had left
i was left with nothing
but a bare soul,
trembling hands,
striped scarred skin
and a bitter tongue.
lost the will to really write.
Feb 2013 · 1.0k
bleached
oh me oh my Feb 2013
they can say
opposites attract
but they don't
ever say what happens
when they meet.

we're bleach and
black clothes
and we leave each other
stained and pink and raw
and neither is the same
when it's over

one can't forget the other.

i'm bleach because
i can crackle your throat
i can sizzle your tongue
until it snaps repeatedly
words you'll never mean
and i can make you bleed
internally

you're black clothes because
you mask others because
you want the spotlight
and i can ruin that with a drop
and i relish that thought

they can say
opposites attract,
but they never
can say what happens
because you and i
are the definition
and we know it all too well
Feb 2013 · 797
we are not meant to be
oh me oh my Feb 2013
skin entirely
too thick and scarred,
no blade nor your name can penetrate.

carved with a blade
your words
your love
your lies
your hate.

i had not left you
you had left me
not only bitter,
but weak and a tongue
shaped to spit hate.

you had loved
me
her
her
her
yet you leave your words with me?

open your eyes
i cant breathe
you're drowning me
Hurting myself only made me realize that I still love you, you love me, but we only hate. Loving you taught me to hate myself, history repeats, and water stings. Hating myself taught me how to hide, where to hurt, and how to let people in. Letting people in taught me how to push away, block them, to cry was weak, and gave me a bitter tongue.

We are not meant to be, we only bring each other hurt.
Feb 2013 · 938
salty fingertips
oh me oh my Feb 2013
How lovely to have drowned
with people all around
and not a soul bear to see
what was it that became of me.
Feb 2013 · 826
another for you.
oh me oh my Feb 2013
I could write
a thousand worded
poem explaining why
your existence was
important and how
your mind was
irrevocably a painted
picturesque theme.

I could look
you in the eye,
lie and say
I'm happy for
her
I'm happy for
you, but
who am I
to tell her
all the lies
you have undoubtedly
committed?

I cannot deny
the green demons
that lurk in
my eyes
but I can,
although it is not
mine to give,
an apology
and you the will to live.

Instead I can
rebuild walls,
lie to the eye,
turn blue eyes green,
but I cannot
feel sorry for you,
only for me.
Because it was me who fell for you, and her I chose not to warn.
Jan 2013 · 1.2k
Outspoken
oh me oh my Jan 2013
silence slipped fingers
against my lips

silence struck metal
against my hips

silence slipped the
grainy film from my eyes

silence broadened me
to how this world lies

silence had grabbed
me by the cheek

silence said that
to cry was weak





silence taught me
how to look you right in the eye

and lie.
Jan 2013 · 997
two thousand twelve
oh me oh my Jan 2013
lost my muse
lit his fuse

raised his fist
he ******* missed

bruised in the floor
he broke the ******* door

found my hidden blades
forgot too many birthdays

scarred up thigh
brothers off his high

broken glass
he finally cut the ******* grass

blue eyes grew green
blue eyes grew an alcoholic sheen

cried too many tears
they were pent up for seven years

broke down
she got her crown

she was homecoming queen
what a ******* ugly scene

pushed him away
pushed him away
pushed him away

let him in
shes too thin

he gave up anyway
he gave up anyway
he gave up anyway

blue eyes are dead
blue eyes are dread
blue eyes are dead
blue eyes are dread
lost the will to write, its late at night, person experiences galore, alright
Jan 2013 · 797
poured
oh me oh my Jan 2013
We were
bleach and
darkened clothes.

Wasted upon me,
you left me nothing but

stained and
utterly ruined.
Jan 2013 · 1.5k
Survived Alone
oh me oh my Jan 2013
I had hoped
she would suffer
the same fate as I,
salt kissed bruises harsh
against the ivory of her neck,
salt lingering between her tonsils,
drowning in the ocean of those eyes.

He saved her.
This is a follow up of my other piece, http://hellopoetry.com/poem/i-pushed-her-in/ .
Jan 2013 · 882
A guide to be a mother
oh me oh my Jan 2013
Let your hair
wither to wheat,
***** what you eat,
but always whiten your teeth.


Marry not twice,
nor thrice,
but the fourth man
that hits your daughter,
send her to live with
her ignorant father.
I'll still throw your ******* cigarettes in the ******* trash, too.
Jan 2013 · 1.0k
And she can
oh me oh my Jan 2013
Attributions I cannot give;
ukelele playing,
and unmarked skin.
Jan 2013 · 24.3k
i pushed her in
oh me oh my Jan 2013
I had
drowned in
those ocean currents
they call eyes.

Slipped away,
not a word outspoken.
Strangled with glacier hands,
fingertips of salt and
thunder cottoning my
eardrums.

You wanted to save me,
but I could not tell you
over the salt eroding
my throat,

that you were the one drowning me.
Jan 2013 · 987
I Helped
oh me oh my Jan 2013
There were times when you
begged
me to tell,
let you unravel the cord wrapped
so tightly wound around
lies, secrets, ghosted and deadened emotions.

You weren't surprised when
the cobwebs latched in my throat,
eight legged creatures in the bend of my spine
scattered.

You didn't turn around
from the ghastly sight,
nor shield your eyes.

You grabbed a broom,
grabbed a shoe.
Gathered away the webs,
swept in a pile.
Murdered the creatures,
washed the evidence,
cleaned smooth.

You grabbed a chair,
no, grabbed two.
One for me, another for
my feet.

You insisted
so incessantly.
I agreed.

You unraveled the thread,
started at my head.
Through my frontal lobe,
straightened my two crooked front teeth,
loosened my spinal cord,
kissed my scarred thighs,
lingered on my faded striped forearm,
held me close.

You gained the keys
to each and every lock.
Heard every story,
kissed every scar.

It was a sad day
when you threw the keys.
Into the black river,
threw it all away,
and instead caught her.
Jan 2013 · 1.2k
Smile Dear
oh me oh my Jan 2013
There are times,
too far many,
the spaces between them are fading,
becoming slivers of slight reassurance.

But there are times,
when I no longer feel like a person,
no longer feel human,
cold to the touch and lifeless.

There are times when I fade into the background,
far too many,
watch the people pass by.
Sometimes, I muster the courage,
let my fingertips ghost along the skin of their arms.
Watch the bumps form, fear lingers in my eyes.

Most don't turn,
they're used to us.
They don't leave a glance, don't turn,
don't face us.
It's disgust, but also fear.
They don't want to become like us,
hollow, spaced and cold to the touch.
They like warm, soft skin, glowing white teethed smiles
and lively eyes.

But, there are some, who turn around and leave a lingering glance.
Most don't see us, let their eyes leave us before they're focused.
They fear us, they're young, they don't understand.
Most of us feel twinges of guilt when they're startled,
turn on us wide eyed with panic swarming in their eyes like hornets.

The others, they're different.
There's a few, the ones who take the time out of their day,
smell the roses and are grateful for the small things.
Never take advantage, always gentle, kindred souls.

They don't flinch when they feel cold grate against their warm skin,
don't flinch when they meet the putrid hollow of our gaze.
Don't run away, don't break out into a cold sweat.
Most smile, a warm, friendly grin with paint white smiles.


I used to believe he was one of them,
would guide me from the dark of the background
into the light and introduce me to life.
Dec 2012 · 870
Lie Through my Teeth
oh me oh my Dec 2012
You told me once,
that you were afraid
of not one,
but entirely too many things.

But you said to me,
something I could relate.

You were afraid of withering old,
growing bitter at such a young age.


I drew the tiniest of white lies,
slipped through the cracks of my two crooked front teeth,
and said I agreed.

But dear,
I've become bitter,
too long ago to remember.

In the future,
I'll let you know,
make you remember back to that moment.

You were the one that made me withered and bitter.
Dec 2012 · 764
Unfortunately
oh me oh my Dec 2012
Bitten tongues,
hardened tones,
damp, pale words,
closed ears,
silent eyes.

I could've warned you.
I wouldn't have warned you.
Maybe it was worth the while to put you through the pain I had suffered. Maybe it was wasn't worth the while to see the cold sting in your eyes.
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